Why am i ALWAYS treated like a "second class" person?

[sharpshooter]

Like say I walk into a shop or store with a friend, the sales person will ALWAYS ignore me and make eye contact/greet my friend before me. It doesn't matter if my friend is fat, older, less good looking, infront of me, behind me, if i look like i'm "richer", etc. I'm a pretty good looking guy (from what i've been told atleast, not to sound ****y) and i'm always pretty darn confident. Do you think it might be the fact that they're intimidated by this or what? It baffles my mind sometimes! I work out like a horse and i always get compliments from friends on how much time i spend on myself, and clothing etc.....but why are they always treated with more respect and more openly?

Today I entered a clothing shop at a mall with a friend and this hot girl who was a saleslady said "hey, what's up". We both looked to our side and she was totally ignoring me and only looking at him, even though I was infront of him. So it felt like she was just saying hi to him, it sorta throws me off and it does become frusterating.

 

[baracus]

That's it: they're intimidated by your looks.

No really, if you were that good looking (in a mainstream sense) you'd have plenty of chicks eyeing you in an obvious manner.

 

[sharpshooter]

I get eyed a ton, that's not the point i'm trying to make. In fact I even made a post about feeling like i was being "watched by everyone". That's not the point though

I'M SPECIFICALLY talking about being ignored/treated second class at shops!

 

[Don of Truth]

Sometimes

Sometimes we filter our world around us and that can be the case here. So you see only what you want to see, and your mind may pass up and forget the times you DO get attention.
I don't want to minimize your concern though.

Anyway, when a situation like that arises and you are NOT the center of attention....focus on the person that is getting the attention. Turn your body toward them...look at them.
Be interested in the response.

If the girl says something else to your friend...keep focusing on your friend..momentarily looking at her.

When I do this I usually cross my arms and turn my head to the side. Puts people on the spot a little bit.
Plus it gets you INVOLVED in what is happening.

 

[sharpshooter]

wow, thanks for that advice man

anyone else with any input or opinions just pile em on

 

[gentleman193]

The Answer

Is that the anxiety you feel about everyone looking at you is reflected in your face. Less smile, more tension, avoidant eyes, etc. The more relaxed person is always perceived as more approachable. That's not you. So you are not getting opened by the sales people, HB's, etc.

So to solve this problem you must solve your feeling that everyone is looking at you. Once you feel relaxed and comfortable, have that smiling face, you will get opened, too.

If you want to try it, find a friend who is less approachable than you. Go shopping. This time the sales people will open you b/c you appear to be the more approachable one.

 

[Don of Truth]

Originally posted by baracus

No really, if you were that good looking (in a mainstream sense) you'd have plenty of chicks eyeing you in an obvious manner.

It's true. If you are sexy and look good chicks meet you half way.
The rest of us have to go the full distance.

Life jus ain't fair.

 

[sharpshooter]

I have made the habit of having that anxiety/not smiling face on. In the past i used to avoid smiling and avoid being smiled at. Those same feelings still creep up in me once in a while and I just let them grow in me.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

The above posts have good insight.

Also, 'sales' peope always look for the more 'impressionable' weaker consumer and give praise and encouragement to them as to open them up and to positively influence them to spend money at their store. They are using psychology!!

Sales people give the more impressionable timid looking person a sense of esteem so that they could associate their store/products with 'feeling' good about themselves!! Thus, you'll spend your money on purchasing their goods to give yourself a greater sense of worth!!

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Wow, I hardly ever smile and have been told in the past I look "cold", yet these salespeople come at me like moths to a flame. Funny part is I'm not gullible or "weak" looking at all and brush them off without a second thought.

Anyways, why are you so concerned about it? I would rather sales people just fvcked off and left me alone, because if I need one of them I'll get them myself. If you come into a store and the attention is directed at your friend, just leave him to chat with her and do your own thing. It'll show them you're not a lap monkey and shouldn't be ignored or you'll just ignore them in return.

I think PuertoRican_Lover is right when it comes to male salesmen, or if they're working on commission. You are keeping eye contact right? Usually when they lock eye contact with you from across the store or as they approach, chances are you won't be ignored, so if you're staring at your feet then don't expect to be chatted up.

 

[baracus]

I find that what's been said about salespeople in the above posts is true. For example, me and a buddy always go to a certain nutrition supplement store. The salespeople are all over the "weak"( men and women who seem to not know what they need or want, or the ones who are in average/below average shape). When we go there however, we hardly ever even get a "hello" since it's visually obvious that we don't need any help.

Anyway, my point just reiterates what has been said: maybe you just don't come off as weak, or maybe you just look anxious.

 

[SuperMan_Wuss]

Again dude, similar things have happened to me. I once walked into a store and this SUPRA HB sales chick walks right up to my friend and starts talking to him. SO I simply turn to her and said something like this

me: Hey you don't have to ignore me just cuz you want me. (C/F)

she: I wasnt ignoring you, I just...

me: (cutting her off) No, no, you were, (pause) but I forgive you, you can make it up to me by helping me pick out some nice shoes. (I didnt buy any shoes)

It was simple, maybe a little rough but it worked, she didnt say a word to my friend the rest of the time in the store. it was sweet.

 

[sharpshooter]

haha good one man

 

[Gonzalo]

Originally posted by SuperMan_Wuss
SO I simply turn to her and said something like this

me: Hey you don't have to ignore me just cuz you want me. (C/F)

she: I wasnt ignoring you, I just...

me: (cutting her off) No, no, you were, (pause) but I forgive you, you can make it up to me by helping me pick out some nice shoes.

Dude, whatever, you sounded like a FU friend of a girl one of us could approach, demanding attention. Not suave IMO. Girl was probably afraid you were gonna go ad complain to the manager. Plus you cokclocked your friend, what the hell...

And to the thread starter, it's all bout how you carry yourself. Think yourself 2nd class, poof, your're second class. People at places are sometimes inconsiderate, but don't let that affect your attitude. G

 

[SuperMan_Wuss]

Well seeing as how a) my friend is married and b) I was shopping for something and he was with me, I didnt really think he would mind much, but responding to what you said, I agree it has everything to do with how you carry yourself, my friend was a major pimp before he got hitched and chicks still are drawn to him, it pisses me off a little but oh well. Think of yourself as a 1st class person and you are one, thats how I feel, to hell with what others think.

 

[CoOLBanana]

Why do you give a fuc k?

 

[Don of Truth]

Originally posted by SuperMan_Wuss
Again dude, similar things have happened to me. I once walked into a store and this SUPRA HB sales chick walks right up to my friend and starts talking to him. SO I simply turn to her and said something like this

me: Hey you don't have to ignore me just cuz you want me. (C/F)

she: I wasnt ignoring you, I just...

me: (cutting her off) No, no, you were, (pause) but I forgive you, you can make it up to me by helping me pick out some nice shoes. (I didnt buy any shoes)

It was simple, maybe a little rough but it worked, she didnt say a word to my friend the rest of the time in the store. it was sweet.

Next time someone that is with you gets attention and you don't....add YOUR full attention to that someone.

NOW...not only is a girl giving your friend attention, you are also.
If anyone comes into the close vicinity of the three of you there is a high chance that they will give more then usual attention to that someone with you.
It's psychological. Try it. Next time a friend is talking and you are around people.....just focus on your friend. Don't look around...don't talk..just listen and give your friend 100% attention.
More often then not others will see this and think that your friend is saying something really F*ckin important.

Three's company...FOUR is a crowd. Crowds attract people.

 

[ArmondTamzarian]

It's all in your attitude

I've been on this journey for about a year. Now I am not a pretty, hot, or great looking man, but I'm trying. But I do have one thing going for me physically, I am tall. But that does not matter. I determine if I am approachable, friendly and attractive. I was not aware of this before.

It's all in how you carry yourself. When I go into a store and do not want to be bothered, I can do just that. All I have to is slouch just a little. Avoid intimate eye contact, more than half a second. And keep my eyes down.

On the other hand. I can get absolute respect from anyone. I simply stand up as tall and as straight as I can. Pull my shoulders up and back. Push out my chest. Then as soon as someone comes within sight, look straight at their eyes, man or woman. Then after the half second either smile or nod slightly.

The last part is a little harder to describe. You need to take up more space. Walk like you own the space around you. Don't side step. Know where you are going and go there. I have been experimentingf with this a lot lately. For instance I will go downtown some nights and simply walk down the middle of the side walk. Make eye contact with every person who might get in or is in your path. Then convey with your eyes you are not going to move out of their way. The only people who won't move are those who are not paying attention to what is going on and don't see you coming. I just walk right through them. Then I keep walking with no apology.

If you want respect demand respect.

 

[alboh]

In a more general sense, if people aren't giving you repect the best thing you can do is stop seeking it. My roommate's friends used to treat me like some semi-annoying second-class acquantaince when I went over to their place, because I was always trying to get their respect. Then I just said fvck it and when they didn't give me attention or respect, I got bored and left the room to do something else. They've shown alot more interest in me lately. They're not bad guys, it's just human nature you know?

 

[ScrewIt]

respect is a very unusual thing.
it's like if you try too hard or are desperate u dont get it.
if u dont try at all you will get it.

respect is almost like women....too desperate u dont get them
dont try at all you will get it.

i this is very understandeable as i do this **** to co-workers
you'll understand why in a bit...

2 coworkers (non payed interns), both of them are opposites.

@ work
one of them is 25 yrs old and annoying as hell, so nosy...bugs me so much times in one day. like what im doing at my computer, what im doing now, if i coming this day or that day. bug me to help him burn this cd and that ****, when eh doesnt know how to install it he bugs me.....so fawking annoying, usually when he bugs me at work, i dont answer him immediately, ill wait until he asks me a 2nd time then ill say huh? oh well thank goodness he's eventually leaving to return to his country.

23 this other dude is alright even tho he doesnt talk much, he's a more interesting person and doesnt bug me with crap questions or any way at all. he has his **** together so im cool with him. hung out with him once playing billiards. even tho he's usually broke and bring his own food to work, he has my respect.

25 yr old used to be alright, but over time he started t oget more and more annoying and getting on my nerves.
generally im a good/friendly guy with everyone until you start getting on my nerves, which is the last straw

this is a reminder for all of you that have ppl that usually ignore your when you ask em stuff. it cause they dont have much respect for you and cuz ur annoying with a big fvcking mouth.

the main thing to keep in mind is mind your fvcking business and have your **** together. once you do, you'll already have the respect you deserve