why am I?

[KontrollerX]

"Correct me if I am wrong but I was under the assumption that AWs only want attention from you."

There's a few things they want actually.

1. Attention
2. Personality- They need to get into a relationship with a guy to steal his personality since they don't have one of their own. This stealing produces a soulmate effect which causes the guy to fall deeply in love with the HPD moreso than other relationships. He's not really loving the girl but himself as that is what she is projecting to him. Himself.
3. Emotions- They want you to reflect back at them what they put out towards you. So if she acts sexy she wants you to act turned on, if she acts interested in what you are saying she wants you to keep talking. They need these emotions from you because it makes them feel alive like they have an effect on someone. Like they exist in this world. This is all the trouble that arises for a person that does not have their own true self to get these emotions from. They parasite them off of other people as a result.
4. Distraction- An HPD knows on some level what she is doing/has done to people, what she has done to herself is horribly, horribly wrong. Knowledge like this is often too much for an HPD to handle so to cope she needs constant distractions and what better distractions than talking to guys for several hours on end or drowning herself in alcohol she reasons?

"Some guys though I see are talking about actually dating them and kissing them etc."

Most of the guys who post about being in relationships with HPD's on here do not know what these girls are until its too late and the emotional damage has already been done to them. We who know are here to try and help them pick up the pieces and recover from the damage.

"I thought AWs only used you for attention but never dated or never did anything physical as far as kissing or sex because they didnt see them that way and didnt see them as relationship material."

HPD's will do whatever it takes to get attention. If its kissing or sex then so be it. The relationships they create are a form of use and abuse. They never truly cared about anyone they were with. They only wanted attention, distractions, emotions and a personality, most of which they steal from you or whoever will allow them to.

"So its actually possible that she is still an AW even though you have a relationship with her?"

A relationship with an HPD is a joke. An absolute utter and complete lie. Its not based on mutual caring its based on her getting whatever attention function she needs from you at that time, be it sex, money, or fame she will do whatever she can to extract whatever she needs from you until you are no longer useful.

To answer your question more directly though yeah she remains an HPD even in her joke of a relationship with whomever because a personality disorder is just not something one grows out of. It must be actively fought with the aid of a psychotherapist and desire to change.

 

[El Don]

Thanks for that reply. The reson I asked was because now that I look at all the signs I think the girl I am talking with now might be one. What if she has alot of friends though and she goes out and everything and has a life? Only reason i say this is because I want to figure out if the girl im talking to now may be one. She would call me and stuff even when she was out with her friends and hangin out with them and she doesnt have a ton of friends but a close group she will usually hang out with.I would think that girls like major AWs dont have alot of friends and just dont really go out or anything so they need to find some attention. I figured because she would call me even when she was out with her friends that maybe she was interested but im not so sure now after reading your post.
Now she has been through alot before in her past and I think she may be an AW as much as I fear and hate to say it and I dont want to end things with her because I do care about her. Alot of the stuff you wrote just kind of took me by suprise and is pretty true. I feel like we are really close and have so much in common that it seems a little to good to be true. That post answered alot of questions and i dont want to get paranoid and just assume that all these girls now are AWs but maybe this one is to. Your post was a good read Kontroller thanks.

 

[KontrollerX]

Typically HPD's do have a lot of friends. Like their relationships though the friendships are shallow and held together by many manipulations. Also most of the "friends" are usually guys and if they have any female friends at all most often the friend or friends have 1. Low self esteem or Avoidant Personality Disorder 2. Are ugly as HPD's hate competition that beautiful girls as friends would bring her 3. Hot chicks- yeah I know this contradicts #2 but as this site has said "All AWs" are different so if she has a hot chick or many hot chicks as friends she will use them to attract more guys to her or she will just hang out with them alone and try to get them to make out with her or go right into some hot lesbo action as for some reason HPD's often are bisexual.

Here are some links that may help you out with that.

If she fits the majority of the criteria at the 1st and especially the 2nd link you are dealing with an HPD no questions asked.

http://www.minddisorders.com/Flu-Inv/Histrionic-personality-disorder.html

http://www.toad.net/~arcturus/dd/histrion.htm

http://www.mhsanctuary.com/borderline/BPDtherapist/42.HTM

Pay attention to Cluster B Personality Disorders listed here as they all share many things in common ie dramatic, inadvertant liars, lack of empathy, etc...

http://www.toad.net/~arcturus/dd/ddhome.htm

The way I look at it is if you take a few hours (probably just a half hour) to read all of this it can save you months and possibly years of heartbreak and pain. The mistake this forum makes way too often is assuming a relationship's end with a person afflicted with a Cluster B Personality Disorder is just like the end to any old normal relationship in pain. Its not. It is much much worse as a person could and often does have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after its over with one of these people and they can also develop disorders themselves depending on how long they were involved or how much in love with that person they were before it was so cruelly ended out of nowhere with no good reason given (as is often the case). The shock of this type of relationship ending and finding out this person never cared about you in the least is what makes relationships with these people so much more destructive than a relationship with a normal person. At least with a normal person you know when its over that the relationship was real for both of you at some point and that you weren't just being used and manipulated all throughout it. In short all the love you put into a normal girl at least once upon a time counted for something and your love was the right thing to give. You walk away from that relationship perhaps with a lot of pain but also the knowledge that both of you gave it a real shot, gave eachother a real chance, really cared about eachother for a time but you both just didn't have that magic that could make it last. The HPD is looking for a guy that will not react negatively to any of her bad behaviour, never call her out on her lies and deceptions, and also never tell her that he loves her. Oh yes they really want your love but once they have it they view you as conquered and weak and other than that they are afraid of true love and hate it because it makes them on some level whether conscious or unconscious feel possessed, and imprisoned etc.

This article from Sam Vaknin's site goes into the love factor much better than I ever could. If you read it simply substitute instances of he for she and narcissist for histrionic as Sam has pointed out they are completely interchangeable.

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq74.html

Well one thing you must understand is HPD girls no matter how hot don't really have any friends. They don't have lovers either. What they have are sources of something called Narcissistic Supply. This is love, lust, adoration, adulation, attention, etc. Cluster B Personality Disordered individuals view people as objects. Imagine your refrigerator for a moment. How long will you keep it around? Until it no longer gives you what you need at the time right or it simply stops working right? Well thats how she views you and everyone as a completely irreplaceable object. She's addicted to the goodies of a relationship but not you its supplier as you can be replaced. They regard your feelings the same way you would a refrigerators. Its just a completely foreign concept to them to consider your feelings because you are just an object to them.

As for her close group of friends HPD's form close groups of friends but their behaviour eventually alienates and drives these people away or the HPD goes through her natural cycle of Idealize, devalue and discard where one week you were like god in her eyes to the next week you are just another loser not worthy of he time. You haven't changed of course its just her horrible personality disorder's horrid affect kicking in. So yeah this girl if an HPD will move on from them eventually to a new set of victims. Also about HPD's not going out thats completely false as they are always on the prowl looking for more people to leech attention and affection off from. However since they are projecting a false self to the world with their overdramatic behaviour and acting all the time they like anyone get tired from this kind of activity and sometimes take a break for a few months. During this time they might somehow meet a guy that moved into an apartment next to them and he might be fooled by her rest period that she's not a wild party girl like most HPD's are then the poor b@stard enters into a relationship with her and at first things seem perfect but then the games begin where she cheats, lies and denies all of her bad behaviour accueses you of doing bad things you didn't and just makes your life a living hell. What they do to make you crazy is called projection or gaslighting where she'll accuse you of cheating or say you treat her like mud on your shoes but what this really means is she's the one whose cheating and she's the one who treats you and all men as mud on her shoes ie a worthless object.

So yeah how an HPD charms men most often is appearing kind, funny, bubbly and so in love with you that you feel more special than you've ever felt in your life because just about every single HPD is what this forum would refer to as an HB10 and to have a girl that beautiful acting like you're the last guy on earth is very very flattering and hypnotising needless to say.

If she fits the criteria for HPD I'm so sorry my friend but you should end it for your own good. The HPD who used me for her sick attention fix put me through more emotional pain than I've ever experienced in my life because I cared about her so deeply (really myself but I didn't know this at the time) and she walked away from me like I didn't even matter to her (which I didn't). Anyway she has a long line of victims. Two other guys she conned into a year long relationship just about (8 months for one I think and 9 for another) and these guys thought they had met their future wife. They were talking marriage with her or at least one of them was and then said they loved her and weeks after making her believe they loved her that triggered her to end it with them. The same happened for me. I felt like I lost part of myself after it was over, like I wasn't a good person. She made me feel like a filthy pervert after the relationship was over by what she said to me. In truth we were both always very sexual with eachother but thats just what HPD's do to people. Tell lies and manipulate so they don't have to take any responsibility for their horrid behaviour. HPD girls often do very nasty sexual things with random guys but then later regret it and try to make up a new truth for themselves to believe. They tell their new partner about "what didn't happen" almost right away as soon as you and her start talking and as a result she gets to believe a new lie she has made this time for herself. Its all part of what the HPD document says about them engaging in denial and dissociation.

Yep.

When I first started talking to my HPD just like a week in I was saying to myself wow this is too good to be true. This girl really really cares about me if not outright loves me and I don't even know what I did to get this love but I'm happy she has it for me. What a joke in the end though. I was just another victim of this horrible personality disorder I had no idea existed. I was horrified to find out that I was basically in love with the female version of Hannibal Lecter in the same Personality Disorder cluster as that character. Cluster B. Hannibal was an ASPD Anti-Social Personality Disorder which is the new name for psychopath. Psychopaths and sociopaths are only different in one way. A psychopath is the killing variety of them and a sociopath is the variety that just gets their kicks from manipulating people in many ways and neither of these types can empathize with their victims. My HPD told me in the beginning of our relationship she had a hard time telling people's intentions for her. This was due to the lack of empathy. Its also interesting that one of the reasons she gave for ending the relationship with me was that I was like a serial killer and a rapist. I am neither of these things of course. This was just projection on her part. She rapes souls and she is like a serial killer in her mental state as Histrionics are a type of sociopath. I've confirmed this with a psychologist. He said when I asked him if an HPD is a type of psychopath yes and no which to me says partially.

No problem man. I'm here to help victims of Cluster B and hopefully prevent future victims of Cluster B.

Edit: I went a little over the limit in characters so I had to get rid of your text in quotes dude. Hope you can still figure out what I'm replying to exactly. LOL :crackup: