Why Do Exes Feel The Need to Reach Out to You After...

[Harry Wilmington]

Hey guys, Harry Wilmington here:

First, I wanna encourage you guys to check out my daily podcast at the website in my signature, where I give out free dating advice each day to help you guys out! (Today's topic: "Stop Being so Dang Honest With Her")

Anyway... so, I recently read a post up here from this guy whose ex-girlfriend hit him up after 2 years to say she was sorry for being a bad girlfriend. The timing for this post could not have been better; in the last week, I have been hit up by 2 girls I used to date and/or hook up with.

The first girl was an ex of mine that I broke up with back in January. Not a bad person, but it was a situation where we came to a crossroads and realized we couldn't give the either person certain things so we broke up. Anyway, she hit me up this week asking if we could "meet up for coffee or something."

The second girl was one I used to work with and we'd hook up regularly. Eventually it ended and then the job closed down. We were friends for a while after that, then went our separate ways. I got hit up by her last month randomly, asking if we could meet up at my place just to chat.

In both instances, I understood what the underlying meaning of the words were: "Hey, I'd like to see you again and give this thing another shot, or just hook up with you." How do I know this? Well, when you do what I do after a break up, which is go completely no-contact, you find that women tend to stop remembering all the nit-picky things they got annoyed at (and, in these cases, the things they were annoyed at were REALLY nit-picky) and all the oh-so-great things you did for them.

I've had this happen so many times now that I expect it within a 6 month to a year time frame after we break up. The few times in the past that I decided to see what would happen if I did actually meet up, the same thing would happen: we'd meet up, get to talking again, then when I meet up with them a second time we hook up again. Then, of course, the things that annoyed us about each other pop up, and we break up again. So now, I don't make it a point to attend these meetings.

But I'm curious to hear from the rest of you: what other reasons do you feel that your exes reach out to you after a certain amount of time, especially when you've gone NC on them when breaking up?

 

[Lord Hypnos]

Most likely their supply of d1ck has run out, or they are tired of getting pumped-and-dumped, so they go back to the old well to see if it has dried up yet, so to speak

 

[SamTheHobit]

I think the underlying root is she experiences a sense of loss.

This time frame obviously varies.

Say for example you really love this girl and she breaks up with you. You experience a sense of loss and want to do anything you can to get back with her.

I think women experience this as well but only after an extended period.

If you never went no contact she wouldn't be able to ever experience this.

I've got broken up with three times by the same girl. I believe no contact is what compelled her to come running back both times.

Anyway, we all know how getting back with an ex girlfriend ends.

 

[nismo-4]

This is if they really miss you. Or when they realize the grass wasn't greener on the other side. Most of the time, it's for attention.

I ditched all my exes back in Louisiana. When I visit, I don't catch up to any of them.

 

[dashiznick]

2 years is a long time for emotions to cool off. Women are not inherently evil. Depends on your age, but if this happened a few months after the break, it's probably an attention whoring. But in two years, people can genuinely change and/or grow a conscience.

But in the end, you don't owe her anything.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

@dashiznick Ah, but the question is, how much do people really change? Especially after the age of 25, most people are stuck in their ways as to who they are and what they dis/like. For example: the girl in example 1 was used to having parents where the father always paid for everything the mother did, whereas I grew up in a household where both mom and dad would pay for things. As a result, a lot of our clashes would come when I would go for, let's say, 4 dates in a row where I paid for everything and she wouldn't offer at all. When I'd bring it up she'd get mad at me for asking her to pay for something. Again, though, different backgrounds and different examples = different expectations.

I say that to say: while she is missing me now and wanting to get back with me (which, for the record, isn't happening since I've got another girlfriend now - who, by the way, does MORE than her fair share of paying for dates, gifts, and other things), those same issues would inevitably come up again. But I find this to be true with any girl I've tried to get back with, where the thing that broke us up in the first place shows up again. So, how likely is it that re-connecting with an ex could ever really work out if neither person is able to downplay the pet peeve that makes them want to break up with the person in the first place?

 

[XMinister]

I never believed monogamy to be effective for this reason alone. It doesn't matter how suave a guy is, it's impossible for women not to be interested in other guys. They may not do anything, but they'll be interested.

It's like sticking to one food. Even if Gordon Ramsay himself cooks you beef wellington every day, you're still going to desire some pizza.

The structure of relationships in our society conflicts with this this desire. Natural impulses have to be hidden or else people are "cheaters and scum".

It seems like she's tasted some pizza and simply misses the beef wellington.

 

[European-DJ]

I never believed monogamy to be effective for this reason alone. It doesn't matter how suave a guy is, it's impossible for women not to be interested in other guys. They may not do anything, but they'll be interested.

It's like sticking to one food. Even if Gordon Ramsay himself cooks you beef wellington every day, you're still going to desire some pizza.

The structure of relationships in our society conflicts with this this desire. Natural impulses have to be hidden or else people are "cheaters and scum".

It seems like she's tasted some pizza and simply misses the beef wellington.

But in all fairness, that' the same thing with guys.

In the end, it all comes down to whether you react on those impulses and the attraction or you keep faithfull.


About the topic, girls always come back for the following reasons;

1) The guy she wanted to comit too, didn't want the same (and she remembers that you where willing to do so).

2) The grass wasn't greener on the other site.

That's what I have been told by both former
Girlfriend and by my female friends.

 

[soulforge]

my ex has came back to me 3 times in the past... each & every time, we broke up again... same old f@cking problems


once we broke of 6 months (in that 6 months, she maintained she did not sleep with any other guys)

second time, we broke up for 4 weeks (again she claims not to have slept with anybody else)

third time round we split up for 2 weeks


now we have split up again, i did the dumping... i know for a fact she got involved with somebody within 1 week of splitting up


which makes me question, what happen all those other times, when she claims she did not see anyone... probably load of ****


i don't believe she will be coming back again this time... but who knows

 

[XMinister]

But in all fairness, that' the same thing with guys.

In the end, it all comes down to whether you react on those impulses and the attraction or you keep faithfull.

I agree. It's the same on both sides. Which is why the standard relationship format is really ineffective.

 

[Jair213]

2 years is a long time for emotions to cool off. Women are not inherently evil. Depends on your age, but if this happened a few months after the break, it's probably an attention whoring. But in two years, people can genuinely change and/or grow a conscience.

But in the end, you don't owe her anything.

I think bpd's are incapable of change.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

You will more than likely hear back from monkey branching low-self esteem broads. They are bored or going on a dry spell, looking for attention..whatever OR if the break up was somewhat drama free. I think when you straight up crush a girl, the odds of hearing back are NIL.

An ex from 19-22 contacted me a couple months back. I think the last time I heard from her was like sh*t 7-8 years ago? Blah blah blah when are you moving back home? Blah blah, got her to send a pic of her 36DD, she has hit the wall but her cans still look alright!

 

[soulforge]

why would you even consider taking back an ex, after she dumped your sorry ass, went on a cocck sucking spree, then came back to you a year down the line!

 

[ink_wizard]

why would you even consider taking back an ex, after she dumped your sorry ass, went on a cocck sucking spree, then came back to you a year down the line!

Because when you are still so inlove with them and know YOUR the one for them, its the right thing to do. She might genuinely be sorry for the break up and saw the error in her ways? Everyone makes mistakes

 

[Juan Don]

depending on the woman there are several reasons...
they're bored, they want/miss attention, they want to torture you by wanting to know they can still have that affect on you and as soon as you tell them you have feelings for them still they immediately pull away, they want to hear that you're miserable without them or that their life is better than yours

 

[jay07]

These threads crack me up. Most people treat girls like their a whole different spieces.

Put yourself in their shoes. Why have you run back to an ex? You ever break uo with a girl than realixe you messed up? You ever break up with an ex, then go back to her when your lonely? You ever break uo with an ex, go back to her then realize oh wait im bored again?

They have the same brain chemistry as guys. They go back for the same reasons you do.

 

[Jitterbug]

If she dumped you, it's to find out how big an emotional impact on your life her action caused, so she can feel awesome about herself.

If you dumped her, it's to weasel her way back into your life, so she can feel awesome about herself.

 

[Juan Don]

These threads crack me up. Most people treat girls like their a whole different spieces.

Put yourself in their shoes. Why have you run back to an ex? You ever break uo with a girl than realixe you messed up? You ever break up with an ex, then go back to her when your lonely? You ever break uo with an ex, go back to her then realize oh wait im bored again?

They have the same brain chemistry as guys. They go back for the same reasons you do.

immediately after not 1 year 2 years or even more

 

[jay07]

immediately after not 1 year 2 years or even more

I contacted a gf from 2 years ago after my ex broke up with me. I was curious, and she looked good on facebook. Needless to say, no response.

 

[soulforge]

Because when you are still so inlove with them and know YOUR the one for them, its the right thing to do. She might genuinely be sorry for the break up and saw the error in her ways? Everyone makes mistakes

i don't buy this horse sh@t

if she genuinely loved you, she would do her very best to try & make the relationship work.... if she dumps your ass, goes sucks c@ck for six months, then comes back to you? you take her back

what does she learn from this? she learns, you are a f@cking chump!

the next time **** hits the fan... she will be off again on a c@ck sucking spree


and you will be sat at home with your dicck in your hand... waiting for her to come back!!