Why does it feel like my feelings have changed? Really would appreciate some advice

[Spearmint]

I'd appreciate it if anyone could give me some advice on this

About two weeks ago whilst my girlfriend and I were away from each other for Christmas on a break as mentioned in an earlier question, I started to get little doubts about the way she felt about me, which I knew was stupid, it was just because she was busy and I wasn't and I took it the wrong way when she didn't call or text me back when she was busy.

I began to think that because we were on a break she would go and get with other guys and I thought this on New Years Eve.


Anyway I knew I was being stupid and a few days later she came up to visit me for 5 days. On the first night there, being an idiot I am and still feeling sort of unworthy etc, I asked her if she'd gotten with anyone and she said she wasn't like that, I then asked of she had gotten with anyone whilst we were non exclusive and just started off, and she said probably.


I was shocked by the answer of probably.
Basically she'd had a boyfriend of two years and then I had met her while she had a boyfriend. She broke up with him for her own reasons, being that he ignored her for two months while they were at university and then we slept together, everything was good.


I remember her being resistant to anything happening though, she said she wanted time to be herself etc, this was early on about two weeks after we had met, and I agreed and just carried on being the usual me and I felt the attraction to her grow and grow.


But when I found out she had kissed three other guys, I felt a bit betrayed or whatever, like I didn't see it coming and felt like an idiot




So for the first day or two, I was just thinking about her and these three other guys and trying to imagine when it happened and felt like I hadn't done enough for her to just want me and only me.

I know it was silly to think that. She said that she had just come out of a relationship and didn't want to go back into one.


The thing is now, I feel like my feelings for her have changed. I don't know why, it upsets me.

I remember that when I felt guilty about a girl kissing me, I thought my feelings had gone. I told her and it upset her and all that and that's why she broke up with me but then I had all my feelings rush back.


I feel guilty now because when I am with her I don't feel the happiness and excitement that I had felt only a few weeks ago.



All I can think of is negativity, how I don't feel like I did etc.


Why do I feel this now? What has happened for this to occur


I don't want to leave her. The thought of not being with her is painful and the thought of her being with someone else is even worse. I feel bad though because right now I want to be happy and all that but I am not.


Will this pass? How do I get rid of negative thoughts of thinking that I don't have feelings for her?


I have a lot of coursework deadlines as well, I'm away from university and not really around my friends at all when I am home, so I feel that might be stressing me out.


I just want to to enjoy my time with her and be happy without feelings guilty when she is with me or upset

But I really do not know what to do now, I know I love her, I just don't feel it

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Your being super insecure! Keep this behavior up for a few more days and she will be the one handing you your walking papers.

Why did you even ask her that question? What she did when you guys first started seeing each other is frankly none of your business. Secondly, obviously since that time you guys have become exclusive and feeling have grown on both sides.

You should like the girl in this particular situation, trying to probe and figure out how many guys she's been with, etc etc.

I don't think your feelings for your gf have truly changed; I think hearing that she made out with a few guys back when makes you very insecure and you don't want to get hurt so your freaking out inside.

Drop it, its not a big deal and as long as her actions are solid you have nothing to worry about.






PIMP

 

[Spearmint]

Thanks, Pimp

But where are my thoughts that my feelings have changed coming from, why right now when I hold her hand or kiss her do I not feel as I usually do?


How can I remedy it as well if my feelings haven't changed

Also, is me thinking in my head that my feelings have changed, negative thinking?

I don't want to lose her I know that, maybe I thought I felt stronger for her, it's only been 4 months, is that too early to feel real love

Is it possible that, on finding out that I was wrong to think she got with no other boy, did that snap me out of infatuation with her etc?


Thanks for any advice you can offer

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Thanks, Pimp

But where are my thoughts that my feelings have changed coming from, why right now when I hold her hand or kiss her do I not feel as I usually do?


How can I remedy it as well if my feelings haven't changed

Also, is me thinking in my head that my feelings have changed, negative thinking?

I don't want to lose her I know that, maybe I thought I felt stronger for her, it's only been 4 months, is that too early to feel real love

Is it possible that, on finding out that I was wrong to think she got with no other boy, did that snap me out of infatuation with her etc?


Thanks for any advice you can offer

You've put this girl on a pedestal and as you admitted you have a fear of losing her. These are two of the kisses of death when it comes to women, because now your over-analyzing, thinking and wondering about every little detail.

I think your feelings and thoughts come from a protection mechanism where you don't want to get burned, but your already addicted to this girl.


And yes 4 months is way too soon to be able to know you love someone. Don't confuse infatuation with love; similar in some ways, very different in all the others.







PIMP

 

[Spearmint]

So you don't believe my feelings have changed, then what is it that I am feeling now, why do I not feel the excitement and such?


In my head I keep thinking that I don't have feelings for her, which is destructive thinking isn't it? Can this be altered and changed?


Last of all, if I am scared of losing her, scared of not being with her in the future etc, or anything like that or even getting stressed over this, does that prove or show I still have good feelings for her?

 

[perseverance]

How would he know if your feelings have changed? The only person who can possibly know that is YOU.

I don't understand where all this is coming from? For some reason you are just making things harder for yourself, human interaction and relationships are only as complicated as you make them and you're making things seem like one big Manhattan Project.

People's feelings change all the time, it's natural. One week you can find someone attractive and the next week you can find yourself unattracted to her, but attracted to someone else. It happens, just deal with it and move on.

 

[Tovansky]

dude, first, your insecurities are a big turn off, specially when you put that down in words and actually said it *facepalm* so.. like what the others said, now you have done it man. done it really really bad.

second, if you think that you don't like her anymore and don't feel the excitement anymore, please do yourself a huge big favor that you will not regret in the future, walk away from her. break up. dump her. No? Then feel free to feel miserable and insecure later when she dumps you... I don't think you should try to fix things and patch things up. All the best mate!