Why does this girl have doubts when i compliment her?

ScrewIt

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 11, 2004
Messages
1,776
Reaction score
2
I just realized something interesting...

Anyway it's a known fact most girls have low self esteem.
But as for how much they believe in others' compliments of them i dont know.

Anyway i remember once with this girl, she was leaning on my chest and i said "mmm you smell good."
her response? "you think so?"
me, "yea"...then i started to stroke her hair.

Then another time she was showing me photos of a dress she made (she's a fashion major). It was pretty awesome looking and i said "i love it."
her response? "c'mon tell me the truth."
Then she went about to asking me how i feel when i see the dress...

Usually im not a big complimenter in general. But when i give them i mean it. I think under another situation if i was an acquantance and she wasnt dating me, she wouldve probably just say "thanks."

I dont know why, but it seems like she wants to disprove my compliments in disbelief that im capable of being genuine. Perhaps subconsciously did she want me to NOT give her validation and tease her on the situation?
However lately she appears to be looking for my validation since she's offering to do me favors.
 

Desdinova

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 15, 2004
Messages
11,639
Reaction score
4,717
Then another time she was showing me photos of a dress she made (she's a fashion major). It was pretty awesome looking and i said "i love it."
her response? "c'mon tell me the truth."
Then she went about to asking me how i feel when i see the dress...
I hate when they want you to restate yourself. It's like they get a bite to feed their ego and they want more. Here's what I would have done in your situation...

It was pretty awesome looking and i said "i love it."
her response? "c'mon tell me the truth."

Then you say "Okay, it's fvcking ugly"

This has to be said like it's a joke or it won't work. That usually puts an end to them wanting you to feed their ego.
 

ScrewIt

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 11, 2004
Messages
1,776
Reaction score
2
Originally posted by Desdinova
I hate when they want you to restate yourself. It's like they get a bite to feed their ego and they want more. Here's what I would have done in your situation...

It was pretty awesome looking and i said "i love it."
her response? "c'mon tell me the truth."

Then you say "Okay, it's fvcking ugly"

This has to be said like it's a joke or it won't work. That usually puts an end to them wanting you to feed their ego.
Yea next time she pulls that shyt ill have to come up with a better response.

Anyway, as for her validation seeking...i cant really tell if she's using it to boost her ego or wants my acceptance? yesterday she asked if i wanted music and she'd send it to me. Then she went about "ok im going to send the songs i like...blah blah..im such a sensitive person, the lyrics are like poetry."
Since she offered, i accepted.
I dunno, she just wouldnt stop typing stuff online. I think i may have fed her ego too much yesterday.

However, i've been doing the push pull thing. And now i think she's afraid to contact me (so far this week), however she responds immediately to my advances...not that i've been making much of an effort but a decent amount. Should i tell her it's OK to contact me?

i have a gut feeling this is taking a turn for the worst...
God damn...it's such a challenge to maintain balance with a girl..
 

Desdinova

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 15, 2004
Messages
11,639
Reaction score
4,717
Since she offered, i accepted.
That's always the way I've done things. There's no point in arguing with someone over anything trivial.

However, i've been doing the push pull thing. And now i think she's afraid to contact me (so far this week), however she responds immediately to my advances...
Push-pull works best when you're initially trying to get a woman attracted to you. When you begin dating, ease off on it since she's already attracted. All you need to do is give her the best time she's had with a guy. Take her out and do fun things. That's what will keep her IL high and rising.

Should i tell her it's OK to contact me?
Let her contact you on her own. She has to feel motivated to contact you. This is where the push-pull isn't going to work. She'll get confused if you're not showing much interest.
 

What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.

You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

ScrewIt

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 11, 2004
Messages
1,776
Reaction score
2
Originally posted by Desdinova


Push-pull works best when you're initially trying to get a woman attracted to you. When you begin dating, ease off on it since she's already attracted. All you need to do is give her the best time she's had with a guy. Take her out and do fun things. That's what will keep her IL high and rising.



The thing is, she was chasing me in the beginning, and had high IL. Then this monday i started doing this dumb push pull crap. Last week i actually met up with her during hte middle of the week, but this week i didnt at all....
All those times we did go out, she did have a blast.

Let her contact you on her own. She has to feel motivated to contact you. This is where the push-pull isn't going to work. She'll get confused if you're not showing much interest.
Lately i havent been showing much interest. Actually i realize i've been presenting rather mixed signals to her lately, i guess im afraid to fall into the friends category.
Actually today i wanted to visit her in class, but after yesterday's ego feeding online chat, i decided not to..since ill be seeing her tomorrow in class anyway. bah damn my counter-instincts!

It's 11pm friday night, she hasnt contacted me, but i do so want to talk to her...let her know i AM interested in her...or then again it could wait till tomorrow's class? But damnit, contacting her on a Friday night shows her i have nohting else better to do! for all i know she's with her friends or at home!

Well anyway she's working on this final project dress, and i didnt want to keep her distracted from finishing it...i want to tell her, but i dont think i will until she asks why i've been distant.

I feel myself slipping into AFC land...
 

Desdinova

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 15, 2004
Messages
11,639
Reaction score
4,717
It's 11pm friday night, she hasnt contacted me, but i do so want to talk to her...let her know i AM interested in her
It sounds like what you're missing here is HOW to let her know that you're interested without falling into the friend zone.

Do's
Kino
****y/Funny
Initiate dates
Call her

Don'ts
Verbally tell her that you like her, until you're ready for a LTR.

Women will react well to suble hints and body language, since this is the way they communicate with each other. I believe it was Pook who said to portray your sexuality to the woman, and I couldn't agree more. Show her that you're a sexual being (use ****y/funny, kino) and don't put the control of the relationship in her hands; keep it in yours (initiate dates, calling her).
 

ScrewIt

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 11, 2004
Messages
1,776
Reaction score
2
Our last date/get together was a week ago. I have been kinoing, flirty, and funny on our dates and she loved it. so far this week i've been the one doing the contacting. She used to txt me on the phone asking how my day's going, now she's afraid to because i claim to be busy. I dunno, probably she really does believe that i've been busy and is trying to give me my space...
However, our schedule with school usually keeps me from setting up dates in the middle of the week. At best we could meet once or twice in school. So far weekends have been the only free time where we can go places (real dates).

If anything, i guess ill see her tomorrow, that way she can see im still interested.
 

superchristx

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 13, 2004
Messages
216
Reaction score
4
fhj

Sex is the ultimate expression of interest. I think you two have been dancing around enough for you to close the deal.


Take her to the station tomorrow night.... the PENETRATION STATION!
 
Top