Why girls say yes to a date when they have no intention of meeting up?

[Heraclius]

Gentlemen, help me to understand what the crazy hamster is up in this case.

Last week I set up a drink date with a HB 8 19 y/o that I number-closed off Tinder about a month ago. I've been busy with school so hadn't had time to meet up before now. From her text replies she was pretty enthusiastic about meeting up.

But then the evening of, I sent a confirmation text a few hours before the meetup asking if she wanted a ride. She never replied. I was obviously pissed at her flakiness and so I "soft" nexted her. Didnt contact again for 6 days and messed around with other plates.

Two days ago I sent a "restart text" and after a brief exchange she agreed again to meet up after she was done work last night. Once again, an hour before the scheduled time I sent a confirmation text and she had some lame excuse about having to stay later at work and wasn't feeling like meeting up. Okay, whatever, **** her. Firm nexted and wont contact again.

But why the heck would this broad say yes to meeting up, twice, if she clearly had no intention of following through. Why wouldnt she just make an excuse or not even bother replying. How can I avoid this kind of frustrating move in the future?

I hope there is a special circle of hell reserved for flakes :nono:

 

[El Payaso]

An interested girl won't flake. Period.

If she doesn't give you a solid counter on the first flake them you erase and replace as nismo would say. Not next. ERASE AND REPLACE.

Don't waste your time trying to figure out why a woman flaked. The only thing you should know is not enough interest. Simple.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Last minute re-confirming is weak and sends the message that you are not a high value man, and certainly not alpha. It tells a woman, that other women flake on you and that you are preparing yourself, for her to flake as well.

Even if she wasn't thinking of canceling before, last minute reconfirming, inspires doubt, disinterest, takes away attraction and before you know it, she too cancels or flakes.

No woman wants to be with a man, that other women don't want.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Another thing I'd like to add, if you've showed up to a date and she's not there by 10-15 minutes without any notice, just leave and don't ever contact her.

As David X once said to a student: "SHE FVCKED YOU! Why on earth would you call her and ask 'why did you fvck me?'"

 

[K_architect]

Yeah had this happen a couple of times to me as well on tinder.
This one time i had a girl asking me out for a date. However once i said yes she started to change the time. So anyway after alot of back and forth we set a time but she wouldn't respond to confirm were we should meet at this point im assuming its a flake so make other plans.

So finally the day comes, around 2 hours before the date i get the most lame ass flake text ever. Yeah cant make it this evening there's this girl at a party and a really need to ask her some questions for my thesis.

I guess its all part of the tindergame, just go date one of the other 100's of girls on it.

Regarding the confirmation texts: i never do it and it leaves them on edge whether or not you will show-up. Actually four separate girls commented on this that they weren't sure if i was going to be there. (cause i dont have time to be on whatsapp all day) its always good to leave women wondering.

 

[Greasy Pig]

The truth is girls would rather agree and flake rather than risk hurting your feelings with a straight rejection.

 

[pyros]

This is kind of ridiculous.

So you meet a girl on Tinder, fb, or wherever online. You exchange a few messages, and agree to a date. Then you probably go ghost for a day or two until the day of the date comes (you do this cause you've read that a DJ just uses texts to set dates...LMAO), you send a confirmation text and she flakes on you.
What's so weird about this?

You're a damn stranger she met online. You'v just exchanged a couple of texts, then you've gone ghost and you think she's gonna be willing to meet you? no way. Acting this way is gonna cause a 80% flake rate.

Solution? meet her online, exchange a few messages one day. Then on another day exchange a few more messages and see if she seems interested or not. Then, wait for her to message you. (this is optional). A couple of days later text her again and IF SHE STILL SEEMS INTERESTED ask her out, IF SHE AGREES, THEN CALL HER to give her the location, time etc. And also have some chit-chat. THIS WAY SHE HEARS YOUR VOICE, you hear hers and you get a stronger connection, and a personal connection.

Now you're not really a stranger cause: she knows how you look, she nows about yourself (work, age, sense of humour...), and she knows your damn voice.

This way you're online flake rate will drop. Isn't it logical?

jeez...

P.S.
this is recommended for online girls. If you meet a girl in real life, you dont really have to call her to set up a date cause she already met you, likes you etc. You can call her if you want though.

 

[LMFAO]

But why the heck would this broad say yes to meeting up, twice, if she clearly had no intention of following through. Why wouldnt she just make an excuse or not even bother replying. How can I avoid this kind of frustrating move in the future?

It happens quite a lot actually. She is most likely banging other guys and just using you as a plate "in case he leaves me". Girls on Tinder have many potential options, and easily 100 plus matches. From online dating, I've had one girl say she had a cold all week (the being ill excuse is always highly suspect), then the following week she couldn't do it either (no reason given). Deleted her number straight away.

The only way to avoid it frustrating you is to have several plates. One plate goes = no worry. Considering you met her online and you haven't met her yet I wouldn't even call her a plate, so you lost nothing.

 

[Mike32ct]

The truth is girls would rather agree and flake rather than risk hurting your feelings with a straight rejection.

^This

 

[skinnyguy]

Honestly I don't think she would have shown up even without you doing a last minute confirmation. She probably gets hit on 40-50 times a day and has way more options than you do. Maybe she found a better option and went with that without telling you.

 

[nismo-4]

Because:

1. They love feeling validated.
2. Attention.
3. Tinder and online allows them to have so many options and friends (beta orbiters).
4. Women love being chased.

Alas, when a woman flakes, you have failed. For online, I have a one strike policy. An interested girl wouldn't flake. She wouldn't flake out on Brad Pitt. Men wouldn't flake out on Katy Perry.

Last minute confirmations reek of insecurity to me.

 

[LMFAO]

Last minute confirmations reek of insecurity to me.

Agreed, sending a text an hour before to check if she's coming is desperate stuff.

I usually send a text by noon to 2pm on the same day for an evening date to say "see you at 8 outside xyz". No asking for confirmation just an assumption she is coming. It filters out the early flakes, and you can line up something else to do if that's the case.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Nineteen year old girls have the attention span of a house fly. Being raised by smart phones has only made it worse.

 

[TheGambino]

You shouldn't care my brother, approach again close and suggest a new date with a different girl. In the meantime go ghost on this one and she will reach out because of her hamster, then you can blow her off by ignoring her text

 

[Comatozed]

This seems like a good point to post the 'Hey, lets make it 8.30pm tonight, I'm running a little late'

after arranging date for 8pm. This acts as confirmation without being needy/insecure.

 

[Heraclius]

Thanks for all the replies guys. Appreciate it.

Its just really frustrating, id rather be straight up rejected than have my time wasted and be strung along by some vapid 19 y/o floozy. Ah well, c'est la vie.

EDIT:

I should also add that the 2nd time she flaked on the meeting, in the same text she said:

"Might go clubbing tomorrow night tho so we should meet up then!"

Is this likely to have been a legitimate attempt to make amends for flaking at the last minute on our date, or is this just an attempt to score a few free drinks and add another "beta orbiter" into her admirers circle at the club for attention whoring purposes? I was pissed at her so I just replied "lol nah" and deleted her number.

 

[Comatozed]

Looks to me like she was up for a ONS pump n dump.

I wouldn't go out my way to see her but if I was there anyway, I'd go and try escalate really fast and if she doesn't accept then go NC.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Thanks for all the replies guys. Appreciate it.

Its just really frustrating, id rather be straight up rejected than have my time wasted and be strung along by some vapid 19 y/o floozy. Ah well, c'est la vie.

EDIT:

I should also add that the 2nd time she flaked on the meeting, in the same text she said:

"Might go clubbing tomorrow night tho so we should meet up then!"

Is this likely to have been a legitimate attempt to make amends for flaking at the last minute on our date, or is this just an attempt to score a few free drinks and add another "beta orbiter" into her admirers circle at the club for attention whoring purposes? I was pissed at her so I just replied "lol nah" and deleted her number.

That right there in bold is an AFC-esque quality you should (and will eventually) shake off. In an ideal World, we all wish it were that black and white, like a Tinder swipe right or left, you like me or you don't, you want to meet up or not, you want to have sex or not, yay or nay, but even in that World (Tinder) for example, the plot still thickens. A crucial part of your journey will be first learning how to properly identify the "maybes", the "not sures", the girls giving you "mixed signals", and then what to do with them as these are the ones you really have to be on the look out for, these are the great time wasters and producers of migraines and ulcers (but only if you allow them to be so!). Keep your tolerance very low for this kind of girl. Understand that they're very much a part of the game, so learn to keep it light, don't take it personal, throw them to the back burner (as they may, in some rare cases, surprise you and suddenly turn interested) or toss them out entirely. A good rule of thumb to follow is any sort of "maybe" or flaking ought to be interpreted as low interest. Proceed accordingly.