Who Should Initiate Sex Most Of The Time?

[NealIRC]

I like what topic-starter is doing, he should continue to invite her over to his place a few times with no sex, and see if she signals anything.

This is the advice from the 35 year-old virgin.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

But it don't matter does it.. I mean she drove 10 minutes to my house, so I should be forever grateful for that right.

If she brings a bottle of wine over, but makes zero effort EVER for sex to happen, it's all good right, least I got some free wine out of the situation.

You take SIMPING to a whole new level.

Clearly I am not the one who is so bent out of shape about this chick that could care less about you or how desperate you seem to be for sex that you can't even enjoy spending time with her. That's probably the real reason she doesn't seem interested in sex, if you want the truth.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Easy answer:

Just tell her...
"if you're in the mood, yank on it once....
If you're not in the mood, yank on it a hundred times."

 

[parabellum]

Interesting replies men.

I believe that it’s the man that is responsible for initiation most of time. It is possible that i subconsciously pick women who have reactive desire. But reactive desire is common in females, they get turned on by their man wanting them. And let me tell you sex is normally outstanding.

I do appreciate it when a partner initiates sex on her own. It’s fun to have your otherwise demure kitten become a minx and allows her to “be in charge”, which she really is not but it’s fun for her nonetheless.

I am surprised by many of the responses saying that the woman is low interest if she isn’t initiating all the time.

SS is a very strange forum sometimes, not sure where some of ya’ll get these outlandish ideas from. Smacks of someone with not much experience with women thinking “yeah that beeyatch better get on dis” and then talk about it and then other clueless people thinking it’s cool to repeat. Very strange, gentlemen very strange.

I would say that one lives a happier, less stressful life, by subconscientiously or conscientiously choosing the ones with reactive desire.

I respect the fact that each person has different sex drives, and that sex can’t be pushed. nonetheless I will always choose to walk away from women with lower sex drive than me. no matter how hot they might be or how good they might suck D whenever they feel like descending from the Olimpo to deal with us mortals. Made that mistake once and never again. not worth it.

OP, of course everything is situational. You could give her some time to adapt or something like that..idk all the details. but. in my experience, the ones that have a burning desire for you , they have it from the beginning.

 

[NealIRC]

So what is it like for other guys?

 

[BeExcellent]

Reactive desire. Never heard that term. Spot on though. For me (keep in mind my top criteria is ‘do I find him sexy’) I need to feel wanted and desirable. I think that’s true of a woman who is into you, she wants to feel you’re horny for her specifically.

So if she is accepting the invitation, coming over and being with you then there is opportunity and proximity. If you are feeling like sex, make a move. If not don’t. She’s not demanding fancy dates here.

Think of it this way. Women are the receiver. They receiver of penetration, of initiation by the man, of his desire, of his protection. When you plug something in you are inserting the male coupling into the female recepticle.

That is the natural way of things. Ever seen male birds do mating displays? If that peacock doesn’t strut his stuff he isn’t getting a hen. If the hen doesn’t like him or his display? She wanders off bored.

OP you’re the dude, dude. Be the dude. Quit expecting her to step into your role, the male role. She may initiate some at some point but you’re not going to appreciate her if she starts doing your job after a while, and she won’t feel desired either, which is not good.

So she’s showing up. If you feel like sex? Get on with it & give her the D.

Or OP might need an occasional evening with his local dominatrix. Get that submissive stuff out of your system. Only half joking.

 

[The Duke]

If I want sex, I will make it known. Never has a GF told me no in hundreds of advances. The times when I've been in a LTR and got caught up with work/life/her attitude and not wanted sex, they would almost always initiate and It turned me off even more. A woman acting like a dude is not attractive to me and it's not natural nor is it a position she wants to be put in.

You guys that want her to initiate are all lacking confidence. It will dry up pu$$y faster than anything. A woman would rather have you try and she tell you no than you not try and feel like she is being rejected.

Lots of women use sex to feel loved. And physical touch is a very common love language for females.

 

[Learning Curve]

I had this situation before happen to me, and it led to the girl disappearing.

When a woman wants to f3uck a guy and she is in her feminine there is no reason for her no to make a move or initiate sex. I had many chicks initiate sex before, probably she got complacent or bored.

I agree with @soulforge that a drive of 10 minutes does not justify her not initiating sex. Especially when everything is paid.

On the other hand, is either you bang and that's it and you don't care, or if you are looking for anything more then personally I would never tell her anything in regards to her not initiating sex what I would do is remove her for two weeks by being busy and let her chase and arrange sex again two weeks ahead.

See if anything changes if not the chick apparently does not give a flying f3uck. Not sure before if she was initiating sex? and now it stopped?

 

[HaleyBaron]

The man always should initiate. Women can stall their desires indefinitely. Especially if she is being admired by other men. She won't ever take the chance to overreach cause she doesn't need to.

"One of these men will initiate eventually."

In that sense, women can just stay in their lane and never have to do anything. They are still women so they will have periods of horniness where they become more bold. Just don't count on it.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Depends.....

personally, i think there is no such thing as ONE recipe for all women on this topic.

There are to many variables, like sex drive, relationship status, cultural background and personal preferences.

The "i have a 100" screen and pay for drinks and food so she has to initiate" argument is ridiculous, go pay a prostitute to initiate and save the money for the big TV and drinks.

Being needy and pushing for sex every time doesnt do you any good in the long run as it puts her in a position of power, unless this relationship is defined as fvck-buddies.

That said, OPs woman might be of low interest in sex but compliant, she might be compliant for now (that might change), she might be quite enthusiastic about sex but it could be a thing of her upbringing in UA that men initiate, or she just likes to be told what to do..... who knows. Its OPs job to find out on what basis she operates.


Starting in my early 20s, i was in a 5 year relationship with a woman that never initiated from the start. After year 1 i was thirsting for her pvssy but only got it every other week. I took it like the little simp i was, grateful for any action i got for 2 more years. After 3 years i was at a point when i thought fvck that bytch, i dont need her and went cheating on her with OLD.
I stopped initiating/giving her physical attention and soon enough she came around showing sudden interest in me, initiating herself.
While i kept fvcking her when she initiated, i didnt initiate anymore and that drove her nuts to a point where she allmost begged me to fvck her.

Looking back my guess is she cheated on me before i withdrew attention from her. Just when i turned the table and took away her leverage over me (sex), i became interesting again.
At that point though i had lost all feelings for her, the relationship didnt recover and i ended it after i had several affairs during that time.

Of course escalating and initiating with a new woman is crucial but, from that point on i never gave any woman sexual leverage on me anymore and it always payed off in every relationship longer then a couple of months.

 

[LTG71]

This is where I think porn does the most damage. The women are always in the mood and engage without effort. Willing and able to perform all of your desires. Think of the biological drivers between the sexes. Women are looking for resources, attention and protection. They can get that without sex. They can get that from the “friendzone” or beta orbiters. Our endgame is sex, so that is where we’ll place all of our focus. Women need to get the feels, while all we need is a place to do the deed. Also need to consider where she is in her cycle with regards to ovulation. Women have a “horny window“ while we are always “on”.

But I get what you are saying. It would be nice every once in a while if the woman would actually make the effort to seduce you and be the aggressor. Most likely to happen during her ovulation period. Not to mention too that a piece of strange starts sounding intriguing after a while because the familiarity gets old.

 

[HaleyBaron]

Not to mention too that a piece of strange starts sounding intriguing after a while because the familiarity gets old.

Currently seeing this in my circle of friends. Guys and girls started to trade partners. And they're young, too. Swinging has gotten far more popular with the younger crowd for some reason. I'm still researching why. I have a suspicion it is basically the endgame of all this ****ing around culture with no commitments, marriage, or kids.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

An observation:

It would seem based on this thread's participants responses that the "women need to initiate" contingent is comprised mostly of younger posters, and that those more mature do not agree and take a more nuanced view on initiation.

 

[BeExcellent]

Agree with you @Pierce.Manhammer. Relish being a man. Masculinity is very sexy. Some of the younger bucks around here seem like they expect equality along the lines of initiative. But men and women are not equal. They are complimentary.

Yes there are different factors, sex drive variances and differences etc. etc. Still gotta act like a man.

Reminds me of a story:

A young bull and an old bull were standing up the hill from the herd of cows below. The young bull says “Let’s run down there and find a cow to fvck”. The old bull chuckles and says “No son, we’re going to walk down there and fvck them all”.

 

[Dr.Suave]

"Girl drove over to my place on a saturday night and she is half naked on my bed but she is not initiating Sex. What do I do guys?"

You lead, she follows. She should always be happy to comply unless she has a legit reason not to.

Maybe there is something else going on here. Maybe you are already bored of f0cking her and you are craving new p00zy? It happens, no shame in it.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Doesn't matter, as long as it is welcomed and reciprocated when it is initiated.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Agree with you @Pierce.Manhammer. Relish being a man. Masculinity is very sexy. Some of the younger bucks around here seem like they expect equality along the lines of initiative. But men and women are not equal. They are complimentary.

TBH expecting her to initiate seems effeminate to me. But then again so much "men" do today seems to be.

 

[SW15]

Men are going to be initiators of sex more than women. This isn't an issue at all. Testosterone is the reason for this. Men have far more testosterone than women and testosterone impact sexual drive and desire.

The bigger issue is whether the woman complies or doesn't comply with the sexual initiation.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Some girls just wont initiate but if you give them a good f0ck they will be begging for more.

 

[IKO69]

So what is it like for other guys?

Read the replies with great interest; actually got me thinking about my own case. I can remember back in my younger years when I used to think it would be so much easier if women were more aggressive but the fact of the matter is you're probably going to mostly initiate at first, at least that's how its generally been for me. We know they have penis thrown at them on a regular basis, there is no shortage of attention....we can't forget they are women and we are talking about sealing the deal. When push comes to shove, they don't have the boldness and assertiveness that we do. They have all kinds of mental hangups that hold them back with (usually) new partners. In most of my relationships there was a bit more give and take once settled into a proper relationship (bf/gf).

I'd agree with the fellas, the fact she was there was probably enough (in her mind) of an indication she was down to smash seeing as that was the pattern the last couple of times. She was probably just waiting on him - I would not say it is indicative of low interest or something like that. Low interest to me would mean she wouldn't waste time with the op; certainly not allow herself to be alone with him in his place.