Why am I so angry all the time ???

[typical]

Okay I've been here for a very long time and started off with a bang hit a few road bumps which guided me the right way and was sorted out in my studies and muay thai training with what I thought was a decent woman. Then in January 2010 I tore my lower back lost my job ran out of all my saved up money and mid July my woman ran off and got engaged (later married) to her fathers best friends only son.

No I admit I let my self go during the painful months of trying to get my back sorted I still get a bit of pain from squats and deadlifts. I'm finishing university finally this year and will be able to get a stable well paying job by December. I'm dating 2 girls at the moment both are better looking then the ex was and better people (thus far).

Now my question is why is it that whenever I get reminded of anything remotely associated with my ex I feel like smashing something/someone or plain breaking something. I can't explain it but at times I feel like I want to put my fist through a wall or something.

Like today a girl at work was just chatting with me and I gave her a little crap for biting her fingernails like my 2 year old niece does she told me don't worry when she gets her nails done with fake ones she will stop. I just felt like like punching her for some reason I have no idea why but I know its because my ex always had fake nails done every month or so.

Any thoughts ?? Do I need therapy or should I seek help because the last few weeks it's been driving me nuts and every time any tiny thing that reminds me of her sparks this anger.

 

[flashpoint]

if you know what the problem is and cant fix it yourself, seeking help eg. in therapy seems like the right choice to me.

 

[st_99]

sounds like your anger may be because you feel like you got tricked. Tricked into thinking your ex really had some never ending love for you.

Maybe you felt so sure that you were right but you were wrong and you hate that she pulled the wool over your eyes. You're embarrassed (yes, even after 2 years) and that translates into wanting to kick the crap out of people.

Its growing pains, it had to happen, and you'll come out better for it.

 

[yuppaz]

Short and sweet - you do seem angry and hostile and it's probably a good idea to see a therapist.

 

[typical]

Thanks for the input guys I decided against going and seeing a shrink and have instead just gone ahead and made me a vent log where I write down anything and everything that annoys me bothers me or angers me. Last few days have been good and I'm no longer being set off by tiny things.

I think I may have a slight anger management issue and may have been bottling it up too much and was starting to crack. I'll see how this goes and if it doesn't work I'll seek professional help.

And yes you guys are completely right I'm a smart guy and did/do feel like I was made a total fool of and I've let it sit at the back of my mind for far too long and it started to eat away at me and cause issues.

 

[zekko]

Then in January 2010 I tore my lower back lost my job ran out of all my saved up money and mid July my woman ran off and got engaged (later married) to her fathers best friends only son.

Reminds me of when I was about 20. I lost my girlfriend and my job at about the same time. Sometimes when it rains, it pours.

As far as the anger goes, I used to be angry quite a lot when I was your age. I wasn't angry all the time, but it would go in spurts. I was weightlifting pretty heavily at the time, and I think the high testosterone of that and being young was a factor in my anger/aggressiveness. I'll admit I had a bit of a temper problem back then as well, a short fuse. I can't really tell you what I did to resolve it other than to say I recognized it as a problem and mellowed out as I got older.

I actually used to kind of like it when I got into those p!ssed off moods. You can use it to fuel you and get you through the day. Even today, if I get into an angry phase I use it to get me through the day.

Thanks for the input guys I decided against going and seeing a shrink and have instead just gone ahead and made me a vent log where I write down anything and everything that annoys me bothers me or angers me.

I've never been a big fan of psychology/psychiatry/therapy. I always saw it as more of an art than a science. Then I let my wife drag me to marriage counseling when we started to have problems and I have to say that it was the biggest waste of time of my life. If anything, it made it worse. I will personally never go to a therapist/counseler again. If I want to vent, I'll talk to a friend.

 

[georgie24]

Okay I've been here for a very long time and started off with a bang hit a few road bumps which guided me the right way and was sorted out in my studies and muay thai training with what I thought was a decent woman. Then in January 2010 I tore my lower back lost my job ran out of all my saved up money and mid July my woman ran off and got engaged (later married) to her fathers best friends only son.

No I admit I let my self go during the painful months of trying to get my back sorted I still get a bit of pain from squats and deadlifts. I'm finishing university finally this year and will be able to get a stable well paying job by December. I'm dating 2 girls at the moment both are better looking then the ex was and better people (thus far).

Now my question is why is it that whenever I get reminded of anything remotely associated with my ex I feel like smashing something/someone or plain breaking something. I can't explain it but at times I feel like I want to put my fist through a wall or something.

Like today a girl at work was just chatting with me and I gave her a little crap for biting her fingernails like my 2 year old niece does she told me don't worry when she gets her nails done with fake ones she will stop. I just felt like like punching her for some reason I have no idea why but I know its because my ex always had fake nails done every month or so.

Any thoughts ?? Do I need therapy or should I seek help because the last few weeks it's been driving me nuts and every time any tiny thing that reminds me of her sparks this anger.

this is a HUGE pet peeve of mine as well, when a girl im with starts chewing/biting her nails it sends me over the edge ....very immature looking when your out in public together:box:

 

[drak_ool]

Okay I've been here for a very long time and started off with a bang hit a few road bumps which guided me the right way and was sorted out in my studies and muay thai training with what I thought was a decent woman. Then in January 2010 I tore my lower back lost my job ran out of all my saved up money and mid July my woman ran off and got engaged (later married) to her fathers best friends only son.

Typical I know EXACTLY how you feel... 2012 was the year I was supposed to get married to the girl of my dreams after I graduated from law school. Instead, I blew a disc in my back, went from a super active lifestyle (I was fighting as well, blew it in grappling) to barely being able to get out of bed. Lost a lot of muscle mass, didn't make any moves career wise and when I did I was working 8 hours a day standing (couldn't sit for the longest time) in front of a computer. All I wanted to do when I got home was smoke weed and lay in bed. 2 months later, my girl was gone with a (now former) olympic champion.

That shyt FVCKED me up man, I didn't have anger issues, but major issues connecting with other girls, basically couldn't have sex unless I was borderline blacked out. It got so bad I seriously considered seeing a therapist, I mean I was at my wits' ends. Instead, I opened up to my close friends and family. Wasn't easy to do, I didn't even have much hope of it working for me, but the results were amazing! That was truly a watershed moment, it helped me put my ex behind and focus on the future and new girls.

So ya, I wouldn't say you need a therapist, but you do need to vent to people whose advice you can trust!

 

[whosthat]

how exactly did yall blow out yalls back

 

[Buddha_Mind]

typical -- I can entirely relate to you.

In fact I can relate to what a lot of posters have said.

I too have had to work with anger issues, most importantly I know when I'm slamming weights around, etc and my T is high that I'm more volatile. I have to work to keep it chill, and generally I am chill, but it's normal sometimes in a world where you feel 'wronged' to get upset. Especially when we are young.

Compared to the temper tantrums I would throw as a little kid I've mellowed out 4-fold, and I know that through the decades I'll chill out even more. One thing I'm learning is when you get worked up, you have to work through it -- if you try and just push off those emotions, etc you can't win--you can't surpress them--but you have to find a way to vent them / deal with them that is non-destructive (blowing up on someone or punching someone). That vent-log doesn't sound terrible, and honestly you can say whatever garbage you want in there no matter how vile and its for YOUR EYES only and you didn't create any flack by unloading those words onto a PERSON.

It's normal to be p1ssed when we've felt wrong -- how could you not be upset? I've been so pi1ssed about failed relaitonships and women whom claimed to 'love me'. It's hard not to get bitter. But ultimately you have to live wtih yourself, and any future relationship will beneft by you (and myself included here) having a solid grip on our emotions...flying off the handle is a red flag to a woman,...weve got to reduce our red flags, eh?

But man you're not that crazy. Fvck therapy. Man I wnet once for anger management and once for relationship counseling and both times they fill your head with a bunch of garbage, and honestly I think these people just get off on telling you what's 'correct' -- these therapists have to be uber-douches in real life, 'always knowing whats best' for others, and I'm sure hardly focusing on THEIR OWN faults and flaws (do these relationship counselors have wonderful relationships??) ... I too have little to no faith in counseling unless you REALLY need it for something like a traumatic loss or just an impartial preson to vent to...but don't let them get inside of your head...

You are aware of your struggles, keep working at it. I get pissed too man -- it s a fvcked up world -- look what we as a global society are doing to one another, to our planet...scientists say in 100 years we may very well have lost 70% of the biosphere...in my education I learned we are currently 6x the normal 'backgorund rate of extinction'...meaning there right now is a 600% increase in species loss compared to base averages...this is a BIG DEAL....how can we not get p1ssed when this whole world is running itself into the ground?

LOL , this is MY venting now ....

You're not alone brother...keep at your self-awareness and self-growth..you CAN overcome.

 

[Boilermaker]

20 mg paroxetine before you go to bed.

Motivational speeches can only go so far...

Do you need my psychiatrist's number?

 

[MasterFuu]

I also had moments (sometimes months long) when I felt angry or upset for different reasons. Now the older I get the more I see that there is no reason to get angry because all it does it hurt you. It does not hurt people you are angry at. Like someone here at forum once said the best way to get back at your ex and at people that piss you off is to LIVE WELL. Be in shape of your life, find a job that you enjoy and surround yourself with positive people that want the best for you. Call your mom and dad or brother or sister... find a way to do good to others and it will come back at you in a positive way.