Why Do They keep calling back even when they have dumped you?

[ZeeOwl]

On the theme of comparing notes, here's a run-down of the common points with mine:

Originally posted by jnallen
She could never make up her mind.

Nope. She was quite descisive, and even rather stubborn most of the time.

She was the queen of flirts.

When she is single, yes. But not while with me.

Cheated, lied in a subtle way.

Nope.

She leaves and you get over it. Then out of the blue here she comes.

Nope. Has a huge ego (read: compensating for very fragile ego), so would never admit needing anybody.

She use to goto the bar and bring home 30 flowers and say hey look at all the flowers the guys bought me tonight.

Nope, not her style.

Didn't work, cook or clean around the house.

Didn't work (on welfare all her life), but was a housework maniac, and good cook.

Her way or the highway attitude, would not put up with anything.

Yep, 100% on that.

Though she was all that.

Nope, actually had very low self-esteem (at least with me), was always fishing for reassurance.

Her kids were total brats.

Only her oldest (13yo girl). Her 2nd (9yo girl) was starting to, partly because of bad example from older sister, and partly because of issues with her dad (he didn't care about her).

She was always screaming at them.

Yep, continously.

Everything you did with her had to be with her totally messed up family which caused us all kinds of problems.

Most of the time. Though mine's family wasn't that bad, and I'm the family type too (I have 3 kids), so I actually enjoyed it.

It was like she wanted to start fights.

Once the relationship started going downhill (about 3 months). I think she was partly testing me, and partly trying to put the blame for the deterioration on me. Which was partly true because I was too tolerant with her. She went overboard on it too though, venting her life frustrations on me. In the beginning, especially the 1st month, she was a total sweetie.

Tried her best to make you jealous.

Nope, she couldn't stand jealousy. And neither can I, so we got along on that point.

Our time alone was spent with us doing seperate activities with friends.

Occasionally, but most of it was just the 2 of us spending quiet time together, which we both enjoyed. She appreciated my good listening skills and my affectionate nature. And I appreciated her affectionate nature, and that she enjoyed sex as much as I do.

Never appreciated anything you did for her. Like she expected it.

After the 2 first months, yep. Before that she was very appreciative. In my case, I suspect the change may be due to my AFCness though...

The sad part is at one time I was Ga Ga over this chick.

Oh yeah! I was too. Right to the end. And even for the 7 months following our breakup. Just couldn't get her out of my mind. When I first met her, it was love at first sight. Only time this ever happened to me. It was like I was hypnotized. Ignored all the red flags she was giving me, even though I was aware of them at the time.

1utfan1 helped me thru getting away from her back in Feb. He was a lot of help when I slipped into temporary insanity for a bit.

He's been helping me with mine too. lol Great guy.

This post is not big enough to list the bad qualities she had and the good quality if she had any was a three letter word. That is it.

Mine had many good qualities too (including good at sex). So it about evens out in her case. She had some major problems, but your's sounds much worst.

The problem I had is that I was married to my HS sweetheart for 16 yrs. So when I started dating I had been out of the game for a long time. This was a nightmare because this was only the second chick I dated after my divorce.

I had been with my former gf for 11 years (married 6). I had taken 1 year off after my divorce, and had been dating for 11 months. Had only seriously dated one other woman (2 months) before I met her. Scenario seems similar.

And I let this chick move in with me after 4 months of dating.

I moved in with her after 3 weeks of dating. So I'm more nuts than you I think it was her idea, but I'm not 100% sure, this was 5 years ago...

 

[ZeeOwl]

Originally posted by ShortyBrown
Women who have been dumped frequently go back to the scene of the crime because they do not have a sense of closure. Closure that was the responsibility of the dumper (i.e the MAN) to give. Since you have a big ego and are clearly feeding off of this, you probably didn't think that you had to have the balls to tell her straight up that you did not want to see her again.

Muthafukkin' bull****. Where there's a will there's a way. You're loving this. Grow up.

Shorty, you're out in left field with this one. Firstly, she dumped him. I understand about closure (Read my "Still hung up on ex" thread), boy do I ever. And I agree that it's the responsibility of the dumper. Men need it too, btw. The ones with feelings anyways...

This woman is a nut-case (worst than anything I've seen). She's also a stalker type. If she were a man, she'd be in jail right now. But since she's a woman, she knows she can get away with it. I'm sure this isn't the first guy she's done this to. As long as she doesn't come after him with a gun or a knife, she's safe. If he goes down to a police station, and tells them his story, what do you think they'll tell him? "This is a woman. What are you, a wuss? Tell her to get lost!" What do you think he's been doing? I've been lucky enough never to run into this problem, but I know people who have.

 

[seulaxplaya]

dude shes probably calling you cuz she has four kids and is a single parent. hmmmm what could she possibly be looking for. she probably hasnt found another scrub and is probably just going back to u till she finds a replacement.

 

[jnallen]

Thanks Zee

1utfan1 helped me a lot. He is a good guy. Knows quite a bit.

Yes she is a psycho no doubt about it.

I will just have to go thru the motions. Maybe I will get with a gf that will chase her off. She has chased the last to I have been with off.

They are not use to dealing with soemone like her.


Seulaxplaya

She was hot. She had plenty of suitors. Now if you are talking about getting them to stay then maybe you are correct.

 

[Starman]

Jnallen

What type of personality disorder do you think she has?

Sounds like she has Borderline Personality Disorder

Relationships with others are intense but stormy and unstable with marked shifts of feelings and difficulties in maintaining intimate, close connections. The person may manipulate others and often has difficulty with trusting others. There is also emotional instability with marked and frequent shifts to an empty lonely depression or to irritability and anxiety. There may be unpredictable and impulsive behavior which might include excessive spending, promiscuity, gambling, drug or alcohol abuse, shoplifting, overeating or physically self-damaging actions such as suicide gestures. The person may show inappropriate and intense anger or rage with temper tantrums, constant brooding and resentment, feelings of deprivation, and a loss of control or fear of loss of control over angry feelings. There are also identity disturbances with confusion and uncertainty about self-identity, sexuality, life goals and values, career choices, friendships. There is a deep-seated feeling that one is flawed, defective, damaged or bad in some way, with a tendency to go to extremes in thinking, feeling or behavior

 

[Kid-Icarus]

my 2cents

not an expert or anything but from what i've read so far and trust me its alot.....she cant find any better and is trying to go back 2u...human nature to stick 2what u got when u cant find better....but in her case you're gone now...she may r maynot realized she screwed up and wants you back to help her with the kids, her ego, ect...best advice from my experience is tell her str8 up how u feel...

DONT be cruel...DONT be nice. speak as a man that has nothing to lose...tell her her actions,,,hows its made u feel(yeah i know it sounds girly) and that you dont want nor need her anymore..

I cant stress it enuf tho ..BE EXTREMELY BLUNT... since avoiding her doesnt seem to b workin n she keeps buggin u...tell her exactly what she doesnt want to hear or know....the truth about her sorry ass(dont remember da sex tho) and put her in her place. throw all sensible emotions out the window as u do this cuz she may cry n what not and u cant afford to be weak..then walk away.

it may sound cruel but from my experience ppl who usually smack you with a dose of reality about yourself usually end up on your sh*t list and dont wanna be around them..thats my 2cent

 

[jnallen]

Starman

She has Borderline/Hisrionic PD

Your description is dead on.


Kid-Carus

She won't find any better. Not to be a big head or nothing. Just most guys won't ecxcept the four kids. Let alone her fuc**d up family causing problems, A PD and the my way or the highway attitude. She needs to wise up but never will.

I need to move from the area again.

 

[Kid-Icarus]

dont move...r u gonna keepmovin everytime she bugs you? you were with her sometime right so you know what she hates...become whatever that is!!! if nothin works and you still wanna move go to the other side of the world....leave all ppl friends family behind and move..ok...r u can just wingit and hope the prob goes away....u'd be surprise what praying can do...when the dj site fails da lord is always listening (chanting)
oh lord help our man with his trouble..the dj site hasnt been doin this one but tellin him what he already knows...pls make his problem dissappear...there that done it...an answer will come in 2yrs hope you can wait that long

Thats my 2cents....Back to the shadows

 

[jnallen]

Dude from what her therapist told me that is what it will take is prayer.

When I talked to him about this a long time ago it was because I thought I was going nuts. Rtek here at this site told me a lot about this disorder. Ever seen Fatal Attraction.

Thats Borderline and there are a lot of them out here. I told her therapist which was not ethically suppose to tell me what )he did but he knows me.) that I don't have to worry about it I am bailing. He said that will do no good she will call or find you. I told him I'll tell her to fu*k off then.

He said you haven't heard the last of her. Boy was he ever right. My last GF she about beat to death with her purse. She came out of nowhere. She had been sitting at the bar evidently for awhile watching us.

I was hopeing she would meet someone and lose interest.

We'll see. Really just wanted to warn some of the guys here.

 

[Starman]

ohh yea Borderline and Bipolar chicks are whacky as fvck..the thought of seducing one is enticing..but their relationships are turbulant , stormy and extreme..they go from extreme obsessive love on day..to cut throat HATE the next day(kinda like mega drama chicks)

the type of chicks that key your car, follow you around, and profess their love for you when they just meet you..then they tell you they hate your guts the next

They are very emotionally unstable..and can bring hell into your life with their confusing signals if you let them.

your therapist friend can lose his liscence if the board ever finds out he talks about his patients

 

[jnallen]

He is a relative so it won't get that far. She will never find out.

Sounds like you have been with her. Yes she was the drama queen, attention *****, barfly. All the worst women balled into one. Add the four kids it is no wonder no one stays with her long enough than to get off.

She works a factory job and is the queen of flirts her family was horrible. Brothers a drug dealer. They are so loud always hollering at one another. At times I though hey any of you people know how to just talk and not yell. I was a dumbass for ever getting in the mess but at the time I was getting over a 16yr marriage crumbling and she met me at a very vunerable time which she new by working with my dad. She pumped him for info. Eerie huh?

When I first came here a guy tols me to run. Run as fast as you can. The fastest way to run I have been told is to set your leg afire and douse it with lighter fluid.

I ran forty miles away and she must have run as fast or faster.

 

[Starman]

LOL

Yea Ive dealt with Borderline and BiPolar chicks. Not fun.

They use their sexuality alot as their main way to focus attention on themselves.

is she on any medication?

 

[jnallen]

She was on Celexa and was fine. When she cam off from it is when the trouble began.

You are dead on about using her body to get attention and one of these days she is going to use it to get her in trouble.

The last little risky behavior she did was go to a biker bar and get in a limo with a bunch of guys and go down to Louisville with them. She passed out on the way.

No wonder chicks like this get raped. So nailv and foolish.

 

[DJjazzyJeff]

Originally posted by jnallen
She was on Celexa and was fine. When she cam off from it is when the trouble began.

You are dead on about using her body to get attention and one of these days she is going to use it to get her in trouble.

The last little risky behavior she did was go to a biker bar and get in a limo with a bunch of guys and go down to Louisville with them. She passed out on the way.

No wonder chicks like this get raped. So nailv and foolish.

Hey, I'm from Louisville and a biker , I remember that chick

 

[jnallen]

I love it.

I wish you would have impressed her more. Maybe she would leave my me the hell alone.

That was the night I left and had fun to. Decided I was done.

Betcha I had more fun than you because lord knows where she has been or what she had. I'd get checked.

LOL