Why does this keep happening when im on dates?

[pikachu_69]

Yes. If she doesn't like you touching her then don't touch her! If she's not responding positively then leave her alone.

Your goal isn't to force yourself on anyone. It's to entice them to be around you. You need to work on yourself. Looks like you can entertain, that's good. That's only a small part of it though.... a very small part. You're not a monkey.



It always is. What exactly were you doing, feeling (affects your body language), or saying JUST before she lost interest?



You don't tell them unless they need to know. For example, let's say one is acting up badly. "Sure babe, go do whatever, I'll call up Susan."... etc.

also your last paragraph about seeing the other girl she knows. i met both of them at a party, i asked them both out at the same time, i called one after the other. the latter was more interested in me and i could tell, and really i should have chose her but she couldn't offer me a date time this week and suggested next week, but with no firm day so i said cool. however her text was like 'hey. cant do this week but maybe next week is best? i got presentations to do this week so its all a bit crazy. talk next week. x' see this doesn't make sense cos valentines is sunday and she sent this to me on tuesday, i can understand if she has presentations all week but fri/sat night even sunday she could have offered but didn't so i feel downgraded. so i then called the other 1 who i met yesterday.

now if they find out that i saw 1 and then the other will they not want to see me again?

im not naive enough to know that girls talk and im just at a stage where they aren't close where that information will travel.

it's not as if i asked one to marry me although i did ask yesterdays one out for valentines. my confidence is rocked a bit, if i forget about this 1 and see if she gets back to me if the info travels that i'm seeing the other 1 will she feel jealous or feel im a cheating scumbag?

all i know is girls dont like it when they know each other that u see 1 and then the other.

 

[pikachu_69]

Foolish Pikachu, listen here!

Your date didn't go stale because of the girl's exam and her non reciprocation, your date went stale only because of YOU.



Read be- You understand the deal. Listen to Ease too!

the exact thing with the valentines date was she said she'd text me if her studying is going ok or not, which is not good that means she'd rather study than be out with me on valentines.

but i persisted and said that i was busy until 5pm valentines but free after and i'd take her out, i did sound a bit nervous but also authouritative i maybe shoulda said 'well let me know by tomorrow otherwise i'll take some other pretty girl out in your place and you'll miss out..' then at least it mentions she's my 1st choice and i have other options.

but we left it with she'll let me know how her exam went, then she said she'll text me how her exam went.

she didn't. bad sign. she cant expect me to ask her how her exam went?

 

[pikachu_69]

First and foremost, you're thinking entirely too much. New women are exactly that; new women who you don't know much about. New women should be like options to you. If you only have one option, then you continually stress on that one option. It's obvious here that you're stressing quite a bit about it.

Second, the reason your date went stale is because you allowed it to go stale. It's cool for a woman to ask you questions on a date, however the man should always be the one who's directing conversation, asking the most questions.

Women naturally love to talk, so one simple question could turn into her going on a rant for 10 minutes. It not only gives you time to sit back and relax, but it also shows her that you can hold a conversation and you are genuinely interested in her as a person, not as just a piece of ass.

I don't know about the massage on a first date.. kind of creepy if you ask me (unless you're back at her place on a couch or in her BED).

I never really get to heavy with kino on a first date unless a woman is sending out a lot of IOIs throughout. Usually a kiss on the cheek before and after the date will do. Nudging her while joking around is a great way to make her feel comfortable also; that is if you're making her laugh.

And that brings me to my last point. Laughter. If you can make a girl laugh, you can make a girl do anything. Let me ask you a question. How many times did you make this chick laugh or even just chuckle? Humor shows a woman that you have culture and that you are once again, a great conversator. Laughter brings down a woman's shield, which she obviously had up for a lot of the date.

Find other options (women) and keep improving yourself. If you wish to continue pursuing this girl, make sure you at least find other options before so you aren't as stressed on her. This is how one-itis starts.

Most importantly, go into a date not stressed and worried, but curious and relaxed. Relaxed that this is just a new woman who may mean nothing to you, and curious about who she is. Think about who SHE is more than yourself. In fact, you shouldn't be thinking about yourself at all during the date. You're confident enough to not worry about that.

best of luck

So is it pointless calling this one again? if so, how long should i wait?

she didn't text me about her exam so i take that it's a bad sign and she's not interested anymore.

 

[Alle_Gory]

I was thinking of waiting till after valentines has passed and at least a few more days before i call, would this help?

Hahaha. That's a good idea. Now THIS is the beginning of game. You're learning.

 

[Isko]

It's hard not to care when you're afraid to fail. Just KEEP TRYING; keep doing this over and over. After you've done this repeatedly, your ego won't be hurt if you fail, because you will have already failed plenty of times. You will just focus on actually DOING THE RIGHT THINGS instead of protecting your self-image.

 

[pikachu_69]

Yeah I'm glad, however how many extra days should I wait? Ideally you want to call after that point where she realises you haven't called her and she wants to know why projecting I've lost some interest. It really depends how patient she is and what she expects as being within the right time frame. General 2nd date calls are 2-5 days after 1st date right? And anything up till 7 days after is still reasonable, so I had the date thursday should I wait till next sunday before I call but have to isk that she may meet someone she likes who didn't act AFC like I did. I just know that if she's not as interested anymore I need to not act like a desperate loser and call for valentines and just make her wonder why I didn't call but this is assuming she'll notice, if she's not that interested anymore she may not even notice. In short, how long do you think I need to wait before I call again? I was thinking of sending a text saying 'hey sorry I haven't been in touch I've been really busy and out a lot this past week but don't wory f

Hahaha. That's a good idea. Now THIS is the beginning of game. You're learning.

 

[pikachu_69]

Tex of 'hey sorry I haven't been in touch I've been really busy and out every night this past week but don't worry I haven't forgot about ' as a warm up text next sunday as unfortunately with my track record girls don't pick up their phone when I call but text me later, but usually if I t afc they don't answer their phone (either by screening or just don't see it in time and when they see th miss call feel differently later and don't bother to call which puts me in a difficult position of having to wait till they get back to me which they don't) starting with a text might help make her wonder why I didn't call and what I've been doing all week tho saying I haven't forgot about her may show I'm still interested which just validates in her mind she still has me. I know I'm overthinking but still I wanna get it right this time. If she texts me either on valentines day or a few days after should I respond but act slightly disinterested? A text on valentines means she wants me to take her out or she wants attention and valida

Hahaha. That's a good idea. Now THIS is the beginning of game. You're learning.

 

[squirrels]

i dont know if she has a bf (i mentioned the ring on her 4th finger, asked her and she said her mom gave her one and her bf gave the other.. then she immediately said '1st bf..' she f'd up, then after everything went downhill although she let me massage her.

It's none of your damned business.

What would you have done if she had said, "I have a boyfriend, but I'm OK with cheating on him", and then dropped her panties right there?

You probably would've f*cked her, right?

By correcting herself, she was saying that she was available to you. That's all you need to know. Whether or not some dude would be upset at her for it...that's HER business, not yours.

A girl's LTR-status does NOT always correlate to her "availability" for physical intimacy. It should, in a perfect world, but it doesn't. As the "Don Juan", you aren't trying to find out if someone else has a claim on her or not. What you're trying to find out is whether she is available to YOU.

You're using that ring-thing as an excuse for rejecting yourself and going on the defensive with this girl.

Don't excuse it...you f'd up. It's OKAY to F up...that's how we learn. Those first couple of dates are supposed to teach you what NOT to do. But if you sit around making excuses for why you did this and why you didn't do that, you're going to find some way to justify the SAME chumpish behavior with the NEXT girl...and that's not moving you closer to your goal.

Tex of 'hey sorry I haven't been in touch I've been really busy and out every night this past week but don't worry I haven't forgot about ' as a warm up text next sunday as unfortunately with my track record girls don't pick up their phone when I call but text me later, but usually if I t afc they don't answer their phone (either by screening or just don't see it in time and when they see th miss call feel differently later and don't bother to call which puts me in a difficult position of having to wait till they get back to me which they don't) starting with a text might help make her wonder why I didn't call and what I've been doing all week tho saying I haven't forgot about her may show I'm still interested which just validates in her mind she still has me. I know I'm overthinking but still I wanna get it right this time. If she texts me either on valentines day or a few days after should I respond but act slightly disinterested? A text on valentines means she wants me to take her out or she wants attention and valida

Oh my dear God...how drunk WERE you when you posted this? It looks like a typewriter barfed on my screen. Words, sentences and paragraphs.

Although I only had to read the first 4 words to know that you're just digging yourself a deeper hole. Tex of 'hey sorry ....weak-sauce. Give up on this one and learn your lesson for the next.

Valentine's Day?? Jeezus.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Well, another thing you can work on in the meantime is your writing skill.

The better you can get your ideas across, the easier it will be for us to understand and respond to you.

See how squirrel writes? It flows, it makes sense. You can't even use a proper sentence. Everything just rambles on and on and on. It's too f*cking long. Make it short and GET TO THE POINT. If there's no point to your sentence then don't write it.

Less junk more content.

Stay away on Valentine's day. You don't have enough game for Valentine's day. If she texts or calls you ignore it. You're going to do something else that won't dig you deeper into this mess. If she bugs you why you weren't around it's because you "were busy". That's as far as you tell her. It's none of her damn business.

It's time for you to realize there are certain boundaries. Both towards other people and them towards you. Privacy is one of them.

Read what I wrote and what squirrels wrote and let is sink in for a moment. Read it over again until you understand it. We're trying to help you out of this mess and maybe even help you find your game.

 

[pikachu_69]

Yeah sorry I've written most of these posts on my phone and I can't separate it into paragraphs cos when I click return it doesn't form a new paragraph. In short should I just forget her and move onto the other girl from the party?

Well, another thing you can work on in the meantime is your writing skill.

The better you can get your ideas across, the easier it will be for us to understand and respond to you.

See how squirrel writes? It flows, it makes sense. You can't even use a proper sentence. Everything just rambles on and on and on. It's too f*cking long. Make it short and GET TO THE POINT. If there's no point to your sentence then don't write it.

Less junk more content.

Stay away on Valentine's day. You don't have enough game for Valentine's day. If she texts or calls you ignore it. You're going to do something else that won't dig you deeper into this mess. If she bugs you why you weren't around it's because you "were busy". That's as far as you tell her. It's none of her damn business.

It's time for you to realize there are certain boundaries. Both towards other people and them towards you. Privacy is one of them.

Read what I wrote and what squirrels wrote and let is sink in for a moment. Read it over again until you understand it. We're trying to help you out of this mess and maybe even help you find your game.

 

[Alle_Gory]

No. Use every opportunity you have. Some lead to great things, some lead to experience.

 

[pikachu_69]

Ok but this leads to my original question of how long should I wait before I call again? Knowing what she is like she won't answer and I'm better off texting her. I don't want to call her, her not pick up, then not call me back and me THEN sending a text a couple days later. I rather say something she'll read and maybe intrigue her.

No. Use every opportunity you have. Some lead to great things, some lead to experience.

 

[Alle_Gory]

You can't say something to intrigue her. You're either intriguing to her because of the way you are, or you are not.

This is not something you can fake. It's her opinion of you and your actions.

Forget about that. What feels like the right thing for you to do? Take some time, calm down and pay attention to your feeling on the situation.

It's important sometimes to trust your instincts. Can't know everything about a situation so you fill in the missing pieces. If you end up being wrong, you learn and adapt and hopefully later you will get it right. Experience.

How often do you feel is comfortable to contact her?

 

[pikachu69]

Tbh it started off great but as per most of my dates I always end up with a feeling at some point that she has lost interest and I panic theen start doing afc things and lose her completely although at the point of lost interest it feels like I've already lost her, saying something at that point to respark interest would be ideal but I don't know what to say. She's quite ditzy or pretend to be, and she was suppose to text me how her exam went, that was my test to test how interested she was. She dint text me which tellsme she isn't interested anymore. She expects me to. Contact her like an afc but I won't, she does seem maybe a bit attention wh0rish so may contact me just to see if she still has me, she's the kinda girl every guy will call her again so expects that, if I don't its a blow to her ego. What's the normal appropriate time frame for a 2nd date call? And if I wait till next sunday is that too late and she'll forget about me? I need to not act like the desperate loser like I was at the end of the date by dell

You can't say something to intrigue her. You're either intriguing to her because of the way you are, or you are not.

This is not something you can fake. It's her opinion of you and your actions.

Forget about that. What feels like the right thing for you to do? Take some time, calm down and pay attention to your feeling on the situation.

It's important sometimes to trust your instincts. Can't know everything about a situation so you fill in the missing pieces. If you end up being wrong, you learn and adapt and hopefully later you will get it right. Experience.

How often do you feel is comfortable to contact her?

 

[Relations]

Just to reiterate what Alle Gory and Squirrels, your writing skill needs to be polished: I didn't have the patience to decode all of those posts.

Onto the main issue: You're too into this girl for you're own good. This is what a typical DJ would call "pedestaling". You micromanage and judge every single one of your actions and even the minutiae of your behavior to be pleasing to this girl. The truth is that all of that worrying only worsens the situation.

Either this girl is interested in you or not, It's your decision to choose if you care or not. That's the only way you can prevent distressing yourself further. When you remove yourself from your desired outcomes, then you can start having fun. And if this girl possibly picks up on that happy-go-lucky, fun-loving atttitude, you might turn this around.

It's not your job to entertain her. dates are supposed to be mutual enjoyment of each other's company. If you REALLY think you still want this chick, then do whatever is necessary. But it has become increasingly obvious that this girl is damaging to your self-esteem, so maybe for your own sake, go no contact.

 

[nismo-4]

Listen to your Uncle squirrels and Alle Gory!

 

[pikachu69]

Yeah I am. I feel it's too late so there's no point calling her again. Is she going to assume I didn't call cos I was only after a quickie rather than I lost interest? I don't know how their mind or feelings work after you mess up on a 1st date

Listen to your Uncle squirrels and Alle Gory!

 

[Alle_Gory]

Tbh it started off great but as per most of my dates I always end up with a feeling at some point that she has lost interest and I panic theen start doing afc things and lose her completely although at the point of lost interest it feels like I've already lost her, saying something at that point to respark interest would be ideal but I don't know what to say. She's quite ditzy or pretend to be, and she was suppose to text me how her exam went, that was my test to test how interested she was. She dint text me which tellsme she isn't interested anymore. She expects me to. Contact her like an afc but I won't, she does seem maybe a bit attention wh0rish so may contact me just to see if she still has me, she's the kinda girl every guy will call her again so expects that, if I don't its a blow to her ego. What's the normal appropriate time frame for a 2nd date call? And if I wait till next sunday is that too late and she'll forget about me? I need to not act like the desperate loser like I was at the end of the date by dell

Good you're getting it. Now don't lose hope. Like I said, you need experience.

Firstly you need to calm the fvck down. Chicks don't like guys to be more emotional then they are. You're supposed to be like a rock. Calm and collected when she goes nuts... because she's female and emotional. They crave that stability and its supposed to come from you, the man. So calm down and work through all that junk you have inside you. Don't try to supress it but rather understand why you're feeling that way (desperate, anxious, like you want to be super nice) and figure out whether its the right or the wrong thing for you to be feeling like.

Now as far as this girl, ok so she lost interest. So you take a step back and try again. Do not set up a date or any commitment. You're taking a step back and trying to sell your company to her again. What did you do before to get her interest? Before the date. Way before.

 

[pikachu69]

Good you're getting it. Now don't lose hope. Like I said, you need experience.

Firstly you need to calm the fvck down. Chicks don't like guys to be more emotional then they are. You're supposed to be like a rock. Calm and collected when she goes nuts... because she's female and emotional. They crave that stability and its supposed to come from you, the man. So calm down and work through all that junk you have inside you. Don't try to supress it but rather understand why you're feeling that way (desperate, anxious, like you want to be super nice) and figure out whether its the right or the wrong thing for you to be feeling like.

Now as far as this girl, ok so she lost interest. So you take a step back and try again. Do not set up a date or any commitment. You're taking a step back and trying to sell your company to her again. What did you do before to get her interest? Before the date. Way before.

Ok I met her at a house party, but it was such a quick pick up that i didn't build enough rapport. she was really tipsy and kinda semi gave me a fake number by giving me 1 digit out but then i gave her my number and she missed called me. i kissed her goodbye.

i called tuesday and i made her laugh had her in hysterics cos i negged her for being a clutz cos she dropped her phone while speaking to me, i made some joke about me already having such an effect on her. she didn't remember who i was though, in regards to my name etc cos she didnt save my number. but then she had high interest.

im good at picking up girls at house parties, 99% of the time i'll get the number and they'll be interested but that's 10mins of talk and splitting. going on dates and keeping it up for 1 hour is the problem because all these tests come in, the questions they ask etc etc. i cant be mr funny man the whole 1 hour i need to demonstrate other qualities.

so she was excited to see me on thursday despite her having an important exam on friday, i think she was worried she'd lose me if she didn't.

now thats the story, everything else which happened on the date is in the first post i did with a few extra details. i did establish i liked independent women who paid their own way etc and she agreed, so i knew if it worked out at least i wouldn't be paying for her. however when the bill came she said she only had her credit card to pay which i think was manipulation to get me to pay however i was going to pay anyway. but i did the dumb thing of taking the change rather than just leaving it, i saw her eyes looking when this happened and the worst part is i left 5 cents hahaha by quickly grabbing the change. so i might look cheap.

anyway what's the plan now? when to call, should i text something intriguing?

she's one of those high class girls but is a student still so pretty much starves herself to pay for her expensive clothes etc. just cos shes looking for a rich guy doesn't mean she isn't like any other woman who has emotions and feelings that need to be validated.

You said dont set up a date with her which i wont but i was thinking when the time comes later on when it's right i was contemplating sending her a text this time next week along the lines of 'hey sorry i haven't been in touch ive been busy and out a lot but dont worry i havent forgot about you expect a message from me later about details of our next meeting.'

see i like to do surprises and make things intriguing, i used to do this which worked quite well but better on girls who were interested, i'd send a text the next day saying something like. hey for out next meeting, you have 3 options. a)we go for a drink b)we go shopping (dont get too excited! haha, for me, not for you.) or c)the mystery surprise... choose wisely.'

this works well on interested girls and 99 times out of a 100 they choose the mystery surprise but at least it gets them intrigued again and makes me look adventurous, do u think this wouldn't work on an uninterested girl though?

this could test the water to see if she replies and sends the right message that i been too busy for her and maybe out with other girls. but it needs to be done after that point where she wonders why i haven't called, remember she may have no interest anymore so wont even notice i didn't call.. or would she?

anyway, before all of this. what is the next step to raise her interest again? (bear in mind she may not answer her call cos shes expecting me to set up a date again. i need to show persistence, but not neediness and patience. however if she doesn't answer her phone, thats a clear sign shes not interested and theres not much i can do) she's a texting type of girl. not a call one.)

 

[pikachu69]

Good you're getting it. Now don't lose hope. Like I said, you need experience.

Firstly you need to calm the fvck down. Chicks don't like guys to be more emotional then they are. You're supposed to be like a rock. Calm and collected when she goes nuts... because she's female and emotional. They crave that stability and its supposed to come from you, the man. So calm down and work through all that junk you have inside you. Don't try to supress it but rather understand why you're feeling that way (desperate, anxious, like you want to be super nice) and figure out whether its the right or the wrong thing for you to be feeling like.

Now as far as this girl, ok so she lost interest. So you take a step back and try again. Do not set up a date or any commitment. You're taking a step back and trying to sell your company to her again. What did you do before to get her interest? Before the date. Way before.

thinking it over the past 2 hours or so i realised that honestly, i think it's over. i dont think u can act nervous and desperate around a hot HB like that, it's a sign of weakness so i'm better off cutting my losses and moving onto the other HB from the party regardless if this 1 contacts me.

my question is: a girl like this has never had a guy who's never called her back for a 2nd date, i can tell that. it's so obvious. by me not calling, is that really going to trigger something in her to wonder why i didn't? or would she just think because she was suppose to text me how her exam went and didn't i got the message quickly she wasn't interested. would this really bother her? and if so, how long would this take?

i feel she wants to know she can have me, which i demonstrated by asking her out for valentines nervously at the end of our 1st date and giving a lukewarm unconfident massage in the bar and her rejecting my constant kino.

in an ideal world she contact me in the next few days just to see if she still has me cos i wont be doing what 90% of all other guys do and call her again. Would she assume i was only after s3x with her thats why i didn't call again or would she think i got the message quicker than other afc's?