Why do girls do this?

[ThatGuyOverThere]

Why do girls always neg themselves? They'll usually either act dumb or present themselves in a negative light in order to try and be cool or funny, but they often just come off as ditzy, annoying, or weird.

For example, about a month ago I friended a girl on facebook who I hadn't talked to in years (we were friends until high school and then we drifted apart). I started off with a "Hey it's been a long time, how have you been blah blah blah" and we went back and forth a little before she said that we should hang out sometime to "catch up". I saw her at grad night, we exchanged numbers, and I set up a lunch. During the lunch conversation, she randomly starts comparing herself to me, talking about how much I've "accomplished" in the past four years compared to her, and making herself look bad. I was confused because she was clearly serious, and not trying to be "cool" or "funny" (and because she made my "accomplishments" look much better than they are). Why would she do this? Anyway, we ended lunch on a good note and she said we should hang out more.

A couple weeks passed, and I decided to invite her to a White Sox game (Major League Baseball) since a couple of the guys I usually go with are out of town for the week (the other person going is a mutual guy friend). She is excited to go but then the next day I receive a text saying "Are you sure you don't want to invite another guy instead of me. I feel bad. I still want to go though." What the hell? Why would she feel bad? I told her I was sure I wanted her to come and we're going tomorrow. Why is she doing stuff like this? Is it low self-esteem?

PS: This is going to be a really weird question, but this girl has cystic fibrosis, and back in 6th grade when we "dated" she got a liver transplant at the last moment that saved her life, leaving her with a long scar across her stomach/chest. The thing is, I was born two months early, and nearly died before receiving surgery on my intestines that saved my life, leaving me with a long scar across my abdomen. Since we have this strange connection, I'm kind of interested in seeing her scar. Is there any tactful way to bring this up?

 

[In Motion]

To be quite frank: When girls say stuff like that its most likely because they are fishing for compliments or because they want you to say something positive about them. Like in your second example, she wanted you to say something like: Dont be silly, I love going with you. And other AFC crap.

Another example:
Girl: I have an ugly butt.
(obviously she wants you to compliment her butt now)

The way I usually respond is: *silence*.... Oh, is this when I am supposed to compliment your butt?

Girls usually respond well to this, but its up to you whatever you want to repsond with, you need to test out a few.

Second question:

"whip it out!"

 

[Juan_Man]

Exactly. They want compliments.

 

[Furyguy]

Since we have this strange connection, I'm kind of interested in seeing her scar. Is there any tactful way to bring this up?

Invite her to the pool/beach/anything else where she has to wear a bikini.

 

[ThatGuyOverThere]

Ok so we went to the game and it was a great time. The three of us spent thirteen straight hours together and it was fun the whole time. I found more of her behavior to be weird, however. The whole day she was telling me really personal stuff, and much of it I'd rather not have known (I did find out she has a boyfriend though). After a while I asked her why she was telling me so many of her secrets and she just shrugged and said "I trust you."

At this point the warning signals started blaring in my head. I've never been an emotional tampon before but I started to fear she was trying to turn me into one. I also noticed that she was fishing for more compliments. At the house we were hanging at, she and the other friend I was with started drinking, and she looked at me with a worried look and said "Now you're going to think I'm an alcoholic." I just replied by saying "So, what, is this where you want me to make you feel better and tell you that you're not an alcoholic? Sorry, but I'm not falling for that trick." She smiled like she was "caught in the act" and just called me an *******. I'm not worried about letting myself be a tampon because I'll never let that happen, but are my fears well-founded? I don't really know what she wants from me, as the whole night whenever she made a comment she'd look at me, as if seeking my approval of it.

She also invited her best friend over, who I've kind of been crushing on for some time. I've been trying to get over her, though, because she acts so different from day to day and is an emotional headache to deal with. Well I guess I made it too obvious because when I was driving the girl home she asked me outright if I liked her friend. At that point I just went "Ah what the hell, yes." College is in two months anyway, so I don't really give a **** anymore if she knows.

 

[Warrior74]

The three of you....man make your dates a date, not a hangout session. Either you are trying to get with her or your not. shoulda told your buddy to beat it. you can always go with the fellas if she refuses to with you alone. Her coming alone would have been all the proof of interest you would have needed.


I think you blew it kid. You NEVER tell a girl you like her friend. Even if you get spontaneous boners when she walks in the room.

Sounds like she's low self esteem and you just crushed her. Don't be surprised if she is your new best enemy.

 

[ThatGuyOverThere]

The three of you....man make your dates a date, not a hangout session. Either you are trying to get with her or your not. shoulda told your buddy to beat it. you can always go with the fellas if she refuses to with you alone. Her coming alone would have been all the proof of interest you would have needed.


I think you blew it kid. You NEVER tell a girl you like her friend. Even if you get spontaneous boners when she walks in the room.

Sounds like she's low self esteem and you just crushed her. Don't be surprised if she is your new best enemy.

She has a boyfriend, so there isn't going to be any "dates" between the two of us. This is also why I doubt I "crushed" her. My perspective right now is that I'm just going to try and have fun, because we're all leaving for college in two months anyway. And I wasn't sure before this game if I was going to pursue this girl, so my plan was to make it a hangout session. We all had a great time, so I don't have any regrets about inviting my buddy along. I'm just trying to figure out why this girl was telling me so many personal secrets, especially since this was the first time I'd really hung out with her or even talked to her in at least four years.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

When a girl is negative to herself that is the perfect opportunity for you to chime in with a backhanded compliment such as

"I don't care what other people are saying, I think you look pretty good!"

or

"I think your butt is just jiggly enough, you're not fat!"

or

"Fat? Youre too smart to say something so stupid!"

It works.

 

[SayWord?]

She's a lame

 

[Warrior74]

She has a boyfriend, so there isn't going to be any "dates" between the two of us.

Then leave her alone. I think you are lying to yourself and to us.

And I wasn't sure before this game if I was going to pursue this girl

Liar. You ARE pursuing her. Which is why you ask her to come in the first place. You know you are, she knows you are. Stop acting like a little boy and be a man about your intentions.

I'm just trying to figure out why this girl was telling me so many personal secrets, especially since this was the first time I'd really hung out with her or even talked to her in at least four years.

Either because she's trying to impress/build rapport with you. Or because you are her girlfriend.

Look past your lies. Look into your heart. Be completely honest with yourself. You know what you are doing and so does she. You are just trying to skirt around the societal programming, you are trying to be a nice guy about doing something you think isn't nice (stealing someone elses girlfriend). Be real with yourself. Because I know exactly what you are doing.