Why are people against improvement? A rant

[Master of the Universe]

I believe Dead Romeo hit the nail on the head.

I'll give you a short story to share my point. When I was 17 years old, I started up a business. I was so excited and motivated, and felt that I had the world by the tail... much as many of us here have felt after first being exposed to the ways of the DJ and have started implementing what we have learned.

I started to tell all my friends and family members about how rich and successful I'll be... I don't believe that I went too-overboard, but it was sufficient to get people to feel more insecure in themselves, and I had stirred too many waves.

Well, that business failed. I went through one hell of a time, partially due to the backlash I got from my friends and family members, who kept on telling me that I need to get a real job, and whom continuously put me down. At that time, I found who my true friends are, and they are the ones that I am still closest to at this time.

Anyway, you can't keep a good man down, and a year later, I tried again. This time I may have told only about 5 people, if even that much. I learned to keep my mouth shut. When others would give me advice, I would just listen to them, and if their advice was flawed I would toss it out. Regardless though, I would thank them. I found that by listening to people and their advice, that is all that is required to neutralize any possible negative vibes.

In the meantime, after several more years of hardship, I hit paydirt, and became successful. At that point, I didn't gloat to those friends and family members who had initially had so little faith in me, and put me down. Instead, my actions and success spoke for me.

So, to put all this into DJing perspective, learn to keep your mouth closed when it is in your best interest, as it usually will be. If others try to share AFC advice with you, just listen to them, thank them, and promptly toss out the advice given. Much later, when they see girls all over you, they will eventually swallow their pride and come to you for advice. ONLY AT THAT POINT do you share any advice or open up about your DJing.

Master of the Universe

------------------
"Life's a joke... take it too seriously, and the joke's on you" - Master of the Universe

"You can never know everything, and part of what you know is always wrong. Perhaps even the most important part. A portion of wisdom lies in knowing that. A portion of courage lies in going on anyways." - Lan Mandragoran, The Wheel of Time

 

[Pancho]

Originally posted by Master of the Universe:
I believe Dead Romeo hit the nail on the head.

I'll give you a short story to share my point. When I was 17 years old, I started up a business. I was so excited and motivated, and felt that I had the world by the tail... much as many of us here have felt after first being exposed to the ways of the DJ and have started implementing what we have learned.

I started to tell all my friends and family members about how rich and successful I'll be... I don't believe that I went too-overboard, but it was sufficient to get people to feel more insecure in themselves, and I had stirred too many waves.

Well, that business failed. I went through one hell of a time, partially due to the backlash I got from my friends and family members, who kept on telling me that I need to get a real job, and whom continuously put me down. At that time, I found who my true friends are, and they are the ones that I am still closest to at this time.

Anyway, you can't keep a good man down, and a year later, I tried again. This time I may have told only about 5 people, if even that much. I learned to keep my mouth shut. When others would give me advice, I would just listen to them, and if their advice was flawed I would toss it out. Regardless though, I would thank them. I found that by listening to people and their advice, that is all that is required to neutralize any possible negative vibes.

In the meantime, after several more years of hardship, I hit paydirt, and became successful. At that point, I didn't gloat to those friends and family members who had initially had so little faith in me, and put me down. Instead, my actions and success spoke for me.

So, to put all this into DJing perspective, learn to keep your mouth closed when it is in your best interest, as it usually will be. If others try to share AFC advice with you, just listen to them, thank them, and promptly toss out the advice given. Much later, when they see girls all over you, they will eventually swallow their pride and come to you for advice. ONLY AT THAT POINT do you share any advice or open up about your DJing.

Master of the Universe

Some good advice...thanks MOTU. The thing is, ive really done little to antagonize anyone...im keeping it low key. But i think its noticeable...i mean, i dress better and look better. The AFC advice...yeah, a lot of it sucks, but I dont flame my friends. I keep things to myself...and i play it cool around them. I mean, they dont know any better and i dont think i could even help them till they're ready for it (much like some of the newbies here or on GP.com). Likewise, when girl-friends try to change it, i understand what theyre doing it, so it doesnt bother me.

Its just my family that really bothers me. My family (being latin) spouts about how important it is to support each other and how family should be close. But right now, theyre being the worst. WTF is with that...they never used to criticize me...why would they start now that im DOING BETTER. MOTU, when your family berated you, it may have been part jealousy, but also part concern, right? In my case, their should be no concern...im certainly not starting my own business. I just dont get it. Your advice still makes sense though...thanks a bunch.

Pancho
P.s *grin*...am i making this board my emotional tampon? Hah.




------------------
If all men were created equal, then how is it im better? --Pancho

 

[Nightwing]

And I'll tell you another thing, and maybe this is my twisted slant on reality as I began to improve myself in certain areas of my life, but as I began my self improvement/discovery journey, I began to see TONS of people who were nothing more than pure losers in life. I also began to see the shyttalkers for what they were and how they couldnt back up anything they said when you put them to the test, and the people that spoke on things that they knew nothing about, but wanted to convince others that they were actually knowledgeable.

When people see you out there doing good or doing great things, it also makes them take notice on what they are not doing with their lives. So they may discourage you, or sidetrack you from your goals, or invalidate your efforts. And even more, THEY WAIT FOR YOU TO FAIL. Misery loves company and there are many people out there who are losers that will look at you and become shytty because you have the balls to go out in the world and get what you want. For many people, that will piss the hell out of them.

....here's my story

Back in high school, I was on the wrestling team in the fall/winter and on the track team in the winter/spring. I excelled in wrestling, almost making it to the state championships my first year on the varsity team. That same year, when I was on the track team, I (I was a junior then) had a run in with two seniors on the track team that ran track for all 4 years but never once made varsity. They told me how I was not a real wrestler because I never went to the state championships and how I should give up, but when I looked back on it, I realized they were jealous of my success and how they couldnt get a grasp of their goals. Now I'm a No Holds Barred fighter, and I still encounter the same thing from people who see what I'm doing, but dont have the balls to do what it takes to achieve their own greatness. They know that I work religiously, and run in any type of weather, doing whatever it takes to achieve my goals. I've been told that I wasnt facing real opponents in my fights, and everytime I got injured in my training (like busted lips or nose) they would REALLY have fun ripping me up. But now, Im fighting for a heavyweight title at the end of this month, and had an offer to fight in last month's UFC and be on pay per view. Next year sometime, I should be in Japan fighting over there if everything goes right. Once again, I know I have people that want to see me fail.

So stick with your goals, and everything that youre working for will eventually unfold. As you begin to actualize your goals, you'll begin to see that there are many jealous hearted losers out there that want to see you mess up. Dont let that get you down.

 

[CLOONEY]

hahahahha, Pancho, I had sort of the same dilema as you, here is my story:

About 2 years ago started to clean up my act. I had no good clothes, I was chubby, and wasn't clean cut at all. I started going to the gym for about 2 hours a day six days a week!!!!, quiet a lot hey!!!. Well didn't this go down well, ALL my family started to tell me that I was wasting my time, but little did they know that in a year I was the perfect shape, I was farily muscular, lean, and looked like a model!!! I really cleaned up my hair, getting it cut like someone out of a hair designer book!! I spent about $5000 dollars on clothes, and now have the best clothes out of ALL my friends!!! I have gold jewlerry, great shoes and a wardrobe full of dress clothes. Not to mention a $2 thousand suit my cousin gave me!!

Some of my friends really started to resent me because of my new found looks "the ugly duckling syndrome", and no longer am I friends with them. My family still carries on to me about watching what I eat, and that I am too concerned with my looks, but hard reality is that, I KNOW WHO I AM AND WHAT I AM ABOUT!!! I don't care what they think anymore, because I am confident within myself!!! My "real friends" now, ask me for advice on girl issues, and now praise me that I can get so many girls so easily!!! Everywhere I go I get looks from ugly girls, average girls and absolute stunners, some of the stunners even get nervous sometimes when talking to me!!!! hahahaha, if only they knew who I a couple of years ago!!!!!

I also find that with looks EVERYONE wants to be friends with you, guys who wouldn't used to talk to me, now want to be good friends with me!!! One thing that makes us so alike Pancho, is that I too have a brother who is a natural born DJ, he has a girlfriend who is a professional model and he is on my back all the time!!! He is angry because he used to be the golden boy of the family and used to be the best looking, now I am streaks ahead of him, and have got offers to model by agencies. It really makes him angry, because not only that but I am going around the world soon, and I have got a job offer of $100,000 + a year!!!! My life is all turning out to be something of a masterpeice, and all other people can do is be jeleous of me and resent me, however I KNOW WHO I AM AND WHAT I AM ABOUT!!!! I also get babes approaching me ALL the time when I go out, so what can I say, the proof is in the pudding!! Sorry if I sound arogant, I am actually really humble, just telling it how it is!!!!

So don't worry about all this critisim Pancho, in a couple of years when you are the "perfect guy", pulling all the chicks, or have even settled down with the "perfect girl", the joke will be yours to tell and the joke will be on them!!!!


------------------
Life is a game....PLAY IT!!

 

[Pro]

Tell them not to worry about you and to start thinking about themselves.

------------------
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face" -Eleanor Roosevelt

"If you do something, you'll reap rewards."

 

[SoSuave.com]

To The Archive.

 

[TheEveningChronograph]

Why? Because they are perfectly content being complacent in life, to include all of their endeavors, career choices, social interactions, social circles, crumbling physical and mental health, crumbling fitness levels, crumbling bank accounts, crumbling housing accommodations and so much more that fills their proverbial pot at the end of the rainbow. Their lives are "hesitation leads to masturbation" to the nTH degree. Holy hell. Look at them crying right now. Why didn't they move on and take that job 500 miles away from their hometown 20 years ago when they were 20-years-old? It would have altered their lives for the BEST, and they always knew it would, but they all became stuck in their ways and too comfortable to be nudged off their home highchairs physically, emotionally and mentally. Becoming a liability of a man seemed to be the sh!t when they were on the come up, so why go against the grain now?

It's all too easy to sit at the bar nearby and drink cheap beers with the local trash. Why challenge yourself and venture off into unknown territory?!...they tell themselves at night when it's time to go to bed. THEY KNEW WHAT NEEDED TO BE DONE, but repeatedly chose the path of f***off and still dream about f***ing the prom queen. Pathetic. But they'll take it out on you gladly because like women, they hate the truth. Because they know they have another sucker they can manipulate and hold down. Because they believe that taking shortcuts are the ONLY way through. Do not give in. Instead, get out. The combination of time, distance and effort are a hell of a ****tail. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Get comfortable in your own skin, on the move and at a well-deserved rest. Remember that getting inside of your own head is what pushed you away from your personal ground zero to begin with. Don't ever forget those reasons why. Just own it, because you aren't following some decrepit field manual written in stone 2,000 years ago. Are you?

 

[AAAgent]

Short answer, people are against change.

change is difficult and often times painful. Those who try and change themselves typically go through those experiences alone.

people don’t want to feel like they’re lazy, wrong, or whatever the reason is that they’re feeling and not following you on this journey of change.

 

[IKO69]

It's already been said but really comes down to two things: the first is people resist change. It's difficult wanting to get out of your comfort zone and pushing past the initial resistance that comes up when you do. Second is just plain laziness. It's easier to do nothing, complain and cook up a bunch theories/lay the blame on several different boogiemen as to why you can't get going.

 

[Epicenter]

I will give another perspective to the echo chamber:

Higher expectation can make you unhappy. If you are 'addicted' to 'hustle culture' you change yourself. That means you become a stranger to other people. Why should they want that you become a stranger?

Evolutionary if somebody becomes richer or stronger you become weaker. So shiittalking them makes sense. Imagine a girl hearing you give him praise. She might think he is better than you. Fuuck that. Lie, keep him down.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Im in part asking advice and in part ranting...so excuse the long thread

Ever since ive come to the conclusion that my life was not going how i wanted, Ive been trying to change...to improve. Finding this site has been a huge part of my self improvement...not only do i feel more comfortable (and competent) around women, ive also improve on MOST of my other relationships.

However, ive started getting a lot of comments from my friends and family, and i was wondering if any of you have gotten similiar responses.

One of the things ive been doing to improve myself is weightlifting and excercise. However, my family has really been dumpin on me about this, and i cant figure out why..

Brother "why the hell are you trying..your never gonna be pumped" (hes bigger than me..im skinny and not very muscular...but im trying...)

Mom: "why are you spending so much time on that stuff..your all right the way you are" (i only go about an hour a day, 5 times a week..and, again, skinny)

Cousin "Why are you trying so hard to make girls like you?" (That is NOT what im doing...at least not the only reason, and SHE is overweight).

Not only that, but im not AT ALL a doormat anymore, and i say what i mean. I am a bit paranoid, due to past experiences, about people trying to control me, so i dont let them anymore. And ive been getting a ton of respect from people i meet. Since ive begun my DJ change, ive advanced in my studies and work. However, my friends and family havent responded well...

My AFC friends really resent me. Im dating two girl...and theyre constantly telling me how im a player, and an a$$hole for seeing two girls (ive told the 2 girls im non exclusive right now and im not "playing" them at all). Not only that, they keep ramming their AFC advice down my throat, even though I HAVE gf, and they dont...whereas i NEVER put them down for theyre "lack of luck".

My two brothers, one of them a total AFC and the other a natural DJ with a lot of AFC tendencies keep telling me that im never gonna be happy. They both have long term girlfriends (one has only ever had the 1 gf)keep trying to give me advice on girls. Whenever i argue with them and tell them i dont need their stupid advice, they point out their gf and say "look at us, we have girlfriend for a long time and you dont" Their gfs are particularly attractive and theyre whipped, but they still feel it necessary to point out my faults!

My girl-friends are telling me they dont like the new me (some of them bluntly). It god so bad that i asked one of them, that if i went back to being the old me, if she would fvck my brains out. She slapped me. We are still friends now (and weve actually made out some times since then

) but not very "close"

The rest of family has also been berating me about my new attitude. They keep telling me that with my views now, ill never have a girl. Which flies in the face of facts, as i had NO girlfriends before the change.

Why the hell is everyone so determined to stop me from improving? Im doing better at school, i have more friends, and for once in my life, im happy. Do you guys ever get this stuff? I dont know what to do..its getting on my nerves, and i just cant NEXT my families and friends!

Id like to hear you stories and your advice, fellow DJs

Pancho

------------------
If all men were created equal, then how is it im better? --Pancho

[This message has been edited by Pancho (edited 06-03-2002).]

Get this: as a man, anything good or right you do, you will be hated for it.

You will not be hated by all, but you will be hated.

 

[obelisk]

You're always going to piss someone off by your actions. Far better to piss someone ELSE off by your self-improvement than yourself by your inaction.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Because it takes a lot of honest hard work and a lot of looking at themselves in ways they don't want to look at themselves.

Most people want to sweep that stuff under the rug and pretend it doesn't exist. It's easier on their ego that way.

Also, your brain isn't wired for you to thrive, it's wired for you to survive. Survival means your brain is happy with status quo, so any change to the status quo is going to be met with resistance to keep it comfortable and inside a zone it knows rather than push outside and force it to work OT to reestablish a new comfort zone.

It will try to force you to quit, make yourself doubt your decision, cause you to procrastinate, etc. All in an attempt for you to go back to "normal". It takes hard work and not giving in to overcome this. Eventually it will accept and reaccuton itself to things once you do it long enough but until that point it will be a fight. Most people allow their brain to win.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

They put ten rats in a cage with an electrified floor. In the middle of the cage is a platform with food and a tiny ladder. The moment one of the rats climbs the ladder, the floor is charged with electricity and hurts the other nine rats, so what do they do? They drag down the rat that climbs the ladder and the electric current stops. They do that until none of the ten rats dares to climb the ladder.

Now they remove two rats and bring in two new ones. The new ones want to climb the ladder, but the other eight prevent them from climbing the ladder, to prevent the floor from become electrified again.
After a week of no rats climbing the ladder, two old ones are exchanged for fresh rats and these are also prevented by the eight remaining rats from climbing the ladder. The other two new rats, who haven't felt the electrified floor, join in the preventing from climbing the ladder.

They continue to exchange rats two by two, until all ten rats have been replaced. Now there are ten rats in the cage, and none of the rats dare to climb the ladder, even if none of them have felt the electrified floor for themselves.

 

[Epicenter]

Here is what the AI wrote against self improvement:

. Here are some examples why self-improvement may not be worth it:

• It can be time-consuming and expensive. Self-improvement can take a lot of time and effort, especially if you are trying to make major changes in your life. It can also be expensive, depending on the activities or resources you need to get involved in.
• It can be emotionally draining. Self-improvement often requires us to confront our weaknesses and shortcomings. This can be a difficult and emotionally draining process.
• It can be discouraging. There will be times when we don't see results from our efforts. This can be discouraging and make us want to give up.
• It can be unrealistic. Sometimes, we set unrealistic goals for ourselves when we are trying to improve ourselves. This can lead to disappointment and frustration.
• It can be unnecessary. There are some people who are perfectly happy with who they are and don't feel the need to improve themselves. For these people, self-improvement may not be worth the time and effort.

Ultimately, whether or not self-improvement is worth it is a personal decision. There are many factors to consider, such as your individual goals, needs, and resources. If you are considering embarking on a self-improvement journey, it is important to weigh the pros and cons carefully.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Here is what the AI wrote against self improvement:

AI isn't providing you with actual information but rather the most preferred routes of thinking/patterns most people tend to take.

Thats why it's called "Artificial" intelligence, it's really just feeding us back our most popular thought processes.

Still insightful to see the excuses the majority of people make though.

 

[zekko]

Mom: "why are you spending so much time on that stuff..your all right the way you are"

Lol, that is such a mom thing to say.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Get this: as a man, anything good or right you do, you will be hated for it.

You will not be hated by all, but you will be hated.

Most people are surprised to see most of their friends not happy for them while they are getting better and moving forward. They want you to stay right where you are with them.

Jealousy is a real thing with most people

 

[SargeMaximus]

Did OP ever get muscular?

 

[obelisk]

Another thing. To lead is to be alone. Once you start to break out of the status quo, everyone around you are like crabs in the bucket trying to pull you back in. Some friendships have to die so you can evolve into something better.