Why is it so ****ing impossible to lose my virginity?

[Scion]

If you have never been on a second date before, you are doing something fundamentally wrong on the first date and in attracting women. In order to have success, you have to sell yourself and bring something to the table that the girl likes and is interested in. Do you have money? Are you ripped? Are you a good cook? Do you give her the best sex ever? Do you own half the city? Are you a doctor? Can you kiss her so good that she walk the next day? Or do you play Final Fantasy 4 all day?

No girl is going to give it up to you because you want to get laid. She has to GET SOMETHING IN RETURN for giving it up. It's like any business transaction. You wouldn't sell your car to a girl for nothing, so why would a girl give up her body to you for nothing? She has to GET SOMETHING OUT OF IT. What are you going to give her in return for giving it up?

When you say "There is nothing wrong with me.", there probably isn't, you probably are one the best early to mid 20 year old guys out there. But you have to SELL yourself. It doesn't matter how great you think you are, you have to get her to BITE, to BUY INTO your product. Don't just tell her "I"m great, you should have SEX with me." SHOW HER, TALK TO HER, PLAY WITH HER. LET HER FEEL IT, LET HER LIKE IT, LET HER RESPOND TO IT.

We need examples of your interactions on the first date. We can't help you without specifics.

well to be fair I've only ever been on 5 dates ever. So I think my problem is not being able to get dates period. But I'll play along. I'll tell you about the last 3 dates I've had.

The last one was 3 months ago. Met this girl at a club, was introduced by a friend. Immediately hit it off. Took her to the dance floor, make out. I pull her around the club making out periodically. We get back to her friends, she's chatting, and one of her guy friends pulls me aside and says she wants to **** me (I think he was just assuming). I try to take her home with me but her friends insist she come with them. Get her number though. We have our first date 5 days later. Meet for drinks, then head back to her place to smoke weed. I make out with her, try to escalate and she stops me and says its too soon. Try again later and she stops me again. She walks me to the train station, kisses me, and tells me to call her soon. Then for the next 2 weeks she ignores any attempt at contact, only to text me after I'd given up that we arent compatible.

Next is about 9 months ago. Meet her at my local starbucks, she works there. I get her number, and we text for about a week or so. We schedule a date to go skating. We go skating, then to get a bite to eat and then for drinks (I pay for the food, she pays for the drinks). I thought she had fun, we kiss at the end. Then for the next month she was constantly busy, to the point where I got pissed and stopped calling.

The girl before that was last Nov/Dec. Can't remember how I met her. We talked a couple of times on the phone for a week before I asked her out. I asked her out for a thurs because I got paid that day. She said she couldn't but wanted to go out the weds. I told her I had a appointment that night (looking at my new apartment) and she said she didn't care, she wanted to hang out before and after (she said she'd come with me to the showing). Met her at a coffee shop. We walked around a mall, she wanted me to lead where we went (no problem). She drove us to my appointment. After we grabbed a bite to eat. Then she drove me to my place, and we made out in the car for 10 mins. Invited her in, she declined. Called her up the next week, no response. Get a text from her a few days later saying that she now has a bf and we can't hang out again.

So there, that's what my dates are like. But like I said they are few and far between because the girls I meet never want to hang out.

 

[TIC]

Its strange, most guys seem to get laid at least with some consistency over the course of their life without consulting forums or reading PUA crap, but some guys get literally NOTHING. And these guys aren't always that bad looking, its just some strange quality about them that women can't get wet for.

I'm sure the OP is a decent guy just like most who are getting laid, maybe even better looking. He doesn't sound like he has SA or something, but women are disqualifying him for procreative acts for some reason. Maybe he's an anomaly; sometimes I suspect I am one too.

 

[Thundernuts]

Well fortunately being an anomaly doesn't really hurt a person since anomalies are only real bad in instances where everything is constant, the only constant in man is that we will age and die, thats it, everything else we do can change.

Your doing something wrong you just have to figure out what, its probably somethin small and crucial, but seriously read more you will find what you need. When it comes to things like this its the big and the small things that wil kill your chances.

goodluck is all i can say.

 

[blueline]

Honestly, I was much happier as a virgin. I got emotionally attached to the second girl who ****ed me, a bipolar/BPD cutie, and she completely destroyed my heart even though I ****ing hated most aspects of her personality only 2 months into the relationship. My grades have slipped and I'm living in my parents' house again. I think about her ALL DAY even though I have no desire to be in such an abusive relationship again.

 

[Tesl]

Well fortunately being an anomaly doesn't really hurt a person since anomalies are only real bad in instances where everything is constant, the only constant in man is that we will age and die, thats it, everything else we do can change.

Your doing something wrong you just have to figure out what, its probably somethin small and crucial, but seriously read more you will find what you need. When it comes to things like this its the big and the small things that wil kill your chances.

goodluck is all i can say.

Yeah I agree with this. For the most part it seems you are doing everything right, but there must be some mistakes you are making to kill attraction so quickly. Its really hard to know what that could be without actually seeing you in real life, I don't think anyone here can really solve this problem just over the internet.

Keep analysing and keep thinking Scion, it will happen.

 

[joe henny]

early-mid twenties. Said that above.

And no, I'm not getting a hooker. Look at guys like Maxtro. He has gotten hookers before, and did it help him? NO. So why would it help me?

Once you past 25 your too stuck in your head about getting puszy. The energy you give off creeps women out when your old and a virgin. once you get some you won't have that as an obstacle on your head

 

[Scion]

Once you past 25 your too stuck in your head about getting puszy. The energy you give off creeps women out when your old and a virgin. once you get some you won't have that as an obstacle on your head

k, find me a guy that was in my situation, hired a hooker, then started getting girls, and I'll go off and hire one. Otherwise I'm not gonna believe that will have an impact.

 

[spinaroonie]

Once you past 25 your too stuck in your head about getting puszy. The energy you give off creeps women out when your old and a virgin. once you get some you won't have that as an obstacle on your head

Agree with this. 25+ virgin starts to get creepy. You may be giving off a pedophile vibe. Women can pick up on this.

Don't get a hooker - one of the best aspects of the chase is the sense of validation and affection that comes with unpaid sex.

OP, message a homely whale on POF and get 'er done.

 

[HolyG]

k, find me a guy that was in my situation, hired a hooker, then started getting girls, and I'll go off and hire one. Otherwise I'm not gonna believe that will have an impact.

So in other words you don't want to experience puzzy, you just want the satisfaction of knowing you could get puzzy...

gay

 

[Jitterbug]

You've been on 5 dates - going off night club pickups - and wondered why you haven't got laid yet.

Do you know the hit rate of even the very best PUA or DJ? I tell you it's not 1 in 5 or 20%. Not even close.

 

[Scion]

You've been on 5 dates - going off night club pickups - and wondered why you haven't got laid yet.

Do you know the hit rate of even the very best PUA or DJ? I tell you it's not 1 in 5 or 20%. Not even close.

no, if you bothered to read and understand you'd get that I can't get girls to agree to go out with me. Yes, I'm only had 5 dates, and I got those 5 dates out of dozens and dozens of numbers. But you know what, **** you guys, and **** this game, I'm out.

 

[Jitterbug]

Enjoy wanking then, Mr Woe-Is-Me.

 

[Scion]

Enjoy wanking then, Mr Woe-Is-Me.

No, not woe is me. Just insanely sexually frustrated and not being able to do anything about it. This whole social stigma about guys who can't get laid doesn't help matters.

bahah, it's funny how it seems you're trying so hard to fvuck one girl, when for me it was that I was rejecting so many until I found a worth it one

must be nice to have your problems

 

[nismo-4]

Do what Bud Bundy did. Lower your standards, try POF (online dating), raise your social status, get lots of money, get a fancy car, own a club, hell do what you need to get laid. Maybe you need to get a hooker to loosen you up. The virgin problem won't go away on its own. The longer you wait, the creepier you become.

 

[Gray The Prince]

No, not woe is me. Just insanely sexually frustrated and not being able to do anything about it. This whole social stigma about guys who can't get laid doesn't help matters.

Scion, just keep working at it and going through trial and error. Fvck these non-puzzy getting losers. Just keep trying different things until you find ur niche.

 

[Tesl]

no, if you bothered to read and understand you'd get that I can't get girls to agree to go out with me. Yes, I'm only had 5 dates, and I got those 5 dates out of dozens and dozens of numbers. But you know what, **** you guys, and **** this game, I'm out.

"I'm out."

You keep saying this, haven't you already made multiple "Goodbye, I give up" threads?

Its hard to help here because we don't know all the details. Can you think back to one pickup that started well but didn't result in further meetings? Can you explain everything in lots of depth?

How did you meet her? How did you approach? What did you say? How did the conversation flow? Did you meet any of her friends? What was your interaction with them? How long were you talking or together for? Did you text each other afterwards? If so what did you say?

etc etc etc.

That you have gone out your way to write "I'm giving up" a few times makes me wonder if you have a negative attitude in general. You should be careful to never put yourself down and always come across as positive and optimistic as possible!

 

[ginger]

Hi Scion,

I definitely know how you're feeling and agree that a prostitute is not really a good option considering you really aren't all that old yet.

When I was a virgin, it wasn't mainly the being a virgin issue that bothered me, but the idea that women weren't interested in me or that I was somehow really bad with women (despite being someone I thought women would be really lucky to have) and the fear that this would always be the case and I would end up alone. If that's how you feel, I really don't think just having sex is going to help you, I think you should probably find a girl you really care about (probably don't meet her in a club but through some shared interest/activity) and try and pursue something with her (you might be rejected but let it be her rejecting you, don't reject yourself first, please). I think most guys don't just start off as a player, they want to try out the whole relationship thing first, or at least I did. Anyway, that's just one thought. I think like some of the posters here said, you are sending out desperate signals and perhaps if you didn't just go after any woman you thought could offer you sex (but instead went after someone you thought was special), you would fare better.

Also, everyone is starting at a different point. Like girls, some guys are 2s, others are 5s, others are 10s. In any case the 10s will always do best at the bar scene, with one-night-stands. I mean, come on, if you were a slutty girl, wouldn't you go for the hottest, most dominant alpha male around. These dominant attractive guys that are maybe 10% of guys probably get 40 or 50% of girls at clubs, if not more, so try and meet girls somewhere where you have a better chance, where girls are looking at more than just your muscles (though you should work on these too).

In summary: I think when you really want someone as opposed to just wanting sex with anyone, you will send off more positive signals to that woman. Try and stop obsessing about the virgin thing. I know you are a guy, but the first time is still pretty memorable, so try not to blow it on some fat fugly girl that you don't care about (but don't put it on too much of a pedestal either). After you have a few meaningful relationships, you will be more confident and can work on being more of a player. Hope this helps.

Good luck.

 

[Scion]

Hi Scion,

I definitely know how you're feeling and agree that a prostitute is not really a good option considering you really aren't all that old yet.

When I was a virgin, it wasn't mainly the being a virgin issue that bothered me, but the idea that women weren't interested in me or that I was somehow really bad with women (despite being someone I thought women would be really lucky to have) and the fear that this would always be the case and I would end up alone. If that's how you feel, I really don't think just having sex is going to help you, I think you should probably find a girl you really care about (probably don't meet her in a club but through some shared interest/activity) and try and pursue something with her (you might be rejected but let it be her rejecting you, don't reject yourself first, please). I think most guys don't just start off as a player, they want to try out the whole relationship thing first, or at least I did.

Honestly I've been hurt badly by women because they took advantage of me because I thought they were "special". So no, I'm not interested in going down that road again. I'd give anything to have the skills to be a player. Talk all you want about that just being a defense mechanism, your right. I never want to be hurt like I've been in the past. Probably the reason I'm not looking to "try" a relationship, not until I'm excellent with women.

You are right about what bothers me, it's not the virgin thing as much as being undesirable.

 

[Maxtro]

early-mid twenties. Said that above.

And no, I'm not getting a hooker. Look at guys like Maxtro. He has gotten hookers before, and did it help him? NO. So why would it help me?

I'd appreciate it if you did not use me as an example. Thanks.

Stop trying to hide your age. You're a 24 year old virgin, so what? The only people who'd think bad about you are asshats.

As for getting a hooker, your body will realize what sex is. For a brief period women become sex objects as you look for your next fix. You truly understand why you want girls. Trying to get laid again becomes a huge goal.

Unless one can get laid on a regular basis it's probably best to let the beast stay asleep.

Club makeouts don't mean much cause the girls are drunk and let go of all their inhibitions. They also expect guys to try and kiss them. She may also think less of herself for letting guys she doesn't know kiss her.

Trying to get dates with girls you cold/club approach is very difficult. As somebody else posted, even the PUA'a have a lot of trouble doing it.

When you do manage to get a date, the girl barely knows you. Seriously, if it's the second time you've met her, you're basically a stranger. She also has no reason to be invested in you unless you give off an amazing impression.

Are there any girls you interact with at least once a week?

 

[thegator39]

This is why I wouldn't go to a hooker. Banging some 10 would just give me a false impression and I'd want more of it. I'd rather earn a 6 or a 7.