Warning: LONG!
WARNING: This is quite long, and depressing. I only posted this because of the question by the thread starter, and because it seems only fair after reading what everyone else wrote.
When I was in first year I was picked on by some second and third graders (silly I know, but a big deal at the time).
After that I was transferred to a school for retarded and mentally ill children. I wasn't retarded or mentally ill. The only problem I had was saying the "F" sound when I should've used the "TH" sound, like: One two free, instead of one two three.
However, the P.E. teachers there were positively evil to the children. One teacher bent my body when I couldn't stretch far enough, which made me scream. Another time when I was watching a game in their gym, the ball accidentally went into the audience and hit me. When I whined the gym teacher basically told me to shut up.
After fourth year I went to the best junior high school ever. It was a private secular school where there was a small student to teacher (6-to-1 at the time) ratio. The rules were lax, and people behaved themselves. Fifth year was hard, but after that things were great. I liked the fact that the environment was small and that everyone knew everyone (we even went to the teacher's house a few times, and went on field trips a lot). What I didn't know was that this small environment was going to make me suffer.
Then it happened...I couldn't get into any local private schools in the area so I went to the public school. I was so shocked. I was shy because at my old school I rarely met anyone new (because it's so small), and I go too comfortable with everyone there. In each class in high school, there were over twice as many students as there were TOTAL (total years 5-8) at my old school. This freaked me out and made me even more shy.
That made it hard to meet any new friends. I didn't like high school (and almost no one does), but I felt that I really HATED it. This feeling of animosity would only grow in the later years.
Freshman year, I didn't realize it at the time, but I was making a bad reputation, and becoming uncool (rep. is always a big deal in high school). After a while, I was too cool and not nerdy enough for the nerds, too uncool for the preps, and preppy for the goths and punks (plus that I just don't dress like that...it's stupid).
My biggest monumental mistake was the one time a couple preppy people invited me to a party freshman year, and I said 'no' because I had a paper route at the time (I should've said yes, I could've gone if I really wanted to). After that I wasn't cool enough. Also, there was this one chick I tried to hook-up with, but I made some AFC mistakes so I kind of got soured on women after that didn't work out (looking up her number like a creep, and then calling her every other to every night).
Also, since I was already uncool, the fact that I had to wait until 5PM before I could leave school made me more uncool (because my mother didn't get off work until 4:30PM). This lasted until the end of sophomore year, since I turned 16 in time for my Junior year.
Sophomore year, I made the big mistake of getting a job at a fast-food joint, the ultimate in uncool. That lowered my social standing and made things worse.
I nearly mustered up the courage (because of my extreme insecurity at the time that would've been necessary) to ask some Junior girl to take me to the Prom, but I didn't (at my school if you weren't a Junior or Senior, you needed to go with someone who was).
Junior year, I started getting "junior-ritis," counting down the amount of hell I had left. I found this site around the middle of junior year, which really helped open up my eyes to the big picture. By that time, I was already a serious loser who still didn't have any friends and never had a date, and it was already WAY too late for me to do anything about it. However, I did meet a group of people that would be important later (after high school they went to local schools and I started hanging out with them after they finished high school).
Believe it or not, I actually ran for Junior Class board, and got in. However I decided that I couldn't do it (time constraints, the other members being snobby b|tches, and I didn't know how to deal with them at the time). That year I went to Prom alone, and I wish I had never gone (because it costs a lot). Basically I went so I could say I went.
Senior year, I got a serious case of "Senior-ritis." I wasn't caring about many of my classes anymore (I barely passed a couple classes in my final semester), and I basically gave up on ever trying to have any friends in high school. It was also the time that I decided that something needed to change if I didn't want crap like this to continue. I tried being cooler about things, and changing my clothing style from non-existent to better.
That year, I met a girl from the local university (who also happened to be alumni at my high school) who I thought I might be able to like, and might like me back. The remarkable thing was that I did well given my dire inexperience. I made AFC mistakes, but not as bad as many people might have done (I talked to a knowledgable someone here once about it, and that's what he said).
Unfortunately, I tried to impress her, and I still called about once a week, more often than I should have. I was even planning on going to Prom with her, but that didn't work out. I couldn't even get a couple of hot preppy freshmen girls to go with me (said their parents won't let them, so it's not my fault...plus they wouldn't lie, because a freshman at the Prom is the best thing that can ever happen to them).
Also in my final semester I started going to some local college parties with some friends that already finished high school, the same group that I met Junior year. This helped me look forward to some of the good things that I could look forward to after high school.
Near the end of my high school years, I decided that I needed to make some serious changes. In college there would be parties, so I could meet women there. Also, I was starting new where almost no-one would know about what a loser I was in high school. I started fixing up my hair, and paying more attention to my clothing style. I also made some changes to my attitude and personality, implementing good things I saw and read, and ditching bad things. I'm traditional by nature, but I decided that I should probably be a little bit more like the "prep" group, but not exactly like them. This is because they're more likely to be associated with cool.
I also quit that terrible food-service job, which I hated and made me seriously depressed, shortly before my FINAL finals. My parents were willing to just give me money so I figured I should just jump at the chance.
Nowadays, I'm only concerned about the fact that I haven't been able to meet any women that I both like and I like back (I've met women in either category, but not both).
I'm now very, very confident. I say things that I probably wouldn't have dreamed of saying back in high school. I show power and control, refusing to take any crap from anyone. I don't worry much if someone gets upset at me, unless it's a friend.
The only things that work against me now are the fact that I think these things a lot:
- I have some animosity towards women, because of games they play.
- I feel that it's a war between women and men, where men have to defend themselves or get taken advantage of (which happens to AFCs).
- I think that women are out to get us, wanting only money, power/social status, and looks. This view might change if I can really get good at my game.
Wow...that was a mouthful. I'm done now.
Ben
