Why is she being a royal ***** ?

[catera]

HEY, i am having a hard time.I am in a 3 year relationship. All was great. RECENTLY, SHE STARTED UP WITH SHE WANTS TO BE SINGLE.s he spends alot of time with her friends. We are in a ldr. now. I think her friends are screwing up her head. She asks me what I want?{ I RESPONDED, YOU MARRIAGE, CHILDREN A GIVE AND TAKE CARING RELATIONSHIP}. She says, no i do not want it. Meanwhile for 3 years, she has been wanting to marry me. My parents passed away, she tells me why should I cry and be sad with you.? Life is too short. Why should{ I CoME THERE AND BE A HOUSEWIFE AND LEAVE MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY}. She says everyone has to live for themselves. She says why are you sad? Excuse me, I am in mourning. She is not like she was.{ SHE WAS CARING AND CONSIDERATE}. I am very confused. I know that she wants to marry me. She recently made an issue over her dog.She demands the dog be in bed when she comes here.I SAY NO. She is pissed. I feel like she is being influenced by her friends. She sees them everyday and they belong to a travel club and travel once and /or twice a month. She is very busy with them and trips and work. After she told me she did not want what I wanted, i wrote her a letter and basically told her I agree with all that you said. really i did not, but i will not give her the satisfaction. I told to move forward and good luck in her new life. She replied thanks for the kind words. I have not communicated any more. I love her, but I feel I leave it with her. It is Christmas, I miss her. wHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT? wHY DID SHE DO THIS? help guys !! catera

 

[catera]

Some holiday it will be for me

I did not talk or write to her in almost 3 1/2 weeks. She did call her mom to ask about if WHAT i said about airline prices sounded expensive? I AM FRIENDS WITH HER SISTER. SHE LIVES NEAR ME.HER SISTER IS BAFFLED TOO, SHE WANTS ME TO CALL HER. i SAID NO.

 

[b's nuts]

tuff luck bro, and only time is going to heal this.

 

[NatureGuy]

Yes, as B Nuts says, time should help.
If I read your post correctly (and I'm
having trouble with it), your girlfriend started acting 'wierd' after your parents passed
away? It's possible you've overwhelmed
her with your mourning and sadness - the
response you attribute to her sounds like
someone reacting to a great loss (lifes
too short, etc). And you say you haven't
called her in 3.5 weeks, even when she's
asked through your sister to call her?
Why not? If you expect to reconcile with
her wouldn't this be the first step?

 

[catera]

no, her sister just gave her opinion

Her sister just gave her own view.It was not anything asked from my girlfriend. She was not overwhelmed by my parents passing. In fact, when dad passed she told me I do not feel for your dad. I feel sad to warch you suffer. But this was when she was warmer AND CARING. i DO NOT SEE THAT NOW.

 

[squirrels]

Why did she do it? Cuz she's a HEADCASE. She thinks she can have her cake and eat it too and has no consideration for you or anyone else.

And you put up with her BS far too long. How many red flags was it going to take before you realized that this woman was NOT long-term relationship material?

BTW, are you enamored with turning the pretty green Caps Lock light on and off or something?

 

[Big Pappy]

First, I'm sorry for your loss.

You don't want her dog in your bed, she should respect that. She should leave her dog in the care of a kennel when she goes out of town anyway.

The way I see it, you had your world, your family, your job, your residence.

wHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT? wHY DID SHE DO THIS?

With the death of your parents, your world has changed. You are still adjusting to these changes. She is having a difficult time trying to figure out what your world will be like when your mourning is over. I'm sure that you used to be very happy together, but when your parents passed, you were sad and she wasn't laughing and joking with you the way you two used to do.

This is really tough, as the holiday season is here. You haven't called her in 3 and a half weeks. She hasn't called you.
I'm sorry to say, but I think your relationship with this girl is over.

However, depressing as it is, there is a silver lining. She does not love you enough. She wants you to join her world. She would probably take you back into her world of travel, dog, her friends, etc. but that would still not work out.

Marriage is for better or worse. Well, parents passing away is worse. She's not there for you emotionally or logistically. You are very fortunate to have found out early rather than late.

God bless you, and remember, you can take control over how you feel.

 

[NewMan]

My opinion on raltionship has changed since I broke up with my LTR.


These are huge red flags.

In this situation you need to break the LTR off BEFORE she does. At the first sign of trouble you need to end it - and fast.

Guys have a tendency to hang on to the relationship to long after the chick has turned off. Move on and don't look back. She and only she should be the one to call you and come grovelling back.

Listen, she probably has meet some guy. If she travels a lot with her GF's I bet that she's seeing them meet different and new guys - having fun etc.

She sounds easily influenced.

You've done the best thing - now move on.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

just a few quick observations...

when a girl says "I want to be single" that usually means she is interested in someone else...

her friends are not the problem so quit blaming them -- she is reverting back to her single life and thus going out with her friends and again may be seeing someone else...

she wanted to get married for 3 years and suddenly does not want to know.....she is interested in someone else

she acts callous and uncaring concerning your personal pain...she is definitely seeing someone else

Quit saying she wants to marry you - she told you a few times that she didnt - "why should I mourn with you " why should i leave family and friends" "everyone has to live for themselves" "why should i be a house wife" -- this is selfishness to the extreme ---- dude if at one time she was considerate and understanding she sure in the heck ain't now-- this should tell you something!!! She does not want to get married and is not her friends - so quit blaming them - the signs are obvious she is seeing someone else!

Girls behavior and thus actions change when they leave a man and are with someone else -- they get rude and uncaring because she does not fear the consequences anymore of separation because she has already separated herself from you and is seeing someone else.

This was divorce material -- marriage will not last - you can tell she is unhappy with you and maybe herself! You are better off without thid chick. Better to be alone than with bad company!!!!

 

[catera]

YOU see she does want marriage I rhink

I feel she wants to marry. She called her Mom recently to ask about if what i had said about airfares was true. Now, why would she do that. I HAD TOLD HER i would pay for her ticket, but it was extremely pricey during the holidays. But, I FEEL THAT BEFORE I DO THAT THINGS NEED TO BE CLEAR. I felt this way prior to my call. Then on my last call 3 weeks ago, she at first was *****y, but then was reasoming and then said she would think all about us. I CALLED AGAIN 2 days later and she had an attitude and when I ASKED WHY ? she had recently made mean comments about why cry etc,,, AND ACTED in an inconsiderate manner , she remarked without an answer, just and what? so what ? She then asked what do you want in our future ? I REPLIED THE WHOLE FAMILY , LOVE, HAPPY MARRIAGE. sHE WAS saying that she may not be happy and leave in that kind of lifestyle. I WAS TAKEN BACK. She was the forever when are we mattying and telling me about our house and bla bla,,,,,, and now this . Si I POLITELY WROTE A LETTER AND BASICALLY TOLD HER HAVE A GOOD LIFE.In my HEART i want THE GIRL I am in lOVE WITH.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Catera'

why do you keep saying she wants to marry when all signs point otherwise - did you read my last post? I would do some investigation to see if she is seeing someone else but then that is only if you want to know why she left.

What changed in your situation from her going to a relationship of 3 years and want marriage and then does not want to get married now --- this happened for a reason and it did not come about al of a sudden -- what do you think changed besides the friends or family excuse?

From your last post it sounds like you are thinking about getting back with her, are you? I know you love her but does that go with the reality of your situation, if you could put your emotions aside and objectively consider that if you were married, will she be with you in good times and bad - from your post I would say not. I feel for your lost but i honestly think it was the best for you, cosidering the damage that would occur to you emotionally if you married and divorced!

 

[catera]

Basically 6 weeks ago we were planning to get married. So she was getting all these ideas about where to live and a new house, bl a bla,,, and yes, of course i want her back. I WANT TO MARRY HER. bUT, THERE IS TOO MUCH CONFUSION AS WHY SHE SAYS THINGS AND..... .mY IDEA IS SHE IS AFRAID OF COMMITMENT. She realized it was for real and uses all kinds of nonsense as her excuse. but it is fear. Her ***** friends pump her up about being single they are all man haters she told me years ago.. They are all divorced and the single ones hate their relationships.... maybe they convinced she is a princess and i should kiss her ass. I am sorry, not me.

 

[WaterTiger]

Catera,

First let me say how deeply sorry I am for the loss of your parents. That is a bridge we will all cross in time and it is never an easy journey.

Secondly...This girl is NOT READY to get married to anyone! If you marry her, she will drive you to suicide. I think you should break it off with her quick and forever.

1-She has placed the value of her "friends" over the value of "YOU". Their oppinions have replaced yours in her mind.

2-She suddenly has decided she doesn't want to get married after saying she DID. So what happened? PuertoRican Lover may be right. Her "single-man-hater" friends may have shown her the party life, she may have met a party guy!

3-She is being evil & insensitive to the passing of your parents. That is unforgiveable in my book. Even if she wasn't close to them, she should still be understanding and supportive for YOUR loss.

4-Long distance relationships are very, very hard to manage even when the couple is devoted and share the same dreams. When problems surface like this...the relationship will not hold.

5-Dogs belong on the floor. If she wants to sleep with a dog, she can do it without you.

 

[MacdaddyJr]

THere are more women out there. Listen to everyone giving you advice here. THey are right. Your hurting yourself worrying and stressing about it. If she is so easily infuenced then she never truly loved you the way you deserved. sorry man. Let her come to you but don't count on it. Go out, live your life, date other women. That's all you can do.

But, I guess I'm wasting my time writing this if you already haven't listen to these other guys. They know more than I do. Do what you will, don't kill yourself over this woman too!! Good luck!

 

[retrievher]

until you are married to her, you shouldn't be buying her last minute airline tickets. She belongs to a travel club right? If she wanted to be near you she would have saved up her frequent flier mileage or made advance reservations.

I say to cut her loose man, the only one who has a say in your relationship right now is her. You seem to be concentrating on whats important and quietly, she obviously isn't and loudly, therefore she's not thinking anywhere close to a 20-30-40 year commitment. If you can't come to agreement on little crap like airline tickets and the dog sleeping wherever, how are you gonna stay sane for however long while she tries to beat you down mentally with meaningless bull**** in a marriage?

You're not supposed to be convincing her that your worth going out with or marrying. If she can't see that, and empathize with what you have been dealing with, then she's not worth it.

 

[catera]

Bravo

You guys are great. First of all. I think all her talk is nonsense, like a ***** shield. I was thinkig about that. She is just scared and listens to her friends, because of her confusion. She is afraid she will give up her high paying job and wonderful life there and come here and I SAY AFTER A FEW MONTHS SORRY BABE, i T CAN NOT WORK. i KNOW THIS BECAUSE SHE MENTIONED IT., IN A SUBTLE WAY. I am not sure. T his could be my problem. Is it that her friends built up her ego and she thinks she is A PRINCESS NOW.? i DO NOT KNOW WHAT is the real story to explain?What do you guys think? I walked away one month ago and no contact.I figured she will have to call me. we shall see. thanks guys, catera

 

[catera]

What can I do to ger her back ?

She was wonderful for the majority and when dad passed away she was wonderful, even during his illness and syrgery. wHEN she was still here. Then she wanted me to marry. I told her mafrriage I am in a crisis, dad passed. But after a year and 1/2 now she became jekyl and hyde? But ,now she has been a nightmare and refuses to explain and /or communicate and expects me to keep wanting to marry her? But, her behavior and the things shwe has told me about not marrying? Is it just to get revenge and hurt me?. Is it all nonsense? Help guys !

 

[joey37]

Listen to me. There are flakes and then there are FLAKES. Do you really want the kind of flake that abandons you in your time of need?


It hurts a lot when someone who has showed you kindness in the past turns on you. A lot of guys have been there. These days women (and some men too) don't stick things out the way they used to. Quitting on relationships when the going gets tough is approaching epidemic proportions.

If she would have told you that the stress of your situation was getting to her and that she wanted to step back a bit and get herself together, that would be one thing. But to be a selfish, uncaring ***** about it?

 

[catera]

THANKS GUYS. I am very glad for all your advice, I do have to say she called me this morning. I made a new thread on it. Please read that too. I am very interested on your thoughts on this new information. / CATERA

 

[justheretohelp]

Originally posted by catera
HEY, i am having a hard time.I am in a 3 year relationship. All was great. RECENTLY, SHE STARTED UP WITH SHE WANTS TO BE SINGLE.s he spends alot of time with her friends. We are in a ldr. now. I think her friends are screwing up her head. She asks me what I want?{ I RESPONDED, YOU MARRIAGE, CHILDREN A GIVE AND TAKE CARING RELATIONSHIP}. She says, no i do not want it. Meanwhile for 3 years, she has been wanting to marry me. My parents passed away, she tells me why should I cry and be sad with you.? Life is too short. Why should{ I CoME THERE AND BE A HOUSEWIFE AND LEAVE MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY}. She says everyone has to live for themselves. She says why are you sad? Excuse me, I am in mourning. She is not like she was.{ SHE WAS CARING AND CONSIDERATE}. I am very confused. I know that she wants to marry me. She recently made an issue over her dog.She demands the dog be in bed when she comes here.I SAY NO. She is pissed. I feel like she is being influenced by her friends. She sees them everyday and they belong to a travel club and travel once and /or twice a month. She is very busy with them and trips and work. After she told me she did not want what I wanted, i wrote her a letter and basically told her I agree with all that you said. really i did not, but i will not give her the satisfaction. I told to move forward and good luck in her new life. She replied thanks for the kind words. I have not communicated any more. I love her, but I feel I leave it with her. It is Christmas, I miss her. wHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT? wHY DID SHE DO THIS? help guys !! catera

She is being selfish, cold and uncaring. You don't want to be with a woman like that. She's only thinking of herself. How can she make you happy? If she doesn't want to stick with you through this bad time now, then she won't do it later on when you're married.

It's going to be hard and take some time but move on and find your happiness elsewhere.

If she decides she wants you, she'll come back and let you know.

But until then, don't contact her anymore, keep yourself busy and look for people who will be there for you when you need them.