Why can't I stop feeling like I don't deserve to have a girlfriend?

[bigdave17]

This has been probably my number 1 biggest problem in my life. A feeling of unworthiness...I just cannot seem to shake it 100%

When I was fat as a kid, it just annihilated my confidence. I told myself over and over again that I would never get a girlfriend and was completely unworthy of getting women. Because of this, I massively exaggerated the difficulty of dating in my head. I developed this inner voice in my head that kept telling me I wasn't good enough. I actually still vividly remember when guys in high school used to mock me for my lack of dating experience and I internalized that so incredibly hard. I developed a very intense anxiety/aversion to going for what I want in dating.

At this point in my life, I have become exactly the man I want to be in all areas. I'm very strong in all superficial areas, I am a very good person in terms of how I treat my friends and family (everybody who gets to know me comments on how good of a person I am) and I have just an amazing lifestyle...but I still can't stop feeling like I'm unworthy of an attractive girlfriend

My main problem is I'm just unbelievably unendingly harsh on myself. No matter how much I improve myself, I never feel like it's enough. I feel like I have to be ungodly perfect for a woman to like me. I'm always obsessed with self perfection and self improvement. I've convinced myself that women will never like me unless I'm impossibly perfect. That inner voice in my head just won't die.

 

[Paradiddle]

Because the feeling of unworthiness has been deep-rooted in your subconscious mind. When you give enough power to a thought, it is absorbed by the subconscious which is powerful than the conscious mind and those things happen. Make a list of all the positive things/traits that you have. As you write it down, feel it and read it everyday before bed and you can rest assured that the feeling that you're having now will vanish. Always remember that it takes 21 days to form a habit. When you have a persistent thought, you will be what you think. Thoughts become things, choose the goos ones. Most importantly, never improve to get a girl. Keep improving at your own pace and the right one will ring your doorbell someday soon.

 

[Spaz]

Because you haven't seen a therapist

Don't get those cheap ones. Go for the Lambo package.

 

[sosousage]

@BigDave do your "hq friends" know that you are emotional like little girl?

 

[sazc]

Because your mental tape recorder keeps playing that same message "you are inferior" over and over in your head and you aren't ready/able to fight against it to change it. There are plenty of self help books available for you to read and you can talk to a therapist.

I urge you not to waste time in this. The longer you put off unwraveling the sh1t storm in your brain, the longer you give life to the mental crap that is holding you back.

Go get help

 

[guru1000]

To be quite honest with you Dave, I’d rather put a bullet in my head than to think I am unworthy of any one, any place, any goal, or any thing. It’s also this mentality which had drove me to who I am today.

I encourage you to adopt a similar paradigm.

 

[Milano]

Really, Dave? If I was to make a thread about every time I had that feeling through my adult life, there would be nothing else to see on sosuave.

I was a virgin til I was 26 cause of a combination of all those thoughts for years and years. I pushed myself down year after year. Its only a downward spiral. You need to be able to step back and look at your problem area.

The growth I have had in these 3 years are barely believable. Is it perfect? No, it will never be. When you have had so many destructive thoughts in your mind for 8 years they will probably be wounds that follow you throughout life, and on bad days you feel them elevating to the surface again.

I regret not getting help, but I thought I was above that. Perhaps I could have lived sooner than age 26. You should seek help for those destructive thoughts, because I know all too well how addictive they are. You think its normal to hate yourself for not being perfect, I know I did.

Some of us want everything to be perfect, but somewhere along the road, we got obsessed about the things we couldnt change instead of thinking about what we can change and improve for a better life.

Remember, there are many guys here with A LOT bigger problems than you.

Also, life is short. Why not have fun while you are here? Nothing is really THAT serious. It all in your head. You are in the drivers seat, you decide when its over if you really want to. I actually find that thought empowering.

 

[Spaz]

Life is good.