Why do guys pick on one another?

[danielzxc]

I think this is how guys show love for one another. Remember when you liked a chick in second grade, you might have punched her or made her cry by saying something mean. Well we kinda did the same thing with guys that we get along with real well. I do think alot of it is comic relief, but I also think part of it comes from our subconsious machismo, it is our way of expressing we actually like one another without feeling all "homo" as some might call it.

Lol, that is the most ridiculous rationalization I have yet heard. (Could this be the product of a mind soaked too long in "zen" thought?)

There are basically two reasons why guys try to downplay what is simply old-fashioned male competition:

(1) They are on the receiving end of it but admitting that they are losing is too difficult, so -- with delightful irony -- they accuse the other party of being "insecure"; or

(2) They are on the dishing out end but they don't like to think of themselves as nasty or meanspirited so they characterise it as "just playing".

 

[War Against Betaism]

With your guy friends, it's an unconscious battle of climbing to be on top of the social order among your group of buddies. The most common way of climbing to the top is to bust each other's balls.

Just last night, one of my friends tries dissing me, because I was a little bit hungover from all the drinking, and I was standing in weird positions. He said "Hey guys look at [my name here]!" he starts laughing. I lash at him back, "What, is it because I'm so sexy to look at?"

Don't let anyone step on you, unless the person is truly at a superior position, like cop, teacher, etc. If there isn't a joke you can get back at them at, just say "Man fvck you b1tch!" That's what I usually say. Most people are scared that they'll lose friends this way, but they'll know you're just saying it to defend yourself. Don't sound too serious though, or you really might actually lose friends.

 

[ChocolateVanilla]

Lol, that is the most ridiculous rationalization I have yet heard. (Could this be the product of a mind soaked too long in "zen" thought?)

There are basically two reasons why guys try to downplay what is simply old-fashioned male competition:

(1) They are on the receiving end of it but admitting that they are losing is too difficult, so -- with delightful irony -- they accuse the other party of being "insecure"; or

(2) They are on the dishing out end but they don't like to think of themselves as nasty or meanspirited so they characterise it as "just playing".

Me and my *good* friends mess around sometimes too, but that's only cuz we know each other so well. However, whenever someone I only kinda know or someone seriously starts dissing then I pretty much dismiss it as insecurity. Because the vast majority of the time, I get dissed on for approaching girls and regardless of the outcome, I get berated. All of the time, it's by guys who have zero balls and wouldn't ever approach a chick and they even go as far as ****blocking me. Heck, these guys go as far as lecturing me about what to do with girls when the only experience they have had with women is reading websites like this one. I would classify that as insecurity.


Some guys pick on one another for fun, some do it to cover up their own insecurities. Just don't worry about the guys who seriously offend you.

 

[Nivek]

The harsh truth is that yes, when people are at very different "values", those are pretty much the only ways.

I used to be a hardcore disser. Just like everyone else, I excused with it "I'm just having some with ya" or "that's just how guys are". But when I look back, there's really no doubt that if you peer behind the curtains, I was aware that I considered the guy I'm dissing as "beneath me" and I knew I could get away with it and that even if he made a "comeback" at me I knew I could just shrug it off because I was higher value. The only people who I didn't do this with, or who I held back on my disses with, are the people who I thought of as having much higher value than me, or with people who I knew would get angry and who could also kick my azzz.

Guys who I thought of as at the same level or only slighly higher value than me I would also target, but a lot of them had some pretty good comebacks, and I used to spend a lot of time and energy "competing" with guys like this without anyone ever getting really mad. So, if a group of friends are all roughly at the same level, give or take a bit, then this kind of thing can work without feelings getting hurt (too much).

But when one guy is way higher value than you, then the disses can really wound you.

Personally, I know plenty of people who I consider myself way higher value than. But I'm more mature and more compassionate now, so I don't put them down. Even when someone challenges me, I tend to take it easy on them and I don't hammer them completely; just enough for them to realize what's up and they can back down without being disgraced.

This is the basic answer I was looking for. I'm giving off lower value vibes, and suck as comebacks so when someone takes a jab at me, I kinda just sit there (which is pretty pathetic). But yeah I guess I do that too and its true you are nice to people who you think have higher value than you.

 

[danielzxc]

What do you plan to do about it, Nivek?

Just sitting there isn't good for your mental health. At least aim to give the impression that their disses don't affect you. Adopt the motto "Never let them see you sweat".

That's a lot easier to say than to do. Because when a diss really wounds you it's hard to hide it. But you've gotta make the effort. Even if you think people will "see through you" when you try to laugh it off, you've gotta keep up the impression that it doesn't bother; never, ever admit that you've been rattled. As hard as it can be at the start, over time, if you keep working at it, you will get much, much better at it. In fact, you will probably find that it you are no longer as hurt as you used to be. But if you just sit there and shut and take it, it will always hurt again the next time it happens -- and, to rub it in, you even increase the chances it will happen again by just taking it, because people will always continue to do it when they can see it "working".

To the guy above who said he gets "dissed" for approaching girls etc. Yeah, that's an example of "insecurity". But I bet you think of those guys as "lower value" than you, right? If you thought of them as "higher value", calling it "insecurity" would be just an excuse.