Why Am I So Picky?

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I used to when I had my stuff together and was happier. I was knocked down in 2020, now I'm building myself back better now.

Pli mate, that is great. But obsession over aesthetics is a futile feat. It's what your average cuckold does. Pandering and simp in. DJ lifestyle is not following the beaten path.

 

[Francis]

Maybe you are living in a fantasy world out of fear. If you tell yourself you can't have something and don't even try, and aren't attracted to anything else, there really isn't much for you to get, is there? Could be stuck in the past in a way.

I understand where you are coming from though. I felt the same way during the mid to late 20s. Never received much attention from women prior, then boom, **** exploded out of no where. It felt like I had to make up for lost times. Once I actually got those girls, I realized how insane and flaky and immature they are, and got turned off by them. They also don't have a lot to offer other than a headache and constant drama (more than others). Really have no interest in them at all anymore, lol.

Grass isn't always greener as they say.

 

[Plinco]

Plinco I'm really curious about what your Life Experience has been...Married, Divorced, had kids, changed careers, moved, lost parents, etc?

Born until the age of 12, March 1984 until 1996

Childhood stage

My parents were in a sense old school. I was physically punished sporadically from five years old to about ten. I was controlled carefully before the age of seven. My mother would teach me world geography. Aside from that, my parents took a hands off approach. I was aggressively anti-social. Never understood the concept of sharing until I was much older. I did not understand prepositions in grammar. Didn’t learn how to read until I was in the fourth grade.

Interesting note that both of my parents came from single mother households.

1996 to May 2003 (12 to 19)

Transitioning to the physical and social adult stage

This is when I was in middle and high school

I started off as an a**hole because I did not understand people’s boundaries. In middle school the other kids starting around age 13 really began hating my guts. I used to pick fights, until this kid (was also **** in the head) kicked my butt. All of my classmates talked about this and made rumors that I cried (I didn’t), etc. After that I became more anti-social and by the eighth grade started hanging out with the wrong crowd. At first I thought it was awesome; they were the kids that everyone thought was cool in middle school, but would drop out of high school.

I was a mess in high school. I started off with the wrong crowd. I was the guy that no one liked. I got picked on quite a bit in my freshman year. Starting in my sophomore year I started to re-invent myself, back to the good student that I was when I was in elementary school. I worked harder and stayed after school to improve my gpa. I almost failed my freshman year, but after that my grades improved and in my junior and senior years I was an A/B student. Most of the time my social life was not all that great. There were some good moments, and in those moments I felt joy and contentedness. I think this had a lot to do with who I am today and my core convictions. I dated a few girls in this time period, and although I was a simp of simps during this time, I was happy because I had the whole world ahead of me and the girls were exciting. I also learned to think independently since I could not expect anyone else to do the improvement for me, or to help me.

I failed quite a bit during this time which I think has its origins in my lack of childhood guidance.


Graduated high school in May 2003 (19)
Started reading Neo-Tech in July 2003 (19)

I call this the ‘ideal world stage’

I came across a brand of Objectivism back in the early internet days. This was the formation of my philosophic worldview. At this time I though anything was possible. I was eager to change the world.

Neo-Tech = Objectivism + Bicameral mind theory

Bicameral Mind Theory: consciousness is man made.

Objectivism:

• Reality exists as an absolute and there is no other ‘realities’
• Reason is the means to identify reality and consciousness perceives reality.
• The fundamental principle of ethics is rational self-interest. Ethics requires an evaluator (something that lives) and the ability to make choices (volitional consciousness). Without these two conditions there is no ethics.

Started to take conspiracy theories seriously in April 2006 (22)
I call this the ‘dark world stage’
This had a big effect on my thinking. I started preping for economic and social collapse. I did not bother to invest myself in any company so I worked meaningless jobs. I thought everyone was too screwed up to socialize with. I did socialize and had short term girlfriends (honestly they were sub-par) but I would not get emotionally invested in them. I exited the world for five years.

Really started getting focused with myself in May 2011 (27)
The ‘adult stage’
It took me five years to realize that I could not live like that forever. I realized how much of a loser as had been and that I was wasting my potential to do good things. I had a problem focusing my mind before this, but this is when I really made efforts to stay focused and made plans for myself, then acting on those plans. I worked really hard to become psychologically independent. This is the time I became a true adult. Most people today are not adults. This is the stage where I began to live as the solution.

Became financially independent April 2021 (37)
The ‘institution stage’
This is the stage where I plan on putting the solution to work institutionally.

My basic belief system

What I want:

1. Biological immortality.
2. I want to represent the ideal of creating your own circumstances by doing a vlog. I also want to promote Objectivism a bit too.
3. I want to get into politics
4. I want to do some fighting

Likes:

• Youth, good health, having opportunities
• Challenging situations, competing with people
• Thinking and doing things independently from others
• Ecology/hiking through the woods
• Seeing technological development

Dislikes:

• Observing dependency in others
• Losing a contest, or career objective
• Disorganization
• Aging/sickness
• Being affected by circumstances that are beyond my control

Recent history

I got laid off in mid-2020. It was suggested to me to go on unemployment. I did not like the idea because I felt that taking money from the government was beneath my dignity. The compressor in my refrigerator died out, then my air conditioning compressor went out in the following weeks. I almost lost my house. Lost my health insurance. Went to the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack, turns out I was just having a panic attack. Spent that summer without air conditioning in Florida, I did not mind it but she did.

I started a lawn service business with a push mower in the back of a Ford Taurus. I went door to door, driveway to driveway talking to people and throwing advertisements in almost every neighborhood in Palm Bay and some in Melbourne Florida. I walked 15 to 20 miles a day. If I was not doing that I was mowing lawns and doing landscaping work. I would do this in the rain. I had a woman call me a loser and she said that no one was going to pay me to do anything because I dropped an advertisement in her driveway, I had a dude who wanted to knock my a** out for doing the same. I did all of this with a smile on my face because I knew I was getting closer to financial independence. I’ve upgraded to an old Dodge Ram, bought a brand new Toro Zero turn mower, have multiple edgers, weed wackers, etc. I’m making over $1,000/week after taxes. The only debt I have now is my mortgage…. And I have air conditioning. In the future I plan on designing merchandise.

In 2019 I weighed 170 and had ~12% body fat. I just recently measured myself back in July; I weighed in at 140 and had 17% body fat. I lost 30 pounds of lean body weight from stress and not eating in 2020. I just started working out again and eating like an animal. I take ZMA as a sleep aid and a multivitamin intermittently. I have a bottle of Turkesterone that I haven’t opened up yet. I plan on taking the Turkesterone once I hit a plateau. I’ve also considered jumping on the sazule sometime in the future, but I have not made up my mind on that. I want to get my muscle back and join a dojo and start re-training.

I had an acquaintance circle of college aged and just after (roughly 19 to 28) that I used to play volleyball with and hung out occasionally. As an Alumni at UCF I set up events, and got to know a few guys at a frat which we would play football in a field on the edge of campus. I also had some people that I would hang out with from the place I worked at the time. I was happy and had a lot of fun, in fact I had not been that happy since I was in high school. That all ended with the lockdowns. Everybody went their separate ways. Several went out of the state. The people I was closer to were no longer interested in doing anything like what we were doing the year before. The social life I had became wiped out in February 2020. I only have one close friend that I talk to occasionally.

 

[Plinco]

Maybe you are living in a fantasy world out of fear. If you tell yourself you can't have something and don't even try, and aren't attracted to anything else, there really isn't much for you to get, is there? Could be stuck in the past in a way.

I don't think so

Grass isn't always greener as they say.

I've been back and fourth in both patches of grass. I like one side better than the other.

 

[Plinco]

Pli mate, that is great. But obsession over aesthetics is a futile feat. It's what your average cuckold does. Pandering and simp in. DJ lifestyle is not following the beaten path.

I agree. But I have to feel good to act good.

 

[Plinco]

It's not age-appropriate behavior, and there's an epidemic these days of men refusing to grow the fvck up and act like men. It's called Peter Pan Syndrome.

If one falls in your lap, fine (highly, highly unlikely to happen). But if you're pushing 40 and you're out at college bars and parties trying to run game at teen girls, that's pathetic. And people will think you're creepy. Including the girls you're hitting on.

There's an old adage -- half your age plus 7. So at 37, your dating pool is 25 and up. For me, I don't relate to women under 30 and in the few instances where I've taken a 20-something home after 35, I had little interest in texting her again. Women in their early-mid 30's are beautiful to me. Maybe their physical appearance doesn't have the raw sexiness that women in the bloom of youth have, but neither does yours.

I don't understand where this comes from intellectually. What is the causal chain of reasoning that one must have in order to arrive at the conclusion of whatever the majority position is, is the correct one? I can make some guesses, but it would be speculation.

This is something that I have not been able to wrap my head around. Since I was a kid I heard the expression that the masses were a**es. I don't know if I have some kind of severe cognitive dissonance, or maybe the conclusion isn't logical so I never arrive at it. The best I can do is think in terms of pragmatic politics, as if I'm running a political campaign and I have to appear average to an audience, in that case I can understand why someone would have an aversion to acting different.

I'm going to take this apart carefully and analyze what you are posting about.

It's not age-appropriate behavior...

What is age-appropriate? The essence of age appropriateness is physiological in nature. There is no separation between mind and body. Ethically it is contextual, so to the extent that the person has control of their physiology is the extent that they can determine themselves what is appropriate for whatever age they are. To the extent that a person does not have control over their physiology, the more that what is appropriate is being determined by biological forces (such as lack of development in earlier teens, or heart conditions in the elderly for examples).

and there's an epidemic these days of men refusing to grow the fvck up and act like men. It's called Peter Pan Syndrome.

Correct, but I suspect for the wrong reasons. I could be wrong, but suspect that you either define masculinity as old age, or something that is determined by the masses of a society.

I've given this some thought and came to the conclusion that masculinity in essence is the ability to control nature effectively. Masculine figures can paint their nails pink, but that doesn't make paining one's nails pink masculine just because John Wayne would have done it. I'm speaking hypothetically but my point is that people often do something called evaluative conditioning (one thing like another by association) instead of thinking about the subject critically.

Growing up (becoming an adult) is achieving psychological independence. Most people don't do this because of the lack of their responsibility.

Grown-ass men in their 30's dressing up for Halloween and going out partying with kids a decade younger. It's a problem.

I saw some elderly and some boomers dressed up for Halloween riding bikes in the neighborhood today, maybe they need to grow up haha)

 

[rjc149]

What is age-appropriate?

Growing up (becoming an adult) is achieving psychological independence.

As members of society, we are all subject to the various customs, standards of behavior, and rules of our society in order to be members in good standing. This is integral to the subject of pickup and self-optimization to high value men -- social status is a huge, perhaps the main, component of our ability to earn resources, form alliances, and attract women.

You make the point that becoming an adult is achieving psychological independence -- I would say that's only part of it, as one can be an adult without being psychologically independent from his family of origin, his partner, his social group etc. But let's simply use the juxtaposition of psychological dependence -- childhood -- versus independence -- adulthood. Dressing up for Halloween, a behavior most universally associated with childhood, then stands in contrast to behaviors that are associated with adulthood.

In other words, playing dress-up is for kids. Younger adults do it in the spirit of youthful festivity and as a last vestige of childhood. Adults over 30 should have gracefully parted ways with their youth and should accept that Halloween is a children's holiday, not a real holiday with any meaning. Sure, throw a Halloween-themed get-together, or dress up when taking your kids trick-or-treating. But middle-aged adults dressing up in elaborate costumes for Halloween is just not age-appropriate. That's my opinion, not a social norm I'm relating to you.

I saw some elderly and some boomers dressed up for Halloween riding bikes in the neighborhood today, maybe they need to grow up haha)

You'd have a hard time telling an adult from New Orleans that dress-up is only for kids. Costumes are a part of New Orleans society. So it's case by case. But I think that mature, grown men should no longer engage in certain activities that are deemed by society by age association, and by our own aging bodies, to be age-inappropriate. Take my father, an old-school Brooklyn Irish guy. He'd look at those costumed boomers and shake his head. I guess that's partially informed my worldview.

 

[Plinco]

As members of society, we are all subject to the various customs, standards of behavior, and rules of our society in order to be members in good standing. This is integral to the subject of pickup and self-optimization to high value men -- social status is a huge, perhaps the main, component of our ability to earn resources, form alliances, and attract women.

You make the point that becoming an adult is achieving psychological independence -- I would say that's only part of it, as one can be an adult without being psychologically independent from his family of origin, his partner, his social group etc. But let's simply use the juxtaposition of psychological dependence -- childhood -- versus independence -- adulthood. Dressing up for Halloween, a behavior most universally associated with childhood, then stands in contrast to behaviors that are associated with adulthood.

In other words, playing dress-up is for kids. Younger adults do it in the spirit of youthful festivity and as a last vestige of childhood. Adults over 30 should have gracefully parted ways with their youth and should accept that Halloween is a children's holiday, not a real holiday with any meaning. Sure, throw a Halloween-themed get-together, or dress up when taking your kids trick-or-treating. But middle-aged adults dressing up in elaborate costumes for Halloween is just not age-appropriate. That's my opinion, not a social norm I'm relating to you.


You'd have a hard time telling an adult from New Orleans that dress-up is only for kids. Costumes are a part of New Orleans society. So it's case by case. But I think that mature, grown men should no longer engage in certain activities that are deemed by society by age association, and by our own aging bodies, to be age-inappropriate. Take my father, an old-school Brooklyn Irish guy. He'd look at those costumed boomers and shake his head. I guess that's partially informed my worldview.

I appreciate the reply. Usually when I ask this type of question, this is one of the responses I get. This is similar to what Jordan Peterson preaches, that is man is partially an animal and therefore in order to achieve a life stage successfully, one must appropriately act as an animal accordingly.

This is true as much as a person is subject to their animal nature (subject to non-forced submission). Children for example do not have the ability to abstract away from their impulsive desires, and lack the ability to function independently from their animal nature. This is true for most women as well. Women are generally spoiled compared to men and tend to think in emotional gestalt as opposed to thinking logically, and therefore generally lack the abstract faculty to redirect their impulses. There are exceptions to this generalization, but you get the idea. We can throw a lot of "men" in this category as well.

In a better world than this one, every adult would curb their destructive impulses and these social norm rules would have to exist. People are just not that developed. It comes down to a trade off. Is being an exception worth the ostracism? If you are running a political campaign, in business, or something similar, one ought to pick and choose one's battles. It begs the question, what is the end goal? Or what is in one's rational self-interest?

 

[sangheilios]

When you were 18-22, you were not doing well with 18-22 year olds. Now at 37, you feel like you were robbed of a great experience. That's normal.

At 37, getting a 30 year old is an accomplishment. 18-22 is very difficult to pull off at 37.

If you can get an attractive 30-35 year old who is childless and semi sane, that's likely your best option.

I can relate to this. I had no social or dating life in my teens and most of my twenties and I feel that I was robbed of those experiences other men were having. However, the issue is that since I've stayed in shape/taken care of myself I see what most women around my age are like physically and I don't recognize them as something I'd date. It's totally possible for men to date women quite a bit younger than them but for the most part these types of relationships are outliers. Most relationships the man and woman will be within a few years of each other. There are women who go for men quite a bit older but depending upon what is going on it may not be a good situation.

I know of this super fake gold digging thot who is barely into her 20s who had a kid with some real estate guy that looks like he is close to 40. He is fake rich and it would have been in his best interest to just casually date this ***** as a side piece, now she has him locked down for the rest of his life as a money tap.

 

[Mazer]

I find women under the age of twenty-five more tolerable than older women. They are fun to hang out and hook up with. They don’t take things so seriously. Lots of energy. I believe the key to staying young is to surround yourself with people younger than you.

 

[rjc149]

Is being an exception worth the ostracism?

That's a question that everyone must answer for themselves. In primal human society, the life we are all wired for by evolution, ostracism meant death. We depended on the tribe for basic survival. Our only defense against predators, and our only vehicle to procreation, was belonging to a group.

Our biological hard-wiring is unaware that it's 2021. Our limbic systems are unaware that we have Instagram and Tinder and live in massive cities and that social ostracism is usually momentary, and usually only outcasts us from very small groups of people who are ultimately insignificant to us and the world in which we live.

Flouting social norms in order to be unique, in order to be different and special, has consequences. We all know this. We all can cite countless examples. I have a buddy who dresses like sh!t. He's overweight, smells like baby lotion and Tylenol, and wears a backpack out to bars. He's cheaper than a broke Jew. He doesn't care. He refuses to accept that it matters. He's smart and unique, and he's a good friend, but the social consequence of his exceptional persona is that all remotely attractive women end interactions with him within 10 seconds, and no mutual female friends would ever try to set up him with a girlfriend. If you're trying to get girls, then no, it's not worth the ostracism because your exceptionalism is a direct obstacle to that end.

It begs the question, what is the end goal? Or what is in one's rational self-interest?

Well, if you're on this forum, one of your end goals, I assume, is to improve your sexual appeal to females. Your rational self interest, as I stated, is dictated by your limbic programming. You want to be able to eat consistently, have shelter, be safe from danger, and replicate your genes into the next generation. Anything that prevents those achievements, I will argue, is not in your rational self interest. Behaving like a child, or displaying behavior that informs others of your immaturity and inability to function within our society as a self-sufficient man capable of securing resources, forming alliances, procreating with a female and providing for the offspring, is contrary to your rational self-interest.

So does that mean a grown man wearing a Halloween costume is acting against his rational self-interest? Usually, no. But sometimes, yes. Am I going to openly disrespect a grown man out hitting up Halloween parties in a pirate costume? No. But it's behavior that lacks a certain degree of masculine dignity after a certain age.

 

[Plinco]

If you're trying to get girls, then no, it's not worth the ostracism because your exceptionalism is a direct obstacle to that end.

Not necessarily. The world is not a perfect place and the risk of ostracism is there regardless of what you do... unless you choose not to act at all.

Being different often means the person lacks competency. In some instances being different is a result of being exceptionally competent. Sometimes it is a matter of personal choice that has nothing to do with social competency, such as being an airplane enthusiast.

Your rational self interest, as I stated, is dictated by your limbic programming. You want to be able to eat consistently, have shelter, be safe from danger, and replicate your genes into the next generation. Anything that prevents those achievements, I will argue, is not in your rational self interest.

I put an emphasis on rational because I refer to the long term. The animal programming is unfocused, short term thinking. Your limbic system is the opposite of rational.

Behaving like a child, or displaying behavior that informs others of your immaturity and inability to function within our society as a self-sufficient man capable of securing resources, forming alliances, procreating with a female and providing for the offspring, is contrary to your rational self-interest.

This behavior is what you get when you are dictated by your animal self. Immature people are animals. Think of people who complain and think the world owes them something.

 

[Plinco]

I just woke back up because I thought of another way of explaining the concept.

Focusing yourself despite your limbic system takes ballz of steel. Psychologically it's not easy to do, but it is the path to manhood, maturity, and freedom. If you try to start a business and you are taking the role of salesman, you'll run into people who will knock you down mentally and will try to convince you to quit. In the short term you will not be respected. Your limbic system is telling you to quit. In the long term you will be respected more than anyone else if you succeed.

Following your limbic system (pleasure and pain principle) is the easy thing to do. Those manginas and simps are very much conformists. Following peer pressure is easy. There is no maturity required. Children are highly influenced by their limbic system; that's what gets them in trouble. As adolescents learn to curb those impulses; it's a process of maturity. The same neurochemical mechanism that facilitates conformity also facilitates obesity.

I thought about this for two decades. I asked the question earlier because it is a viewpoint that I don't understand in a way that a "normal" person would. I like that this viewpoint is being explained a little differently. You answered my question, you conform because you listen to that limbic system, it is an authority to you. We both know that neither of us is going to change our viewpoints, but it's a good exercise

 

[Plinco]

I have been doing some thinking about it and at the core of my issue is that I am convinced that I deserve better than practically everyone else because of my beliefs about myself. In addition to that, I don't like my current path in life, so instinctively I look for ways to change it. The question for me is, am I really better than others and do I deserve what I deem of high value, or am I deluding myself? The only way I can know for sure is to take action and see what happens.


@rjc149, I appreciate you taking the time and explain and debate me on the topic. Most people would not have done that for me.

Your expectations are unrealistic. Just like the women you are over valuing yourself

The only way to know that for sure is to try to reach those expectations. I've succeeded in my early to mid 30's, maybe getting a little older makes a big difference.