Why get into an LTR?

[dmit39]

What are the rational benefits of being a part of one? At my age at least, you don't expect to get anything long term out of it (marriage), so you know that there is no ends. You have to spend money and time on someone, which admittedly is not a bad thing if you like the person, but then why not just be friends with them if you enjoy their company? The romantic part always complicates things anyway, causes jealousy and drama, and ultimately, heartbreak.

I find myself struggling with this whenever I come close with getting a gf. I see my future with this girl, and I am not all that excited. More dates, having to be exclusive... I just don't see what all the fuss is about. Anyone care to enlighten me?

 

[SpazzAttackk]

What are the rational benefits of being a part of one? At my age at least, you don't expect to get anything long term out of it (marriage), so you know that there is no ends. You have to spend money and time on someone, which admittedly is not a bad thing if you like the person, but then why not just be friends with them if you enjoy their company? The romantic part always complicates things anyway, causes jealousy and drama, and ultimately, heartbreak.

I find myself struggling with this whenever I come close with getting a gf. I see my future with this girl, and I am not all that excited. More dates, having to be exclusive... I just don't see what all the fuss is about. Anyone care to enlighten me?

What is the meaning of life? Some questions cant be answered

 

[CaliMan007]

I shift from wanting a relationship, to not wanting one and sticking to dating, to wanting a LTR, to dating..... and on and on.

The appeal of a LTR is really when I get so sick and tired of dating. Although dating can be a lot of fun, it can also be a lot of work and is filled with uncertainty. Sometimes I just want to come home to someone I already know and understand, instead of having to put in effort into reeling someone new in.

 

[PlayHer Man]

In 2013, the only benefit AS A MAN to being in a LTR is having a steady supply of sex and companionship daily. Having a "partner in crime" in other words.

However, the benefits of a LTR are often short lived in modern times unless things are IDEAL for both parties. In other worlds.. you need a near perfect "ying and yang" with her. Similar goals, minimal drama, lots of trust and strong sexual attraction on BOTH ends.

This ain't easy to find. Add the fast paced "thow away" culture of modern times and its even harder. Modern women have a new personality every 6 months and totally different values every few years.

That's why most DJ's on this site (including me) will say "spin plates" and don't worry about commitment. In modern times, finding that right "ying and yang" is like pulling teeth. To make things worse, once you find that "ideal match" insecurity sets in. You get oneitis and become a slave. P*ssy whipped and passive. Questions like: "What if I lose them?" or "What if they die?" or "What if I they meet someone better?" come along. Then you have horrible man-raping divorce laws to deal with if you marry her and things don't work out. :nervous:

As a man you often have more to lose from entering a LTR than to gain. Not ALWAYS.. but often. Men are disposable. This is the reality of 2013.

A lot of people want to follow traditions and do what their parents did. This is a big part of the appeal of LTR's for modern men (biologically, men are designed to f*ck and leave.. so this LTR stuff is LEARNED behavior put in place by society for the sake of the family unit).

Doing something in today's world just because it worked in yesterdays world isn't always smart. The media promotes the Disney movie love, love, love crap and other traditional crap that no longer works in today's world. While the modern man dreams of his princess wife, 3 kids and nice house.. young women are dreaming of c0ck-hoping and sucking the Boston Terrorist. Looking to marry a modern woman is like watching movies on VHS because your dad did. Well.. wake up.. its 2013.

I see a lot of people from my generation trying to live in a world that doesn't exist anymore. The world they saw as little kids and on TV growing up. That world is gone.

 

[Peacebewithyou]

^^^Right on

Many still respond rationally to a world they understand and recognize, but which 'never' existed.

 

[Marker]

...While the modern man dreams of his princess wife, 3 kids and nice house..

That sounds like an awfully boring life to aspire to have.

 

[zekko]

A lot of people want to follow traditions and do what their parents did. This is a big part of the appeal of LTR's for modern men (biologically, men are designed to f*ck and leave.. so this LTR stuff is LEARNED behavior put in place by society for the sake of the family unit).

As I've said numerous times before, pair bonding is just as natural as "fvck and leave". The man stays at least long enough to ensure the survival of his offspring. PUAs want you to think any sort of commitment is unnatural, but PUAs are great at seeing what they want to see to the exclusion of all else. What makes humans a successful species is their ability to adapt - their flexibility. Humans are fully and naturally capable of doing both pair bonding and "fvck and leave".

You are right that my parents had a good marriage, and raised a number of children successfully, including myself. While I do not have any children, I saw what they had, so I do have a tendency to enjoy and appreciate LTRs. But having a successful LTR IS more difficult today, and I would not recomend marriage to any man in the current culture.

On the other hand, I don't think we should necessarily just say "Oh well, the system is broken, let's just fvck, drink, and party while the world burns". If you want to do that, it's fine I guess, but I also know there are other options that are still possible. The PUA community is cynical, rightly so, but there is such a thing as being too negative.

You'll see a lot of long time ltr/married guys here give the most AFC advice, along w/ liberals.

Not sure if you're talking about me, but although I enjoy my 10 year LTR, I definitely do not consider myself AFC. First off, I keep the frame in my relationship. Also, I think it is a harder thing to keep a woman attracted to you long term, than it is to get a one night stand or "fvck and leave".

I know this from my youth. I could get sex fairly easily, but it was a bigger accomplishment to get her to commit to you, to actually be her best option. To be the branch she swings to instead of the branch she swings from. Once I had gone through my "development" and "improvement" stage and truly became a fully realized man, then it became a lot easier. Women no longer just wanted to hang out and fvck or just be a fvck buddy, they wanted to keep me. I think this was because I had become more of a man, not less of a man.

However: I do think that generally speaking, younger men should play the field (spin plates), gain experience, and see what is out there. I don't think there is anything wrong with having a regular girlfriend though, if someone comes along that fits your criteria. You can learn things from LTRs too.

 

[Boscus]

Yeah, there is none, LTR'S are for people who like drama, no sex, needy, clingy etc

I only do open relationships, meaning sex every time we meet, fun, non-neediness, happiness.

I also catergorise my women, for example:

FB, MLTR, OLTR

Mltr: It means having multiple long-term relationships with women, i.e a girl who I have been ****ing for quite a while, there's a chance we are in love, as some might say.

FB: fvckbuddy, fun times, only sex no emotions...meet once a week

Oltr: where you have one main girl, and the rest are just FB'S , most of the time, you are deeply in love with OLTR. However, monogamy doen't work, so you have an open ltr.

Life becomes a lot happier when you develop a different way of looking at things.

 

[PlayHer Man]

As I've said numerous times before, pair bonding is just as natural as "fvck and leave". The man stays at least long enough to ensure the survival of his offspring. PUAs want you to think any sort of commitment is unnatural, but PUAs are great at seeing what they want to see to the exclusion of all else. What makes humans a successful species is their ability to adapt - their flexibility. Humans are fully and naturally capable of doing both pair bonding and "fvck and leave".

You are right that my parents had a good marriage, and raised a number of children successfully, including myself. While I do not have any children, I saw what they had, so I do have a tendency to enjoy and appreciate LTRs. But having a successful LTR IS more difficult today, and I would not recomend marriage to any man in the current culture.

On the other hand, I don't think we should necessarily just say "Oh well, the system is broken, let's just fvck, drink, and party while the world burns". If you want to do that, it's fine I guess, but I also know there are other options that are still possible. The PUA community is cynical, rightly so, but there is such a thing as being too negative.

Sure you can be too negative. However, nothing I said is negative. Just reality. If you touch a hot fire, you will get burned. This is reality, not negative.

Not sure if you're talking about me, but although I enjoy my 10 year LTR, I definitely do not consider myself AFC. First off, I keep the frame in my relationship. Also, I think it is a harder thing to keep a woman attracted to you long term, than it is to get a one night stand or "fvck and leave".

I know this from my youth. I could get sex fairly easily, but it was a bigger accomplishment to get her to commit to you, to actually be her best option. To be the branch she swings to instead of the branch she swings from. Once I had gone through my "development" and "improvement" stage and truly became a fully realized man, then it became a lot easier. Women no longer just wanted to hang out and fvck or just be a fvck buddy, they wanted to keep me. I think this was because I had become more of a man, not less of a man.

However: I do think that generally speaking, younger men should play the field (spin plates), gain experience, and see what is out there. I don't think there is anything wrong with having a regular girlfriend though, if someone comes along that fits your criteria. You can learn things from LTRs too.

Even in this post there is some AFC ideas peppered in here and their. The stuff in red stands out the most to me:

This whole idea that getting a woman to commit is an "accomplishment" is your basic Disney movie horse sh!t:

- Women as prizes
- Women as accomplishments
- Female approval as a reward
- Having to qualify
- Beta treatment as "winning the game"

These are all AFC ideas. The last one is key because its the main point of your post. You believe the "f*ck and leave" guy gets a worse deal than the beta faggot who gets married to her after she has been on the c0ck carosel for years. :crackup: :crackup:

The LTR guy and the married guy are NOT the winners of the game. They are the ones drinking expired milk at a marked up price (unless they marry a virgin in her early 20's). But these men are happy because the milk "belongs to them" rather than being fresh milk in the office refrigerator that ANYONE can drink. :yes:

 

[The Duke]

Why an LTR?

I finally settled down with an LTR because I grew tired of random women that came and went in my life. I dated a few models, $trippers, girls with fake boobs, fake hair, poor girls, rich girls, cougars, single moms, career women, etc. I definitely had a ton of fun and have some great stories while I was out in the "wild". I also pushed myself to get better with women. Once I finally became good at seducing women and achieved my goals, it wasn't satisfying anymore. The thrill of the hunt began to fade. The challenge just wasnt there anymore. With every new girl I came across, it was basically wash-rinse-repeat. I also was going out 3nights/week. Chasing girls was my passion. There were a lot of late nights and booze. Everything else in my life was secondary such as hobbies/work/family/working out. I knew it wasn't healthy to sustain this lifestyle forever.

I'm not really a "surface" person either and dating random women is a very "surface" sort of activity. I like the depth an LTR brings which is much more satisfying long term.

There are pro's and con's to both lifestyles. Neither is perfect. It all comes down to what you are looking for and where you are at in life. The main thing is to make sure you are enjoying whatever lifestyle you are in.

I finally found a girl that is hot, makes good money, smart, has good genetics, works out, has a hot momma, very sweet, little old school, loyal, not an
attention wh0re, doesn't want kids, has similar beliefs/values/morals and thinks I'm the greatest guy on the planet. She throws me a little drama every now and then but she realizes it and tries to do better, after all she is still a woman.

While being with all sorts of random girls I realized that finding one that has everything you are looking for is a very rare thing to run across. Eventually I just reached a point where I had met all my goals, got the notches on my head board, and found a girl that ranks high in all the areas that are important to me.

 

[49au]

OP,

Once you are in an LTR with a hot woman who adds value to your life, you will understand.

zekko said something very cogent as well:

I know this from my youth. I could get sex fairly easily, but it was a bigger accomplishment to get her to commit to you, to actually be her best option. To be the branch she swings to instead of the branch she swings from. Once I had gone through my "development" and "improvement" stage and truly became a fully realized man, then it became a lot easier. Women no longer just wanted to hang out and fvck or just be a fvck buddy, they wanted to keep me. I think this was because I had become more of a man, not less of a man.

LTRs and/or marriage can (but don't always) serve as a means to an end, useful tools to further your life goals - which, should definitely be greater than "fuk and leave as many women as possible."

What you want, and need, will vary as you get older, have more experiences, date hotter women, etc.



Howiestern,

The challenge just wasnt there anymore. With every new girl I came across, it was basically wash-rinse-repeat. I also was going out 3nights/week. Chasing girls was my passion. There were a lot of late nights and booze. Everything else in my life was secondary such as hobbies/work/family/working out. I knew it wasn't healthy to sustain this lifestyle forever.

Well said.

All the dumb hors I've run through over the last few years, have prepared me to appreciate a good one when I come across her.

There are far greater challenges in life than women.

 

[plate's_empty]

Also, I think it is a harder thing to keep a woman attracted to you long term, than it is to get a one night stand or "fvck and leave".

This is me.

One night stands have always come naturally to me. In the moment is when I'm my best. Same with LTRs, once we're comfortable with each other, I'm the one who has to break it off.

It's the in-between that gets me. That's why I'm on here. It's my Achilles heal, where my deep inner AFC comes out. I don't do the novice BS, but a lack of patience and discipline is usually my downfall.

EDIT: On below,

Tried to +1 but have to wait a bit.

^^^Yeah, same here.

All the dumb hors I've run through over the last few years, have prepared me to appreciate a good one when I come across her..

^^^exactly

 

[GotED?]

Why an LTR?

I finally settled down with an LTR because I grew tired of random women that came and went in my life. I dated a few models, $trippers, girls with fake boobs, fake hair, poor girls, rich girls, cougars, single moms, career women, etc. I definitely had a ton of fun and have some great stories while I was out in the "wild". I also pushed myself to get better with women. Once I finally became good at seducing women and achieved my goals, it wasn't satisfying anymore. The thrill of the hunt began to fade. The challenge just wasnt there anymore. With every new girl I came across, it was basically wash-rinse-repeat. I also was going out 3nights/week. Chasing girls was my passion. There were a lot of late nights and booze. Everything else in my life was secondary such as hobbies/work/family/working out. I knew it wasn't healthy to sustain this lifestyle forever.

I'm not really a "surface" person either and dating random women is a very "surface" sort of activity. I like the depth an LTR brings which is much more satisfying long term.

There are pro's and con's to both lifestyles. Neither is perfect. It all comes down to what you are looking for and where you are at in life. The main thing is to make sure you are enjoying whatever lifestyle you are in.

I finally found a girl that is hot, makes good money, smart, has good genetics, works out, has a hot momma, very sweet, little old school, loyal, not an
attention wh0re, doesn't want kids, has similar beliefs/values/morals and thinks I'm the greatest guy on the planet. She throws me a little drama every now and then but she realizes it and tries to do better, after all she is still a woman.

While being with all sorts of random girls I realized that finding one that has everything you are looking for is a very rare thing to run across. Eventually I just reached a point where I had met all my goals, got the notches on my head board, and found a girl that ranks high in all the areas that are important to me.

Tried to +1 but have to wait a bit.

Great post - anyone not afraid to speak their mind is a winner in my book.

There's very little absolute right or wrong, most of life is in shades of grey so do what fulfills your need to experience LIFE.

 

[zekko]

These are all AFC ideas. The last one is key because its the main point of your post..

You said yourself that finding a good match for a LTR is a hard thing to do. My point was that as my value increased, so did my results.

You believe the "f*ck and leave" guy gets a worse deal than the beta faggot who gets married to her after she has been on the c0ck carosel for years.

Here's yet another case of you twisting someone else's words and twisting them completely around. I said nothing even remotely resembling what you are suggesting. As usual, you set up a strawman to knock down rather than have an actual discussion.

The LTR guy and the married guy are NOT the winners of the game. They are the ones drinking expired milk at a marked up price (unless they marry a virgin in her early 20's). But these men are happy because the milk "belongs to them" rather than being fresh milk in the office refrigerator that ANYONE can drink.

So you're saying that my girlfriend is stale and expired milk, since there are no other guys fvcking her outside of myself. While the club slvts that are on the c0ck carousel that you are so fond of talking about are supposed to be "fresh" milk? Since ANYONE can drink them? So according to you, the more c0cks that she lets into her, the fresher she is. Your logic is pretty messed up there, I would say.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Here's yet another case of you twisting someone else's words and twisting them completely around. I said nothing even remotely resembling what you are suggesting. As usual, you set up a strawman to knock down rather than have an actual discussion.

You said exactly what I'm suggesting. Don't try to back out because I poked holes in it. :crackup:

So you're saying that my girlfriend is stale and expired milk, since there are no other guys fvcking her outside of myself. While the club slvts that are on the c0ck carousel that you are so fond of talking about are supposed to be "fresh" milk? Since ANYONE can drink them? So according to you, the more c0cks that she lets into her, the fresher she is. Your logic is pretty messed up there, I would say.

So who is twisting words NOW bro?

What I said is clear as day if you pay attention. I said unless you're in a LTR with a very young or inexperienced woman.. you are getting leftovers.

When you're the f*ck and run guy.. the c0ck carousel doesn't matter. BUT younger women (late teens / early 20's) are usually going to have less previous partners than older women (late 20's+). HOWEVER.. these women are more likely to be just getting on the carousel. So you will often get fresher meat as a "f*ck and run" guy since most women aren't really ready to settle into permanent LTR's until AFTER riding the carousel.

Got it? Or is that too complex?