Why are people against improvement? A rant

[Pancho]

Im in part asking advice and in part ranting...so excuse the long thread

Ever since ive come to the conclusion that my life was not going how i wanted, Ive been trying to change...to improve. Finding this site has been a huge part of my self improvement...not only do i feel more comfortable (and competent) around women, ive also improve on MOST of my other relationships.

However, ive started getting a lot of comments from my friends and family, and i was wondering if any of you have gotten similiar responses.

One of the things ive been doing to improve myself is weightlifting and excercise. However, my family has really been dumpin on me about this, and i cant figure out why..

Brother "why the hell are you trying..your never gonna be pumped" (hes bigger than me..im skinny and not very muscular...but im trying...)

Mom: "why are you spending so much time on that stuff..your all right the way you are" (i only go about an hour a day, 5 times a week..and, again, skinny)

Cousin "Why are you trying so hard to make girls like you?" (That is NOT what im doing...at least not the only reason, and SHE is overweight).

Not only that, but im not AT ALL a doormat anymore, and i say what i mean. I am a bit paranoid, due to past experiences, about people trying to control me, so i dont let them anymore. And ive been getting a ton of respect from people i meet. Since ive begun my DJ change, ive advanced in my studies and work. However, my friends and family havent responded well...

My AFC friends really resent me. Im dating two girl...and theyre constantly telling me how im a player, and an a$$hole for seeing two girls (ive told the 2 girls im non exclusive right now and im not "playing" them at all). Not only that, they keep ramming their AFC advice down my throat, even though I HAVE gf, and they dont...whereas i NEVER put them down for theyre "lack of luck".

My two brothers, one of them a total AFC and the other a natural DJ with a lot of AFC tendencies keep telling me that im never gonna be happy. They both have long term girlfriends (one has only ever had the 1 gf)keep trying to give me advice on girls. Whenever i argue with them and tell them i dont need their stupid advice, they point out their gf and say "look at us, we have girlfriend for a long time and you dont" Their gfs are particularly attractive and theyre whipped, but they still feel it necessary to point out my faults!

My girl-friends are telling me they dont like the new me (some of them bluntly). It god so bad that i asked one of them, that if i went back to being the old me, if she would fvck my brains out. She slapped me. We are still friends now (and weve actually made out some times since then

) but not very "close"

The rest of family has also been berating me about my new attitude. They keep telling me that with my views now, ill never have a girl. Which flies in the face of facts, as i had NO girlfriends before the change.

Why the hell is everyone so determined to stop me from improving? Im doing better at school, i have more friends, and for once in my life, im happy. Do you guys ever get this stuff? I dont know what to do..its getting on my nerves, and i just cant NEXT my families and friends!

Id like to hear you stories and your advice, fellow DJs

Pancho

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If all men were created equal, then how is it im better? --Pancho

[This message has been edited by Pancho (edited 06-03-2002).]

 

[timerare2]

Suprisingly people are more likely to attack you because you are strong, than because you are weak.

People sense your strength and it starts to tick them off.

The intelligent kids in highschool were attacked because they were strong. Their BEST ASPECT was made fun of. Respectively, the intelligent girls made fun of the best aspect of the cheerleaders by calling them sluts. (Attractiveness).

So, accept, that being strong is going to lead to increased attacks against you. The bigger your ego is the more defense you have to operate. People will try to bring you down, and when they figure out that they can't they'll get dirty and they'll gang up.

That's why it's so hard to be strong, because people always give you flak.

You have to accept that taking the actions which are going to lead to life success aren't going to make you more popular...


However, in the end, those life successes WILL make you more popular.

Keep it up.

 

[Ronin]

Don't give up. I had the same sh*t from my family and class mates. I still get it a bit. I stayed determined through it and have now risen above them. I would tell u the story bu thave no time. I might psot it later. Stick with it bro.

For exelent bodybuiding advice go check out teenbodybuilding.com and visit the message boards.

Just thought i'd help ya out a little.

Keep your mind on your goals and dont let anyone drag you down because once you reach your goal the ones who were draging you down will be envying an worshiping you for what u've acomplished.

Sean

[This message has been edited by Ronin (edited 06-03-2002).]

 

[Shiftkey]

I've heard this complaint on these boards before, but I don't seem to have this problem. Everyone who knew the old me(s) and the new me are welcoming the changes. Maybe you're just trying to change a little too fast and a little too drastically and that's why it's alerting people.

 

[Fae]

I know what you mean Pancho.

I've been having some 'problems' with regard to how I've been changing recently.

One big one is with my mother. For various reasons I'm living at home until I can finish up school. She does a whole lot of **** I've noticed is totally like when some chick tries to get an AFC to supplicate. Like casually mentioning that she'd like a drink. Earlier I'd just go get her something to drink. I've stopped doing that and now she gets pissed when I don't try to satisfy her every verbal desire. I've told her that I don't mind doing the stuff for her (she is my mother and I am living in a house that is partially owned by her) but she's going to have to ask and she's going to have to be prepared to get a 'no' sometimes. Hasn't been going that well but I really don't care. I'm not a servant and I feel a lot better now than I did when she didn't get pissed at me as often.

Some of my friends are appalled at my new attitude about women in general. They think that I've become a bitter jerk just because I've started telling them to supplicate to women, because I don't think that women are beautiful and unique snowflakes any more, because I don't put them on a pedestal. On the other hand, I'm finding out which of my friends are open-minded and reasonable.

But, like you, I am doing better in almost every aspect of my life. I'm doing better than I ever have in school. I'm making new friends. I get respect from people I meet and people that I've known longer are getting new respect for me.

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I think timerare2 was right on. People see strength in you and it acts like a mirror exposing their flaws to them. Instead of having the courage to admit what is wrong with themselves and building themselves up to your level, they try to tear you back down so they don't have to make the hard choices necessary for improving themselves.

Hold the course.

 

[mattymcmatt]

Remember this: the whole world is trying to make you an AFC.

Also, whenever you take advice from someone, try to figure out their alterior motives behind it. I think I read in one of David Lieberman's books that very few people in the world will actually offer advice without their intentions getting in the way.

Nearly everyone that offered comments on your change are jealous because you're taking steps to improve yourself while they're stuck in the same rut.

Keep it up!

 

[fusion_man]

Pancho, just remember a famous quote by Albert Einstein:

"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocre minds. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."

Then when they diss you, go have a protien drink. You need extra supplemental protien to feed muscle growth from the planned structural breakdown of weightlifting. When the body seeks to routinely rebuild, it must see a continuous supply of excess protien for the fuel of energized muscle growth. And please note that any other supplements such as "the juice" (steriods) will eventually turn you into an old feeble man before the age of 30 so don't do them. Good luck.

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"I'd walk a mile for a smile"

[This message has been edited by fusion_man (edited 06-03-2002).]

 

[dead_romeo]

Gentlemen, the secret of success is X + Y + Z.
X = Work.
Y = Play.
Z = Keep your mouth shut.
(originally quoted by einstein)

People become jealous little biatches when they realize you're getting ahead in life and they're not, I agree, I experience that alot. Let them wallow in a pool of their own warm shyt.

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"Conclusions arrived at through reasoning have very little or no influence in altering the course of our lives. Hence, the countless examples of people who have the clearest convictions and yet act diametrically against them time and time again; and have as the only explanation for their behavior the idea that to err is human." Carlos Castaneda - The Fire From Within

"It is the responsibility of the strong to help the weak become strong" - Harlan Ellison

 

[Flyguy3663]

Pancho,

Don't let it get you down man. A lot of people who are weaker than you either physically, mentally, or socially will try anything to cut you down. Its just their own insecurities. I have been experiencing this since I started working and making money, working out, or just succeeding in life. A lot of people are envious of what they don't have. Your post really hits home because I feel that I have experienced almost all of your examples like:

Not being anyone's personal Doormat

Getting my body in better shape and then fat people trying to tell me I aint as diesel as I think I am

Or AFC guys trying to tell me how to deal with females and it pisses me off because they have no clue and get mad at me becuz I know the game.

I personally only have 1 girl friend that I still talk to. I think she likes the new me better. She's an online friend though so its not like I am gonna meet her. But I deal strictly with girls on a sexual level nowadayz. I used to have maybe 10 girls I talked to as a plutonic friend. Now maybe 1.

The bottom line is that you are making progress and success and you are headed somewhere. Not only with girls but in life in general. Don't let people bring you down. I actually use their negative comments as motivation. Like if I see someone who is fat and out of shape that is trying to talk down to me I think about them when I am lifting or doing push-ups. It helps. Just stay positive and motivated. Good luck with the working out. Peace

 

[T Dog]

Pancho,

Nothing more that I can add that these fine gentleman have not.

The mere fact that your friends and family are trying to knock you down is proof that you are on the right path.

Previously they felt superior to you and not you are slowing turning the table on them. They don't want to feel inferior and your success is a poke in the eye to their weaknesses.

Keep it up and don't ever stop.

Your family is family and you can't change that. Over time they will respect you. Over time you will make new friends that make you strive harder to be a better person. Seek out those people and align yourself with them.

Greatness only begets more greatness.

T Dog

 

[Nightwing]

I've had this happen too. Dont worry about them, FVCK THEM!!!! You do your own thing no matter what other people say. This site has also been a big part of my self improvement and I've noticed how it has permeated in other aspects of my life. So keep doing what youre doing and keep up the good work.

 

[UnluckynLuv]

TRUE,TRUE. Just keep working for yourself and do not brag or tell all you friends all your business. it's hard sometimes not to thump your own chest, but the more you do the more jealous they get.

Besides, they are going to notice sooner or later.

Originally posted by dead_romeo:
Gentlemen, the secret of success is X + Y + Z.
X = Work.
Y = Play.
Z = Keep your mouth shut.
(originally quoted by einstein)

People become jealous little biatches when they realize you're getting ahead in life and they're not, I agree, I experience that alot. Let them wallow in a pool of their own warm shyt.

 

[Taz]

Think of each insult as a test to see whether or not you are the alpha male. Just think "everybody secretly wants you to be the alpha male, and their continuously trying to reassure themselves that you really are." Hence, the put-downs.

This mentality has helped me so much, more so with my group of friends. With all the groups of friends I've had in the past, I wasn't happy with the role they "made for me." So with my new crew I "made myself" and realized that they needed an alpha male. Each insult they give me is returned, and I constantly prove that I am the alpha male.

 

[Nightwing]

Originally posted by Taz:
Think of each insult as a test to see whether or not you are the alpha male. Just think "everybody secretly wants you to be the alpha male, and their continuously trying to reassure themselves that you really are." Hence, the put-downs.

This mentality has helped me so much, more so with my group of friends. With all the groups of friends I've had in the past, I wasn't happy with the role they "made for me." So with my new crew I "made myself" and realized that they needed an alpha male. Each insult they give me is returned, and I constantly prove that I am the alpha male.

Hence the reason why so many women put each other down when they see each other doing good, and the bad thing about it is these chicks that talk bad about each other will also claim to be best friends.

I agree with Taz, look at this as a game, these people (male and female alike) are AFC's and they want to be like you. Just view their jealousy as a sign that youre doing something right.

 

[Page]

I've been feeling what pancho is describing recently.

Like so many others have said, people don't like oyu to be better than them, b/c it reminds them of their own inadequacies. Tehey can't stop you unless what they say to you strikes home and undermines your confidence and charisma. If that happens, they've won, so you must not pay attention to what jealous AFCs say.

 

[thegame]

Pancho
Keep making improvments in life and don't care what everyone else is thinking about you. Keep lifting those weights and geeting big. Remember you will soon beceme the alpha male and everyone will look at you differntly becaue they know you will squash them.
Date as many women as you like. The more the marrier. It seemed the more women I dated the more they all wanted me. Don't become complacient like I did and settle with one woman, unless you know she is the one for you and belive me man you will.
Remember misery likes company and if you let other people choose your life you will become another AFC.
You gave me some advise not too long ago being a body builder and in the medical profession. I worked hard to achive both and nobody can take that away from me.
You told me I have a distinct advnatage over most guys but do not have the skills to follow thorugh. I working on those skills and not giving a sh*t what other people think. I looked in the mirror at 28 years of age and seen another AFC. I act like an alpha male in the gym, but when it came to dating I was a ***** cat. Make small and gradual changes everyday and it will pay off. Hang in there Pancho and be tuff.

[This message has been edited by thegame (edited 06-03-2002).]

 

[Pancho]

*Grin* I didnt think i was gonna get that many responses. Id just like to thank all of you for your input...and your all right. I think it is partly jealousy im experiencing, but also people disappointed because im not in the rut they are. I actually used to be a lot more judgemental than i am now; ironically enough, now that I dont try to give people advice or criticize (even though i so badly want to sometimes) people do it TO ME. I just dont think you can build rapport with people if your always ramming your viewpoints (unless they are asked for) so i dont do it anymore.

I appreciate every single one of you guys who responded to my email. At the risk of sounding AFC.....*sniff* you guys are the best

Pancho

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If all men were created equal, then how is it im better? --Pancho

[This message has been edited by Pancho (edited 06-04-2002).]

 

[Ashlee Angel]

They are jealous of you they are called haters. They are pissed because u are changing for the good and their not doing sh!t.

p.s keep up the good work

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The more girls you ask out the more chances of you getting a yes.

 

[Bonhomme]

Misery loves company.

They resent the fact that you're moving ahead of them.

One less person to look down upon.

^5, brother! Keep up the good work!

 

[xniceguy]

They hate you becuz they ain't you.

Yes, people are jealous of the way you're taking advantage of life. Ignore them. You're right and they're wrong.

Just smile slightly and chnage the topic (or go for a run) every time they start hating on you.



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Chicks don't think. Chicks feel.