Why does no one follow through with no contact?

[DannykDJ]

I just went through a bad break up so I was looking back through threads similar to mine and saw something very disturbing. You know what the saddest thing about these "get your ex back" threads is, No one ever follows through with the advice. Literally no one ever follows through with it fully.

I did a search and looked through a bunch of old threads by different people on both sosuave and loveshack and they all have the same common problem of the gf or bf losing interest and wanting space.

Each person asks what to do to either get them back or get out while they still have control. The answer to every one is pages full of posts saying "no contact".

The guy takes the advice and starts it, But never follows through with it and gets emotionally castrated. He is then hurt even more than what he was originally and hits rock bottom emotionally. Even I am 100% guilty of this doing this if you read my first thread.

If this happens this much in forums I can't even imagine how much it happens to regular people. No contact hurts a lot but it's better than getting manipulated and strung along, but it seems as if it almost goes against natural human nature for both men and women.

What are your opinions on why both men and women don't listen to this? No contact has been proven to work in every situation. So why don't people believe it works? Is it just one of those life lessons you are required to learn the hard way? Is it an ego thing or just something humans tend to do naturally with their relationships?

I can say firsthand that when my ex gave me the I need space line something weird clicked inside me. I do love her, but for some reason my feelings for her seemed to intensify the more I tried to get her back to the point of where I love her more now than I did when we were dating.

 

[n00bPimp]

So true. The fact is, acting on our emotions instead of doing what works is what brings us to this place.
After all, isnt that the whole essence of an AFC?
I think most of the people that share their problems on this board do it because they want to vent. Althought they welcome the advice, their minds are still in AFC mode or are too deeply involved in the specific situation to change their mind.

 

[Al Moh.]

Breaking contact is a strategy that works both ways. If you break contact you want her to feel what she has lost, but you feel it too. It just comes down to who has got more discipline. And the usual AFC coming here hasn't got much of it so he usually breaks the no contact rule first.

 

[Cry For Love]

Why people break no-contact is not about discipline or the lack of, its because of AFC'ish neediness. These guys dont get their emotional fulfilment from other sources and therefore being without a girl is a real blow to their daily joys.A guy that knows what he wants doesnt need to exercise any discipline on holding back the urge to communicate to her, there just is no urge! As he has a life of his own joys that is not dependent on any specific inhabitants of the universe around him.

 

[Max Power]

You know what the saddest thing about these "get your ex back" threads is, No one ever follows through with the advice. Literally no one ever follows through with it fully.

.

I don't know about disturbing, but ....

It's not just the get my woman back threads. It's all threads.

It seems people have an idea about what they want to do before they post and they look through all the comments to cling to that one thread that agrees with them. It doesn't matter how many people say "no contact" or whatever. If just one person leaves a comment saying that there is still the possibility of the relationship surviving, the OP will cling to that comment.

There's even a thread here by Sabistonguay ( http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=144676 ) where his girlfriend dumped him via text message appears to have gotten back together with her ex and then the next day asked if he would take her back. After asking the opinion of "experienced DJs only" it was the unanimous opinion of the board to cut off contact with this woman -- everyone. Not happy with our advice, the OP then came on said he spoke with "pretty successfull" people in "real life" who told him to take her back and then started calling some of us names.

I don't think a lot of people here are serious about getting feedback and advice as much as they seeking any validation of their inner AFC's belief system. That's why I'm not a fan of some women and some virgins giving advice here on how to bang chicks.

 

[Al Moh.]

Why people break no-contact is not about discipline or the lack of, its because of AFC'ish neediness. These guys dont get their emotional fulfilment from other sources and therefore being without a girl is a real blow to their daily joys.A guy that knows what he wants doesnt need to exercise any discipline on holding back the urge to communicate to her, there just is no urge! As he has a life of his own joys that is not dependent on any specific inhabitants of the universe around him.

True, but if they wouldn't be AFCs they would know the answer themselves and not be asking advice here. So having this problems already means neediness and you can't deytroy that within a week so the only way for the AFC to get over the problem is sticking to the advice given here. And That requires discipline.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Emotion will always overrule advice on sosuave... so anybody reading; heed my advice and experience... NO CONTACT!!! Does it work? Who the hell knows... nobody ever goes no contact and ruins it.

 

[dannyegg4575]

I think it's perfectly fine to be going through these emotions. it means we are human and we make mistakes. Life is too short to be thinking about why this and why that.

If this never happened, none of us would've found this site and none of us would've found each other for support. Truth of the matter is, we found out that the relationship wasn't the problem, it was ourselves. in the process of saving our relationship, we ended up saving ourselves instead.

Connect said it best on his last thread, does it really make you that much more of a man to be able to f>ck as many women as possible? The most mature and healthy approach to life is to better your life. NOT to brag about how many women you lay NOR is it on what you have accomplished. It is simply to live and make yourself happy in the process without hurting anybody.

 

[SunnyD]

Well for me..its the ROUTINE. You are so used to talking to this person every single day for however long. Then one day you're not suppose to anymore and its like someone died. Its HARD. The longest I have gone is 2 months and it didnt get any easier like people promised it would. It wasn't even to get him back...it was to get over it. I dont know how long I'm suppose to do this but it doesn't work. You start to think "ya, they were sh1tty but having them in my life in whatever capacity, is better than no capacity." Then you go through all the BS again, hit your breaking point again, and try again to cut them out. Each time gets harder, because you both expect you'll talk again since you always come back. It's never "for real this time" even though it should be.

It's just not that easy to erase someone from your life and not want to know how or what they're doing.

 

[KontrollerX]

"What are your opinions on why both men and women don't listen to this?"

Its all longtime long term AFC ego investments that are very hard to break.

Usually the only way to break through this crap is for the idea you have internalized in your mind to not work and to fail brutally at that.

I have been guilty of breaking the no contact rule only once.

I will not be guilty of it ever again.

I don't care if the b!tch is an HB 20 Jessica Alba in hotness.

Never again. Not ever will I break this rule for someone that proves they are no good to my life.

Str8up gave the best advice and best thread on this subject ever posted on the forum with his simplistically brilliant "Walk Away" thread.

It really is the answer to the "breaks" garbage women try to pull on us at times.

Guys though coming here and trying to unplug from the AFC mindset and fight their ego investments read us saying "no contact" and because its not what they and their ego wants to hear we'll get a bunch of crap posts made by them and even DJ's at times with still quite a bit of AFC left in their souls fighting against us and our mindset with various insane rationalizations and insults towards us DJ's who espouse the no contact mentality. They'll call us women haters and quitters and all manner of feminist shaming insults that belong on Loveshack.org and not here but in reality they just can't let go of their love fantasies and so they keep trying to "win" the girl back.

Note to all AFC's and DJ's with this AFC mentality still within them...

Once she mentions the words "breaks" or "I need space" or "its not you, its me" as much as it may hurt you to do so you must go no contact for your own self respect and self worth as a man. All of these words are indicators from her that you are not good enough and someone who thinks you are not good enough for them can go straight to hell. You don't need someone who doesn't value you in your life. So mourn the loss of what you thought you had and who you thought she was but begin waking up to the reality very quickly that this person is not something to be won. She is no prize and especially not so when she says sh!t like this to you.

True love does not allow any person to mention things to you such as "lets take a break", "I need space" or "its not you its me" but your fantasy idea of love will make you want to win back the heart of this person who finds you worthless...please don't make me puke.

Wake up to the reality of true love and realize true love as opposed to fantasy love is not something you have to try and win, keep or repair.

It is a natural compatibility and mutual respect of eachother's boundaries mixed with a great level of attraction and it all flows naturally from your personality's meshing well together. You don't fight to keep the other person once they are pulling away because this just means it wasn't a real love after all. If the love is true she will stay with you but for it to be true love it must be based in the reality of what is and not what you want it to be.

 

[Credos]

"What are your opinions on why both men and women don't listen to this?"

Its all longtime long term AFC ego investments that are very hard to break.

Usually the only way to break through this crap is for the idea you have internalized in your mind to not work and to fail brutally at that.

I have been guilty of breaking the no contact rule only once.

I will not be guilty of it ever again.

I don't care if the b!tch is an HB 20 Jessica Alba in hotness.

Never again. Not ever will I break this rule for someone that proves they are no good to my life.

Str8up gave the best advice and best thread on this subject ever posted on the forum with his simplistically brilliant "Walk Away" thread.

It really is the answer to the "breaks" garbage women try to pull on us at times.

Guys though coming here and trying to unplug from the AFC mindset and fight their ego investments read us saying "no contact" and because its not what they and their ego wants to hear we'll get a bunch of crap posts made by them and even DJ's at times with still quite a bit of AFC left in their souls fighting against us and our mindset with various insane rationalizations and insults towards us DJ's who espouse the no contact mentality. They'll call us women haters and quitters and all manner of feminist shaming insults that belong on Loveshack.org and not here but in reality they just can't let go of their love fantasies and so they keep trying to "win" the girl back.

Note to all AFC's and DJ's with this AFC mentality still within them...

Once she mentions the words "breaks" or "I need space" or "its not you, its me" as much as it may hurt you to do so you must go no contact for your own self respect and self worth as a man. All of these words are indicators from her that you are not good enough and someone who thinks you are not good enough for them can go straight to hell. You don't need someone who doesn't value you in your life. So mourn the loss of what you thought you had and who you thought she was but begin waking up to the reality very quickly that this person is not something to be won. She is no prize and especially not so when she says sh!t like this to you.

True love does not allow any person to mention things to you such as "lets take a break", "I need space" or "its not you its me" but your fantasy idea of love will make you want to win back the heart of this person who finds you worthless...please don't make me puke.

Wake up to the reality of true love and realize true love as opposed to fantasy love is not something you have to try and win, keep or repair.

It is a natural compatibility and mutual respect of eachother's boundaries mixed with a great level of attraction and it all flows naturally from your personality's meshing well together. You don't fight to keep the other person once they are pulling away because this just means it wasn't a real love after all. If the love is true she will stay with you but for it to be true love it must be based in the reality of what is and not what you want it to be.

Good post, But what if you have the same hobbies, or hang at the same place... Do you have to stop going to this place or stop doing the things you love BECAUSE you want to break contact?

Losing someone you love is hard, but you shouldn't lose your passions to it...

 

[KontrollerX]

You don't have to but you can if you think it is for the best at least for a while.

I do pity the guys who get into impossible to get out of work situations that are stuck seeing that person every day though.

 

[Mavrick]

Emotion will always overrule advice on sosuave... so anybody reading; heed my advice and experience... NO CONTACT!!! Does it work? Who the hell knows... nobody ever goes no contact and ruins it.

Emotional instablilty will override advice on sosuave. An emotionally stable person will listen and take head to the advice.

Sometimes emotional instability is needed so that people can learn from their mistakes. They will learn not to do it again. Then in turn they will help themselves to a big heaping, steaming pile of emotional stability.

 

[BadsnakeUK]

I'd love to keep the no contact thing but whenever I do they just come crawling back and I have to bang them again for their own good!