who's in charge

[francheezy]

Hello ya'll

So I sat drinking some java the other day and started to think about some seemingly conflicting concepts. If we abide by certain guidelines thrown around here or by certain writers like David D Angelo, one can probably say to:

-not always be available
-confidence in action and speech
-be funny, ****y and assertive
-leave the talking for the date

In between dates, we are basically not pursuing but letting things take their course because we are confident that regardless of outcome, there's always more out there.

However, it's also said that
-Since we are the men, we should be the "suitors", women expect us to pursue because it's evolutionary.

So on one end, you want to be the suitor and the aggressor, you are the tiger and she's the prey, you are the man she's the woman.
However, this in a way counters building attraction which demands things such as not being too available, in a sense being careless of outcome, etc. In a sense, not actually or actively pursuing.

Also, the more we focus on building attraction and things start to "work", women will start to pursue, effectively becoming the suitors and us turning, by default, into the prey. Again, conflicting with the whole concept of man as the aggressor. Also, when this takes hold, by default of being the agressor, the woman starts to be more in charge of the course of events, which once again counters the evolutionary expectation of man as agressor.


Any thoughts about this?

mhhhh...

 

[Slickster]

In my opinion you always want the women to be chasing you.

This doesn't make her the aggressor. It makes you the prize and her beneath you.

 

[zekko]

So I sat drinking some java the other day and started to think about some seemingly conflicting concepts.

You're right, the concepts are conflicting. How can you be the pursuer while at the same time being indifferent? If you've heard of the Mystery Method he actually tries to disguise the fact that he is trying to pick up a girl. When opening a set, he will talk to his target last, and will send a few negs her way to make her think he isn't interested in her. But at some point the game changes and he goes in for the kill - by that time he's broken down her resistance and established his value.

I think the part of picking up that gets little or no mention is the part where you show interest in the girl. Because I think at some point you have to do this. Everyone is focused on being indifferent, and ****y/funny, and playing hard to get, and being the prize, but at some point you have to communicate some interest in the girl. I mean there's kino, but no one mentions much of anything else along this line.

The only problem with the girl being the pursuer is that it takes you out of the role of the selector. How do you get to pick the girls YOU want if you wait for them to pursue you?

 

[dark god]

In my opinion you always want the women to be chasing you.

This doesn't make her the aggressor. It makes you the prize and her beneath you.

word.

 

[mrRuckus]

Isn't getting her number or asking her out the "show interest" part?

 

[Die Hard]

Yes, they are conflicting concepts and both are neccesary. You just have to make sure they're in the right balance! Being 100% suitor and 0% aggressor isn't right but the opposite isn't right either... What balance is right then? Well, the aggressor % should always be higher than the suitor % anyway. Overall, you should be more in control then her. It's also important to realize that it kinda fluctuates, some situation she will be in control and you will be the suitor, other times you will be in control and be the aggressor. What it's about is the overall %: You should be more in control than her, you should be more aggressor than suitor.

 

[squirrels]

It's a push-pull kind of thing.

Think of it as a sales-pitch. If you're desperate to sell it, there must be something wrong with what you're selling. But if you don't pitch it at all, she's not going to know what it is.

Approach women with the idea that you HAVE something that they WANT that you WANT to give them...and your job isn't to MAKE them want it so much as it is to show them that you have it and make them realize how valuable it IS to them.