Why do I run out of stuff to say?

[Athos]

Okay, this is something that I've been wondering for a while...

I'll approach a girl or girls and then say something like "Hey, how's your night going blahblah etc." and then just not be sure what to say.

Is that because I'm still too anxious and in my head? I'm thinking it may be because I'm thinking what to do next...

Most of the time I can't stick to the 3 second rule. It takes me a little while, at least in the beginning of the night to make the approach.

Where should my head be? What should I be thinking about when I've just opened a girl?

Obviously I'm in the wrong place, thinking about the wrong things. I'm not having much success and it's obvious that some basic and critical step or mindset isn't right.

Any help or advice is appreciated.

 

[Diaforetikos]

Best advice is to say exactly what your thinking at that moment. It doesn't really matter what you say. As long as your having fun, and she sees that, you'll be ok.

I walked up to a girl one time and asked her if she hates it when someone calls you, you miss the call, then you call back immediately, only to be left ignored. The girl enjoyed the conversation. It wasn't about her or me. Just a general situation that people run into all the time. I wasn't seeking anything from her, just wanted to have fun.

Now I'm not recommending you hit n girls this way. I'm just saying you should use this as a gate opener. Once your in, have fun, and don't stress what to talk about. Once you start drawing blanks again, literally speak your mind. Just try not to be awkward about it. Girls can sense that kind of stuff.

Good luck mate.

 

[Athos]

Ah, there's... just nothing on my mind. I guess I'm so obsessed with opening before opening, when I finally open I don't want to "mess it up". So I'm thinking what to say next or what's the right thing to say.

Wow, cant' believe I didn't realize this earlier. So many sets this has happened.

Need to get the **** out of my head seems like.

 

[runner83]

Yes, stop over-thinking things.

I can have this problem sometimes as well.

Some tips:

- Keep it light and avoid any boring "interview style" questions

- TEASE HER!

- Say something that disqualifies her for you (i.e. a neg), without making it personal, and also say it in such a way that she is thinking "is this guy serious or not?"

Remember that words are only a minor part of things. Go in with a relaxed, fun attitude like you don't give a f8ck, and she'll pick up on this and often go along with it as well (unless she is very rude or in a crappy mood - next!).

 

[Athos]

Gah, the deadly interview style questions...

Pretty much my convo material in one.

LOL.

How do I fix this.

 

[Hakuna]

Conversation is a skill, not an ability. Practice talking to people, not just girls you are trying to game.

Don't be afraid to embrace an awkward silence. When I talk to girls I maintain an indiscreet aloofness, it just her job to break silences. If you think to hard about a conversation, you shift the frame to her and enter a mode where you are simply trying to qualify yourself. This is where negging helps so much - it allows you to disqualify and establish a higher social status. After this, she will be inclined to break silences because she feels the need to qualify herself to YOU. When betas try and game girls, the girl assumes that SHE is the prize, and thus awkward silences are seen as HIS fault.

Body language speaks more to a girl than your words. Don't be afraid to say to little, "Brevity is the soul of wit."

If you sense interest dying out, just leave or go talk to someone else. If you try and force a conversation, you risk coming off as desperate or over-gaming.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

I agree with Hakuna that conversation is a skill that requires practice.

If you were going to play football, would you wait until the snap to think about how you're going to move and tackle people? No, you'd have thought about it well ahead of time (like every day) and practiced to perfection. In fact, you eventually get so good at playing a particular position that your tackling form and stances become muscle memory and you cease to need to conciously think about each aspect of your techniques.

The same holds true for conversation.

If you can't tell me right now 5 or even ways to continue the conversation past "how is your night going," then how can you do it on the fly? Unless you're one of the extremely blessed naturally witty people out there with endless things to talk about and to make jokes about, then you'll need to put in some time ahead of the game to make sure that when she leaves you with a less-than-enthralling answer, you'll have more things to go on.

Some that I can think of right now...

This place is packed/empty is it normally like this?
What's the deal with your purse/shoes/earrings? Would only say this if they caught my eye and were really weird.
Is this the first bar you've been to tonight?
Is this the best bar/club in the area?
Let's dance!

I don't like opening with how is your night going because then you either have to changes subjects immediately and it probably won't have much to do with how her night is actually going, or you'll end up talking about why she's so tired or over-worked or stressed - and it's really not much fun for either of you to talk about those things having first met seconds ago.

None of the things I mentioned above are really great, but it doesn't have to be great - it just has to prevent awkwardness and keep things flowing (plus, I'm not a fan of that opener because it doesn't lead naturally into other positive things - I like to use how are you and then follow with a legitimate conversation opener). There's some good stuff in the DJ bible about conversation and there are some REALLY great books out there on little things that you can do communication-wise. Above all else, the most important thing is to practice over and over and over again.

 

[todays_news]

that three second rule is pure bullsh*t, you cant apply something like that as a universal rule to talking to girls. So ignore that. Works for some people, if you've tried it a few times and it hasnt gone well for you then scrap it.

In terms of what you should be thinking, you shouldnt be thinking anything after you've opened, you should be listening to what she is saying and noticing how she reacts, so that you can comment on it.

You dont have conversation by thinking, you do it by listening and talking, throwing in sarcasm and ****yness can help break the ice, and show you as more of a challenge than talking about flat topics such as how busy the bar is.

Also dont look scared and awkward, if she can pick up your apprehension then it'll make her feel awkward too.

 

[Diaforetikos]

To be honest, all of this information these guys are giving is in the DJ Bible. Click the link at the bottom of the page and check out the conversation section. That should help.

Also, practice. Talk with everyone. You'll find out what to say after a while. Then you'll be talking to women like it's breathing. But you gotta practice.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

You run out of stuff to say because you worry about running out of stuff to say.

It's always inner game guys, I'll be saying it til the cows come home. How else could it be?

You still have this attachment to outcome, which really just demonstrates that your values are skewed. You value your dealings with women above many other important priorities-namely, your own self-interest.

A man with a strong character & identity, and a relatively clean conscience, has what we would call "flow". He doesn't stumble around in his mind, because he is strong and devoted to the serious business of making the most of his life. Because he values himself, he values only his own approval and is free to be himself. Being free to be himself, he puts his best face forward and his life improves.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

Julius I understand what you're saying, but it seems like you're assuming he's already a good conversationalist.

It's clear that he gets nervous when approaching women, but it's not clear that he has the tools in his toolbox to make good conversation even if he wasn't so nervous.

Inner game is required, but so is the learned skill of holding and leading a conversation. If you believe that conversational skills aren't learned, then try talking with a ferral child. They are completely unable to communicate with people because verybal communication is a learned skill.

It is always inner game, but it's not always ONLY inner game.

 

[PectoralisMajor]

BEST tip for you. DONT speak about HER or YOU. speak about neutral topics.

here's some examples that can be used;

1) if you could invent any day, what would it be? naked day, topless day, sex day, sports day, free bar day, whatever. its INTERESTING you see. and cannot possibly have a YES or NO reply !

2) You can choose to be a super hero with a super power, what would you go for? i'd want to be able to fly, or be invisible, or teleport. see? it leads to a conversation.

as some already said, AVOID mundane questions like 'what did you do today, whats your favourite....they are BORING.,