The Ultimate Guide to Success with Women

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why am i here

darkstarrr

Senior Don Juan
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Dancing with the Devil by the pale moonlight.
what on earth is going on here? why does life have to be so complicated with all these problems that i need to come here and seek out advice on so many ways to improve and change myself in order to assimilate to such a society and culture that is filled with so many problems? i really don't understand.

i like to think i was raised with values, morals, and integrity. i have many life long friends who i have known for 10 and 15+ years. i try to be a positive influence in other people's lives. i try to live as well as i can. what the fvck has led to society being such a way that people like me suffer when all they want in life is to be happy and help others around them be the same?

look, i try to learn from my mistakes. i try to do everything i can to be a better person after each and every failed relationship. is there something so fvcking wrong with me that i am the type of shmuck to have to visit this site looking for support? ok, so maybe my problem is i fvcking care too much and i should shrug things off more often and just not give a flying fvck what other people do or think, and whether they want to be with me or not.

i believe it to be a stone cold fact that more than 75% of the people that end up visiting this site do so because of the problems in society and culture today. maybe these problems have always existed. who knows. i just do not fvkcing understand why the promiscuity is so damn rampant. what is the root cause of these fvcking problems?

daddy didnt pay enough attention to baby. baby starts fvcking people at 12. you meet baby years later. baby ends up being a cvnt and either cheats or leaves after starting to treat you differently after she 'gets used to you'. ut why did daddy have to be an alcoholic? and whatever caused that to happen, what the fvck caused that?

i try to keep spice in my life. i switch things up, i travel. i have my own hobbies and friends. i treat people well. i am honest. and yet i am seriously disallusioned about the world right now and literally hating my life. am i such a pvssy that i wake up everyday feeling like i am living a fvcking nightmare?

what is going on in the world and what the fvck is wrong with me


----------------------
aka Captain Save-a-ho
 

MoveYourAss...

Senior Don Juan
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I didn't really learn why you are here, an expectation I had in a thread with this title.

But what I saw in your post:

"I try this, I try that"

"Trying to do something" is simply not the way to go. Stop trying to be / do your best. Trying does not work. You have to DO IT / BE IT.

It's hard sometimes, agreed. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I'm afraid this is normal, at least for me.

And: Maybe you have the notion that you have to be perfect? To high standarts for your momentary state?

Not helpful. There is some thread "perfect is boring", Pook I think. Have a look there.

And: Maybe you spend too much time here? (Don't know, really). Do you meditate?
 

darkstarrr

Senior Don Juan
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Thank you. Yes, I do just DO. I know I am not perfect but with all the assimilation it seems like I have to do in orer to function normally it is begining to feel like I have to be 'perfect' in accordance with how society functions now. It's just startnig to get to be too much for me and I need help. I'm severely disallusioned.

----------------------
aka Captain Save-a-ho
 

DavenJuan

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mistake by the lake
i hear your frustration brother. but you got to get this negative mindset out the way.

life stinks..

when 1 problem comes, 7 other follow

it seems like when you get one thing under control, new problems come

you cant find a women who likes you for..you.

been in failed relationships, when you couldve swore she was ..the 'one"


what on earth is going on here? why does life have to be so complicated with all these problems that i need to come here and seek out advice on so many ways to improve and change myself in order to assimilate to such a society and culture that is filled with so many problems? i really don't understand.
your first paragragh is dead wrong. if you are coming here to mold into someone to simply "fit" into todays society then thats your first problem.

the idea is to grow and change into ..YOU

regardless of what problems our society and culture have at the time.

this is a simple fix for you.. i have the solution to your problem..

ready...

YOU CANT FIX LIFES PROBLEMS

only can only fix ..YOU

..and to fix you, you have to find...you

who cares the REASON why people have come here. the fact that they are here and starting their own personal journey in growth is the only relevant factor.

stop spending so much time expecting something given to you in return for your "good deeds" and start working on making yourself a better person for yourself, not anyone else.
 

darkstarrr

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Dancing with the Devil by the pale moonlight.
yes it makes sense to me. and i like the person who i am. i am in a terrible place right now and i need help. i'm at work and i look like ****. all i have been able to do lately is force myself to get to work, to eat a little here and there. and to sleep. i am haunted with nightmares each night and i feel like i am at my wits end. i am now stuck with 1900 rent which i was sipposed to split, and i am tied into a 15 month lease that my brother cosigned. there are thousands of dollars of $hit all over my new place that my ex helped me choose out. and what am i supposed to do throw it all out i can't return it.

my car has a flat tire and needs work so is temporarily off the road. i have been bumming rides from peopel to get to and from work. my stress levels are building again and i feel like crap and i need help.

----------------------
aka Captain Save-a-ho
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

thedeparted

Senior Don Juan
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well darkstarr you're just another guy that got dumped. welcome to the party. when you have a chance to reflect you'll find a number of things you did wrong. but you're not they're yet.

for starters, forget about women. you don't need them now. they are never going to be the primary part of your existence. you got to build a solid core that does not depend on them. b/c as you've seen women are not dependable in our society.

so for now take care of business. clean up your finances. clean up the mess. sell shlt on ebay if that's what is needed. take shower. get a haircut. clean up your life. take some meds if it's really necessary.

and when you got your basic self back online start building your life on a solid foundation of family, friends, work, interests, etc. and learn how to keep women at the peripheral. enjoy them. appreciate them. but don't build your life on them and you won't end up getting rooked like you did this time.

p.s. shake your fist at the world all you like, it won't help, so don't waste your time
 

Interceptor

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No one is entititled to another's resources.

Thus, we should not assume that another person's kindness and respect, etc... are our entitlements.
So we should not be expecting the BEST behavior from people.
In fact, we should be hopeful that people will be respectful, and appreciative, not take our resources, and not take us for granted, and not abuse us...
..but if they don't, we can't complain, really.(this is outside of child abuse, rape, etc..I am talking about other things, like if people are rude, or arrogant, insulting, not truly criminal violations of our basic human rights.)
Because no one is entitled to another's resources.

Does this mean you must now be cynical?

No.

It means you should remain somewhat neutral,and not be truly bothered by low class behavior.
We should also be understanding of other people's circumstances.
Meaning, there are a lot of people with fvcked up experiences, and circumstances, we shouldnt necessarily BLAME them for it.
But we're under no obligation to tolerate their disrespect and/or disfunction.

I agree that the typical Capn Save a HO, and 'Nice Guy' is actually looking for reciprocation. Meaning , a Pay Back.
He doesnt do it out of genuine grace, he does it to manipulate others into GIVING to him.
And the Save a Ho mentality is really about trying to fix oneself by trying to 'fix' a woman. So we can manipulate femenine validation out of her.

Again, this goes back to people who EXPECT good behavior from strangers.

(ie. "Look at all I did for you! Look at all I GAVE to you!! Now you don't repay me???!!! You b*tch!!!" This is just covert manipulative behavior. We often justify it to ourselves and excuse ourselves from this often in an unconscious manner. Be on the lookout for people who act out 'unconsciously'. And be on the lookout for that behavior from yourself. Do not go about the world "sleepwalking" and "checked out". Do not react with your "Pain Body".)

And expect other people to have the same EXACT experiences,and VALUES as us. Which is not actually a mature and truly rational way of looking at the world.
Don't expect the "Just World".
Expect that people will be themselves, and that means that they may often HIDE their True Self...
Ironic.
But it's true.
People will be them'selves' but often by being an image of themselves.

Expect things from yourself. But not necessarily others.

We grow up thinking this often from our observations of interacting with our parents. Thus, we get used to the idea that other people are OBLIGATED to us just like our parents were. Which for many of us IS true. (parents stuck around and raised us) But not for others unfortunately.
But our parents who DID stick to their obligations to us, as their children who need their love and caring, are NOT the representation of the ENTIRE WORLD.
This is crucial to understand.
And for those whose parents did not fulfill their obligations to them, often they become cynical and expect others to fail them as well.


They're both incorrect in judgement. And those beliefs are not beneficial.

NO ONE is OBLIGATED to another.

And this is not 'bad' or 'negative'.
It is just a circumstance. Nothing more.

But that destroys the Myth of the "Just World".
And it should. Because it is still not true....yet.

Don't expect other people's best behavior and character.
And don't expect other people's WORST behavior and character either...

Be grateful when you ARE given those gifts, and be UNDERSTANDING of their CONDITIONS when you're not bestowed with their gifts.
Such are their conditions...
We are not entititeld to anyone's Resources.
So be grateful and appreciative of what you DO get...
 

Barefoot Boy

Don Juan
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darkstarrr said:
ymy stress levels are building again and i feel like crap and i need help.
----------------------
aka Captain Save-a-ho

Stress eating ---> bad food choices ---> stinking think-en
=The blues.


These vitamins treat the blues or down in the dumps feeling that often come from the lack of more healthy eating.

Magnesium = acts like lithium
niacin (b3) and Valium work on the nerves the same way - it calms you down but niacin is cheaper and something that comes from / is found in food. Think organic flour.

Folic Acid (B9) taken with B12 works against depression.

We need all three to be in our mind and body: fat, carbs and proteins.

If you don't get enough of 3:1 mix of fats - such is found in
flax oil/hemp oil this also causes depressive overlays to normal people.

Selenium helps to get rid of heavy metal related depression.
Amagam fillings in teeth are made of 50% mercury. This cause s depression.

Go to you nearest drug store. Then go to the public library and check out books on orthomolecular medicine.

Treating And Beating Anxiety And Depression: With Orthomolecular Medicine: A Guide For Patients by Rodger H. Murphree (Paperback - Mar 2006)

Putting It All Together: The New Orthomolecular Nutrition by Abram Hoffer (Paperback - Oct 11, 1998)

and

http://www.iampanicked.com/anxiety-articles/vitamins-for-depression.htm

Good Luck!
 

Don't always be the one putting yourself out for her. Don't always be the one putting all the effort and work into the relationship. Let her, and expect her, to treat you as well as you treat her, and to improve the quality of your life.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

MikeEdward1973

Senior Don Juan
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Are you hitting the gym? I've found that really helps.

It sounds like you're going through a nervous breakdown of sorts. And I'm not trying to trivialize it. But a hardcore workout routine, complete with intense cardio, might really help.
 

Sinistar

Master Don Juan
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You ask "Why Am I Here?"

I think your answer is easy. You are not happy. Maybe the real question is why are you not happy? Well I'm going to venture a guess on that one too. You have never learned to put yourself first. The world around you will brand you selfish in an effort to shame you out of it. Why? Because they want everyone else around them to be just as unhappy.

You want to be happier then work harder and take it instead of wishing the world will become a better place just for you. Take more risks, reject and be rejected until you realize it's not such a big deal.

Yours is the classic AFC post questioning the world around you. Rollo often says "stop wishing it were easier and start wishing you were better". Read that 10 times if you have to.

There will always be sh1tty people. When it comes to women there will always be AW's, Cluster-B's, liars, users, etc. If you think coming here will change all that then you have found the wrong place. However, if you'd like the truth I think you are in a unique place.

You know why you are here. You are ready to become aware. Just remember, with that awareness comes responsibility.
 

jophil28

Master Don Juan
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darkstarrr said:
i like to think i was raised with values, morals, and integrity.
UNfortunately, most of the folk in rest of the world were raised differently.

There is also a good chance that you expect others to treat you as well as you treat others. You probably also trust readily WITHOUT sufficient qualification ...and you take people at their word only to be shattered later when you find out they lied to you for their own gain.

The trick is to only INVEST in others when they have proved that they are worthy of your efforts.
YEah, the world is no longer the place that it used to be so you have to adapt to survive.
 

puma183

Don Juan
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darkstarr -
You are free single man. The world is your oyster. Count your blessings bro. You are from Boston right? Here, check this link out. Not all of your fellow Red Sox Nation citizens are as fortunate as you. You could have been one of the wretched souls fighting this battle:

http://massalimonyreform.org/legislation.html#civil_rights

Be the dynamic young man that you are. Go on adventures. Sow your wild oats. Just don't sign the marriage contract, and everything will turn out fine.
 

Andy_Dufresne

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Darkstarr,

(I posted this a couple of weeks ago...applies here)

Find a Wal-Mart (if you are in the US).

Grab a shopping cart.

Don't buy anything, just go around and observe the people for about an hour or so.

Thank the good lord that (in about 9 cases out of 10) you are not them.
 

If you want to talk, talk to your friends. If you want a girl to like you, listen to her, ask questions, and act like you are on the edge of your seat.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Vulpine

Master Don Juan
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The Castle Fox
darkstarrr said:
look, i try to learn from my mistakes. i try to do everything i can to be a better person after each and every failed relationship. is there something so fvcking wrong with me that i am the type of shmuck to have to visit this site looking for support? ok, so maybe my problem is i fvcking care too much and i should shrug things off more often and just not give a flying fvck what other people do or think, and whether they want to be with me or not.
It's good to see you in this "place" you are at, Darkstarrr.

Good?

Yeah, good. :cheer:

You are recognizing the muck and mire you are swimming around in. Soon, you'll be crawling out of the cesspool and feeling sorry for all the others still wallowing in the negativity.

Soon, you'll feel great. Your perspectives will be healthy, you'll be less affected by the drama and trifling, and it will be hard for joy-robbers to steal your glory.

I'm really happy for you dude. It's as though you are at the Fight Club, listening to Tyler rap in the basement about the problems of society: "...and we're very pissed off."

You know why you are here, and now, you know why you are here. Just think, what if you never understood or recognized all the bogus sh¡t going on around you? What if you never saw things for what they are? As you are starting to see things now?

Right, you'd never change. You'd never know what to change, or how. Like the old GI Joe PSA's, "Now you know, and knowing is half the battle."

:kick: Soon you'll be kicking that negative outlook to the curb and start looking at things as "past relationships" instead of "failed relationships". You'll begin to see more and more of the good, because it will draw to you like a magnet. Past "failures" and "being an AFC" will become past "experiences" and "who I was back then".

Last but not least, society's problems will soon become "not your problem".

It's really cool to see a guy reach this point, this rant, this venting. It's like watching a guy who's eyes are used to the dark, then coming into the room and flipping the switch (and turning on the light of truth).

There's an initial shock accompanied by a squint of discomfort. Some guys close their eyes because "the light" is too uncomfortable. Other guys run over and turn off "the light".

But, for those with the bravery to tough it out, like you, their eyes gradually become accustomed to "the light", and they begin to see the things around them with a new precision. Now, instead of bumbling around in the dark, tripping and falling, beating your face against unseen objects and causing pain, you see things for what they are and can avoid them.

Of course, along with the shock of the light, there is also the shock of seeing the filthy, cluttered room...

"WHAT THE ƒUCK!!!! LOOK AT ALL THIS SH¡T! WHO PUT ALL THIS JUNK HERE? IT'S SoooOOOOoooo CLUTTERED! BABY TOYS?! WHAT THE ƒUCK!"

That's pretty much where you are at, darkstarrr. Good for you, bro, because now, in the "room" that is your life, you can start to organize and clean up the mess:

"Don't need this." *throws out window*
"Ooh, neat, I'll keep this." *Puts on a shelf for now*
"Yeah, I certainly don't need this!" *kicks out the door*
"Hey! I've been looking for that!" *places gingerly into a drawer*
"Psssshf." *drops into trash*
"Ewwww!" *holds nose, drops into trash*
"What do you know! Awesome!" *stuffs into pocket*

You can clean the sh¡thole that was your life and make that room a kick-ass bachelor pad! For younger guys, their lives are "rooms", so they are fairly easy to clean up. For older guys, their lives are like damn WAREHOUSES full of crap.

Yeah, it will seem like a lot of work initially; bullsh¡t work that you shouldn't have to do in the first place. But, after a short while, after the room starts to take on some organization, you'll stop and see the progress you are making and it will make you feel great.

You've got work to do, darkstarrr. Rocktheƒuckon!
:rockon: :rockon: :rockon: :rockon: :rockon:
 

Knight's Cross

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DarkStarrr,
What I've found works best is a combo of hard focused work, hitting the gym, and anytime I begin to ruminate on a bad idea/ thought that runs amok in my head, I just push it out. Literally I got to the point with my career recently where I had to do that. For me switching to management was a trip. I had no idea that people could be so crappy. So, I manage my expectations. I underpromise and over-deliver.
When a bad thought/ problem gets on a repeat cycle in my head (which leads to depression) I literally think of putting the problem in a crate, and shoving that crate off the side of my ship (my brain). That is until sometime has passed, then when better centered I can swing by, pick the crate back up and look at it with a new perspective.

KC
 

st_99

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thedeparted said:
well darkstarr you're just another guy that got dumped.
Yep, this pretty much sums it up. You'll get over it. It will take time. I think if you just admit to yourself that what happened really sucks, and it hurts, you'll cope better. Instead of fighting it.

You mentioned that you have a few life long friends. Thats huge. Do you realize how hard it is to find good friends if you lost your old ones? You can get a new girl with little to no effort, friends don't come along so easy. So you're in good shape, stop your whining. :up:
 
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