Why being indifferent doesn't mean sh!t

[sylvester the cat]

It's a misinterpretation. You have to be indifferent to the outcome. You are happy if you have her, you are happy if you don't. You want it, but you don't need it. It's crucial to have that attitude because it means you're a man who is willing to walk if you aren't being treated properly.

Yes. this is a given. I don't think there is anyone in the world that would disagree with that. That is fairly obvious.

However this forum caters to men who do not fall in this category and seek advice about either getting back with a girl or improving their life so that it doesn't happen again.

What advice would you give someone who had just been dumped or been rejected by a girl and really wanted to go out with her or move on and be happy. How would you tell them to behave in order to become the way that you described?

 

[Renegade357]

How would you tell them to behave in order to become the way that you described?

I would say don't be so attached to the outcome of your interactions with women. Learn from your mistakes and don't be so hard on yourself, there will always be more of them out there for you to screw up with.

If anything you should be happy that you took a shot.

 

[sylvester the cat]

I would say don't be so attached to the outcome of your interactions with women. Learn from your mistakes and don't be so hard on yourself, there will always be more of them out there for you to screw up with.

If anything you should be happy that you took a shot.

Well, we all know we should be happy but it's easier said than done. i should be a millionaire but it doesn't mean its going to happen. you have to work to get to where you want to be.

but let's say i'm badly in love with my oneitis. I'm on the brink of texting her, calling her and declaring my love to her.

What advice would you give me to:
a) get her back, or
b) get over her.

what should i do? what actions should i or shouldn't i take and why?

I think we can all agree that we would advise the following for both a) and b)

do not call the girl or contact her. go NC. spin plates, focus on a hobby and go to the gym. sort your life out.

why? because this helps develop indifference which a) the girl might find more attractive than being a beta wuss, or b) will help us forget her.

it might be difficult at first and yes, we might fail - in which case we pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and try again. we might have to force it, but it is what we would have to do in order to develop indifference. in order to train our mind to learn something new.

so, no. indifference does not mean sh!t if you are pretending. it is a step towards developing genuine indifference.

 

[BeDJ]

but let's say i'm badly in love with my oneitis. I'm on the brink of texting her, calling her and declaring my love to her.

What advice would you give me to:
a) get her back, or
b) get over her.

what should i do? what actions should i or shouldn't i take and why?

If you were truly indifferent, you wouldn't have one-itis or the urge to text her. You wouldn't be in Situation A or B in the first place.

When my phone goes "ding ding" from a chick's number, I just glance and don't even bother unlocking my phone to check the text. It's like meh - even though sometimes I'm just playing video games, reading or even browsing on SoSuave. I'd check it a couple hours later, or even the next day, it's not my tactic of making the girl wait so she has higher interest, it's the fact that I simply don't care - it's more of a routine, a lifestyle if you will.

It's a fools errand to tell people to be indifferent when they simply "Don't Get It." It's like speaking Klingon to a high school football player. They say 'Okay Sure' and everything slips out of their mind because they aren't able to comprehend the mechanics of Indifference. A previous poster was right, it's Donald Trump telling you - To be successful in life, you have to make the best of your investments. Huh? Experience is varied among different people, we don't progress at the same rate. I was lucky enough to have a messed up LTR ruin me and find this site when I couldn't have hit rock bottom any further. It's much easier to let your ego go.

The key to indifference is understanding that you aren't going to attract everyone. We have this little kernel in our mind that a chick is interest be it delusion, ego preservation, etc. It's VERY HARD for us to accept the fact that there is no interest because it HURTS. What if I told you I can make that rejection feel NUMB and you will know if women are truly attracted to you? What if I can make you the Don Juan, instead of that OBRITER you are, by not FULLY accepting her (subtle, nicest way possible) rejection? What if I can assure you that you will get more tail than you can ever imagine?

How many of you are willing to put in the work?

 

[user name]

If you were truly indifferent, you wouldn't have one-itis or the urge to text her. You wouldn't be in Situation A or B in the first place.

When my phone goes "ding ding" from a chick's number, I just glance and don't even bother unlocking my phone to check the text. It's like meh - even though sometimes I'm just playing video games, reading or even browsing on SoSuave. I'd check it a couple hours later, or even the next day, it's not my tactic of making the girl wait so she has higher interest, it's the fact that I simply don't care - it's more of a routine, a lifestyle if you will.

It's a fools errand to tell people to be indifferent when they simply "Don't Get It." It's like speaking Klingon to a high school football player. They say 'Okay Sure' and everything slips out of their mind because they aren't able to comprehend the mechanics of Indifference. A previous poster was right, it's Donald Trump telling you - To be successful in life, you have to make the best of your investments. Huh? Experience is varied among different people, we don't progress at the same rate. I was lucky enough to have a messed up LTR ruin me and find this site when I couldn't have hit rock bottom any further. It's much easier to let your ego go.

The key to indifference is understanding that you aren't going to attract everyone. We have this little kernel in our mind that a chick is interest be it delusion, ego preservation, etc. It's VERY HARD for us to accept the fact that there is no interest because it HURTS. What if I told you I can make that rejection feel NUMB and you will know if women are truly attracted to you? What if I can make you the Don Juan, instead of that OBRITER you are, by not FULLY accepting her (subtle, nicest way possible) rejection? What if I can assure you that you will get more tail than you can ever imagine?

How many of you are willing to put in the work?

but some people are not born indifferent and need advice on how to get there.

pretending to be indifferent is a way to get there. it is a step towards genuine indifference.

or are you going to say to someone who is not indifferent that it is impossible to become indifferent?

the key to indifference is to 'be' indifferent. not to 'talk' about how to be indifferent. and the first start is to act. to pretend.

actions not words. words are for girls. actions are for men.

or have we forgotten who we are all of a sudden?

 

[Renegade357]

What advice would you give me to:
a) get her back, or
b) get over her.

That's adds another element of detail to the subject. I would say start by telling you not to base your happiness on the outcome with this woman. You can't control her. You can only control yourself. You may or may not know what elements are out there standing in your way. Another guy, family problems, financial problems, emotional scars and baggage.

You can only act proper as a man and if she's not treating you right when you've made your intentions known. She knows you like her, she knows you're a nice guy, she probably knows she screwed things up on purpose for whatever RANDOM reason. You must as a man pick up and walk away willing never to look back when you're not being treated right. If she comes back to you then you can deal with it but on your terms. Until then you're off to the next adventure.

 

[user name]

That's adds another element of detail to the subject. I would say start by telling you not to base your happiness on the outcome with this woman. You can't control her. You can only control yourself. You may or may not know what elements are out there standing in your way. Another guy, family problems, financial problems, emotional scars and baggage.

You can only act proper as a man and if she's not treating you right when you've made your intentions known. She knows you like her, she knows you're a nice guy, she probably knows she screwed things up on purpose for whatever RANDOM reason. You must as a man pick up and walk away willing never to look back when you're not being treated right. If she comes back to you then you can deal with it but on your terms. Until then you're off to the next adventure.

you mean 'be' indifferent. pretend or otherwise.

it doesn't matter if you hurt like hell or if she's just another notch on the bed post - the action we perform is the same. act indifferent. whether we mean it or not.

it is the only way to learn and become stronger. it is the only way, no?

 

[VikingKing]

People aren't born indifferent, but people are not born insecure either. You dont come out of your moms lady purse thinking, is my cry weird? do I look weird cause im bald? what will people think of me.

Insecurity is socially conditioned, and insecurity in men today is primarily a result of feminism, but there are always other factors.

Controlling your emotions, being cautious in your reaction to things, and being patient take effort.

Bedj is right, you just have to accept that not every one will like you, especially women. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, it doesn't mean any except that particular person doesn't like you.

 

[skinnyguy]

Indifference is beta, right?

I would think that if an Alpha male wanted to have sex with a girl, he'd go right up to her and say it right than beat around the bush.

 

[buzzin_frog]

So in other words, being indifferent does mean sh!t. Nice contradiction there.

Which is what was being said on that other thread anyway...

I notice you make no suggestion on HOW to adopt said attitude. The first thing one would have to do in order to adopt an indifferent attitude is to ...'be' indifferent. Pretend. Fake it before you make it.

Way to take what I said out of context

You read my old threads......you commented on them.....so you would know.....you are just being ignorant or a troll......because you just edited everything out of your original post.

I'm not going to keep repeating what I said over and over....read it yourself.

If you don't have the right mind set initially, pretending to be indifferent when a problem comes doesn't mean sh!t

If you are indifferent, you don't give a sh!t about anything

You shouldn't worry about what a chick may/may not think about you anyway

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=205938

These guys are trying to use indifference as a way to get the chick interested in them again....these chicks are not interested in them....so pretending to be indifferent doesn't mean sh!t.....the chicks don't care about their indifference.....but these guys still care about the chick....that is not being indifferent, so it doesn't mean sh!t.

Chicks who don't like you and girlfriends that are losing attraction for you, don't care about your indifference....so it doesn't mean sh!t

You can't pretend to be indifferent.... when you actually care.....because when you are "faking it" it is not real....you are not being indifferent.....you are still caring about what she thinks and what she is doing to you... being fake won't help you become real

The fake guys will always breakdown and let women treat them like sh!t

I've seen a lot of guys do this and fail miserably

Just like guys who pretend to be "the prize"...you can't just pretend to be a prize, when you are actually not...you actually have to be a prize.

You can't take a turd and pretend it's a gold bar...it doesn't work!!

 

[floydb25]

Agreed... And the same applies to many things. Pretenders don't get very far, and eventually get revealed.

 

[Uncharted]

I think you guys are missing the reason why you should be indifferent to an individual woman. It's because you are (or should be) spinning plates and have multiple girls that you can contact. When one of the girls you are trying to date starts playing games or does something you don't like, you just blow her off. It's indifference because you really don't care. You have 3-4 other girls that you can hang out with.

You have to get to that level first. Once you are spinning plates with a few girls, you will quickly realize that you don't NEED one of them. It sounds weird, but they become disposable to you. That's the type of indifference that I'm talking about.

At first, I tried "acting" indifferent, and it did peak interest somewhat. But now that I actually AM indifferent due to having multiple options, I don't have to act at all. It's just natural.

 

[PlayHer Man]

I think you guys are missing the reason why you should be indifferent to an individual woman. It's because you are (or should be) spinning plates and have multiple girls that you can contact. When one of the girls you are trying to date starts playing games or does something you don't like, you just blow her off. It's indifference because you really don't care. You have 3-4 other girls that you can hang out with.

You have to get to that level first. Once you are spinning plates with a few girls, you will quickly realize that you don't NEED one of them. It sounds weird, but they become disposable to you. That's the type of indifference that I'm talking about.

At first, I tried "acting" indifferent, and it did peak interest somewhat. But now that I actually AM indifferent due to having multiple options, I don't have to act at all. It's just natural.

Exactly.

 

[user name]

Way to take what I said out of context

You read my old threads......you commented on them.....so you would know.....you are just being ignorant or a troll......because you just edited everything out of your original post.

I'm not going to keep repeating what I said over and over....read it yourself.

If you don't have the right mind set initially, pretending to be indifferent when a problem comes doesn't mean sh!t

If you are indifferent, you don't give a sh!t about anything

You shouldn't worry about what a chick may/may not think about you anyway

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=205938

These guys are trying to use indifference as a way to get the chick interested in them again....these chicks are not interested in them....so pretending to be indifferent doesn't mean sh!t.....the chicks don't care about their indifference.....but these guys still care about the chick....that is not being indifferent, so it doesn't mean sh!t.

Chicks who don't like you and girlfriends that are losing attraction for you, don't care about your indifference....so it doesn't mean sh!t

You can't pretend to be indifferent.... when you actually care.....because when you are "faking it" it is not real....you are not being indifferent.....you are still caring about what she thinks and what she is doing to you... being fake won't help you become real

The fake guys will always breakdown and let women treat them like sh!t

I've seen a lot of guys do this and fail miserably

Just like guys who pretend to be "the prize"...you can't just pretend to be a prize, when you are actually not...you actually have to be a prize.

You can't take a turd and pretend it's a gold bar...it doesn't work!!

i'm not being a troll. i'm merely trying to understand where you are coming from because i just dont get it.

all i am saying is:

i was once very heavily invested in a girl. i was very AFC.

i then took advice to be indifferent. i HAD to pretend because i wasn't indifferent about her.

it was through pretending that i got her hamster spinning very fast one night. it was this hamster spinning that put the power squarely in my lap and i was in control again. only this time i didn't give my power away to her again. i walked away.

nothing happened with this girl and that is fine. i learnt what i learnt. that indifference really is a powerful tool a guy can have against the confusion that girls can put on a guy.

since then, i have learnt to be indifferent with women and it really helped with my interactions with women and not to be taken in by their confusing tactics.

so in this sense, my pretending worked. not to get the girl, but to better learn how to deal with girls in general.

 

[Driggs]

Fake it til you make it.

Mixed messages about indifference might even make t more effective because it causes them to spend time thinking about and analyzing it.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Way to take what I said out of context

You read my old threads......you commented on them.....so you would know.....you are just being ignorant or a troll......because you just edited everything out of your original post.

I'm not going to keep repeating what I said over and over....read it yourself.

If you don't have the right mind set initially, pretending to be indifferent when a problem comes doesn't mean sh!t

If you are indifferent, you don't give a sh!t about anything

You shouldn't worry about what a chick may/may not think about you anyway

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=205938

These guys are trying to use indifference as a way to get the chick interested in them again....these chicks are not interested in them....so pretending to be indifferent doesn't mean sh!t.....the chicks don't care about their indifference.....but these guys still care about the chick....that is not being indifferent, so it doesn't mean sh!t.

Chicks who don't like you and girlfriends that are losing attraction for you, don't care about your indifference....so it doesn't mean sh!t

You can't pretend to be indifferent.... when you actually care.....because when you are "faking it" it is not real....you are not being indifferent.....you are still caring about what she thinks and what she is doing to you... being fake won't help you become real

The fake guys will always breakdown and let women treat them like sh!t

I've seen a lot of guys do this and fail miserably

Just like guys who pretend to be "the prize"...you can't just pretend to be a prize, when you are actually not...you actually have to be a prize.

You can't take a turd and pretend it's a gold bar...it doesn't work!!

what about the guys who did pretend and DIDN'T fail miserably? of which i've seen plenty.

there is no such thing as a prize. its only a matter of belief.

whether one believes they are the prize or not is subjective.

whether one thinks they are a turd or not is subjective.

ultimately nobody is a turd or a prize. it all depends on what you believe.

the same prize today could just as easily be a turd tomorrow.

the same turd today could just as easily be a prize tomorrow.

and just so with someone who is or isn't indifferent. it is a matter of belief, aka pretence/make believe.

if a guy fails to be indifferent then he is by default not being indifferent. nor is he pretending to be indifferent anymore so you can't say 'pretending' to be indifferent is a fail because he's not pretending to be indifferent anymore.

he's just being an afc.

futhermore - if you, OP, were indifferent, you wouldn't have felt the need to create this thread. But you did. So what does that say about you and your indifference?