Why do we care so much about looks?

[Sir Don]

Sometimes I wonder why we care so much about looks. Yesterday at a party, I met 2 girls. We talk and laugh. Great conversation. One of the girl and I had alot in common. However, they look average. If they were above average like HB7 at least, I would try a number close. But because they are only average, I let them pass. One of the girl who I had alot in common had to give me a hug before she leave. I know if I had ask her for number i would get it. But I feel so bad I didn't because of her looks. I am so shallow. But I can't help it. I prefer pretty, cute, or hot women. But nevertheless, I have this huge guilt about it.

 

[Dr Box]

It is the way we are programmed, can't help it men are just that way. Having said that, it depends.....did you not do a number close because you were not attracted to them at all....or did you not do a number close because the were only a HB7 and you think your better then that? It is ok to be a DJ but don't pass up girls just because you think your better then them or because you think your mates will annoy you about it. Just a thought

 

[JonJack]

It really isn't shallow. However, not even bothering to get a number is a bit of a mistake. Since you had lots in common, the two of you could make really good friends. Unless of course you are pretty sure that's she's digging you and don't want to string her along.

But that's the way guys are in general. They'll want to get hot and heavy with the hot girls. Personality and commonality determines how well you 'connect' with the other person. Usually for a LTR, a guy will try and pick a girl with a big positive for these two traits. It's normal man. Accept it and embrace the male perspective.

 

[seanchai]

I like fat chicks. I don't feel guilty about liking fat chicks. You shouldn't feel guilty about not liking fat chicks. Look, I just solved your problem!

 

[SynapsyS]

I only approach girls who I think are physically very attractive.

Note how I didn't say "hot chickz". I said "physically attractive", which doesn't mean hot and cute. Sometimes, there's something about a girl that's really attractive. The same goes for us, even if you're not such a looker, you can still pull. Why? Because there's something about you that they find attractive (mostly confidence, but there'll be other things).

If you only approach girls who are what you look for physically, then you'll never pass up on getting numbers. Of course, sometimes you just end up talking to girls who just aren't attractive to you (for whatever reason: I've passed on a HB9, because she gave off slutty vibes, which i DO NOT find attractive at all). In that case, what are you worrying about? There's nothing wrong with not getting a number. Although you may have missed out on a friendship, but as JonJack said, you don't want to be stringing them along either.

Syn.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Babies dont like ugly people so why should you?

 

[[DoN.2.Da.JUaN]]

its attraction, everyones attracted to different types of people you just dont like below average looking girls

 

[LowPlainsDrifter]

Kissing a woman I'm royally attracted to is far better than having sex with someone I've settled for.

 

[joekerr31]

"hot" is a social conditioning concept.

in victorian times being plump or fat was hot. now skinny is hot.

my personal view on it is that it's all about status. landing a "hot" babe makes you "the man". society puts a lot of value on appearance so if you land a hot babe that tells other people you are important.

we pass on average looking women because it says "hey im average also, this is all i can get"

when you grow up and stop caring about what other people think, and after enough hot women have burned you good, you'll start considering the "average" woman who you have a lot in common with and who is supportive, caring and honest with you.

it all comes down to just how much you need that societal validation that you matter.

fyi, 100 years ago hardly any women were "hot" (no real make up, hair conditioner, tooth paste, etc.) but guys still banged them and married them.

its all social conditioning.
J

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I hate makeup.

 

[BigMike]

Originally posted by SELF-MASTERY
I hate makeup.

Amen!

I just got my "new" girl off the make-up.

What do you know? The first time I see her without it, she has some of the cutest freckles I've ever seen...

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by Sir Don
Sometimes I wonder why we care so much about looks. Yesterday at a party, I met 2 girls. We talk and laugh. Great conversation. One of the girl and I had alot in common. However, they look average. If they were above average like HB7 at least, I would try a number close. But because they are only average, I let them pass. One of the girl who I had alot in common had to give me a hug before she leave. I know if I had ask her for number i would get it. But I feel so bad I didn't because of her looks. I am so shallow. But I can't help it. I prefer pretty, cute, or hot women. But nevertheless, I have this huge guilt about it.

DON'T feel bad about this.. you have a bad case of the nice guy infection. Modern society is warped and it has made you feel this way. It isn't wrong to find a girl unattractive. It is perfectly natural.

Trust me.... about this you don't want to be holding this girl in your arms and then find out you have no feelings for her. It doesn't matter how hard you try to ignore physical attraction you just can't get away from it. It is part of who you are as a man. You have a right not to find a woman attractive and you don't need someone telling you to feel guilty about it. The truth is you need to have BOTH, physical and mental attraction for a good LTR.

At a young age physical attraction is very important. It is part of who you are at that time in your life. That is just the way we are all made. Don't let people tell you that when you get older you won't think that way. Live naturaly and go with how you feel at the age you are. Life is a progression that is followed one step at a time. You don't want to skip ahead and act 20 years older then you are! that is just f-cked!

Furthermore, don't think for one moment that women are not all the same. You are going to have to put up with crap from her regardless of how ugly she is or how hot she is. Since that is the case, why not have someone you find attractive? Don't forget, she is going to rag on you regardless of how she looks.

My advice to you is to let a girl prove herself to you. When a girl goes out of her way to 'get' you it can be attractive. Sometimes it can improve her image in your mind and you can do without the big tities or the nice ass. On the other hand, if she is way way to unattractive then there isn't much you can do. It won't ever work out.

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by joekerr31
"hot" is a social conditioning concept.

in victorian times being plump or fat was hot. now skinny is hot.

my personal view on it is that it's all about status. landing a "hot" babe makes you "the man". society puts a lot of value on appearance so if you land a hot babe that tells other people you are important.

we pass on average looking women because it says "hey im average also, this is all i can get"

when you grow up and stop caring about what other people think, and after enough hot women have burned you good, you'll start considering the "average" woman who you have a lot in common with and who is supportive, caring and honest with you.

it all comes down to just how much you need that societal validation that you matter.

fyi, 100 years ago hardly any women were "hot" (no real make up, hair conditioner, tooth paste, etc.) but guys still banged them and married them.

its all social conditioning.
J

100 years ago women made good housewives and they focused on pleasing their man. They were in high demand. In todays world you get a fat girl that doesn't even know how to cook you a good meal! Most are fat, lazy, unattractive, selfish, and useless.

The other thing is that people back then were not obsessed with sexuality like they are today. They did not market sex to the extreme that it is now. I can also grantee you that if you took a man out of the 18th century and showed him a modern hot babe he would want to bang her hard! I would also argue that what men find attractive has just become more refined today. It really hasn't changed. You work with the materials you have.

But I don't agree that wanting an attractive woman is all about social validation. Attractiveness is a natural part of who we are. It is defined by our social structure, age, belief system, and basic instincts

A social deconstructionist can argue that it doesn't mater what a woman looks like, but the fact is it just doesn't have any practical application. We need attraction and it is very important to us.

You can give me a huge fat girl who is basically my dream girl in every other way and I will reject her. Why? Because she isn't physically attractive! To do otherwise would be unnatural.

Personally, I only like thin girls and the reason for that is because they are sexualy more attractive naked.

 

[Qmanchoo]

My buddy and I go into the city together quite often during the day on business, and almost every chick we pass I rate differently than he does. I think chick X is an 8 he thinks chick X is a 2. I wouldn't cross the street to spit on chick Y and he's crazy about chick Y.

It's not that you only like hot women, it's simply that certain women are more appealing to you than others. That's all. I think Teri Hatcher is the hottest thing on the planet, he thinks I'm full of **** and Catherine Zeta Jones is...

Also, you know why you shouldn’t feel bad about not going after a girl you consider avg? Because when you are going with a girl that DOES stimulate you visually and turns you on you’ll be wittier, funnier, think of more things to say, and be more interesting. She’ll get your “juices flowing." Really…and if the girl doesn’t stimulate you you’ll sit there more bored and uninterested more than not.

Just my experience. Don't feel ashamed about the way people are naturally programmed.

 

[joekerr31]

ok, i agree with what you said when we look at the extremes (ie. thin hot girl versus fat ugly girl). But my comments were in relation to normal cute girl versus super hot girl.

had he said ugly fat woman i'd say, ya, it goes against your nature. but hb 6 versus hb 8, the only reason we go for one over the other is social status. society says hb8 is BETTER. even though hb 6 is probably better in terms of how she will treat you.

all im saying is that i think its dumb to trade of a great, kidn and caring hb6/7 for a hot but *****y hb9/10. and i think the ONLY reason men do that is for the social status associated with nailing an hb9. even if its in their own mind and no one knows that they ever did it. they still feel better about themselves thinking that they nailed one of the more valuable members of our society.

just my view.
J

 

[In2theGame]

i know what you mean but sometimes we are attracted to a girl that is not hot, theres just something about them that just draws you in. For Example,.. theres this girl that i think is So cute and i was Really attracted to her.... My friends saw her also and they said "shes ugly" but for me... I was very attracted to her even thought she was average looking.