Why I recommend the Lone Wolf Path over Social Circle Path

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

1) High Maintenance- These groups require a lot of FREE time commitment to maintain. Your weekends and some weeknights will be tied to social activities. Don't get me wrong, I love a good Sunday Brunch/Football game hangout once in a while, but those are huge time commitments. If you want to be an exceptional above average human being, then you cannot be spending most of your free time doing these things every week of your life. How are you going to get abs when you are being bugged to go to Taco & Marg night 3 times a week? How are you going to focus on improving your career/business when your weekends are reserved for football lol. Personally, I wasn't able to get to 12% BF until I moved away from my social circle lol. Yes, there are people with good jobs and good physiques in these social circles, but they age like shvt and they have unsustainable dieting/living habits. God forbid you have a GF, now your free time is even more stretched out lol.

2) Not everyone benefits- People assume that getting in a social circle means instant easy pvssy which isn't the case at all. I know plenty of guys in social circles that aren't getting laid and would be considered incels if they didn't have friends. If the girls do not find you attractive physically & mentally, then they aren't going to refer you unless the girl points you out upfront. What if they give me access to large parties and such? We will touch on that on point 5.

3) Lost opportunity costs- I know people that passed down good opportunities or ruined them because they couldn't leave their social circle. It is hard to blame them because people invest years of their lives to these social circles and really lack the social skills to interact with complete strangers. For a person like me, I will have zero issues taking a better opportunity in Miami, Austin, etc. Even travelling lol, most of my international vacations have been solo travelling. You cannot just go to the store and shop for a social circle, they take work and time to find and grow.

4) Bad Leads and the Trap- OLD and clubs have terrible quality women, but you know what to expect upfront. Imagine if your friends hype up a lead to you and you find her moderately attractive, so you are like okay. Y'all meet at a party and click it off and maybe even hook up that night. Later, you find out this girl might be a single mom, cheating on her military spouse that is currently overseas, or other skeletons in the closet you will eventually find out. If you dump this girl then and there then you risk upsetting your social circle because "SHE WAS A SWEET GIRL", so now you have to deal with her for the time and being. Sometimes you are so desperate for pvssy that you just accept the bad lead and deal with it lol. The reality is that most of the leads you will get are going to be low quality rehashed women that your friends think you can save.

5). Most Social Circles Suck- We like to romanticize social circles as these cohesive friends groups like we see on How You Met Your Mother and Friends where everyone is hot, socially confident, and ambitious. However, most social circles are the complete opposite. Most social circles are full of T.G.I.F degenerates that just low key hate each other. As soon as one of them gets in a relationship, he or she tends to hide/slip away from the group lol. Furthermore, there is always re-occurring drama/gossip in the group with someone in the hot seat.

On the contrary, if you have specialized hobbies that you can make friends off of then I would 10/10 recommend participating because those groups are more beneficial.

Yes, you can mix both and just jump in and out of your social circle, but they will always burden you to some extent regardless.

 

[sangheilios]

Something that I've observed in the recent past is some men will sabotage others that are around them. I'm not sure if this is an intentional thing or not, but I feel it happens when you are around insecure men that you are actually better then. I'd also add that hanging around loser men can give you a very bad image. Before covid hit I had this (fake)friend group that I spent time with that looking back on makes me cringe. I mostly hung out with them because it got me out of the house but there was the aura of trying to one up each other. I feel that many men in social circles join them for reasons not at all related to actually liking those people, I honestly get the feeling it's just to be a part of a group, etc.

I've personally found that whenever I'm around other men I get this feeling that they always try to tear me down. It's not super obvious, but it's a lot of little subtle comments about something that you might not immediately pick up on until after thinking about it. Another thing I recall is them only reaching out when they want or need something and only doing things when it's most convenient for them. Late 2020/early 2021 I pretty much cut out every fake person in my life, either completely or I just kept them on an acquaintance level. Now I just do my own thing and I'm actually much happier now.

 

[Mike32ct]

I've mentioned this before, but it's worth repeating.

Beware of social circle people that aren't really YOUR friend. They might only be polite/friendly to you because you are a friend/relative/coworker of XYZ.

This can make you feel like you have all these friends, but you really don't.

YOUR friends are the people that will hang out with you one on one.

 

[Solomon]

I agree and disagree with OP, Social Circles have their Pros and Cons like anything but if you can find one that is not based on vapidness i.e. going to the club, partying etc. It can be fullfilling being around like-minded individuals like you

 

[SW15]

1) High Maintenance- These groups require a lot of FREE time commitment to maintain. Your weekends and some weeknights will be tied to social activities. Don't get me wrong, I love a good Sunday Brunch/Football game hangout once in a while, but those are huge time commitments. If you want to be an exceptional above average human being, then you cannot be spending most of your free time doing these things every week of your life. How are you going to get abs when you are being bugged to go to Taco & Marg night 3 times a week? How are you going to focus on improving your career/business when your weekends are reserved for football lol. Personally, I wasn't able to get to 12% BF until I moved away from my social circle lol. Yes, there are people with good jobs and good physiques in these social circles, but they age like shvt and they have unsustainable dieting/living habits. God forbid you have a GF, now your free time is even more stretched out lol.

I'd rather be 12% body fat than have a social circle. There's more long time sustainability in game with 12% body fat. Social circles have a way of getting pissed off at men who continually exchange girlfriends without marriage or babies, even if the relationships are semi-long (1-4 years). After 2 or so instances of medium term relationships, the social circle will run dry. Social circle is not likely ideal for serial monogamist who does have extended relationships but doesn't commit or the player type who tends to have relationships of less than 1 year. You can be the serial monogamist or the player with 12% body fat. Even a 12% body fat guy would deal with aggravation and resistance on approaches but it's still probably the better option in the long run.

2) Not everyone benefits- People assume that getting in a social circle means instant easy pvssy which isn't the case at all. I know plenty of guys in social circles that aren't getting laid and would be considered incels if they didn't have friends. If the girls do not find you attractive physically & mentally, then they aren't going to refer you unless the girl points you out upfront. What if they give me access to large parties and such? We will touch on that on point 5.

You have a contradiction in one of your sentences. The guys in social circles who aren't getting laid are incels.

I have friends but no social circle. As I mentioned, my friends have been useless to me in terms of the mating environment. I am on good terms with many of my friends' girlfriends or wives. Since moving to my current city over a decade ago, none of my male friends' girlfriends have done anything for me in terms of introductions. One of my closest friends moved to my current city with a girlfriend who he later married. This guy's girlfriend arrived in this city with over 1,000 Facebook friends (this was in the earliest days of Instagram). Despite her 1,000+ Facebook friends, 0 introductions for me. Horse poop. She also did a poor job making friends in this city. I can share some other examples from my friends' girlfriends/wives as well. No one has ever lifted a finger to make an effort to introduce me to anyone.

3) Lost opportunity costs- I know people that passed down good opportunities or ruined them because they couldn't leave their social circle. It is hard to blame them because people invest years of their lives to these social circles and really lack the social skills to interact with complete strangers. For a person like me, I will have zero issues taking a better opportunity in Miami, Austin, etc. Even travelling lol, most of my international vacations have been solo travelling. You cannot just go to the store and shop for a social circle, they take work and time to find and grow.

Relocations have a way of destroying social circles. The reason that I don't have a social circle is because of my multiple childhood and early adulthood relocations. I arrived in my current city at age 28. Because I arrived at 28, I could not get into one of the social circles with natives in my area with strong roots. Getting into a good social circle with people who can make a difference in a mating life is a lot like getting into a top fraternity at a university. Most transplanted adults to most areas won't get into those quality social circles or they will be on the fringes of them. Additionally, a lot of area natives who remain geographic fixed have a life path that involves going to a local high schools, then possibly going a university in that region, and then settling in the area where they spent their pre-age 18 years. These people tend to get married earlier in life, settle into the suburbs, and have children. Some of these people might be your co-workers but you won't be spending your leisure time with them if you are a transplanted adult to a region.

4) Bad Leads and the Trap- OLD and clubs have terrible quality women, but you know what to expect upfront. Imagine if your friends hype up a lead to you and you find her moderately attractive, so you are like okay. Y'all meet at a party and click it off and maybe even hook up that night. Later, you find out this girl might be a single mom, cheating on her military spouse that is currently overseas, or other skeletons in the closet you will eventually find out. If you dump this girl then and there then you risk upsetting your social circle because "SHE WAS A SWEET GIRL", so now you have to deal with her for the time and being. Sometimes you are so desperate for pvssy that you just accept the bad lead and deal with it lol. The reality is that most of the leads you will get are going to be low quality rehashed women that your friends think you can save.

This is a good point. A lot of men will settle within a circle because a flawed female from a girl might be an easier catch than a better fit woman obtained via approaching strangers in real life.

5). Most Social Circles Suck- We like to romanticize social circles as these cohesive friends groups like we see on How You Met Your Mother and Friends where everyone is hot, socially confident, and ambitious. However, most social circles are the complete opposite. Most social circles are full of T.G.I.F degenerates that just low key hate each other. As soon as one of them gets in a relationship, he or she tends to hide/slip away from the group lol. Furthermore, there is always re-occurring drama/gossip in the group with someone in the hot seat.

My friend group in my city basically sucks. Some of the men from this friend group moved to other cities. The ones that have remained in my current city (like me) have changed for the worse. They are all living life paths that are carbon copies of one another. They all have some variation of a suburban house, a dog, and a wife. Some have started to have children. This is why that even among my friends, I am a lone wolf. This is why I use the lone wolf avatar.

On the contrary, if you have specialized hobbies that you can make friends off of then I would 10/10 recommend participating because those groups are more beneficial.

Yes, you can mix both and just jump in and out of your social circle, but they will always burden you to some extent regardless.

Point 1 did mention the burden of social circle activities. It's difficult to say no to a lot of them. I stopped going to Super Bowl parties in my friend group when they became a romantic relationship litmus test. Eventually the circle stopped having them. One of my friends is having a Halloween party this year and I'm conflicted about going. It feels like an obligation.

YOUR friends are the people that will hang out with you one on one.

Yes, you need to spend time with someone on a one-on-one basis for them to be considered a friend. I have friends. There are also people I see every so often who are friends with my friends but I never spend any time with them one-on-one. Those people are acquaintances, not friends.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I do recommend both, with a tendency to lean towards the lone wolf path. Especially in the beginning of building yourself as a man.

People can drain your energy, distract you, and drag you down. On the other hand, the right people will uplift you, challenge you, and encourage you. But those are rare.

For the most part, men should be walking the lone wolf path, which is why my company's slogan, or whatever is walk your own path. However, I also strongly believe in creating and maintaining tribes. My philosophy is that men are defined by other men. Tribes are the way of men, it always has been. However, it takes wisdom to choose, build, and maintain that tribe. This is why you must be a lone wolf, for the most part, you must seek and nourish that wisdom internally. And that search/journey is ongoing until the day you die.


Modern Man Advice

 

[BillyPilgrim]

For the most part, men should be walking the lone wolf path, which is why my company's slogan, or whatever is walk your own path.

Ok, but why does the dude look like Leon Trotsky? lol

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

Been there and done that, OP is 100% on point but I do understand the dangers of thinking in extremes too. The reality is that most men who have places to be in life are not going to brunches and sitting down for long coffee breaks, that's what women who are married to rich guys do. I actually think that the social circle hype through sitcoms and social media is what has made men of our generation weaker. Men see this, get depressed about their lonely life, and then think they need to have that circle around them in order to make it in life.

I know it is what fueled me when I was younger, that need to fit in. In reality, I look back and realize that I could have spent that time learning cold approach and I would have been with way hotter women, met way cooler women, and even met cooler acquaintances rather than just friends. Instead, I wasted at least three good years of my life being tied down to social groups in NYC and that led to a lot of drunk brunches, a lot of wasted time, and a lot of lost development.

IMO, men should do what you said OP. Find a masculine or cool hobby, find acquaintances through that, and make friends through it without the need for meeting women or anything. That pays off far more than getting into a social circle to meet women.

 

[Barrister]

I do recommend both, with a tendency to lean towards the lone wolf path. Especially in the beginning of building yourself as a man.

People can drain your energy, distract you, and drag you down. On the other hand, the right people will uplift you, challenge you, and encourage you. But those are rare.

For the most part, men should be walking the lone wolf path, which is why my company's slogan, or whatever is walk your own path. However, I also strongly believe in creating and maintaining tribes. My philosophy is that men are defined by other men. Tribes are the way of men, it always has been. However, it takes wisdom to choose, build, and maintain that tribe. This is why you must be a lone wolf, for the most part, you must seek and nourish that wisdom internally. And that search/journey is ongoing until the day you die.


Modern Man Advice

Agree 100%.

In other words, as a man, have a goal for yourself. For most, that is going to involve your career/professional life. Nothing, social circle, woman, etc., takes priority over that.

When that is sufficiently mapped out and you have given the time needed to it, you are free to spend your energy how you see fit. Everything is a time commitment, and it is a matter of opinion of what is worth spending time on and what isn't. It sounds trite, but what makes you happy is the key. I have gone through different phases in my life of dating a multitude of women in my free time, having an LTR, or spending a lot of times with friends (and greater social circle). Interestingly enough, the older I have gotten the less "lone wolf" I have been -- although I definitely was a lone wolf type in my early to mid-twenties. I suspect that what a man places value on for spending his free time will change throughout his life depending on where he is at.

 

[BoostedArrow]

No one has ever lifted a finger to make an effort to introduce me to anyone.

Damn I feel that. I'm very sad that this is the case as well with me, but what can ya do.

 

[The Duke]

The last social circle I was a part of was pretty much like what has been mentioned. It was a fun group, but most of them were all using each other. They didn't have true friendships although they hung out all the time. The guys looked at my buddy and I as a threat for taking their women. We were more outgoing, and better with women than they were and the girls liked us. Every now and then we convinced these girls to come party outside their circle with us. I tried to date 2 of the girls, Never got too far.

The girls in the social circle loved the attention all their beta males gave them. They couldn't get this much free attention anywhere else, and didn't like to frequent outside of their circle as a result, nor would they be top level girls looks wise in a different setting. These girls were careful to date guys outside their circle, and always tried to keep it on the down low. The free attention they got inside their social circle was super important, and they didn't want to give up their free beta male attention from inside the circle.

Over a 6 year period, 2 of the guys committed suicide, one is a full fledged alcoholic and takes pills. Most all of them became heavy drinkers. It didn't help that the bars were right next to their apartment building.

 

[SW15]

I actually think that the social circle hype through sitcoms and social media is what has made men of our generation weaker.

The sitcom "Friends" was a social circle hype sitcom for the latter half of Gen X and early Millennials. "How I Met Your Mother" (I never watched) hyped social circles for a larger swath of Millennials. While I didn't watch that show, I am aware that the character of Ted Mosby was a massive beta male.

Men see this, get depressed about their lonely life, and then think they need to have that circle around them in order to make it in life.

Accurate

IMO, men should do what you said OP. Find a masculine or cool hobby, find acquaintances through that, and make friends through it without the need for meeting women or anything. That pays off far more than getting into a social circle to meet women.

Too many hobbies have too many males in them. It's a challenge to find a hobby that will be good for meeting women. Many of my interests have too many males in them. When I ride my bicycle, I notice that male cyclists on the paths outnumber female cyclists at least 8 to 1. Tennis, despite being supposedly female friendly, is a sausage fest, especially amongst the good players. At either public or private courts, it is rare to see 2 females playing a singles match. Some divorcees and wives of rich men who are 40+ are known to take drills/lessons together and play doubles at private clubs.

 

[logicallefty]

As I get older, I have less and less time and desire to hang out with groups of friends. Friends are my lowest priority after many other areas of life. I just kicked most of a group of friends I had to the curb. None of them were close really. Had only known them since 2020. One guy in the group had the hots for my wife. I knew he did and I didn't care. But when I mentioned that i knew about it the whole group tried to deny it, cover for him, gaslight me, and play me for stupid. Until I got my hands on some text messages confirming it was true, and showed them: See Exhibit A. I said "Look I'm not upset that he liked her, I'm upset that ya all lied to me about it and tried to gaslight me and play me for dumb when I brought it up. I knew he liked her just in how he interacted with her.".. These groups... The lieing. The drama.. The gaslighting. I have no patients for this crap anymore. My real friends are the ones i have known for 20+ years, and I like to hang out with them on an individual basis. Social circle groups are a joke. If I want to hang out with a big group of people I will go into some random redneck bar and start talking to anyone and everyone. To me, that's the best time. When you don't really know each other but you shoot the sh|t and have a blast.

 

[Fruitbat]

I would like to believe some social circles are better than the ones I’ve been in.

I’ve found that the alpha/beta Dynamic is strong for most of these groups. There is usually some asshat guy who treats the group like his personal fan base and a gaggle of losers who amazingly are happy to fawn. When I’ve come amongst these set ups, I just have tended to walk away. I have zero tolerance to associate with an egotistical w@nker, nor do I have an interest in wanting to be constantly combative with said w@nker to compete and become the w@nker. So I dip out.

I have limited time for people in general. Most people IMO are sly, self interested fvcks. I have about 3 actual friends (and one of them is dead!)

Stick a woman in the mix and men show their true colours. One “friend” I had was everyone’s mate until a woman was around. He’d immediately change and start putting everyone down to the point where I would just call him out and walk on. My wife told me he’d been eying her up. Cut the dude out of my life but he still has hangers on.

In summary, friends are rarely friends. Most people aren’t worthy of friendship.

 

[corrector]

When I ride my bicycle, I notice that male cyclists on the paths outnumber female cyclists at least 8 to 1.

I have not noticed this in Toronto trails. There are mainly couples of all types on the trails with some single people here and there, including women too. It just feels awkward to approach someone on a bike while they are walking, have headphones on or are on their smartphones.

Also, in Toronto, there is a wide swatch of women that you may not want to approach (ie Muslim women completely dressed up with hijabs, women who look like they are single mothers, or might be smoking, etc....). In Toronto, I can never complain that there is a bad ratio of women on trails as it's like 50/50.

 

[Scars]

I can play both sides equally well, although I am more internally happy when I run solo. Social circles bring more opportunity, but at the cost of having your time wasted, fake friends, and low quality women. For men who are truly focused on building their business and/or physique, would rather focus on quality women rather than quantity, and just want to generally get ahead in life, lone wolf is the way to go. Less distractions, less bull****. Any drama that enters your life will be a direct result of something you did, or what you allow into your life. I deleted my social media about a month ago, and my productivity and happiness is higher than it's been in a very long time.

 

[SW15]

I would like to believe some social circles are better than the ones I’ve been in.

I'd like to believe that as well. Mine haven't been good for a variety of reasons. I have some legitimate friends from them but worthless in terms of finding dates.

 

[BoostedArrow]

I would like to believe some social circles are better than the ones I’ve been in.

I’ve found that the alpha/beta Dynamic is strong for most of these groups. There is usually some asshat guy who treats the group like his personal fan base and a gaggle of losers who amazingly are happy to fawn. When I’ve come amongst these set ups, I just have tended to walk away. I have zero tolerance to associate with an egotistical w@nker, nor do I have an interest in wanting to be constantly combative with said w@nker to compete and become the w@nker. So I dip out.

In summary, friends are rarely friends. Most people aren’t worthy of friendship.

I experience the exact same thing and it's quite annoying.

May I ask what your age (and perhaps demographic) is?


Also do any of you guys think going out to bars alone to game is hard? I'm 21 and I wanna get into it, bc. my "friends" suck.

 

[SW15]

Also do any of you guys think going out to bars alone to game is hard? I'm 21 and I wanna get into it, bc. my "friends" suck.

I have gone to bars alone to do approaches. It isn't as bad as people make it out to be. Additionally, there have been times where I had lousy wings and would have just as good going out alone.

You're 21, so you're better positioned to make new friends as compared to a lot of older adults. I'm 39. At 39, if I make new friends, it's likely not with a 25 year old. When you're 30+, more of your friends are 30+ people in couples. They suck. A lot of the guys in married couples tend to forget about their unattched or marginally attached friends. Non-marital couple guys are a little bit better about this.

 

[Mike32ct]

I have gone to bars alone to do approaches. It isn't as bad as people make it out to be. Additionally, there have been times where I had lousy wings and would have just as good going out alone.

You're 21, so you're better positioned to make new friends as compared to a lot of older adults. I'm 39. At 39, if I make new friends, it's likely not with a 25 year old. When you're 30+, more of your friends are 30+ people in couples. They suck. A lot of the guys in married couples tend to forget about their unattched or marginally attached friends. Non-marital couple guys are a little bit better about this.

I did frequent lone wolf approaches in bars back in the day. The advantage was lone wolf women were likely on the prowl too. Today, a lone wolf chick might be waiting for her dating app date to show up. So even if she’s not with a dude, she might have one lined up already.