why is it so hard now?

[treefingers]

When I hear really old couples talk about how they started dating and when I read books from way back when it becomes quite clear that things used to be different. The old guys here likely have lived long enough to notice the change. The fact is way back dating was easier. There weren't all these mind games and you didn't need special techniques to get a girl. These days it's different. So why do you think it is that getting a girl back then was so easy and simple and getting a girl today is so hard and complicated?

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

Women have more freedoms now and they are not considered sluts when they aren't married by 22 or when they fk a half dozen men before they settle down with some rich nerd who will adore them, but only to cheat on him with some other guy.

Get a mail ordered bride and keep her locked the house without a tv and influence from the outside world.

 

[WestCoaster]

Women appreciated class, integrity, diginity, etc. Today many appreciate the opposite of those qualities as TV/advertising told them it was cool to date and marry "dangerous." (After a few months that wears off.)

My parents are older and have been married for more than 50 years. I asked my mom about meeting my dad and the reason she married him was because he was so nice, polite, and classy. That was about it.

Also, while my dad crossed the country twice for grad schools, my mom went with him. They were very poor at the time as my dad studied and my mom took low-paying jobs on campuses. They were happy as heck.

Today, the beyotch wants the dude with a full wallet out of the gate. There's no "poor time" for couples these days. Most older couples today had that poor period where they paid their dues and built the foundation of a strong marriage and family.

If you told some U.S. woman today about older people living on nearly nothing, being happy, and being in love because of the qualities of class, respect, dignity, and integrity, she'd get on her cell phone, drop some f-bombs to her friends on how stupid you are, get in her gas guzzling SUV, and drive away.

It was easier back then because men and women had more defined roles. It was actually admirable to be a housewife and raise kids.

I blame the majority of marital/dating/relationship problems on women ... and yes, I know I'm biased there.

 

[realsmoothie]

If you told some U.S. woman today about older people living on nearly nothing, being happy, and being in love because of the qualities of class, respect, dignity, and integrity, she'd get on her cell phone, drop some f-bombs to her friends on how stupid you are, get in her gas guzzling SUV, and drive away.

Geez, I don't know what kind of women YOU'RE meeting... that's pretty rough.

 

[treefingers]

Women appreciated class, integrity, diginity, etc. Today many appreciate the opposite of those qualities as TV/advertising told them it was cool to date and marry "dangerous." (After a few months that wears off.)

- So it's the media that turned women from liking respectable classy men to liking bad boys?



My parents are older and have been married for more than 50 years. I asked my mom about meeting my dad and the reason she married him was because he was so nice, polite, and classy. That was about it.

-EXACTLY!!! Same here. It's so amazing to actually hear a woman say she picked a man because he was a NICE GUY and polite and considerate. In fact I bet back then women actually disliked bad boys as they saw them as unclassy and unsophisticated. My my how times have changed....



Also, while my dad crossed the country twice for grad schools, my mom went with him. They were very poor at the time as my dad studied and my mom took low-paying jobs on campuses. They were happy as heck.

-yes I have heard similar stories of my parents working hard and going to night school on a low budget. Were they happy? They say it was one of the most happy times of their lives.



Today, the beyotch wants the dude with a full wallet out of the gate. There's no "poor time" for couples these days. Most older couples today had that poor period where they paid their dues and built the foundation of a strong marriage and family.

- You know what I don't even think todays people could handle a poor period in the beginning. Too much me me me me. Everything is disposable including relationships.



If you told some U.S. woman today about older people living on nearly nothing, being happy, and being in love because of the qualities of class, respect, dignity, and integrity, she'd get on her cell phone, drop some f-bombs to her friends on how stupid you are, get in her gas guzzling SUV, and drive away.

- she would certainly laugh in your face that's for sure.




I blame the majority of marital/dating/relationship problems on women ... and yes, I know I'm biased there.

- And you blame the media for changing them into what they are today?

 

[Luveno]

Women appreciated class, integrity, diginity, etc. Today many appreciate the opposite of those qualities as TV/advertising told them it was cool to date and marry "dangerous." (After a few months that wears off.)

My parents are older and have been married for more than 50 years. I asked my mom about meeting my dad and the reason she married him was because he was so nice, polite, and classy. That was about it.

Also, while my dad crossed the country twice for grad schools, my mom went with him. They were very poor at the time as my dad studied and my mom took low-paying jobs on campuses. They were happy as heck.

Today, the beyotch wants the dude with a full wallet out of the gate. There's no "poor time" for couples these days. Most older couples today had that poor period where they paid their dues and built the foundation of a strong marriage and family.

If you told some U.S. woman today about older people living on nearly nothing, being happy, and being in love because of the qualities of class, respect, dignity, and integrity, she'd get on her cell phone, drop some f-bombs to her friends on how stupid you are, get in her gas guzzling SUV, and drive away.

It was easier back then because men and women had more defined roles. It was actually admirable to be a housewife and raise kids.

I blame the majority of marital/dating/relationship problems on women ... and yes, I know I'm biased there.

This rings true. I would love to go through monetary struggles with an excellent woman. Seriously. To have someone you know will be there with you through the worst times is the best feeling on earth. You can't get it anymore.

 

[TheLazy]

Women appreciated class, integrity, diginity, etc. Today many appreciate the opposite of those qualities as TV/advertising told them it was cool to date and marry "dangerous." (After a few months that wears off.)

My parents are older and have been married for more than 50 years. I asked my mom about meeting my dad and the reason she married him was because he was so nice, polite, and classy. That was about it.

Also, while my dad crossed the country twice for grad schools, my mom went with him. They were very poor at the time as my dad studied and my mom took low-paying jobs on campuses. They were happy as heck.

Today, the beyotch wants the dude with a full wallet out of the gate. There's no "poor time" for couples these days. Most older couples today had that poor period where they paid their dues and built the foundation of a strong marriage and family.

If you told some U.S. woman today about older people living on nearly nothing, being happy, and being in love because of the qualities of class, respect, dignity, and integrity, she'd get on her cell phone, drop some f-bombs to her friends on how stupid you are, get in her gas guzzling SUV, and drive away.

It was easier back then because men and women had more defined roles. It was actually admirable to be a housewife and raise kids.

I blame the majority of marital/dating/relationship problems on women ... and yes, I know I'm biased there.

this post almost brought out a tear from my eyes.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I don't think it's any harder now than it's ever been in the past - it's just the same song set to a different tune. Women have always married the nice guy/provider and fukked the bad boy (or wanted to fukk him anyway). Parents will say anything to steer their kids in the right direction with regards to their personal lives. I can't tell you how many times my good Christian mother has told me how sweet and virginic she was in high school and college and then setteled down with my 'good provider' father only to divorce 12 years later and move in with her first bad boy, disco king, lover in the 70's. She wanted what she'd never experienced. The same was true for my terminally AFC father.

Things weren't all that different back in the day, it just depends on how you go about them. I just celebrated my 10 year anniversary with my wife this month and she and I have had our fat times and our thin times and I have what most people would think of as an 'ideal' marriage. We both had our youth's indescretions in our 20's and married in our 30's. I know men who've been married for 30 years in abject misery, who's fault is it that they endure this? An unappreciative wife or a man who lacks the testicles to make choices for himself? Probably both, but as a man I know I'm the only one who's actions I can control. If things are 'harder' now, I think it's both gender's fault for failing to recognize and appreciate the differences that make us masculine and feminine. You can say this is the media's influence at work, but as long as we're buying what they're selling, nothings gonna change.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I blame equal rights. I suspect that big business interests in the US were behind the womens' rights movements. As women have entered the workforce, wages have steadily declined. Twice as many workers end up with half the pay. Women had a good deal in the 1940's and 50's in that all they had to do was marry a man who wanted to work. One income could support a family and save for retirement. A factory job or small farm was enough to live well. Those days are long gone.

 

[penkitten]

the way society, tv and movies and even music protrays america and what it stands for, makes america stand for less and less.
soap operas need to go, they dont add to anyones lives and they do certainly start drama for many people who are bored enough to watch them.
beer comericals protray that if you drink enough of their product, you will be loved and have big fun with pretty models.
buy this house with no money down infomercials make you think you can buy a home way out of your price range. wheres the starter house these days?
the "eat all you want and loose 129 lbs in 6 weeks " commercials need to go too, because its just not likely that a product can really do that. we need to stop filling our bellies with junk and fast food.
americans dont have to be a size one, but we also dont have to be a size 22 either.

if society continued to preach the "father knows best, leave it to ****** and happy days" way of living, instead of the shows we watch today, then people wouldnt behave the way they do now. it society didnt accept that its ok to leave your spouse for someone hotter, or get a credit card and pay it later, the divorce rates would be way down.

 

[Drum&Bass]

...and what about people like myself who are not influenced (as much) by media ? I like to think that after a certain age people will develop enough common sense and get bored with media or realize that it is rediculous to try and emulate what is on TV.

The media reflects what the population is like/wants/cares about, that tells me that the majority of the population don't have the ability to think for themselves and are easily pleased on a more primitive level, (shallowness, drama,inane things that are fun to watch but useless to benefit anyones life) you can change the media to be more intellectual and moral and it may make things a bit more pleasant, but its still the same shallow, vapid people who DON'T HAVE THE ABILITY TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES watching better TV.

the only way for anything to change for the better is for people to be more educated and open minded. I think that starts at home and at school. Also getting rid of the addiction to watch TV.

I also realize that THINGS will never change because America is about making money at any and all costs. I'm pretty sure marketing knows that there are consumers who can be influenced on how to spend their money by playing on peoples insecurities, thats why this country is superficial. if everyone became smarter and more aware of themselves as individuals the country's economy would suffer drastically, so people are intentionally kept dumbed down because these are the people that keep the economic structure moving.

 

[realsmoothie]

...and what about people like myself who are not influenced (as much) by media ? I like to think that after a certain age people will develop enough common sense and get bored with media or realize that it is rediculous to try and emulate what is on TV.

The media reflects what the population is like/wants/cares about, that tells me that the majority of the population don't have the ability to think for themselves and are easily pleased on a more primitive level, (shallowness, drama,inane things that are fun to watch but useless to benefit anyones life) you can change the media to be more intellectual and moral and it may make things a bit more pleasant, but its still the same shallow, vapid people who DON'T HAVE THE ABILITY TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES watching better TV.

the only way for anything to change for the better is for people to be more educated and open minded. I think that starts at home and at school. Also getting rid of the addiction to watch TV.

I also realize that THINGS will never change because America is about making money at any and all costs. I'm pretty sure marketing knows that there are consumers who can be influenced on how to spend their money by playing on peoples insecurities, thats why this country is superficial. if everyone became smarter and more aware of themselves as individuals the country's economy would suffer drastically, so people are intentionally kept dumbed down because these are the people that keep the economic structure moving.

Shh... they're listening!

BTW, in my opinion (speaking as an outsider) the United States has three big problems.

1) It's too big to function properly. The government has too much to do and the corporations are FAR too large and powerful. Contrast this to other industrialized countries which are easier to keep flowing properly, like most in Europe, and Canada, which is large in geographic size but has 1/10th the population of the USA.

2) You guys have this holdover problem with both authority and intelligence that stems from the Revolutionary War. You got your identity by seperating from Britain and are (justly) proud of it... but as such have taken being anti-intellectual as a virtue. How many other countries in the world celebrate being stupid as much as the USA? I mean, your president is the dumbest elected official I've ever seen.

The result of these two things? An education system that quite simply stinks and an obsession with individualism. That's why the average American is so succeptible to advertising... not only do they not have the training to combat its deception but they are so focused on themselves that advertising can appeal so well to his or her narcissism.

I feel bad for you guys down there. You are blessed with incredible diversity in both geography and culture, and yet you seem obsessed with wiping out all difference and settling down in your little McHouse in some crappy pink suburb hiding away from all other human beings.

As a Canadian, it's interesting to see how alike we are and yet at the same time so different. And really, the biggest differences between us are the size of our population and the way in which our countries came into being. You are bigger, and while we (technically) are still part of the English dominion, you guys fought them off hundreds of years ago.

 

[Phyzzle]

Biggest difference? It's not what women are attracted to now. It's what women can get away with now.

In the good ol' days, we stuck a woman with the father of her first child, for life. Nowadays, woman are expected to have a few children with that sexy abusive drama king before settling down with a caring husband to be a daddy for her kids.
~Phyzzle

 

[treefingers]

Shh... they're listening!

BTW, in my opinion (speaking as an outsider) the United States has three big problems.

1) It's too big to function properly. The government has too much to do and the corporations are FAR too large and powerful. Contrast this to other industrialized countries which are easier to keep flowing properly, like most in Europe, and Canada, which is large in geographic size but has 1/10th the population of the USA.

2) You guys have this holdover problem with both authority and intelligence that stems from the Revolutionary War. You got your identity by seperating from Britain and are (justly) proud of it... but as such have taken being anti-intellectual as a virtue. How many other countries in the world celebrate being stupid as much as the USA? I mean, your president is the dumbest elected official I've ever seen.

The result of these two things? An education system that quite simply stinks and an obsession with individualism. That's why the average American is so succeptible to advertising... not only do they not have the training to combat its deception but they are so focused on themselves that advertising can appeal so well to his or her narcissism.

I feel bad for you guys down there. You are blessed with incredible diversity in both geography and culture, and yet you seem obsessed with wiping out all difference and settling down in your little McHouse in some crappy pink suburb hiding away from all other human beings.

As a Canadian, it's interesting to see how alike we are and yet at the same time so different. And really, the biggest differences between us are the size of our population and the way in which our countries came into being. You are bigger, and while we (technically) are still part of the English dominion, you guys fought them off hundreds of years ago.

If this is true then why is it that so many canadians copy our pop culture? If you guys are so much smarter than us then why copy the stupid americans? Look how quickly you guys picked up US rap/hip hop culture. I'm not trying to be mean to you but canadians seem to like to make fun of americans then turn around and listen to american music, watch american movies, and absorb american pop culture. Everyone these days says they hate america and americans YET they all still seem to pay attention to the lastest news on brad and angelina and they all still pay attention to the lastest news on paris hilton and on 50 cent.

You are correct to a degree about americans being anti-intellectual. In fact many of the innovations you see coming out of the US are being push forward by immigrants from china and india. Much of the faculty in colleges here are foreign born. We do want badly to be individuals and we also have an anti-government/authority thing going also to a degree.

Canada seems to suffer similar problems of declining cultural integrity. Divorce rates are high, birth rates are low, etc. I am afraid canada has a similar disease.

 

[treefingers]

What I have been able to gather from talking with older people is that in the 1950s and prior to that, women did not like bad boys. They saw them as unclassy and undignified and many even thought of them as scumbags. But who knows. Maybe women really did like bad boys even back then.


Do you guys think that women are more masculine than they used to be(say before the 1960s)? I have heard many an old man say that women used to be more feminine and submissive when they were younger. If this is true what do you think caused it?

 

[PowertripII]

(random thought process to follow):

We're all still looking for the best deal- the thing is that we're no longer bound by neighborhoods and small networks of friends. Everyone is connected to a much bigger circle and therefore you'll just have to accept a higher attrition rate.

In any given day I'm interacting with people across the country, face to face with the locals (who are all from various backgrounds) and speaking directly to our other office that is located in the Phillipines. I drive 25 miles each way to work and pass through areas with bums camping out on the street to neighborhoods with 40M homes (and back again). My wingman is from Holland and most of my other friends speak 3-4 different languages.

So what's my point? When I'm looking for potential girlfriends they don't have to live by me; because of my central work location I can be very flexible (my last girlfriend lived 40 miles from my home) so this all gives me a VERY large pool to draw from. I've never even dated anyone who lived in my city.

The downside is that it works both ways and games will be played simply because we are afforded the chance to do so. Does the media drive this? I'm not so sure because I haven't seen anything concrete to provide me with proof (and yes, I have watched every episode of Sex in the City); I see a lot of strong female characters who are driven by family and the need to be in a relationship. That can't really be a bad thing.

 

[MightyMate]

You need a techniques only if You think You need em.
I got hoes by techniques, but all my gfs were took naturally.

 

[Bad_Lil'Pixie]

the way society, tv and movies and even music protrays america and what it stands for, makes america stand for less and less.
soap operas need to go, they dont add to anyones lives and they do certainly start drama for many people who are bored enough to watch them.
beer comericals protray that if you drink enough of their product, you will be loved and have big fun with pretty models.
buy this house with no money down infomercials make you think you can buy a home way out of your price range. wheres the starter house these days?
the "eat all you want and loose 129 lbs in 6 weeks " commercials need to go too, because its just not likely that a product can really do that. we need to stop filling our bellies with junk and fast food.
americans dont have to be a size one, but we also dont have to be a size 22 either.

if society continued to preach the "father knows best, leave it to ****** and happy days" way of living, instead of the shows we watch today, then people wouldnt behave the way they do now. it society didnt accept that its ok to leave your spouse for someone hotter, or get a credit card and pay it later, the divorce rates would be way down.

I second this!!! Awesome points, Penkitten, add to it the range of toys retailers are offering up for children and I think that sums it up nicely!

 

[STR8UP]

Man, if there were no such thing as the big, bad, EVIL media, what else would you have to blame the world's problems on?????? (Oh yea, there are always the corporations that are behind the evil media!)

I don't know how many times I am going to explain this before I just shut my mouth and let everyone wallow in their victim mentality, but here goes anyway.....THE MEDIA IS NOT TO BLAME FOR

ANYTHING!

Got it?

The world is changing, and the media reflects these changes. It doesn't influence people's behaviour, it REACTS to it. What part of this don't you understand?

The media isn't responsible for creating socially irresposible zombies any more than it is responsible for making people prefer big, huge sunglasses that cover your entire face over very small ones.

Wake up people. All you are doing is looking for a scapegoat to point a finger at. If you really want to blame someone or something, you should be taking a closer look at the advent of birth control, the invention of new communication technology, and numerous other REAL causes for the way men and women are the way they are.

 

[Bad_Lil'Pixie]

THE MEDIA IS NOT TO BLAME FOR

ANYTHING!

.

I agree, it is our mis-use of it that is to blame.

But truthfully, unless you live in a cave and grow your own food you can be affected.

Billboards, magizines, commercials, come on, you are not so young that you do not remember the "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan....."

Oh, and then there's Malibu Barbie and Brats running in a close second.

We live is an age where many times 2 incomes are needed to make a family work. Woman are no long the domestic engineers we used to be, we do those tasks AND work full time. We are expected to dress, act and be as responsible as any male professionals. These expectations force us to "buy into" these hollow marketing promises. Sure, I could rebel, I will no longer paint on the make up, keep the hair shaped and colored, tone the bod and dress for success, I will go free, braless and barefoot and then, where would I be? Unemployeed and probably divorced! LOL

Please DO NOT THINK I am saying women have it harder, that isn't so. Men's culture is changing rapidly too. Loyalty and responsibilty used to be respectable traits in the work place, now, it is who can do the job for the cheapest rate. Men with 30 year employment history's are being layed off and replaced with some Jr that will do the job cheaper. It is becoming a tougher world for all.

Maybe it is fear that makes women more of a challenge, I feared commitment, I knew the kind of wife I wanted to be and didn't know if I could live up to my own expectations. Maybe it is security, maybe a woman doubts she can be a stong enough provider for anyone other then herself.

Media sets the pace many times. Like when a man who is balding views certain sources of media and sees the attraction of more hair. He may decide to use the media is a positive manner to research and explore options for him to add more hair and meet his personal expectations. *wink*

This is a mild example of what could snowball into a harmful influence of the same media.

Not many people have the discipline or self control to constantly disregard this rather HUGE influence.

You are right tho, we should.