Why do I feel like I can't get nowhere?

[Das]

I found this site about a year ago. I was desparate and at the end of my rope. I saw this site and I was a little skeptical, but anything was worth a shot.

But I'm not improving at all. I still am scared to death of rejection. I keep getting flaked on. I know I'm not assertive enough, but when I try to be a sexual being it's like I have no idea what to do or how to do it. I'm still awkward as hell with my kino. I have no real idea how to escalate things on the very rare occasion that I'm not flaked on. I want to post field reports, but i don't think you guys would want to see 1000 posts that end with "I'm busy that night" or "I have a boyfriend."

I feel like I'm caught in an endless loop of AFC. It's all laid out here and it just doesn't jell in my head with what to do when i really need it to come through for me. I keep approaching but the thought that she's not going to be interested in me keeps creeping into my head and it keeps up until I implode. Then I keep picking at what I did wrong in my head over and over. The bad thoughts just won't go away. I want them to go away so bad.

I'm still upset over the things that happened to me over memorial day.

Theres an old oneitis of mine that works with me. I'm stuck with her and her dumb ass. I look at her and all I can see is a lot of wasted time and effort, and to make matters worse the others I work with insist on trying to still hook me up with her despite my objections. And she keeps coming to me with the horror stories about her boyfriend that she just won't break up with that she met at a party I took her to, and I feel like crap because at some level this guy is more attractive to her than I ever will be, no matter how DJ I (hopefully will) become because she's already made up her mind that I'm a "nice guy." 8 hours a day. 6 days a week. 10 feet away from me. All year. For the last 3 years. I'm stuck with her.

All these things keep making me beat myself up over this even when I don't want to. I want to have the confidence. I WANT the self esteem. I want to feel good about myself. I really do but I still feel so bad about my dealing with women that I feel hopeless sometimes. I don't want to be needy anymore, but I feel needy.

I want more than anything to be like some of the posters on this site. I want to be the guy that women check out, and dream about meeting, but I just don't feel like it could happen. Even some of the stuff meant to uplift guys like me on the site manages to get me down, like women love sex and want it often, but then those thoughts jump into my head "but not with me". I know they aren't true, but they keep coming back anyway.

What should I do? I'm out of ideas. I go to the gym. I hang with my friends. I'd have a good job if I could just get Oneitis girl out of my department (I've tried 3 times). Why do I keep feeling like crap all the time then. It just keeps eating at me. Does anybody have any ideas on where to start?

 

[backbreaker]

your "ideas" is why you are in the situtaiton you are in now.

Ideas are meaningless wtihout the proper and corresonding action to impliment them.

TAKE ACTION

knowing is not enough.

it's like working out. for a while I used to wait for like a magic exercise or a key phrase word and think I would just reapear the next day ripped.. then it hit me.. to get in shape I had to actually.. GET IN SHAPE. as silly as it may sound.

to get better with women.. you gotta get out there and actually make a effort to improve.

coming here for 10 hours a day, and wanking off to porn, regardless of how many articles you read, isn't going to help anyones situtation

 

[speakeasy]

Well, I think we all can get in this rut if a long amount of time has gone before we've gotten anywhere. I've been reading all this stuff, listening to Mystery, Style, DeAngelo and I'm at the worst period ever. I'm in a ridiculous dry spell. Don't get me wrong, this stuff helped awhile back, but I'm just running on fumes right now.

 

[Obsidian]

it's been over a year and a half since i renounced my old AFC lifestyle, and I'm still not where I want to be yet either. These past few months, tho, reading Pook has helped me a lot by changing my attitudes and thought processes.

I don't entirely agree with what backbreaker says. It sounds like you still NEED some mental retuning. You're afraid of approaching because you're not sure if she's interested? Wtf? You expect some quality girl to just shout out "HEY I'M INTERESTED IN YOU DAS" before you've even introduced yourself to her? Of course not every girl will be interested...but the more times you approach, the stronger (and more of a man) you will become. You have learned the truth about the existence of AFCs versus DJs, but all you've really done with that truth is try to learn a few techniques. Your old chumpish outlook largely remains. Stop letting women treat you like crap. There's nothing mystical or divine about them.

Backbreaker makes a very good point, tho. You have to get out and f*cking DO SOMETHING; you can't just sit around reading. It's been a year and you're still freaked out about kino? Come on, man. That's like, the first lesson in speed seduction. Just get out there and f*cking experiment with it.

And if you're seriously having problems with girls flaking out on you (thus limiting your ability to develop other skills like kino), then figure out what is causing them to flake. If you keep things fun and low-pressure, there's no reason why everyone should keep flaking on you. And if they do, move on because you're better off without a h0r like that.

 

[speakeasy]

I don't entirely agree with what backbreaker says. It sounds like you still NEED some mental retuning. You're afraid of approaching because you're not sure if she's interested? Wtf? You expect some quality girl to just shout out "HEY I'M INTERESTED IN YOU DAS" before you've even introduced yourself to her?

There is some middle ground between waiting there for a HB to approach you, and spitting game to every girl that walks by. Sure most girls aren't going to swoon over you unless you are extremely goodlooking or very wealthy or famous. But most average guys will at least get IOIs here and there from average or maybe even somewhat above average women every now and then. Just look out for those IOIs.

The thing is, this whole game is no different than sales. Approaching women cold in the street is the equivalent to being a door to door salesman knocking on people's doors trying to talk them into buying. Waiting for an IOI is like seeing someone turn their head and glance at your product while they are walking. You already know they are at least somewhat interested because they looked, now it's much easier for you to sell it. If you are a rAFC, going for the latter may be a good place to start. Once your confidence is up, then you can start cold approaching.

 

[Play the Game]

I think you should apply for another job. You need to get away from your one-itis.

Here's a little reading material: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=77960

 

[DJVladdy]

I think i know what your problem is. There are too many negative feelings and emotions flooding your head. Your post was screaming it. I bet you have these extremely negative thoughts every minute of every hour of every day... think what attracts women and people in general most of all: the good vibe and the good energy about you. It aint look totally because every girl has her own tastes (again, as long as ur looking ur personal best and taking care of urself ur fine). its not what you say really (some popular people say the most rediculous shyt). and probably not your tone (just sound confident), or ur body language (you can choose whatever postures u want).... the positive thoughts will give u the right vibe that will attract more women to u

 

[jesusrules]

dude it sounds like you just need to go hang out or meet some chicks. you work out so its time for the pick up. If its really killing you that your working next to that girl I would get another job. Next time dont try to pick up a chick that is ten feet away. cause stuff like that could happen and its a pain in the ass to work next to someone like that. good luck I mean it.

 

[theunflushables]

When you say you feel like you can't get nowehere does that mean you feel like you're somewhere or everywhere? Your use of double negatives confuse me.

 

[Das]

Ive had computer issues so I couldn't really update.

I took care of the oneitus problem about a week after I posted. I got a transfer. I'm not about to quit a job I worked very hard to get promoted to, just because of a chick.

I'm finally starting to get some results at the gym. I really love the way I feel after I work out.

And I'm trying to quit smoking, even though it's not going as well as I thought it would. I kind of think that ex smokers never really quit, they just go a few decades between smokes...lol. This is hard.

Thats about it for the good news... and now the not-so-good:

While I've been making an effort to go out at least twice a week specificly to sarge, in addition to a few attempts while I'm out doing my chores and stuff, it is not going well at all. Just two numbers that turned out to be fake. So no real progress here.

I still get depressed, especially after I go out, and I can't get it to go away for a few days sometimes. You have no idea what it's like to see a fat assed piece of trailer trash with a cute girl and I just can't even get a real phone number. I know I am a better catch than him but why can't I seem to do it?

I have a hard time being high energy. I can be high energy, but I can't hold it for long. The pessimism comes roaring back fast sometimes.

So a few questions:

How can I be more high energy? What sort of things can I do to be more fun and positive? I wan't to be positive but I look inside myself and it just isn't in me a lot of times.

How do I cut down on being ignored during sarges? and the fake numbers?

What kind of things should I look for during a sarge that let me know I'm on the right track? or or that matter when I've lost them?

Or anything else you guys want to add

thanks

 

[Mad Manic]

Practice, practice, practice. Go out there and go for it. Nobody cares if you don't have success initially. Improve your appearance, improve your mental state and practice. You need to put in the work to get results.

Naturals aren't born naturals you know. They aren't born with the ability to seduce a woman. Sure, they may acquire the skills/confidence/charm over time quicker than most, but it still needs to be learnt and applied, even if it's subconsciously done. Just like genius mathematicians, they still have to learn the maths, they aren't born knowing about calculus.

Natural does not mean just having the abilities and skills from nowhere. It's gained over time whether it be with a conscious effort or a subconscious one or a mixture of both (usually the latter).

Accept that you want and demand better, strive to improve, and go for it.

MM

 

[SaucyBoy]

It's hard to see yourself from the outside. That's what we're here for.

---- the fact is that shy people seem unfriendly. ----

I know some painfully shy people at work. One woman is extremely attractive and I'd love to get to know her but she is very aloof. I remember when she was introduced around the office on the day she started she was covering her face in her hands!

She'll only respond when spoken to.
She'll only answer questions posed to her in short phrases.
She never looks you in the eye
She never asks to join in on anything

Is this you too?

Guess what - I'm not interested in her as she is BORING

This is an attractive lady with a great body! She has a dud of a boyfriend that works at Kinkos (sorry folks, who do, but we work in a major bank) who keeps delaying her wedding on her.

Try to be a little more outgoing and loose that terrible feeling you have. It's just feeding on itself.

Don't worry now about seducing women. Focus on yourself first. I made huge strides by just working out. Anything that builds up your own ego.

 

[Das]

Practice, practice, practice. Go out there and go for it. Nobody cares if you don't have success initially.

I do. I want to have a less than 100 % rejection rate.

Improve your appearance, improve your mental state and practice. You need to put in the work to get results.

How do I improve my mental state? Throw me a bone here. Where do I start?

Naturals aren't born naturals you know. They aren't born with the ability to seduce a woman. Sure, they may acquire the skills/confidence/charm over time quicker than most, but it still needs to be learnt and applied, even if it's subconsciously done. Just like genius mathematicians, they still have to learn the maths, they aren't born knowing about calculus.

Natural does not mean just having the abilities and skills from nowhere. It's gained over time whether it be with a conscious effort or a subconscious one or a mixture of both (usually the latter).

Accept that you want and demand better, strive to improve, and go for it.

MM

Thats the thing though, I am trying. I'm trying everywhere I go. I just don't believe in myself when it comes to this. I'm 0 for life, so I don't even have a frame of refrence to build on. I want to improve. I am trying to improve. I am going for it. I've failed everytime though. There's no difference really between before i found sosuave and now, except i force myself to go out and try.

If any of you were like this when you started out what did you do to try and get the ball rolling?

 

[Das]

I

She'll only respond when spoken to.
She'll only answer questions posed to her in short phrases.
She never looks you in the eye
She never asks to join in on anything

Is this you too?

Guess what - I'm not interested in her as she is BORING

Number 2 is me. I usually can't think of very much to say unless I'm really into the subject.

 

[Interceptor]

Read the Book of Pook.


Look at this stuff:


http://www.theinnergameguru.com/

http://www.hypnotica.org/main.htm

http://www.emofree.com/palace/palaceof1.htm

http://www.enlightenedseduction.com/home.htm

http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/audio.asp

http://www.innergametapping.com/

http://doctorpaul.net/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esYP0CFwTTs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0oW6DxmgFw

 

[SaucyBoy]

Read something interesting to you and have some material ready. You have to fit it to the audience. You might not know what to say since you are not quickly sizing up your audience.

Do some scenarios in your head.

Do word associations.

Bed - Sex
Money - Sex
Towels -Sex
Froot Loops -Sex

Ok, be more creative than that. Hey I tried.

 

[Das]

I went to an Irish festival last night. I went because I like beer, I like bands, and its right on the ocean. perfect combination for me. I decided if there were any women there that struck my fancy I'd approach.

I approached about 10 women last night and I didn't get any numbers, but a couple of things really stood out to me.

1. When I was just starting conversations with strangers I've noticed that guys are a lot friendlier than women are. For example I just made an offhand comment to a guy that was standing next to me about how I thought I was the only person there without a green or orange shirt and it snowballed into a coversation about which beer vendors had the best beer there, other guys joined in, and we carried on for abot a half hour. The women that were with these guys just sat there looking like I had just killed a baby. I couldn't get them into the conversation.

It was the same all night. If I talked to a guy it was like we were long lost friends, but even trying to get a smile out of a girl was like pulling teeth.

So much for just being social.

2. I was also trying to make eye contact and smiling with people while I was walking around. Out of the ones that actually had some sort of response to it I basiclly kept getting two reactions from women. Most just looked away fast. Like as far as they could turn their heads away. The others made contact but wouldn't smile or they made that kind of smile where they pulled their lips straight back and it looked like they swalloed something real bitter.

I assumed that none of these were good signs so I didn't persue

3. Kino, sort of-- when I found a woman who was by herself I walked up and said hi . I was really out of situational type things to talk about that were going on, so i commented about her shirt and I touched her arm lightliy, and she went from kind of disinterestd to the "dead baby look," so I ejected.

Sorry this isnt a full fledged field report but there really wasn't too much to differentiate between the women I approached or their reactions so I've just sort of generalized, but its the jist of what happened.

So any thoughts on the sorts of things I could have tried better? Or is a big ass block party kind of thing just a bad place to sarge or something?

 

[SaucyBoy]

There is no bad place to sarge, except a mens locker room, and some other places.

Seriously, at least you tried. I think you are reading too much into facial expressions. The grim faces of the women probably reflected more that they were no longer the center of attention. You can't read minds. I learned this over many hard years of trying to meet women.

Most women will not seem interested. The one out of 100 that gives you some sign might be the one to focus on. Then again she might have been thinking of something funny and was laughing to herself at that moment. You just don't really know. Body language is something to learn about but I wouldn't be the farm on it.

It's hard to approach in contexts such as events like this. I do better when there is a PRETEXT. That is a reason for approaching. Grocery stores: pretext - where are the eggs? Bookstores: pretext - where might be the books on blah-blah. Libraries: pretext - would you know where such and such is. Come up with better lines than these, but you see the point?

Women might see most strangers as a threat. To allay fear, you need to create a commonalilty. Once you have commonality, some interest sign from her, and you are well dressed, well spoken and well groomed, then you have a decent chance.

Frankly some women might not even speak to Tom Cruise. Don't let the fact that all women aren't rushing up to you bother you.

 

[danielzxc]

You sound like the cynical type to me. In my experience, guys who can centre a conversation around which vendors have the best beer -- or similar minutiae -- are overwhelmingly likely to be the cynical type. Cynism, even if only mild, is boring and deeply unattractive to women.

You will occasionally find guys you hit it off with, because cynical guys tend to enjoy each other's company. Discussing the finer points of whatever topic makes you radiate with a we-know-something-those-other-morons-don't (snicker snicker) aura. Sadly, you are still just a couple of outsiders looking in, with your only consolation being you're somewhat better informed than other outsiders. Hardly any wonder why women won't have a bar of you.

I could well be way off, but this is my take on you.

 

[Das]

OK. I think I'm seeing a pattern here. I'm boring. When I'm trying to be fun fun and social, I'm still boring. Great. I'm hopeless.

I promised myself last year that I'd get laid before my next birthday. I got 2 weeks left and I'm still trying. I'm doing everything I can to be more attractive. I'm trying to be fun and social and great, but how in trhe hell am I supposed to be able to show these girls how great I a if they just won't let me? I can try to tell them but it's just me telling them, if they could just SEE it, instead of blowing me off or ignoring me..

This is so frustrating. I don't even know where to start or what to ask. What the hell? I'm seriously losing it here.