why cheating hurts the cheater most

[ElChoclo]

Sorry but evolution doesn't care about faithfulness. All it cares about is perpetuation of the species. And those who, in the past, spent their spare time worrying about cheating, had their genes weeded out of the genetic garden.

Whilst their less thoughtful competitors passed on their cheating genes and the mindset which resulted from the effect of those genes. Some faithful chumps probably raised the cheaters' kids for him, ensuring the propagation of his line.

 

[darkstarrr]

And those who, in the past, spent their spare time worrying about cheating, had their genes weeded out of the genetic garden.

Whilst their less thoughtful competitors passed on their cheating genes and the mindset which resulted from the effect of those genes. Some faithful chumps probably raised the cheaters' kids for him, ensuring the propagation of his line.

I came very close to responding to this and sharing my insight on the scum from the south side of the town I grew up in, but I'll hold back because I don't want to risk getting banned.

 

[Nutz]

It entirely depends on the person. If they cheat because "it just happened" then they may feel remorse and be hurt like you said. If they are some type of sociopath then it may not even occur to them they did something wrong.

 

[Mr. Me]

Sorry but evolution doesn't care about faithfulness. All it cares about is perpetuation of the species. And those who, in the past, spent their spare time worrying about cheating, had their genes weeded out of the genetic garden.

Yes, I recall reading that research paper in the Journal of Evolutionary Scientists in May 1989. Fascinating. Thanks for enlightening us as to the particulars.

The urge to merge is biological/physical, but so is the urge to eat and crap and scratch our butts and be comfortable. Doesn't mean we eat other peoples' food at will without permission, doesn't mean we crap wherever we want and it doesn't mean we scratch or butts during office meetings or client presentations or steal what's not ours to live comfortably. Why is that? Those folks who control themselves and abide by society's agreed upon norms of conduct and/or who take the high road, are still with us today and have not gone extinct at all back in the genetic garden.

In fact, doesn't this control over our primitive brain come from the higher cortex we've evolved?.

I think it's more like certain people *choose* to conduct themselves in a manner more reminiscent of a early, lower primitive organism. Genetics doesn't compel cheating. One's choices do.

If they cheat because "it just happened"

That's the traditional excuse they use. Infidelity doesn't "just happen". There is a moment when they know there's a line and they choose to dip their toe over it. Alcohol consumption may make it easier for them in lowering their inhibition about it; feeling angry or neglected by their primary partner may create the environment wherein they feel entitled to the act, but ultimately, it's their decision to be in that circumstance.

Imagine seeing your gas tank gauge go closer and closer to empty as you're driving but you don't do anything about it and keep driving your car. Then when you're out of gas and stopped dead on the highway, would you allege that the running out of gas "just happened"? Only if you wish to avoid taking responsibility. That's basically why cheats rationalize cheating.

 

[princelydeeds]

How would you feel if your wife was cheating on you? If you have zero connection to this woman why have sex with her? You ARE a liar and a cheat and cannot be trusted but you know that already.

If I need to explain why a man would want to have sex with an ATTRACTIVE woman to whom he has no connection, you don't get it and you probably never will. Call me whatever you like, I sleep very well at night.

You can cheat and not feel guilty but thats not being a "real man". A real man has high standards and the strength not to sneak behind a womans back because he cannot control his d*ck.

I think some people are in denial about their actions.

Are you a woman? You certainly think emotionally like a chick....
I rarely pop my head into these forums anymore but I hate when I return and the forum has been over run with the sensitive, effeminate, judgmental, know it all, keyboard DJ's, who never get laid, and live way too much in a virtual DJ fantasy! More power too you keyboard DJ, while you are telling me what a man is and is not, I am living my life in the real world. I am enjoying life, living by my own rules. In my world, the golden rule is that a man is always true to himself. You keep being the sensitive keyboard DJ and I will keep playing my life by my own rules!

 

[slaog]

If I need to explain why a man would want to have sex with an ATTRACTIVE woman to whom he has no connection, you don't get it and you probably never will. Call me whatever you like, I sleep very well at night.


Are you a woman? You certainly think emotionally like a chick....
I rarely pop my head into these forums anymore but I hate when I return and the forum has been over run with the sensitive, effeminate, judgmental, know it all, keyboard DJ's, who never get laid, and live way too much in a virtual DJ fantasy! More power too you keyboard DJ, while you are telling me what a man is and is not, I am living my life in the real world. I am enjoying life, living by my own rules. In my world, the golden rule is that a man is always true to himself. You keep being the sensitive keyboard DJ and I will keep playing my life by my own rules!

Funny post. Basically what you're saying is that you're a real man becuse you do what you like. Bank robbers or rapists could use that excuse too. Good for you that you sleep well at night. I'm just saying if you cheat you're a sneaky cheater. Hope you're not too offended that I'm pointing out the obvious.


I'm just after a nice few days with my GF if you must know.

 

[jophil28]

I think it's more like certain people *choose* to conduct themselves in a manner more reminiscent of a early, lower primitive organism. Genetics doesn't compel cheating. One's choices do.


.

Ahh, Thank you MR ME.. the voice of reason.

WE have largely survived and evolved to our current sophisticated level of development IN SPITE of most of our evolutionary drives, not because of them.

 

[Solarium]

We are all different in our own rules and conciences, as long as we live by what we ourselves think is right, no harm is done.

I believe that during LTR's it's vital that the man goes out once in awhile to keep his game polished, in order to keep the passion and the interest high in the relationship. Sometimes you gotta think outside of the box, doing exactly the opposite in order to achieve what you want.

 

[STR8UP]

I think it's more like certain people *choose* to conduct themselves in a manner more reminiscent of a early, lower primitive organism. Genetics doesn't compel cheating. One's choices do.

You have it 180 degrees opposite.

Genetics DO compel us to cheat, our conscious choices give us the option not to.

You don't for a second believe that people cheat out of a rational thought as opposed to the tingling sensation in their loins, do you?

All that morality and the constructs of "civilized society" have done is to temper our desires as animals, it will never eliminate them.

Yes, we are still animals too.

 

[Mr. Me]

You don't for a second believe that people cheat out of a rational thought as opposed to the tingling sensation in their loins, do you?

In my first marriage, I cheated.

In my second marriage, I didn't.

I had the same tingling sensation in my loins during both marriages.

I cheated and I didn't cheat, because of my choices, not because of any tingling.

Your natural urge for sex just makes you want to have sex. It doesn't make you cheat.

One wants to cheat when one starts dwelling on the object of desire outside of their primary relationship. The more you think about that third party, the more you imagine all about it, fancy what it would be like, the more you train your endorphins to fire off pleasure thinking about it, the more you desire this pleasure to happen, the more you use your thoughts to rationlize it to yourself, to justify it, until the time comes that you seek to act on the desires your mind has created.

It's all in the mind.

I believe that during LTR's it's vital that the man goes out once in awhile to keep his game polished, in order to keep the passion and the interest high in the relationship.

That's why I eat out in restaurants, because it enhances the wife's cooking. Makes sense to me.

I don't go around eating other restaurant patrons' food either, even though my stomach has a tingling feeling.

 

[TheRealSupreme]

Excuse me I got to the part about cheaters basically being weak and ejected.

I have cheated. That is plainly obvious by my rep. You can call me weak. You can call me a coward. Even though you have never seen me back down from any type of fight.

You can say that I lived a weak life or whatever...

But I sure had a lot of fun cheating and doing the upfront "Yes I am dating other people" thing.

Yes cheating there is a element of danger. I enjoyed it. Others may not have the balls or ability to handle the stress.

I loved being caught and then talking the girl into sucking my dyck after she has caught me. I have done that for many years.

For me it was a game.

Now this site is for guys who want to become Don Juans in their lives not priests.

Does that make sense?

You came here with troubles for getting laid.

What part of this does anyone not get:

Don Juan is used synonymously for "womanizer", especially in Spanish slang, and the term Don Juanism is sometimes used as a synonym for satyriasis.

Now this means it's not about a DATERS site. It's about a Don Juan's site.

You are not here to learn to live without sin in your lives. That is for www.holy.com

This post reeks of fem to me.

I can understand the posters point of view if he were a closet female saying it. It would make sense.

But on a site for Don Juans???

Now I know Don Juan was

Don Juan (Spanish) or Don Giovanni (Italian) is a legendary, fictional libertine

But, the concept is to become a libertine.

What is a libertine?

Libertine has come to mean one devoid of any restraints, especially one who ignores or even spurns religious norms, accepted morals, and forms of behaviour sanctioned by the larger society.

What is a don juan?

A man who obsessively seduces women; a philanderer
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Don_Juan

enuff said...

 

[iqqi]

This is the best thread I've ever seen from Joekerr.

I'm not going to let that keep me from enjoying my life though. I can't change how people are behaving. I'll just join them.

Don't think that my experience is the exception. I really don't think it is. And if you think that your girl is different and that she would never cheat on you, then you are one dumb SOB. I'll let you in on a secret. Every woman is like this. If you don't think so, then prove I'm wrong.

I'll take this one. I am a female, and I have never cheated, not once ever. And I never will. AND I have been cheated on. I definately could have cheated to get back at him, and he would've probably died mortally from that wound, but I did not. Why? Exactly what Joekerr said in his opening post. I think too highly of myself, and I value my own ethics and morals.

I am so loyal, that I have been "broken up" with someone I love for about 4 months now. And I still do not even date. Because I am not sure if it is really over between us, and I do not want him to ever have to think I was with someone else. It means something to me, intimacy and trust. And what he thinks of me regarding those things.

Even if he is has huge self esteem issues, and most likely will cheat on me, I myself just cannot stoop to that level, not even as a "pre-emptive strike". My one and only strike will be to do what I did when I found out my ex was cheating on me years ago. I left him. And as fate would have it, he still is not over that.

 

[penkitten]

joekerr, thank you for posting this thread.
i had no idea how bad people hurt themselves.
my first husband cheated, so i knew how much that hurt me and my self esteem was damaged for years, and it ruined our marriage, which could not be salvaged .

i never realized the cheater had weak self esteem, i just always guessed they had super great self esteem which made them feel invincible and that they could do anything they wanted to.... and then they acted on it because they thought they were the sh!t.

 

[Heretolearn]

This is the best thread I've ever seen from Joekerr.



I'll take this one. I am a female, and I have never cheated, not once ever. And I never will. AND I have been cheated on. I definately could have cheated to get back at him, and he would've probably died mortally from that wound, but I did not. Why? Exactly what Joekerr said in his opening post. I think too highly of myself, and I value my own ethics and morals.

I am so loyal, that I have been "broken up" with someone I love for about 4 months now. And I still do not even date. Because I am not sure if it is really over between us, and I do not want him to ever have to think I was with someone else. It means something to me, intimacy and trust. And what he thinks of me regarding those things.

Even if he is has huge self esteem issues, and most likely will cheat on me, I myself just cannot stoop to that level, not even as a "pre-emptive strike". My one and only strike will be to do what I did when I found out my ex was cheating on me years ago. I left him. And as fate would have it, he still is not over that.

Great post. I respect your values!

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Iqqi,
I feel totally crushed by your recent post,it was as a vision on the road to Damascus....I have resolved to be a Scaramouche transmogrified,From this moment on I am resolved to be a Godly and Pious Man,bugger this Don Juan Business,my future redemption I shall owe to you Iqqi how may I ever thank you?...Gentlemen in honour of this Saintly Woman I propose we all subscribe to a fund to create a beautiful statue of this righteous woman"Somewhere beyond our peripheral vision"...I can see it now,a Venus De Milo like figure Bow in her hand,quiver of arrows at her back,Her face stares defiantly at the enemy,her lips mouth"let them all come"to her side With her auburn hair flowing in the wind,her faithful daughter Called Pen Kitten by the natives and there at her feet her trusty retainer "Here to learn"like some faithful Elk hound,truly in Iqqi we have Americas own Boadicea....
And may all the Dogs in town lift their leg at that statue (Tee Hee).

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Iqqi,
I feel totally crushed

 

[squirrels]

Here's the interesting thing...I can think of two instances off the top of my head of men who have fiercely committed wives and they STILL "cheat". (have sex with other women)


One example I've had some conversations with. From what I've seen of him, this guy is a fiercely protective and devoted husband and father, better than most of the men in "committed relationships" that I see these days. Yet he loves the ladies.

I don't know if she knows...sometimes I suspect she does, but it's something she "puts up with" because he is an "alpha male". I've seen the way he speaks to women...it's instantly apparent. Natural unapologetic game. Women call him a "perv"...it's a joke to him. He's one of those people who just oozes self-confidence. If I could nail down the attitude he has toward his marriage, I think he's interested in having a family and being a good father, but if his wife were to catch him and leave him for some reason, he'd be bummed, but he'd get over it...because he knows that, although it might be emotionally hard, if she leaves him, the world doesn't end.

That's a confidence most people in this age don't have.

These guys who run these "flings"...that's all they are to them. Sex. Not love, not romance, just sex. The women sometimes try to get romantic...but that's what women do. These guys never bring their sh!t into the home...they cheat when they're out on business or running "with the guys". Then they come home and everything is back to normal, as if it never happened. When they're with their wives, they're never thinking about the cuties they've been screwing with. They're not buying them gifts or taking them out. To them it's like a rental-car. You ride it, have some fun with it, then you go back home to yours and never think about that car again.


What's the difference between this kind of person and the person who's cheating because he/she is in a relationship that he/she does not want to be committed to, but is afraid to end? The person who would rather be committed to a broken relationship than insecure in a good one or even worse, be *gulp* SINGLE?


Extreme self-confidence, coupled with a high level of masculinity in men or femininity in women.


"Morals" in male-female interactions are not absolute. They're relative.

Won't post any more here.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Iqqi,
I feel totally crushed by your recent post,it was as a vision on the road to Damascus....I have resolved to be a transmogrified Scaramouche,From this moment on I am resolved to be a Godly and Pious Man,bugger this Don Juan Business,my future redemption I shall owe to you Iqqi how may I ever thank you?...Gentlemen in honour of this Saintly Woman I propose we all subscribe to a fund to create a beautiful statue of this righteous woman"Somewhere beyond our peripheral vision"...I can see it now,a Venus De Milo like figure,carved in Levantine Marble, Bow in her hand,quiver of arrows at her back,to her side With flowing auburn hair her faithful daughter Called Pen Kitten by the natives and there at her feet her trusty retainer "Here to learn"like some faithful hound,truly in Iqqi we have Americas own Boadicea....
And may all the Dogs in town pviss on that statue (Tee Hee).

 

[princelydeeds]

You have it 180 degrees opposite.

Genetics DO compel us to cheat, our conscious choices give us the option not to.

You don't for a second believe that people cheat out of a rational thought as opposed to the tingling sensation in their loins, do you?

All that morality and the constructs of "civilized society" have done is to temper our desires as animals, it will never eliminate them.

Yes, we are still animals too.

Amen!! Some of the guys on this forum, sure do think like women!

 

[Mr. Me]

...and some think like they're just animals.

I think like a Man.