why do women

[backbreaker]

when they get mad at you, it's like they know a 10 hit combo to hit you with to get right under your skin?

it never fails... all is fine, you are good, and you do something to a woman and Bam, she hits you THERE.

if you are struggling finding a job, she will hit you there.. "you no good motherFvcker, that's why no one will hire your stupid ass!"

and the more intimate the relationshipk the harder the blow because they dont' hold bounderies. she'll talk about your limp **** if it would get a reaction out of you.

 

[squirrels]

Was it Dane Cook who did that bit about couples arguing? Did she suddenly start agreeing with you just before she hit you with it?

 

[DavenJuan]

i hear ya BB

the more intimate, the more the gloves come off.

i would much rather have a women tell me exactly how she feels rather then sugar coat it.

the problem is. we cant reciprocate that same "tough love" without a shyat storm a brewin'

 

[Mr. Me]

Sounds to me like you hook up with disrespectful, unsupportive women. Contrast your experience with this: I was in-between assignments a few years ago, and the gal I was seeing at the time did some recon work on my behalf - without me asking her - to get me names of people I could contact for work.

 

[Colossus]

Yeah the more intimately she knows you the more brutal and personal her verbal blows will be.

Women know exactly how to hit you where it hurts the most--e.g. circumstantial unemployment, any weakness in your sexual performance, your d!ck size, your belly, your failures and misfortunes. It's the law of the land. The weaker sex naturally has to more decieving and manipulative to get what they want in some situations. Every man knows how underhanded women can be with each other...ruthless.

The thing is, men know where to hit women too (her looks and attracting power), we just generally chose not to; lest we go to jail, get sued, get ostracized from the community, or get labeled as an abusive brute.

 

[The Bat]

Sounds to me like you hook up with disrespectful, unsupportive women. Contrast your experience with this: I was in-between assignments a few years ago, and the gal I was seeing at the time did some recon work on my behalf - without me asking her - to get me names of people I could contact for work.

If I remember correctly, BB is in a LTR with a kid. Isn't that right?

What happened, BB?

 

[jophil28]

Sounds to me like you hook up with disrespectful, unsupportive women. Contrast your experience with this: I was in-between assignments a few years ago, and the gal I was seeing at the time did some recon work on my behalf - without me asking her - to get me names of people I could contact for work.

"disrespectful, unsupportive women" ,,,yep, and the more you younger guys tolerate this crap, the more crap you will catch. Women are doing this because they CAN.
Put a stop to it by leaving her.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

and the more intimate the relationshipk the harder the blow because they dont' hold bounderies.

They don't hold boundries, or you don't SET STRONG BOUNDRIES in such a way that you let her know if she has a problem with YOUR boundries, then it is HER problem?

Unfortunately, the only time this really works well is in the beginning of the relationship, when you are both feeling each other out.

So I guess to answer you question, she does it because you taught her by your inaction that YOU don't HAVE boundries for her to respect.

Never ever assume a woman will behave according to some mythological rules of society, how ever well understood you think they SHOULD be.

 

[jophil28]

Never ever assume a woman will behave according to some mythological rules of society, how ever well understood you think they SHOULD be.

The "rules of society " are not mythological at all. They are consensual and exist as such..

However, you are right to say that we should never automatically expect women to abide by them. Ethics are a male perogative. Women have no use for "rules" when those rules restrict their immediate gratification.

The real problem is men's recent decision ( in the past 30 years) to stop saying "no" to women. NO boundaries and no limit setting has resulted in the girls acting in any way that they wish .

The solution is in OUR own hands.

 

[Interceptor]

The thing is that women instinctively go for your Ego.
Therefore, they either stroke your Ego, or they try to harm it.
When she's feeling generous , she will compliment you to your Ego.
When she's angry at you she will attack your insecurities. Because of the intimacy you two may have, she will know your weak points.
But many men mistakenly believe that by HIDING their insecurities it's the same as not having any.
But they're wrong.
It only makes it worse. More glaringly obvious when she DOES find out what your insecurity is.
So admit it first to yourself.
And then dont be shaken when she discovers it.
Dont do this for her primarily. Do it for you.
Admit it first to yourself. Accept it. ANd accept the challenge of working on it.
And that doesnt mean beat yourself up.
It means be self accepting and self forgiving.


But if you avoid operating from your Ego, you wont be phased by her manipulating compliments, or her trying to shame you or attack your insecurities.
It's when men want to believe and try to convince others that they are invincible is when men get into trouble.
If you truly want to pretend like you're perfect, and have no vulnerabilities, you are more prone to her surgical precision attacks.
Thus, the first thing is that you MUST ACCEPT YourSELF.
And admit that you DO have vulnerabilities, and that you're NOT perfect.
Nor do you have to be.

Thus, when a woman realizes you dont operate from Ego and that you're also accepting of yourself even with imperfections, she doesnt have nearly as much power 'over' you as she might with some chump.

She doesnt have to be there.
Youre not obligating her.
You're not forcing her to deal with your issues.
It's her choice.
Dont let her think she cant point the finger at you , blame, or shame you.
If she does, you're gone.

But when men are desperate to be with a woman, for validation, narcissm, whatever, they operate from a place of neediness and weakness.

If you dont have the strength to walk away when she disrespects you, then you have serious boundary problems.

If you demonstrate that you tolerate poor behavior from someone , they have no reason to think it's wrong, or impetus to change their way of interacting with you.
If you're going to let yourself get b*tched at, even if you were wrong, it's still not acceptable.

Be very very careful of validation seeking, being mesmerized by her ego stroking, and feeding your narcissistic side.
Let go of that and she can't find the chink in your armor.

Your armor is that you're ok with yourself. You allow yourself to make mistakes,and forgive yourself and others. You also apologize when you do make mistakes. And are accepting of yourself and others.
But this means that accepting is different than tolerating.
Accept that those are there mental afflictions, and their conditions
But youre not obligated to stand there and be dressed down.
It's NEVER ok in ANY circumstance for your partner to start ANY verbal attack EVER.

 

[Interceptor]

The "rules of society " are not mythological at all. They are consensual and exist as such..

However, you are right to say that we should never automatically expect women to abide by them. Ethics are a male perogative. Women have no use for "rules" when those rules restrict their immediate gratification.

The real problem is men's recent decision ( in the past 30 years) to stop saying "no" to women. NO boundaries and no limit setting has resulted in the girls acting in any way that they wish .

The solution is in OUR own hands.

Men are the ones who usually follow a code of honor.
And many women are perplexed by this.
But many women, not all, but quite a few do have integrity and will have good intentions, and will not act unethically. Especially when they genuinely care about you.
But be careful if you've wronged her in some way.
Thats when you'll see the real character.
Anyway, the deal is that we shouldnt be expecting GOOD behavior from anyone.
We should hope for the best.
Hope that people will act kind, and graciously. And be exhibiting politeness, and common courtesy.
But be prepared for the opposite.
Its the way our society has evolved.
Immediate gratification. Constant feeding of the Ego.
And non stop stimulation.
People think having good manners, and being moral and ethical are IMPRACTCAL nowadays. And it's crazy. But it's out there.
But dont be phased by it.
Expect that people will show you their real self at some point.
Usually when theyre most irritable.
And then youll see if they can control their behavior because of their love, and respect, and appreciation for you.
But there is a rude awakening for those who believe in the "Just World".
And for those who look for society to 'father' them.

 

[jophil28]

The thing is that women instinctively go for your Ego.
Therefore, they either stroke your Ego, or they try to harm it.

And there is the problem in a nutshell. THis describes a manipulative and adversarial relationship.

Keep her around at your own risk. Your choice !

 

[Interceptor]

Actually, the challeger, my belief is that I am fine with having insecurities.
And my partner should too.
If not, she wont be my partner.
So I dont try to 'hide' them per se.
The idea is to have enough self acceptance to not play games with your partner, or a potential LTR partner.

You dont have to vomit all your insecurities and 'secrets' to her.

But I dont agree on 'hiding'.
Because it often actually triggers a woman's curiosity. And thats when, if she has a vindictive streak, she will make mental notes of what makes you tic.

If you have weaknesses, and you're trying to hide them from her, she is not good enough to be your partner.

If you have weaknesses, and she is plotting to use them against you, find a new partner.
You dont need that in your life.

Dont look to hide so much from her.
If shes truly accepting of you, then she will accept you, and admire your strength in how you handle your personal issues.

 

[backbreaker]

I never said this had anything to do with my GF. Nor did I say this had anything to do with anyone I hooked up with.

Just something I've noticed. My GF knows how to get under my skin, but she does so a hell of alot more subtley than doing calling my **** small or something like that.


someone hit it on the head. they go for the ego. I had a woman actually about 1 hour ago who I know in passing that i randomly ran into at the store, throw IOI after IOI at me, and the whole time just stroking my ego, telling me how much she missed me (we hardley know each other), how great I look, telling me how much she missed me again, how great of a person I am. let I date her and she knows more aobut me, the first place she will go for is that same thing just in a different direction.

My EX, remember the black girl pic I posted a couple of years ago? She had that BAD. Back when I was a little overweight...when she was in a good mood i was her "teddy bear".. when we got into it I was a fat bastard, and she knew I was extremely self concious about my weight.

On the flip, that same ex, when we got into arguements, I guess it's just not a man's nature, but I just don't go there. It's like when we argue, a man first tries to win the argument. A woman on the flip side, wants to inflect the most emotional response she possibly can out of you, screw the arguement. The arguement is secondary.

PS- My GF and Joe are doing fine. Joe is actually crawling now which is pretty cool. We have spats (GF and I) but what relationship doesn't.. and they are very few and far between.

but i don't want to make the mistake of thinkign I don't need to keep my DJ skills honed. The reason we have a great relationship is becuase it's under my terms, I don't take **** and neither does she which I respect. I don't want to become one of THOSE guys.. the P whipped guys who have no control over their woman guys and don't get laid anymore guys, GF/Wife gains 30 pounds and you can't even masterbate because she sleeps all day guys. Dont' want that. So I come here.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hello Backbreaker,
I think it was Benjamin Franklin who said (In as many words) "The Alley cats always seem to be snarling and fighting,but there is always an abundance of kittens around"

 

[Bible_Belt]

I don't want to become one of THOSE guys.. the P whipped guys who have no control over their woman guys and don't get laid anymore guys


A friend of mine used to be a DJ before he got married. The first date he had with his wife, he had another date that same night, and each girl knew about the other. Now one of those b!tches runs his life. They just had their second kid. I used to hang out at his house a lot; we'd order ppv UFC fights. Then she told him he was not allowed to do that any more. The other day, he invites me over, had not seen him in a couple months, and I guess she was having a psycho-b!tch moment from just having a baby, but she stomped out into the living room when I was sitting there with him and flat out told me that she did not want me in her house any more and that I was not welcome there. And my pvssy-whipped friend just sat there. He can't even stop his woman from berating his friends in front of him.

 

[edger]

A friend of mine used to be a DJ before he got married. The first date he had with his wife, he had another date that same night, and each girl knew about the other. Now one of those b!tches runs his life. They just had their second kid. I used to hang out at his house a lot; we'd order ppv UFC fights. Then she told him he was not allowed to do that any more. The other day, he invites me over, had not seen him in a couple months, and I guess she was having a psycho-b!tch moment from just having a baby, but she stomped out into the living room when I was sitting there with him and flat out told me that she did not want me in her house any more and that I was not welcome there. And my pvssy-whipped friend just sat there. He can't even stop his woman from berating his friends in front of him.

And it's said women don't like AFC's ....Bible, your friend is displaying AFCism pretty hardcore, yet his wife still stays with him. This seems to be the case with a lot of guys out there. That's why, I'm becoming more of a believer by the day that there are no "rules" when it comes to attracting hot women. I used to be a hardcore believer when I first came to this site that virtually ALL AFC's got no tail. Well, I've sure thrown that belief out the door. Then you got a guy like me, who displays no signs of AFCism and who's good-looking on top of it, who has quite a bit of trouble bedding hotties. Go figure man. Like I say, D E S T I N Y. Some are destined to score no matter what they do.

Like the song goes:

"Some guys have all the luck
Some guys have all the pain
Some guys have all the luck
Some guys have nothing but the pain"

I'm not sure what song those lyrics are from, but it's so true.

 

[Nutz]

This is the 3rd time I've posted to this thread. Let's see if it sticks this time...

To put it bluntly, women pull what the OP is saying because they haven't been called on their bad behavior by men. Most guys have a scarcity mentality and let women get away with terrible behavior, what's normally socially unacceptable generally speaking, and they know most guys won't do a damn thing about it. And if the guys do get bent out of shape the women know there are a bazillion other guys out there that will put up with it. Until this changes all we can do is keep screening out the crazies/low quality women.

 

[Papillon]

This is a very interesting subject and thanks to backbreaker for bringing it to our attention.

The "rules of society " are not mythological at all. They are consensual and exist as such..

However, you are right to say that we should never automatically expect women to abide by them. Ethics are a male perogative. Women have no use for "rules" when those rules restrict their immediate gratification.

The real problem is men's recent decision ( in the past 30 years) to stop saying "no" to women. NO boundaries and no limit setting has resulted in the girls acting in any way that they wish .

The solution is in OUR own hands.

I fully agree with the statement but we’ll get again into the “quality women” topic which has been argued over and over again. Nevertheless I will point out edger’s post as well. That and together with the original post it is something I want to further analyze.
It may be counterintuitive with what we try to accomplish and become within this community but it has always struck me why so many women (many attractive) go for what is called AFC.
Isn’t that women like to control and dominate a relationship more than we would like to think they do?.
I don’t want to flame or anything but let us but together the first and edger’s post. What do we have here? ( Few? Some? Many? Most?) women like to beat down their partners only so they can feel more powerful in the relationship? Do they do that only so they can later show their “motherly instincts” and try to correct/change the “good-for-nothing” bf/husband/date as a mother does with her son who needs “directions” from her?
Some posters will say that these attractive women saw something in them and these AFC might not be so AFC and so on. I doubt that. I really do. Maybe in a few cases. If I start to think I saw so many attractive women with men that can be easily controlled. Those are AFC’s right? These guys did not even seem rich so you can say then that those women are with them for money. Then what gives?
Related to this issue it just popped in my head something I saw at a wedding (I hate them ) I recently attended. An absolutely jaw-dropping woman (by my standards, and I dated good looking ones but this one just blew my head up) with a slightly improved version of Homer Simpson. I found out this was her second marriage. Anyway, she controlled every step the couple did. She initiated everything. From dancing, talking to other people, going outside for a smoke. The guy just followed her like a lost puppet. She was in absolute control. It was amazing and frustrating at the same time to watch. And no, he was not some big shot either.
Anyway, to conclude for now my post . I do think that women try to manipulate, control and change men more than we give them credit and this may be something rooted in their genes as something related to the “motherly instincts”. And AFC's can more easily to be controlled. On the same token I recall (but I cannot recall exactly where I read this) in order to become a real man (Alpha?) you need to” move away from the womb” or something. It looks like a paradox to me.

 

[Alexander the Great]

Men are the ones who usually follow a code of honor.
And many women are perplexed by this.
But many women, not all, but quite a few do have integrity and will have good intentions, and will not act unethically. Especially when they genuinely care about you.
But be careful if you've wronged her in some way.
Thats when you'll see the real character.
Anyway, the deal is that we shouldnt be expecting GOOD behavior from anyone.
We should hope for the best.
Hope that people will act kind, and graciously. And be exhibiting politeness, and common courtesy.
But be prepared for the opposite.
Its the way our society has evolved.
Immediate gratification. Constant feeding of the Ego.
And non stop stimulation.
People think having good manners, and being moral and ethical are IMPRACTCAL nowadays. And it's crazy. But it's out there.
But dont be phased by it.
Expect that people will show you their real self at some point.
Usually when theyre most irritable.
And then youll see if they can control their behavior because of their love, and respect, and appreciation for you.
But there is a rude awakening for those who believe in the "Just World".
And for those who look for society to 'father' them.

Awesome words. Something to always be aware of as long as it's not second nature to you. Also a personal refresher to me. Especially those last two sentences.

Thank you, Interceptor, for posting this today. (I'd give rep but apparently I have to spread it around more...)