why is she still on my mind?

[lizardking82]

This is what a lot of guys don't understand: you cannot just get over someone right away.

When I broke up from my ex almost two years ago (she left), I hated the initial moments when I decided to move on. Then I understood you cannot just feel nothing and move on like nothing happened after two years (in my case). You were with her 3 months. Guys bond strongly through sex, but not only, as @RangerMIke mentioned already. Give it some time.

You forget by not trying to forget. You forget and move one when you take things one step at a time.

 

[Ryan Adams]

thanks man. that is great advice. I became emotionally attached to her in a way in which I've never felt. I thought she was a great person and it was so confusing she would just go from holding my hand in bed to blam nothing 2 days later.... I think her best friend/roomate had alotttt to do with it. and kinda got in her head. she was mad I was taking her away from her megan even said it.... but at the end of the day it was Megan's decision not mine. I did all I could.

 

[IKO69]

Tough spot. In this situation you can't really fault the woman as you yourself said you ****ed it up. That happens. A Don Juan is made, he simply doesn't come out of the womb good with women. For this reason I suppose theoretically you could build yourself up and if you had the opportunity again you could re-try, but I wouldn't hold my breath...you could very well fall apart around her again because you've obviously attached a lot of importance to her. I think the best thing would be to try to move forward honestly and just get better with women overall. If down the line you see her again maybe test the waters but don't fall apart and revert back to your old self for ****s sake. This is the reason why I think many people on here would tell you not to do it....can you trust yourself to not display any bad traits if she came back into your life???

 

[Ryan Adams]

dude I swear to God I ****ed 2 girls the same night last sat I can get girls... I'm a good looking guy and I get dates but as of now I want someone I have a connection with. not bar slvts I've learned my lesson with her. would I like her to come back to me? absolutly. but would it be healthy? I would absolutly not go down the same road. it just sucks seeing someone you care for roll out like that....

 

[btownbuck2012]

it just sucks seeing someone you care for roll out like that....

Every guy who has his sh*t together in life (women, money, hobbies, etc.) has been through this. It's a natural part of becoming the man you were meant to become. Instead of thinking "Why does this suck so much?" start thinking along the lines of "I'm now seeing reality for what it is. There is a new way to be happy in this new reality". You can't see it now but as time goes on you will start to see and feel it.

 

[Ryan Adams]

your very right. just right now...good God does it feel like shvt I know it will eventually pass but she was so goddamm sweet to me and everyone loved her

 

[Glassguy]

Ryan- lets keep it real. I am going to tell you what everyone is thinking but isnt saying:

Stop acting like a feminine b!tch lol. Get it together dude. Nobody controls your emotions but you, so start acting like a man.

You never even fvcked this chick. You seriously need to get a grip and stop wasting peoples time with these attention wh0ring threads about these last 2 chicks that you were completely beta with and you ran them off. Its over. They are never coming back and why should they after you acted like a feminine beta with them?

I am starting to think that you are a woman acting like a guy on here. Even my most beta friends dont act like you are acting right now. And months later after it was over with this chick? Wow.

Pull it together.

 

[Ryan Adams]

that's the thing. dude I wish I could not be so blown about this absolutly. that's why I'm on here trying to get advice on why in the **** I feel so shvtty I'm confused about it myself... the Last chick I was over in a week because she let me know what the Deal was. she told me we were on different spots in life etc etc. so I was like ok this is done... a week later I'm over it. but this one since I got so abruptly ghosted and liked her so much. it just kinda messed with my head. I did run her off because I was just to much with her. I got to clingy. I know I sound like a pvssy but dude it confuses even my ownself. I hate fvcking feeling this this.... I cant just control my emotions Inwardly. outwardly to my friends you'll never know it bothered me...

 

[Glassguy]

Stop talking and writing about it. Stop reminding yourself.

Move on.

 

[RedScorpion]

I’ll suggest it’s because on some level, you don’t believe that the situation is over with her. With the girl that told you that it was over, with reasons why - you got over her in a week right? You knew that it was done. And with this one, she up and changed dramatically in a short period of time. Essentially leaving you without a sense of reason for it ending.

Because of this lack of internal closure, it still feels ‘open’ and possible, despite your logical side knowing the truth of the matter. The problem is that you’ve deduced and clearly rationalized that it is over - but it’s not along that emotional line. The brain is easy to trick if you can pinpoint the right area. I suggest doing a sort of internal ‘goodbye’ to her - imagine you’re having your final argument with her, she says whatever you imagine she would say with whatever points you always wanted to say to her. But the point is you declaring that whatever was between you two, it’s over. Make it so that you have decided that it is done.

It’s not the whole story, and you still have to do the other things to move on. Such as not thinking about her, thinking about other girls, your future, etc. On some level you know it didn’t actually happen, but what matters is the finalizing of you going forward from her. Close that door in your mind. You’ll remember your internal discussion and decision with the imagined her if you ever bump into her again.

I usually find once I ‘know’ it will never work with a girl (for personality or conflict or whatever), then I can move on. I’ve done it before with a girl I was infatuated with and worked with - she was still flirty with me for months after I decided, even asking me out (I had a gf at that time). But she had put me through too much up and down bs, super into me and ignoring me, insults and other crud - that I cut her out. And I was able to handle her repeated attempts to directly or indirectly engage with me.

Decide that you are done with her. And that she won’t be a part of your life any further.

 

[Ryan Adams]

this is the best advice ive ever read. I had a gut feeling not to get involved with her from the start because of how on and off she was and is. right now I just closed my mind and pictured myself saying its done we will never work out. and I felt better. fvck her she put me through some ignorant dumb stuff. she obviously wants nothing to do with even being a friend to someone who was absolutely nothing but good to her. that is not a good person.

 

[Ryan Adams]

update: went to the bar last night saw her. didnt even look her way. she saw me and choked up hahaha. feels good man I had an epiphany I saw her dumb drunken ass and was like why in the fvck would I want a crazy b!tch like her. I was dancing with her friend right infront of her and she just so happened to walk right next to us for the entire time feels so good to not give a fvck. thx for the help bros. at the end of the night I walked up and said no hard feelings dude. all she said was I'm so trashed. I was like good to see your doing well! hahaha it was awesome.

on to being a better man.

 

[BondJamesBond424]

I feel like such a little pvussy I mean I go on dates and have banged chicks since but wtf man I hate feeling like this

I'm the same way dude.
There's this hot blond, physically perfect in every way. She came onto me multiple times in the beginning with high interest.
In a matter of 5 dates I managed to act too nice/respectful, AFC, giving off relationship energy until she finally blew me off with a text saying "I'll text you another day".
I know I can never have another chance with her cuz I'd only be what she settles for. And I deserve better than that.
But I still get the urge to 'pick up the spare', correct my mistake of being to wussy to escalate and giving off the desperation and boyfriend vibe.
Plus, I won't lie, What she must think of me does bother me. What she may have told her friends does bother me. Her banging other dudes does bother me. Running into her out somewhere does bother me.
Through all this I am attracting other decent looking women. I'm going out and escalating with other women.
But, just like you I'm waiting for my mind to get unstuck from this one broad. Let time pass, get other people and esp. other women into your life and the sharp edge dulls into nothing.

 

[Ryan Adams]

yeah man I definitely know the feeling. the fact at how fast she literally cut off all contact. is what really got my head spinning. like uhhhhhhhh. I saw her Friday night she was wasted and just reminds me of a 18 year old very immature. she saw me and was talkin to someone and froze up mid sentenance that's hilarious. that means she knows what she did. I danced with her cute friend all night and she happened to be standing there the entire time on purpose. at the end she was standing there alone. and I said let's end the weirdness and shook her hand she just looked at me and said I'm so trashed. hahahah

 

[Magotrox]

To me, it is just oneitis. Remember: the best way to forget a girl, is to get a better one. And there's a lot of good stuff out there. All you have to do is go for it.

 

[Ryan Adams]

I am trying brother!