Why is it that people at the top of the social food chain have no issues dating/friending down?

itouchyou

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Let me give you an example. Back in college I had nothing going for me. For the first few years I hung out with unattractive guys that didn't get any women, I looked like an average/below average man, etc. However, I was into lifting. Later on I met this guy who could be described as the captain of the varsity football team (super popular, outgoing, got all the women, good looking, charismatic, etc). We became best friends which was sparked by our shared interest in lifting, and we were in the same major.

This guy saw me for what I was, knew I was a social outcast somewhat, but still befriended me, and basically took me under his wing. He didn't care how it made him look to his existing friend group, didn't care what women thought, etc. He pretty much ditched a lot of his friends to hang out with me. I don't ever recall thinking "man this guy won't be friends with me, I'm a loser", I just remember letting it play out.

My theory on this is that guys at that level, who are at the top of the social food chain so to speak, don't have anything to prove. Because their value is so above everyone else, they can do whatever the hell they want and their perceived value will not change. Is this a true statement?

Now for the big question: is it the same with women that are high status? There are women out there that are so socially dominant and attractive that they don't have to pick the most attractive guy to date. They can date down and it does nothing to their perceived status. Not only that, but they don't necessarily care if their guy has hobbies, lots of friends, etc, they just care about personality compatibility. Is this true?

I remember pushing away very attractive women who expressed interest because I thought that they would find out that at the time I had very few friends, few hobbies, etc. Now I'm curious if the same logic applies; that these women might've been interested purely based on personality, regardless of whether I was popular or had interesting hobbies.
 

Manure Spherian

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Let me give you an example. Back in college I had nothing going for me. For the first few years I hung out with unattractive guys that didn't get any women, I looked like an average/below average man, etc. However, I was into lifting. Later on I met this guy who could be described as the captain of the varsity football team (super popular, outgoing, got all the women, good looking, charismatic, etc). We became best friends which was sparked by our shared interest in lifting, and we were in the same major.

This guy saw me for what I was, knew I was a social outcast somewhat, but still befriended me, and basically took me under his wing. He didn't care how it made him look to his existing friend group, didn't care what women thought, etc. He pretty much ditched a lot of his friends to hang out with me. I don't ever recall thinking "man this guy won't be friends with me, I'm a loser", I just remember letting it play out.

My theory on this is that guys at that level, who are at the top of the social food chain so to speak, don't have anything to prove. Because their value is so above everyone else, they can do whatever the hell they want and their perceived value will not change. Is this a true statement?

Now for the big question: is it the same with women that are high status? There are women out there that are so socially dominant and attractive that they don't have to pick the most attractive guy to date. They can date down and it does nothing to their perceived status. Not only that, but they don't necessarily care if their guy has hobbies, lots of friends, etc, they just care about personality compatibility. Is this true?

I remember pushing away very attractive women who expressed interest because I thought that they would find out that at the time I had very few friends, few hobbies, etc. Now I'm curious if the same logic applies; that these women might've been interested purely based on personality, regardless of whether I was popular or had interesting hobbies.
Some of the most attractive men I grew up around married the girls next door, ordinary women.
 

The Duke

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When you are at the top many want to be your friend because it elevates their status simply by association. There are a lot of users and fake friends with ulterior motives. I imagine he didn't get this vibe from you and that's why he saw you as someone that could be a trustworthy friend which was why he pursued. He saw you as genuine unlike many of those around him.
 

itouchyou

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When you are at the top many want to be your friend because it elevates their status simply by association. There are a lot of users and fake friends with ulterior motives. I imagine he didn't get this vibe from you and that's why he saw you as someone that could be a trustworthy friend which was why he pursued. He saw you as genuine unlike many of those around him.
This is definitely one aspect of it, and one that I previously thought of as well.

I was never interested in being his friend due to his social status or how he looked. As a matter of fact, I knew nothing about the guy when I met him. He just seemed like a cool dude. I subconsciously saw him as just another person at the time and didn't put him on a pedestal.
 
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