why is this girl being so cruel to me?

[huskybear]

i met this girl a few years ago in florida. We met,we hung out and bonded. We had a lot in common. She had to go home back to arizona. MY parents live in arizona and lives 3 miles from her. I told her I would visit arizona when I got free time. We kept in touch for a year via text messages and telephone. She had bought a plane ticket to see me a while back and canceled it due to work obligations. we still kept in touch. Strong feelings still there. Due to work i couldnt fly out either. I figured I would just let her go and would see her when I got out to arizona when I visited my parents. I always knew she would move on eventually. Then as time passed we did drift apart..I finally bought a ticket to arizona to see my parents. Last night i called her up and left a message telling her I was coming out there to visit and would like to see her. I got the shock of my life when her voicemail came on and said "hi this is jeanne and gary.. please leave a message." I dropped the phone. I never thought this girl would ever marry or really get a date. She is cute but something about her is very independent. She was always lonely and always wanted me to visit her and go to vegas with her when on business. Guys were always dissing her and blowing her off for some reason. But i liked her. she was adorable. But i couldnt visit her cause of my job.
Anyway, she happily calls me back last night and is good to hear from me. She tells me she is not married but did buy a new home with this guy.I asked if she was dating him(stupid question) she said well yes. She met him 7 months ago and he is a police officer. I was hurt because i wanted to be a police officer and failed the background test and now i drive a wanna be crown vic police interceptor. Sheknew I failed to be a cop and that bothered my manhood more. I always thought she would want to see me at least and say since we both struggled by seeing each other will each failed attempt. I still wanted to see my parents in Arizona but I also wanted to say hi to her as well out in Arizona too. She says we can still talk. And I said she seemed too busy to see me when I fly there tomorrow and I told her I guess I wouldn’t see her then. She said well...we can still talk. I said "you know my cell number and call me when im out in Arizona tomorrow if she wanted too ---if not then thats up to you."
I as I write this I am now sitting here in Arizona and am sitting here 3 miles away from her home after I flew 3000miles and its driving me crazy! I want to see her! But I don’t want to intrude on her, We had planned on seeing each other for two years and promised we would see each other if we had other partners in our lives. And now here I am in Arizona and she has a frikken cop boyfriend. Why cant she just stop by and say hello for old times sake?? I havent seen her in years. Why is she so cruel? I know i am being total AFC. Bu hell We had such a connection. What should I do? Should I wait for her to call me or text me? Or just go back to florida this saturrday and blow her off? I was the one that said to her " i guess I wont be seeing you then if your too "busy"....I just feel like my vacation wont be complete without saying hi to her and bye. Its weird. Should I say "hey, jeanne, im only 3 miles away..come over and say hello, im leaving tomorrow" Any suggestions guys on what you would do? thanks.

 

[Warrior74]

Are you serious? Move on. Let it go. Nothing else to do with that one.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Space your paragraphs please, then I'll reply.

 

[##17]

Sucks to hear that man, but it sounds like you and she didn't have any real commitment to each other. If I'm not mistaken, you were 'friends' (NOT exclusive boyfriend-girlfriend) and friendships like these take a backseat to real relationships. The only guy she should be making and keeping her commitments to now is her live-in boyfriend.

If YOU had met and got serious with someone else, do you think your girlfriend would like you spending time with the girl in AZ?

So I completely don't get how she is being cruel to you. I mean, she took your call and was very friendly to you. It's not like she coldly blew you off or anything. In fact, from how you wrote it, looks like you were the one who bowed out of seeing her.

Move on.

 

[MotownMack]

Space your paragraphs please, then I'll reply.

Sorry man, I am with him. Way to tough on the eyes.

 

[huskybear]

Thanks guys. yea she was nice about it. But i felt so AFC when she said to me " i just wanted to tell you"...i was annoyed even though she wasnt my girlfriend but a fling.
Girls i do not trust. They will open up to you and get you to fall for them and when they are done with you---they are done. I have known so many women who have dumped their husbands or boyfriends and have never looked back and move onto another guy like he is th enew hubby or new boyfriend. While their hubby or boyfriend is begging them back. women can be so cruel like that.
This girl wasnt cruel. She was honest with me. It was just the cruelty of knowing that i know she lived in a house with another guy having sex with him while i am 3 miles away. She knew i would be visiting and didnt care about me at all..when 6 months prior we were talking about marriage and stupid stuff...anyway thanks for the input guys. Im going to blow her and not call her and get on the next plane back to florida. Thanks guys.

 

[Latinoman]

i met this girl a few years ago in florida. We met,we hung out and bonded. We had a lot in common. She had to go home back to arizona. MY parents live in arizona and lives 3 miles from her. I told her I would visit arizona when I got free time. We kept in touch for a year via text messages and telephone. She had bought a plane ticket to see me a while back and canceled it due to work obligations. we still kept in touch. Strong feelings still there. Due to work i couldnt fly out either. I figured I would just let her go and would see her when I got out to arizona when I visited my parents. I always knew she would move on eventually. Then as time passed we did drift apart..I finally bought a ticket to arizona to see my parents. Last night i called her up and left a message telling her I was coming out there to visit and would like to see her. I got the shock of my life when her voicemail came on and said "hi this is jeanne and gary.. please leave a message." I dropped the phone. I never thought this girl would ever marry or really get a date. She is cute but something about her is very independent. She was always lonely and always wanted me to visit her and go to vegas with her when on business. Guys were always dissing her and blowing her off for some reason. But i liked her. she was adorable. But i couldnt visit her cause of my job.
Anyway, she happily calls me back last night and is good to hear from me. She tells me she is not married but did buy a new home with this guy.I asked if she was dating him(stupid question) she said well yes. She met him 7 months ago and he is a police officer. I was hurt because i wanted to be a police officer and failed the background test and now i drive a wanna be crown vic police interceptor. Sheknew I failed to be a cop and that bothered my manhood more. I always thought she would want to see me at least and say since we both struggled by seeing each other will each failed attempt. I still wanted to see my parents in Arizona but I also wanted to say hi to her as well out in Arizona too. She says we can still talk. And I said she seemed too busy to see me when I fly there tomorrow and I told her I guess I wouldn’t see her then. She said well...we can still talk. I said "you know my cell number and call me when im out in Arizona tomorrow if she wanted too ---if not then thats up to you."
I as I write this I am now sitting here in Arizona and am sitting here 3 miles away from her home after I flew 3000miles and its driving me crazy! I want to see her! But I don’t want to intrude on her, We had planned on seeing each other for two years and promised we would see each other if we had other partners in our lives. And now here I am in Arizona and she has a frikken cop boyfriend. Why cant she just stop by and say hello for old times sake?? I havent seen her in years. Why is she so cruel? I know i am being total AFC. Bu hell We had such a connection. What should I do? Should I wait for her to call me or text me? Or just go back to florida this saturrday and blow her off? I was the one that said to her " i guess I wont be seeing you then if your too "busy"....I just feel like my vacation wont be complete without saying hi to her and bye. Its weird. Should I say "hey, jeanne, im only 3 miles away..come over and say hello, im leaving tomorrow" Any suggestions guys on what you would do? thanks.

You have some SERIOUS issues.

1- You wasted two years on this "concept" of a woman.

2- She in the other hand got what she needed (attention via phone/texts) and eventually intimacy (via her current man)

3- She has a man in her life. A man that lives with her. She does NOT have to see you.

4- You need to get your sh_it together. If you cannot be a cop...that does not make you less of a man. I am not a cop...I am not crying or whining.

5- Forget about her. Stop 100% contact. If you don't want to get slapped with a restraining order (not a hard thing to do if she has a cop living with her), simply stop 100% contact.

 

[Social Calibration]

She's not being cruel, you're state-of-mind is telling you that she's cruel. It seems like denial is going through your head more than anything else. You refuse to believe she met someone new and you're realllllly hurt by it, in fact you're blaming her.

It doesn't matter that she's 3 miles away.

She cares for you obviously if she's willing to talk to you and not just blow you away. And why are YOU waiting for her to come over and see you? Why don't YOU go over there and see her? So what that her new boyfriend is there, I could give a fvck-less.

Look, if you haven't left already, call her up and tell her to put her fun hat on cause you're coming to see her. Have fun with it, and definitely DON'T seem down! Misery is not attractive dude, and truthfully, you just need to man the fvck up and take control of your life. If you want to see her that bad then see her, you're saying you flew 3000 miles and don't have the guts to drive 3 fricking miles to see her? Fvck that dude, see her and her boyfriend has nothing to do with this. You guys are old friends, that's all.

 

[Max Power]

And why are YOU waiting for her to come over and see you? Why don't YOU go over there and see her? So what that her new boyfriend is there, I could give a fvck-less.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think that's a good idea.

 

[Social Calibration]

Hey you can't expect 100% of people to agreeing with you and that's fine cause it's normal. Maybe it's a good idea, maybe not, but it's just something that I would do.

I wouldn't personally recommend something if I wouldn't do it myself

 

[ezily]

yeah man, you're just going to have to let this one go. She has moved on while you have not. I feel sorry for you but there's nothing you can do now. You've been holding on to some ideal. If you've been in contact why did she not tell you she was dating someone? You seemed completely out of the loop. Obviously she just wanted your attention. So again, just let it go and move on.

By the way, anyone who's reading this... this is what oneitis can do to you. So avoid it AT ALL COSTS! you don't want to waste two years of your life on a girl who lives thousands of miles away!

 

[huskybear]

latino man and social calibration thanks for input

ezily, social calibration and latino man thanks for setting me straight. Dont get me wrong I have been spinning plates and been with a few girls since I was texting that girl in arizona, so I have been with other women. But is just hard to break my addiction to this girl in arizona. The only thing thats making me distance myself from her is anger. she is starting to make me feel like a chump.

Anyway, i talked to jeanne today(arizona girl)for the first time since I got here. She ended up calling me right back and excitedly asking me "how i was doing?" So obviously she cares for me...i guess.
But i remained upbeat and positive...which by nature I am. I told her the vacation was going great, went climbin some moutains, etc

Then i popped the question. I said, "hey lets get together and say hello before i leave tomorrow." She adamantly said "NO..i am completely wiped out and tired from my job im going to bed and I just pulled into the driveway." (shes a crime scence specialist)But for some reason I got mad. But I kept my cool with her guys. Then I just told her "my girlfriend just called and asked why I was so tired and I told her it was from jetlag from the 3 hour difference" Then I said it was beautiful out here and am thinking of buying property way up north of phoenix for a vacation condo(which is true) and my girlfriend wants to buy a condo in florida . For some reason I was accidently mentioning that I had a girlfriend a few times as if to tell her I have moved on too so dont flatter yourself with your new cop boyfriend. I was trying to save face. But i did it in an upbeat and positive way not spiteful. yes, i am AFC and Oneitis at this point. I should have never mentioned i had a girlfriend or that i was tanned and working out. how desperate and depressing.
I couldlnt let her punk me guys. Knowing shes sleeping with that cop and not me is tearing me apart. i have feelings for her. It hurts alot.
She doesnt want to see me cause she is tired??? She wants to talk to me only?? give me a break! Guys, how do i turn the tables on her? Would someone tell me how you handle this jealousy?? she says "im funny" each time i mentioned a girlfriend. Im ready to text her back just say..." you are funny"..I feel like such a chump.

 

[WesCottII]

Guys, how do i turn the tables on her? Would someone tell me how you handle this jealousy?? she says "im funny" each time i mentioned a girlfriend. Im ready to text her back just say..." you are funny"..I feel like such a chump.

You leave her alone, and you go have yourself an amazing life.

Trust me, NOTHING you can do now will make this girl sleep with you, only serve to push her further away. Let it go, and cut all contact.

 

[jon3947]

Dude, you lost this girl when you didn't see her for two years, you think she would be turning down every guy that she meets for two years with the excuse "I'm waiting for this guy who lives 3000 miles away and might take the initiative to fly out to see me so maybe we can form a relationship."

 

[huskybear]

lets get it straight

i admit i have oneitis and am AFC.

...and no i dont expect any girl to wait around for me after 2 years and living 3000 miles away. thats unrealistic.
All I wanted was to say hello to her..laugh, talk about good times, hug, and say goodbye.

All girls are whoores. I am willing to bet if a true don juan came to town that she really really liked she would sleep with him in a heartbeat whether she had no sleep cause of her job or if she was in love with her current boyfriend. Women are emotional creatures. Logic isnt part of them.

I messed up by not saying the rite things, being too needy,not turning her on enough. This is why I dont trust women. They are easily led away and swayed by don juans which I am trying to be.nothing i say will get me laid by her now. I can easily sting her though by being sharp with the tongue cause i know some weaknesses in her. But what would that accomplish? I have to be mature about this and learn from my mistakes and move on.

 

[Warrior74]

i admit i have oneitis and am AFC.

...and no i dont expect any girl to wait around for me after 2 years and living 3000 miles away. thats unrealistic.
All I wanted was to say hello to her..laugh, talk about good times, hug, and say goodbye.

All girls are whoores. I am willing to bet if a true don juan came to town that she really really liked she would sleep with him in a heartbeat whether she had no sleep cause of her job or if she was in love with her current boyfriend. Women are emotional creatures. Logic isnt part of them.

I messed up by not saying the rite things, being too needy,not turning her on enough. This is why I dont trust women. They are easily led away and swayed by don juans which I am trying to be.nothing i say will get me laid by her now. I can easily sting her though by being sharp with the tongue cause i know some weaknesses in her. But what would that accomplish? I have to be mature about this and learn from my mistakes and move on.

really your last sentence was your best one.

all women are not illogical emotional whoors, you're just hurt. And you did it to yourself. What did you expect after 2 years? she saw you as an option that had passed..your not as her friend, you were a potential lover. She wasn't easily swayed...she was living her life. Being sharped tounged? LOL. NO your being vengeful and spiteful and petty if you do that. She'd probably sic her cop boyfriend on you. So ya..nothing gained there. Just face the pain. You built up something in your head and gave reality no mind. And reality bytchslapped you for it.

 

[huskybear]

thanks warrior

warrior74 i totally agree with you. I was hoping for something that was built up in my mind. I wasnt facing reality. I got bytchslapped and i did it to myself. I can finally jump on a plane and leave tomorrow and hopefully forget about her.

I will never get into a long distance relationship
I will always be 100% honest with myself when dealing with women
I will always respect myself first----in any relationship cause really no girl is worth it
I will always be patient and never get overemotional when in a crisis
I will always give a woman plenty of space and not act needy
I will spin more plates
I will always lay down boundaries and know exactly when to "pull the plug" on a friendship, lover, or relationship if my true needs arent being met

Thanks warrior74..i feel much better from your last post

 

[Faded Image]

Husky, this girl has moved on and it's nothing you can do but except the fact and move on yourself. You've dreamed of seeing her for the last two years and now that she quote unquote "Has a Man" your seeing her will only cause you unbearable depression.

Although It'll give you that small Rey of hope, reality will set in fairly quickly once you realize that your girl has zoned you in the friend zone. All your dreams and aspirations of being with this girl shattered by love.

You need to just cry and let it out. Grab a camera, set it up and record the whole thing. Capture those emotions from the onset. Once you've finished, store the file in a safe place only to be referenced every once in awhile while you're transitioning from AFC to DJ.

Note: I have never tried doing what's explained in the paragraph above, so tell me how it works.

 

[Warrior74]

warrior74 i totally agree with you. I was hoping for something that was built up in my mind. I wasnt facing reality. I got bytchslapped and i did it to myself. I can finally jump on a plane and leave tomorrow and hopefully forget about her.

I will never get into a long distance relationship
I will always be 100% honest with myself when dealing with women
I will always respect myself first----in any relationship cause really no girl is worth it
I will always be patient and never get overemotional when in a crisis
I will always give a woman plenty of space and not act needy
I will spin more plates
I will always lay down boundaries and know exactly when to "pull the plug" on a friendship, lover, or relationship if my true needs arent being met

Thanks warrior74..i feel much better from your last post

Thru the pain is how we learn the lasting lessons sometimes. but sights like this help because you can learn from other peoples mistakes. Take some time for yourself and do things to get your mind right and up your confidence. You'll survive and only get better man!

 

[huskybear]

warrior74

i thought of writing her a last farewell text message for closure and for my self-esteem.

Say to her "who do you think your kiddin? We are not friends. We were lovers. I had my hands on your a*ss. Now there is another guy doing that. Bye.:

what do u think?