'Why are you still single?'

[louis]

Was a response from an online advertiser I responded to.

Context
I am 46 and single.

The woman advertising says she is 38, divorced with no children.

My history is that for a period in my life I avoided contact with people and relationships, but that period has come to an end. I now enjoy meeting other people. Eventually, I might want to settle down and perhaps have children with a long-term partner.

I haven't revealed any of this, and I'm wary of giving away too much information too soon.

But given my age, I think this is a question that might come up from other women. So I am wondering how to handle it.

Any thoughts?

 

[squirrels]

I got that from a girl I called yesterday. Thing is...I'm 24. LOL

I told her I have high expectations and a low budget. This probably wasn't the best response. But I'm seeing her Friday, so I guess it wasn't too bad.

I'm somewhat interested in an answer as well, I guess.

 

[WestCoaster]

All kinds of reasons for not being married

Louis, I'm not terribly far removed (younger) than you and I'm single, never been married.

A few things: I did NOT want to be married in my 20's. Good move. Your 20's is for a couple things: One dating up a storm and developing the early stages of your career. It is NOT for being tied down when you're in the prime of your life. Everyone I know who married in their 20's and is now in their 30's and 40's are terribly bored with their wives.

Two, I haven't met the right one and considering I believe marriage is the biggest decision you can ever make, it should be a sound one. There are two areas of my life I will not compromise: One is whom I marry, and two is what I do for a career. Both of these require many hours out of your day so why be miserable at either one?

Three: I think I have a problem with commitment. Not a stereotype, the truth.

Four: I don't think marriage is all it's cracked up to be, and this is coming from my married and divorced friends. The noted 50 percent failure rate is somewhat wrong as about twenty-five percent of the remaining 50 who stay married are miserable. I have a lot of married friends and a lot of them are not happy. I don't think marriage is the panacea to happiness. To me happiness is found within, a woman just compliments your life and should not be the reason for your existence.

* The 20-30 year old set on this board who want to be married need a mental exam ASAP.

 

[Slickster]

She says, "Why are you still single?"

You smile, look her right in the eyes and say, "I just haven't found the right woman yet."

 

[Don_juan]

Yeah, I think if you just say you haven't found the right one yet that should be fine. If it isn't, then you know early off that she is really looking for a husband and thinks "somethings wrong" with you for not having been married (and divorced since she's talking to you). There is nothing wrong with being single... remember that.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by GigaloDJ
"I'm very picky."

-GDJ

I like the idea but 'picky' can be taken the wrong way, as if you are looking for a woman with unobtainable standards. I've said "I choose to be single because I'm rather selective." and I always follow it with "Why do you ask?"

 

[Mutiny]

I usually get, "Do you have a girlfriend?" I say, I have a lot of girlfriends, why do you ask?

But the "Why are you still single?" Throws me for a loop. I think I'd say something like this.....

Her: Why are you still single?
Mutiny: Do you know how MUCH it costs to be married??
Her: blah blah blah
Mutiny: nope, it'll cost me about 300K once we get divorced.
Her: Why do you think we'll get divorced?
Mutiny: Cause my dream girl is (whatever), so you're obviously not the one.
Her: blah blah
Mutiny: Hey, if you're rich you can be my sugar momma. Let's do this, let's get married, we can sign a pre-nup, just leave the yacht with me so I can sail to South Beach. hahahaha

 

[NewMan]

"I am single out of choice. There have been women in my past which I could have settled down with should I have made that choice - but the problem is, when I marry someone it will be for the rest of my life - That woman has to be special - there are lot's of women out there that I can date and have fun with"

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Tell a woman that asks...that you have yet to find a woman worthy of llife time committment and loyalty.

Girls like to hear this from a man....assures them that you are loyal to the one you are with.

 

[WestCoaster]

As if there's something wrong with being picky

I find that amazing there's something wrong with being picky.

There's a saying by a person named Brown (can't remember the first name) that says the most important thing in your life that will dictate your happiness or lack thereof is who you choose as your marriage partner.

Sheesh, why not be picky, my God!!! I know people who spend more time shopping for houses, cars, and stereos than actually thinking about what they want in a woman other than physical attractiveness.

Yes, I want someone I'm sexually attracted to, big time; that's an important part of the relationship. But if you're not compatible emotionally, you're divorced man walking, soon to be broke man walking.

Of course we should be picky. Ask the men who chose women because they had a pulse or just showed interest in them, or didn't really ask what they wanted in a woman and I'll show you a miserable man. I know quite a few of them by the way and they respect my singleness more than you could ever imagine.

Being "picky" is not a sin, it's what you should frickin' do!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Re: As if there's something wrong with being picky

Originally posted by WestCoaster
I find that amazing there's something wrong with being picky.

There's a saying by a person named Brown (can't remember the first name) that says the most important thing in your life that will dictate your happiness or lack thereof is who you choose as your marriage partner.

Sheesh, why not be picky, my God!!! I know people who spend more time shopping for houses, cars, and stereos than actually thinking about what they want in a woman other than physical attractiveness.

Yes, I want someone I'm sexually attracted to, big time; that's an important part of the relationship. But if you're not compatible emotionally, you're divorced man walking, soon to be broke man walking.

Of course we should be picky. Ask the men who chose women because they had a pulse or just showed interest in them, or didn't really ask what they wanted in a woman and I'll show you a miserable man. I know quite a few of them by the way and they respect my singleness more than you could ever imagine.

Being "picky" is not a sin, it's what you should frickin' do!

Ever spent a day clothes shopping with a woman. THAT'S PICKY!!! How many guys do you know that are like that?

Now compare that with a guy buying a car or a stereo. THAT'S SELECTIVE. There is a difference.

 

[CLOONEY]

I would go with Slicksters response!!

As for marriage. It is probably the BIGGEST thing that will ever happen to you, your life practically becomes one with someone else. U have to see them every single day, damn that will drive me crazy!!

I am going to look VERY hard too before I ever get married. Although I heard that statistics say, the longest and happiest marriages come from short courtships (something around only 6 months). Makes u wonder, if it is all just luck.................

 

[uniassign]

Any chick that is going to ask you that question is obviously testing you. No matter what answer you give, she is going to attach negative connotations to it. So why not give her the negative connotations anyway ...

I prefer a C&F answer. eg:

* I am a player;

* I am too good in bed. Most girls know that they will cause injury if they marry me;

* If I get married, then girls will kill themselves because I am what they have lived for (think Jackie Chan - that's what happened when he announced he was getting married years ago. This girl actually killed herself because she couldn't have him anymore)

Or you can answer jokingly (note - you can only pull these off if you are actually secure and come across as non-needy, caring etc):

* I am shy;

* I fall in love too easily;

* I am unlovable.

 

[louis]

Thanks everyone - some interesting options there

 

[dietzcoi]

Definitely go with ****y and funny...

Do NOT go with the overly serious AFC answer of "I haven't found my true love yet" or something similarily pathetic...

This is a woman you just met! You don't have to pour out your heart to her! Bad idea!

 

[DjDreamer]

Originally posted by CLOONEY: I am going to look VERY hard too before I ever get married. Although I heard that statistics say, the longest and happiest marriages come from short courtships (something around only 6 months). Makes u wonder, if it is all just luck.................

Yeah, it sure does make you wonder...

It seems like when it comes to being succesful with women, some guys are lucky and other guys are just overanalytical.

 

[dietzcoi]

Longest Marriages do NOT always equal happiest marriages.

For example, an AFC who knuckles under to his wife at every opportunity can stay married forever... married and in HELL, but legally married. Doesn't mean anything.

If your marriage sucks it takes more courage to get out than to just go along. Having a long marriage proves nothing.

Having a happy marriage, now that takes work.

Dietzcoi

 

[DjDreamer]

True...

A good marriage takes work.

There are too many guys walking around with a "yes honey" mentality.

 

[Trance]

Cause i was in LTR's for the last 5 years with a break of 6 months, so now i dont want to have a comitment for some time!!

 

[louis]

Hi everyone,

Just a brief update.

I actually replied - 'Is there something wrong with being single?'

I'm happy with this reply, because it throws it back at her, and I'm not starting to justify or defend my position. And it's also true - I am happy with being 'single'.