congratulations. you have just reached the most important moment in your life.
the moment where you realize that everything in life is bullsh*t really. like that dude says in the gladiator movie "we are but shadows and dust".
this is the moment where you no longer are part of the herd. where your life finally becomes YOURS.
and your attitude isn't nihilistic, its apathetic. and its apathy that has resulted from insight into the nature of life. the nature that hollywood movies don't tell you. the nature that AFC 'i just want to f*ck some *****' don't see. its the reason why people chase after power and then abuse it when they get it.
the hardest thing about growing older is realizing that none of the things you've done in the past will lead you to an apex of satisfaction. and none of the things you do in the future will either.
life is pointless. but in a way that is an opportunity. if its pointless then you can do whatever the h*ll you want to do!
look, most people in life aren't smart enough, nor do they have hte luxury, to concern themselves with the 'point' of life, they are too busy surviving. look at hte credit card debt, failed marriages, addicts, criminals, etc. - these are all people who blindly tried to find SOME reason, meaning or purpose to life (or failed to as it may be).
one thing i have learned in my 32 years on this planets and its this - all that there is that is of any interest in this world is a challenge. it doesn't really matter what that challenge is. but a man only feels as though he is alive when he is tackling a challenge or doing something he loves (and the two are usually the same).
your apathy, while arising out of insight into the true nature of life, is also a function of the society we live in where nothing is done with any sense of meaning. everyone is chasing after the mighty dollar, trying to capture that better life, trying to reach that moment where they can say 'hey, my life meant something.'
unfortunately for 99% of folks out there that day won't come. you can be a doctor, a lawyer, a taxi driver, etc. - you can save a life, but there will always be another that needs saving tomorrow, you can win a case but there will just be another one to try tomorrow, you pick up a client drop them off and then go pick up another one.
life is routine for 99% of folks out htere. for the 1% for whom its not, they tend to either be criminals or successful artists, scholars, or business men.
but why should you be motivated to do anything?
i would argue the motivation must come from simply a desire to entertain yourself. why work out and build muscle? simply for the challenge. why get a job and try to be the best you can at it? simply for the challenge.
why do anything? simply for the challenge.
now, should life be this way? no it shouldn't. in truth it should be more about having family and good friends and working so that you can enjoy time with them. but unfortunately in the west your average human has become so sheepish in thought that family and friends often seem like more like actors in a play than authentic relationships.
anyway, we were all sold a bill of goods as kids that when we grew up life would be interesting and exciting, only to find out that for the most part its just boring old routine. and i don't care what your job is. if you're a porn actor its got to get boring after a while. i mean, after banging your 1,000 wh*re, banging wh*re 1001 wont get you out of bed singing sh*ts and giggles.
its this apathy as well that causes so much of the destruction in life. terrorists blowing up f*cking buildings primarily because they are bored with their life. so they invent a war against the Great Satan (ie. the west) and rally up a bunch of other bored kawk faces and stir up some drama to keep everyone busy and entertained.
anyway, just look to shakespear for the truth "Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
so now you got a choice. slowly sink in to a state of depression, latch on to the idiotic ideas that the rest of the world uses and get yourself a nice double D boob job and tummy tuck, or pick a few challenge and start busting your ass to succeed at them.
you aren't the only one to feel this way. in fact, if you look at most geniuses in the world (and im not saying you're a genuis, but who knows, maybe you are) the pointlessness of it all drives them made. i mean, look at how many brilliant minds end up committing suicide or addicted to drugs and OD. the list is endless. and we're talking of brilliant people who were rich, famous, admired, they had the proverbial "all", and yet it didn't fill the hole inside them. they could never shake the awareness that ultimately nothing they did had any true meaning, no matter how much the world admired them. the geniuses who dont off themselves are the ones who simply love what they are doing, and they'd love it whether people admired them or not and whether they made a dime at it or not.
for further insight on life and hwo to live it i'd suggest you read some of the stoic writers from around 100 AD - 200 BC, seneca and marcus aurelius and good reads. they talk about this issue a lot.
also feel free to msg me to discuss further if you'd like.
otherwise, my best advice is to learn to be "ok" with the fact that nothing has immortal value, that all things are born and then die and are forgotten, and to see that as a liberation to do with your life anything you want, to embrace any challenge you desire to embrace.
if you get lucky you'll be able to make a living at it, maybe find a good wife, get a nice home, and at least die in comfort. because after all, we are all in the process of dying.
