why is this girl being so cruel to me?

[Faded Image]

i thought of writing her a last farewell text message for closure and for my self-esteem.

Say to her "who do you think your kiddin? We are not friends. We were lovers. I had my hands on your a*ss. Now there is another guy doing that. Bye.:

what do u think?

HELLLL NO, that's border line psycho.

Just leave quietly into the night, evaluate your situation and ask yourself what went right?
what went wrong?
what can be done better the next time?
what can I sustain?

In the Army we call it an AAR (After Action Review)

 

[Latinoman]

Husky...just stop 100% communication with her.

You are crossing the line...the type that WILL get you in serious trouble with the law.

 

[huskybear]

fademan ok

I will just leave tomorrow quietly. She already thinks im going to see my girlfriend tomorrow. She had said "i will call you tomorrow" before you leave. So if she does call me or texts me I am just going to ignore it and that will be end of it. what do u think better idea?

 

[iqqi]

all women are not illogical emotional whoors, you're just hurt.

I tried to rep you for this, but I have to spread some around first!

In a NUTSHELL.

Men, get over this IDEA that women are all illogical and driven purely by emotion. Then maybe you can begin to get to the ROOT of whatever the real issues are.

 

[iqqi]

warrior74 i totally agree with you. I was hoping for something that was built up in my mind. I wasnt facing reality. I got bytchslapped and i did it to myself. I can finally jump on a plane and leave tomorrow and hopefully forget about her.

I will never get into a long distance relationship
I will always be 100% honest with myself when dealing with women
I will always respect myself first----in any relationship cause really no girl is worth it
I will always be patient and never get overemotional when in a crisis
I will always give a woman plenty of space and not act needy
I will spin more plates
I will always lay down boundaries and know exactly when to "pull the plug" on a friendship, lover, or relationship if my true needs arent being met

Thanks warrior74..i feel much better from your last post

I really respect you for coming to this conclusion.

Just wanted to say a few things. You seemed to underestimate her because she was always getting blown off and dissed by guys. I want to make a point here for everyone reading. ALL WOMEN also go through sh!t with men. The best, hottest HB10 has had her heart broken, and been played, and worried that all men are dogs and noone will love her. Keep that in mind.

Also, you are upset you couldn't be a cop, then she got with a cop. Yeah, lol, that had to SUCK. Maybe you could be a cop in a different city? Is it the same everywhere?

It is unrealistic to expect her to have the same feelings for you now that she did then. Things have changed. Namely, she has found fulfillment in an area she may have looked to you to fulfil, but you couldn't (due to distance). Just remember, situations have changed, but YOU are still you. Whatever led to that connection with her, is still there. NOT THE CONNECTION, lol... but whatever qualities you have that led to a connection. As I would say to my girlfriends, a rose, is still a rose.

 

[iqqi]

i thought of writing her a last farewell text message for closure and for my self-esteem.

Say to her "who do you think your kiddin? We are not friends. We were lovers. I had my hands on your a*ss. Now there is another guy doing that. Bye.:

what do u think?

DON'T do this.

Take the higher route.

Remember, last impressions are almost as important as first ones. With that in mind, reevaluate your last words to her.

Maybe you should leave the door open.


EDIT: also... your hands on her @ss does not a lover you make.

 

[penkitten]

i know that you are upset about this, however you could think about this in a different light.
we are all put on this earth to interact with others, and out of that interaction, we learn things about ourselves and we grow.

think about the things that you learned out of this, and put it to good use.

 

[huskybear]

It doesnt feel to good when you share your dreams, goals, aspirations and career goals with a girl who you are crazy about. Then talk about marriage etc. Then get intimate with and keep in touch for a long time..only to find a way to finally get out here and only to know she is with another man who is supposed to be you. Its like waking out of coma 2 years later knowing your girl has moved on and she is with him right now as we speak having sex or on the couch watching movies together knowing they are both content and happy with each other. I havent moved on but trying too. I feel very hurt. All week my tummy has ibeen in knots. Then she calls to say hello and she wont meet me. But instead she has to go when i bring it up cause i know her cop boyfriend is waitin for her to come to bed. I swear these siuations have happened to me several times with women. Very similar to this situation. I dont know why this happens to me. Women are just cruel to me like that. Im a nice guy and treat women good, i do have a temper though and i dont supplicate to women. Just an all around good guy that doesnt need this cr*p. It will get better. It has too.

 

[##17]

It doesnt feel to good when you share your dreams, goals, aspirations and career goals with a girl who you are crazy about. Then talk about marriage etc. Then get intimate with and keep in touch for a long time..only to find a way to finally get out here and only to know she is with another man who is supposed to be you. Its like waking out of coma 2 years later knowing your girl has moved on and she is with him right now as we speak having sex or on the couch watching movies together knowing they are both content and happy with each other. I havent moved on but trying too. I feel very hurt. All week my tummy has ibeen in knots. Then she calls to say hello and she wont meet me. But instead she has to go when i bring it up cause i know her cop boyfriend is waitin for her to come to bed. I swear these siuations have happened to me several times with women. Very similar to this situation. I dont know why this happens to me. Women are just cruel to me like that. Im a nice guy and treat women good, i do have a temper though and i dont supplicate to women. Just an all around good guy that doesnt need this cr*p. It will get better. It has too.

Let's look at what happened here: You didn't go out to see her for two years. Two years. Not many *real* relationships, where both the guy and the girl in the couple had an explicit discussion where they agreed to be exclusive and make a point to visit each other regularly, would last a two year separation. The relationship ends usually because one person meets someone else.

You also seem to have a lot of victim in you. It doesn't look like you're taking responsibility anywhere for your role in what happened to you. You have to realize that a mature MAN takes ownership of his own situation in life, AND that women can tell when a guy does not. Self-pity is a HUGE turn-off to women.

If it makes you feel any better, this girl does sound impulsive, though. Buying a house with someone you've known only 7 months (and aren't married to) is a stupid thing to do.

 

[Warrior74]

I will just leave tomorrow quietly. She already thinks im going to see my girlfriend tomorrow. She had said "i will call you tomorrow" before you leave. So if she does call me or texts me I am just going to ignore it and that will be end of it. what do u think better idea?

yah move on. you obviously have no willpower when it comes to this. how old are you?

btw stop expecting her to call or text. delete her number right now.

 

[huskybear]

Im a very young looking 40 yr old male. I am told I look about 28. Youthful full head of hair, flat abs, work out alot, run. I dress really nice. I have had many dates and experiences with women in my life. Been with many different types. But right when I think I have figured women out---then i dont. Its no wonder im still single. IM trying not to be AFC or Oneitis but I want to marry someday and I get depressed over that fact that I wont marry. I always manage to lose the "right girls" for some reason. I want to come home to someone rather than come home to a TV or a computer. At my age I dont want to be alone. Im tired of spinning plates and bored of one night stands. I have been doing that for too long. I used to be big into the bar scene. Now I just try to meet women in other places. Im actually leaving florida and moving to chicago so i can find a better career and meet better quality women. Florida is a transient state.

Yes i do feel like a victim. I have confidence in myself when it comes to a career and I excel at public speaking. I love public speaking and teaching. But I just cant seem to make it work in with women even though Im a goodlooking guy. Some women think I am a tv actor or a newsanchor. If thats the case then why arent I dating a girl seriously? I cant seem to KEEP a woman. After a few dates or a few months they leave me. I've been told Im boring.

I also deleted that girls number and threw away all her photos--even though I would love to text her and rip her apart. What she did to me so cruel. Thats just weak character on her part. She is 37 years old. When she turns 40 I bet that cop will dump her. Cops get young girls all the time cause of that uniform. I also think that you are right.....she only knew the guy 7 months and buys a house with him??? And they are not married. Man she is stupid and she was kind of a weirdo.
She played me and she knew she played me. In fact she called me yesterday and told me she would definintely call me before I left to go home. As I figured---she didnt call me. Just a liar and a girl that likes to play with your head. I hope to GOD i never meet a girl that cruel again. I dont even know why GOD or a higher power puts a woman like that in my path? IM moving on...

 

[##17]

Im a very young looking 40 yr old male. I am told I look about 28. Youthful full head of hair, flat abs, work out alot, run. I dress really nice. Own my oown place. I have had many dates and experiences with women in my life. Been with many different types. But right when I think I have figured women out---then i dont. Its no wonder im still single. IM trying not to be AFC or Oneitis but I want to marry someday and I get depressed over that fact that I wont marry. I always manage to lose the "right girls" because of my overanxious to make things work. I want to come home to someone rather than come home to a TV. At my age I dont want to be alone. Im tired of spinning plates and bored of one night stands. Im actually leaving florida and moving to chicago so i can find a better career and meet better quality women. Florida is a transient state.

Yes i do feel like a victim. I need to work on my self-esteem again. I have confidence in myself when it comes to a career and I excel at public speaking. I love public speaking and teaching. But I just cant seem to make it work in the personal dept with women. I cant seem to KEEP a woman! The only date that lasted more than a year was: 1. Since then I have had 100's of dates and and one night stands mixed in. The girls that I could easily ate long term are in another state or I meet them in Hotels.

I also deleted that girls number and threw away all her photos--even though I would love to text her and rip her apart. What she did to me so cruel. Thats just weak character on her part. She is 37 years old. When she turns 40 I bet that cop will dump her. Cops get young girls all the time cause of that uniform. I also think that you are right.....she only knew the guy 7 months and buys a house with him??? And they are not married. Man she is a weirdo. She played me and she knew she played me. In fact she called me yesterday and told me she would definintely call me before I left to go home. As I figured---she didnt call me. Just a damn liar and girl that likes to play with your head is all she is. I hope to GOD i never meet a girl that cruel again. I dont even know why GOD or a higher force puts women like that in my path? I am moving on...its hard...but im slowly doing it.

You're 40 and she's 37...wow. I pegged both of you to be at least 10 years younger, both no older than say 27 or so.

This is my take, and I don't mean offense by it. A successful DJ, especially one past the age of 35, has discovered his mission in life, and is well into his path. From your posts, you don't really seem to be there yet. That could be why you're not able to keep a woman. I mean, she sees you floundering around at 40 and she loses respect. And it's not so much the money, it's just that women are attracted to men who are excited about their own lives.

So I'd say: Get your career in order first.

And a successful mature DJ has learned to take responsibility for his life. Again, you're not there yet. You need to get there before you can keep a woman.

Anyway, I personally wouldn't be interested in a 37-year-old woman who behaved as she did. I just wouldn't care. She doesn't seem like a witch, just immature. A 25-year-old acting like that? To be expected I guess. A 37-year-old who still acts like that? Past her sell-by date.

 

[huskybear]

yes you are right and hit the nail on the head. I am stil floundering in life---even though I have accomplished many things in life.

I never quite found my niche in life. I am a communications person, teacher, hospitality. Not REAL careers.

I have had four goals in life since the age of 32.
1.) Get two college degrees
2.) Buy two properties
3.)Get a high paying career that doesnt involve math
4.)Get a wife.

So far I have accomplished two of those goals. The properties and the degrees. Late start in life. So i have been taking responsibility. Now im trying to get the career in chicago in public relations. I have campaigning experience and hotel experience and teaching under my belt. Teaching doesnt pay. I agree women dont liek a guy at 40 who flounders. Trust me I know this very well and its embarassing. I put my two weeks notice in at the hotel and im getting the heck of o here to find a better life.

Also that girl told me a long time that she had a hard time with me cause I was unstable.

if i had onyl math skills or banking skills i would be a CEO or some financal analyst wearing a suit. But then I would prolly treat women like dirt knowing that im a winner and i worked hard for what i have. women are always looking for free rides and easy tickets. However, when i took that trip to AZ I had seen guys who i havent seen in 10 years with college degrees stil working as a bellhop or bartender or waiter--and some of them were married to women. So there are some women out there who like losers i guess.

 

[huskybear]

Its also humiliating, self-depreciating, and you lose your dignity when a woman dumps you because you are 40 and not successful. I swear to GOD i have lost so many good women who I could have easily married but they chose to dump me because I wasnt where I should be in life at 40.

here is an example, I remember seeing a girl who had dumped because she said "I goofed off too much." I was head-over-heals in love with her and treated her so good. But she just got up and ended the relationship with me. I was devastated. Then one month later---while I was still grieving over her I found her at a nightclub with her new boyfreind and the two of them were kissing passionately. I lost my mind. I walked up to them and just watched and she just looked at me as if to say...."your loss, Im with someone successful."
Those two went home that night and prolly had the best sex of their lives while I went home numb. Just completely numb. This has happened many times with women. That was just one of many examples----this girl in arizona was the last straw. It was the kick in the a** I needed. But i am still so bitter that when I do get to the top I will prolly treat women with so much comtempt because of all the abuse they have caused me for not being successful at my age. It just tears me apart. I dont like being a bartneder or a waiter or any of this any longer. Im taking the bull by the horns, renting out my condo and moving to chicago to make it big. Its my last chance.

 

[##17]

Its also humiliating, self-depreciating, and you lose your dignity when a woman dumps you because you are 40 and not successful. I swear to GOD i have lost so many good women who I could have easily married but they chose to dump me because I wasnt where I should be in life at 40.

here is an example, I remember seeing a girl who had dumped because she said "I goofed off too much." I was head-over-heals in love with her and treated her so good. But she just got up and ended the relationship with me. I was devastated. Then one month later---while I was still grieving over her I found her at a nightclub with her new boyfreind and the two of them were kissing passionately. I lost my mind. I walked up to them and just watched and she just looked at me as if to say...."your loss, Im with someone successful."
Those two went home that night and prolly had the best sex of their lives while I went home numb. Just completely numb. This has happened many times with women. That was just one of many examples----this girl in arizona was the last straw. It was the kick in the a** I needed. But i am still so bitter that when I do get to the top I will prolly treat women with so much comtempt because of all the abuse they have caused me for not being successful at my age. It just tears me apart. I dont like being a bartneder or a waiter or any of this any longer. Im taking the bull by the horns, renting out my condo and moving to chicago to make it big. Its my last chance.

Good for you for taking a stand by moving to chicago! What matters is that you are now *making* something happen.

The important thing is that YOU are happy with what you do. I mean, I think being a teacher is great. The thing is that you don't seem that happy with what you are doing. And so the women you're with lose respect.

And if you ARE happy with what you're doing (and its ethical, makes a contribution, and uses your skillset) and your girlfriend isn't, then next her. It's her problem. You DON'T need a woman like that in your life.

Reread what you just wrote though (I bolded for you what I think you should really reread). You are assuming that everyone is much happier than you are. So no wonder you're so angry. Anyway, that's probably a lot less true than you think. Your exes have issues and problems too. And it's a lot more likely that your exes are having mediocre sex as opposed to the great sex you think they've got to be having.

 

[huskybear]

##17. Thanks for helping me understand my own thoughts and goals more clearer. I agree with everything your saying. I need to stop thinkign that women and people have it better than me cause they have issues too.

But i wanted to ask you. If a guy worked as a waiter as was very happy about being a waiter as a career would he get many women too? I know a guy liek that. Hes 42 and he is a waiter and he met the hottest chick(shes 28) and she digs him. They recently married. I was shocked. Hes not that goodlooking but has an irrestible, positive personality. To me he would be a loser who doesnt want to better his life. But he don't care. Hes happy. And his new wife digs him because of it. She is one of the hottest women I have met. happiest is contagious. I think just being "happy" may attract women more than being successul. I know some miserable succesful men with unhappy marriages.

Also, have you ever saw the movie "Invincible" with mark wahlburg? Thats my lifestory. The girlfriend in the movie dumps her boyfreind because he works as a bartender and subsitute teacher and doesnt make much money and isnt very happy. She writes him Dear John note that reads "you will never make any money, you will never be successful, and you will never go anywhere in life." He gets so mad that he is urged to go for the try outs at the philadelphia eagles camp where he ends up playing pro football and wins. That girl gave him the kick he needed. IT hurts me deeply. Very deeply that I am not where I want to be in life. Thats why I am takign a personal approach to being successful and will someday look back on my life and laugh at the misery that I went through.

Now i just need to find that career in public relations.
MY goal is to be a junior PR associate, then a senior PR associate, then a PR manager, then a lobbyist. From there a politician and who knows maybe someday president of the U.S.. First things first. Baby steps.

 

[##17]

##17. But i wanted to ask you. If a guy worked as a waiter as was very happy about being a waiter as a career would he get many women too? I know a guy liek that. Hes 42 and he is a waiter and he met the hottest chick(shes 28) and she digs him. They recently married. I was shocked. Hes not that goodlooking but has an irrestible, positive personality. To me he would be a loser who doesnt want to better his life. But he don't care. Hes happy. And his new wife digs him because of it. She is one of the hottest women I have met. happiest is contagious. I think just being "happy" may attract women more than being successul. I know some miserable succesful men with unhappy marriages.

In a word, sure. The guy probably always had enthusiasm for life, and he so he had all this extra positive energy to give away to women, and that attracts them to him. Actually, waiters in a really good restaurants can make a decent amount of money!

It's all about enthusiasm, drive, having a mission. Ever hear of anyone who becomes sad after he achieves a long-time goal, BECAUSE he achieved the goal? He gained his success but he lost his mission (because he completed it). He needs to find something else.

 

[Desert Fox]

i thought of writing her a last farewell text message for closure and for my self-esteem.

Say to her "who do you think your kiddin? We are not friends. We were lovers. I had my hands on your a*ss. Now there is another guy doing that. Bye.:

what do u think?

huskybear. Please just let this one go, remove her from your life, your mind. Get rid of all memories of her from your life like your myspace or whatever you use.

Just forget her, forget about sending back that ultra-childish farewell text message. It will only serve these purposes:

1. show her you're a chump
2. give her total control over you because you will probably run back to her
3. chop your balls off, figuratively.
4. waste a text message
5. waste time thinking about it.

I know you want to send it, and deep down you already decided to but you are only looking for validation for that action on this forum, but I will not give it to you.

Don't do it, move on forget about this girl.

 

[Desert Fox]

I will just leave tomorrow quietly. She already thinks im going to see my girlfriend tomorrow. She had said "i will call you tomorrow" before you leave. So if she does call me or texts me I am just going to ignore it and that will be end of it. what do u think better idea?

wow you proved me wrong bro..

Anyways, just leave it...cut all connections. Personally I would not pick up and just leave suddenly and disappear.

 

[huskybear]

Thanks again #17 and desertfox

Foxdesert yup, I did as you said and I followed thru.

I left Arizona quietly. I''m finally back home in Florida now. She never called like she said she would. But I expected that. It doesnt matter because I never called her to say "goodbye" either. During the middle of my trip out there I had texted her ONLY one time and she IMMEDIATELY CALLED me back and seemed happy to hear from me....(I waited a few days and Im sure that bugged her.) I think women like guys who ignore them a little.
Anyway, when I spoke with her during the middle of my trip I was upbeat and positive.----been mountain climbing(which i was and it was hella fun) sight-seeing, reconnecting with old friends, and had a house party, etc.
When I asked if she wanted to get together at Chili's to say hi before I leave, she said "no, I am too tired from my job, worked late last night in the lab, and have to go back in early tomorrow."
After the sting of rejection from her...i stayed upbeat and told her my girlfriend back home had just called and wanted to know why i was so tired..i said it was the jetlag. I told her my girlfriend and I were thinking of buying property in chicago and florida. Im sure that just annoyed her ...because she said "your funny." She said she just pulled into her driveway and was going to bed and sleep(her boyfriend was prolly in bed waiting for her)Why did she have to tell me that??..
anyway, she told me she would definitely call me before I left to back to florida. Then she says she just pulled into the driveway and has to go. I said ok bye.

I didnt wish her well. I didnt say i miss you. I didnt say I still care for you. I didnt say anything that a weak chump says to a girl. I was strong, friendly, and positive and acted like I moved on with my life too, so dont flatter yourself girl. I think the conversation ended strong and upbeat and i didnt let her get to me.

Within 24 hours I disappearred into the night...leaving nothing but dust behind me.