Who else can relate?

[EricInTheHouse]

I'm soon to be 31 years old, and I have only been on one single date in my lifetime, and that was not more than a month ago. I currently live alone, drive alone, basicly eveything alone.. I'm the definition and poster child for being lonely.

Going to the video store and coming out empty handed because you get annoyed and down when you see a couple in there picking a movie together..and here you are alone wondering just how fun it will be to watch the dvd when you get home.."alone"

Anyone here that can relate to this?.. anyone here live alone and they sometimes can't handle it?...

I admit it has given me a short temper, and I get annoyed easily.. Sometimes it gets to hard to put on a happy face when inside you want to lash out and rip a wall down..

I also have a terrible jealousy problem... I'm jealous that some guys have awesome GF's, and they get to do stuff together.. while I walk around as a 31 year old loner... I try to stay focused and I do better at it, but deep inside the feelings I have had for 3 years now, still want to rage.. I'm just tired of going back and forth emotionally..

I don't need any advice... I just want to see if any guys here can relate to what I wrote.. please share your story.. because I know how it is to feel like this.. I know it big time, and it's nice to talk about it..you know?

 

[Technical1]

Hey Eric

I can relate, since I live alone and moved far away from family/friends. I
do most things on my own now and if I dont go out, I become a hermit ipso facto.

You must have some more issues than just living alone though if you've only been on 1 date before. Just saying, since you dont go into that. Maybe it would be better to talk about those since alot of adult guys live alone and many even see it as a positive! Its all about where your head is at, so to speak.

I don't get the jealousy thing. Cuz you dont know how that woman with the guy in the video store would treat you, why desire her? Are you so desiring companionship that just the sight of two people together makes you wish you had a woman, any woman? Thats not my bag.

The internet/movies/books make it really easy for people nowadays to fall into a monk lifestyle without even realizing it. I'm doing this now because I stayed in all week working on a project. In the old days only monks could be monks, everybody else had to be around other people mostly 24/7.

I lived in a student dorm about 1 year ago for six months and those were happy times in retrospect. Its really fun sharing yourself with a community of other people and living together even despite "bad apples".

Maybe we both need to think about ways we can "plug back in" to society. Or maybe not. (...?)

 

[reset]

I'm 31. I'm a "loner". I used to have a ton of friends when I was younger, most people are more socially active when they are younger. I went to college, lost touch, started working in a career and basically my 20s sucked. Leave it at that.

I don't live alone though. Hope to accomplish that very soon. Believe it or not, this site has been a huge deal for me. All the guys here. I look at these as real friendships I have. The input I've gotten from guys here, has really changed me. Or set me in a big process of change.

I have a couple friends I've outgrown, I've outgrown pretty much everything in my life. That's out-G R O W N. I've become bigger than my life circumstance. Bit by bit it changes.

Things on the outside are changing slowly but surely, but the big difference between when I started here, is now I don't hate myself like I used to. I actually feel good about my life, even if I'm not banging chicks just yet or a b c.

YOU HAVE TO BE YOUR OWN FRIEND FIRST. Once that happens, things just start changing.

 

[EricInTheHouse]

hey technical.. yeah I do have deeper issues that have kept me pretty much the way I am now. I've been to message board to message board and have had some offline help as well.

It's not that I desire any woman, just the idea that I see couples my age having fun on Friday night, and here I am typing messages on a forum(no offense to anyone here). It makes me feel so down sometimes that I just end up getting tired and sleep it off.. Yeah I get really jealous that some guys "have it made" GF, friends..ect ect.. I just feel overwhelmed that I truly am a hermit living in a hole.

I have very very low self esteem... and I truly believe that I am not good enough to have a GF..I feel like I would be a waste of time... I tried a date for the first time, and I do have it in me to get brave.. I actually felt great..it was sooo nice and relieving to actually talk to a girl in real life that wasn't family..

Nothing came of it... again I have poor self esteem and I didn't feel that I could hold a relationship..so it ended pretty much where it started..
The loneliness comes and goes now.. Today I had an episode, but I am better at controlling my emotions.

I dunno... I just am afraid I'll be known around town as the creepy, hermit guy.. It's hard to think about...

Thanks for sharing... I know how you feel.

 

[Technical1]

the big difference between when I started here, is now I don't hate myself like I used to.

Somehow I think alot of us are/were touched by the brush of "self-hatred" which is a kind of funny and paradoxical mental disease to have, when you think about it.

Reset do you worry that spending time on this site will increase social isolation or isnt that an issue for you at the mo? Its something I worry about, because even though going out is interesting and invigorating, I can't get the same mental stimulation with friends/acquiantences/HBs/Cold approaches as I can from reading at home... there is a quality gap between the people I know IRL and the intellectual content available in books and on the internet, unfortunately. Oh well, hardly a tragedy.

 

[EricInTheHouse]

I'm 31. I'm a "loner". I used to have a ton of friends when I was younger, most people are more socially active when they are younger. I went to college, lost touch, started working in a career and basically my 20s sucked. Leave it at that.

I don't live alone though. Hope to accomplish that very soon. Believe it or not, this site has been a huge deal for me. All the guys here. I look at these as real friendships I have. The input I've gotten from guys here, has really changed me. Or set me in a big process of change.

I have a couple friends I've outgrown, I've outgrown pretty much everything in my life. That's out-G R O W N. I've become bigger than my life circumstance. Bit by bit it changes.

Things on the outside are changing slowly but surely, but the big difference between when I started here, is now I don't hate myself like I used to. I actually feel good about my life, even if I'm not banging chicks just yet or a b c.

YOU HAVE TO BE YOUR OWN FRIEND FIRST. Once that happens, things just start changing.

I admit I came here because I heard that some of my old LoveShack friends came here(I was banned from LoveShack)... I wasn't going to stay long here, but i feel at home kinda here.. The other forums get rowdy.

I am trying hard now...more than usual. I do hate myself for things I have done to others..that tried to help me.. Online and offline.. My LoveShack friends know what I'm saying, but I believe I am at the point that I can and will be calm enough to actually listen to others..

Thanks for sharing.

 

[reset]

Dude this place is great for being a guy and talking about guy stuff, to guys.

More importantly guys who are in touch with their MASCULINITY or LEARNING to do just that. THIS is what you need.

Can't speak for LoveShack, I didn't investigate it enough. This place will work however you want it to. Remember we are all real people behind these computer screens. This place is the real deal.

You're 31--start hanging out in the Mature Man section. Literally a gold-mine of positive stuff that is no necessarily about women, but more about what it's like to be a strong man who has self-love, and how to develop that in your life.

You'd be amazed how common some of the stuff you are experiencing is.

Let this place work for you. Take it easy.

 

[EricInTheHouse]

Dude this place is great for being a guy and talking about guy stuff, to guys.

More importantly guys who are in touch with their MASCULINITY or LEARNING to do just that. THIS is what you need.

Can't speak for LoveShack, I didn't investigate it enough. This place will work however you want it to. Remember we are all real people behind these computer screens. This place is the real deal.

You're 31--start hanging out in the Mature Man section. Literally a gold-mine of positive stuff that is no necessarily about women, but more about what it's like to be a strong man who has self-love, and how to develop that in your life.

You'd be amazed how common some of the stuff you are experiencing is.

Let this place work for you. Take it easy.

Yeah I know we are all real people and sometimes that is why I hate forums... We make such good friends here yet we can never go get a beer or anything.. Sometimes being on forums just make things more lonely..

I'll look in that forum..was kinda afraid to before, but I want to see how many feel like this.. Yeah I know I'm not alone, and it is nice to write to people that know what you're talking about..maybe find some tips to help make myself get out of this situation... ..

 

[Gibraltar]

I agree with Reset. This place is really awesome....Everyone has a story, and that's what makes SS so damn interesting.

As for your loneliness, I would suggest that you quit the negative thinking.

"You are what you think.

2. Just follow your passions. I used to think I had trouble making friends, was anti-social, etc. WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP.

If you are passionate about anything (work, hobbies, interests, skills, etc,) then you will find tons of friends that way.

Sometimes I network with people online then meet them at tradeshows or the most unexpected places.

My advice is to think positively and follow your passions....Everything else will fall into place, well at least that's what happened to me.

Have a great weekend, man!

 

[EricInTheHouse]

Somehow I think alot of us are/were touched by the brush of "self-hatred" which is a kind of funny and paradoxical mental disease to have, when you think about it.

Reset do you worry that spending time on this site will increase social isolation or isnt that an issue for you at the mo? Its something I worry about

I always worry about getting addicted to the online friend thing... I have before and tended to let myself become extremely close with people I'll never see faces... I have a hard time with that, and most notable with a girl I met online almost 4 years ago.

Honestly I dislike being on forums.. but for now it is an escape and I don't feel as alone in the nights.

I bet some of my LoveShack friends are rolling they're eyes reading this, lol
I have written about this before to them... so I understand...

 

[EricInTheHouse]

I agree with Reset. This place is really awesome....Everyone has a story, and that's what makes SS so damn interesting.

As for your loneliness, I would suggest that you quit the negative thinking.

"You are what you think.

2. Just follow your passions. I used to think I had trouble making friends, was anti-social, etc. WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP.

If you are passionate about anything (work, hobbies, interests, skills, etc,) then you will find tons of friends that way.

Sometimes I network with people online then meet them at tradeshows or the most unexpected places.

My advice is to think positively and follow your passions....Everything else will fall into place, well at least that's what happened to me.

Have a great weekend, man!

Yes.. I'm actually meeting someone from RCUniverse this summer because I was invited to come and learn to fly my RC helicopter.. He isn't far from me, and I do believe I will drive up.

SS is a good site.. at first I thought it was trolls(because of the LoveShack thing) but seems the shackers I met here all think it is a good place to be..

Yes you're right... I think so negative all the time.. People have always told me to stop thinking like that, but I am hard headed and I would brush them off.. People usually give up on me then I throw fits...
Nowadays I have made myself grow up and start trying to recover... I'm doing it, but I'm not totaly giving 100%.

I know what you're saying... good post...thanks..

 

[Technical1]

Eric,

You'll be fine man, you're already on your way.

Here's what has worked for me over the last 3.5 months:

1. No internet porn/masturbation. Tremendously important because you feel like slime afterwards (I do).

2. Daily affirmations. Start talking to yourself positively every day, even if it seems scripted at first.

3. Social exposure. Basically chatting up strangers, this will reconvince you that you actually are a social person.

4. Better eating/fitness habits. Taking care of yourself (i.e. quitting smoking, eating better) will make you happier and let you sleep better.

5. Eject any and all people from your life who bring you down and sabotage you with negativity.

6. Dont try online dating and dont try past girlfriends, these are crutches and bad ideas. Generate new possibilities from scratch.

7. Ask yourself if you're really doing what you like in life (hobby-wise, work-wise) and try to get more on track shaping your own life.

good luck

 

[EricInTheHouse]

Eric,

You'll be fine man, you're already on your way.

Here's what has worked for me over the last 3.5 months:

1. No internet porn/masturbation. Tremendously important because you feel like slime afterwards (I do).

2. Daily affirmations. Start talking to yourself positively every day, even if it seems scripted at first.

3. Social exposure. Basically chatting up strangers, this will reconvince you that you actually are a social person.

4. Better eating/fitness habits. Taking care of yourself (i.e. quitting smoking, eating better) will make you happier and let you sleep better.

5. Eject any and all people from your life who bring you down and sabotage you with negativity.

6. Dont try online dating and dont try past girlfriends, these are crutches and bad ideas. Generate new possibilities from scratch.

7. Ask yourself if you're really doing what you like in life (hobby-wise, work-wise) and try to get more on track shaping your own life.

good luck

This is good.... yeah I have EXTREME bad eating habbits... I went to McDonalds 3 times this week, and I am addicted to DR. Pepper.. yeah I tried to eat better, but I keep falling back into my comfort zone..

I realize I need to everything you pointed out in this post.. I do know.... I guess it's a matter of buliding the balls to stick with it, and really try to get things going...

As I said before... I'm at the point now that I think I can be calm enough to start putting forth true effort.

Excellent post..thank you.

 

[Merry Maker]

Hi Eric,

Oh yes, hell yes I relate to every single world that you said. I don't even think of myself as ugly or worthless, I have relatively good confidence, and yet I'm now close to 30 and still haven't ever gotten ANYTHING. No girl ever shows any interest in me no matter how hard I smile, and any approach only ends in awkward rejection. Sometimes it pains me so much that it makes me go berserk.

I don't always know how to handle the insane level of agression that often rises up in me, after it's gone it scares me to realize that I felt such things. Sometimes I just feel such violent fantasies, like beating the hell out of random people just because they stand around me. Then I'm full of sorrow when I realize that I could ever feel such morbid things. Sometimes in my bed my heart is racing so fast out of rage and sexual desire that I can barely breathe. I dream of being built like Hulk Hogan just so that every guy and girl in my vicinity would be scared just because of my presence. I switch so fast from brave feelings to desperate, creepy feelings that it makes me dizzy.

At times I have to go to the woods nearby, isolate myself deep within the forest, and scream as hard as I can for minutes, and then I violently throw rocks at the trees. I can't do much noise in my apartment so I have to go in a place where no one can hear me. I had to lie to my physician to get a codeine prescription because the soreness in my body got so high that I didn't want to rise out of bed anymore. Sometimes I take it when it's just too painful.

In spite of how many hobbies and occupations I have, I'm completely jaded, I don't care about anything anymore, not even my own life. Yet I hang on to existence because I fear death. I don't know what to do to go out, if I go to the gym no one talks to me, if I go to the restaurant I'll hear a sweet girl's voice and it'll arouse me, and yet pain me so that my whole evening is ruined. I don't care when I'm around my friends, this kind of interaction does nothing to me, and I'm constantly reminded that many of them have girlfriends when I have jack ****.

There's nothing I loathe more than some of the tough guys who suggest you to find good things in you, think only about positive things, and rely only on your self-esteem while your whole body suffers endlessly and your hormones, and just the random girls that you see when you go out make you mad. Without someone else giving you a chance, you just can't ignore that when you've been starved your whole life. YOU CAN'T.

Jerking off doesn't do a thing do me, it's too rude, too violent, when all I want is affection. All I'd want is a girl who'd fall in love with me and who'd be especially nice to me. I'd love to just go out, walk beside her, and be able to feel "Yes, she's MINE!". It seems like nirvana.

Hopefully there's light at the end of the tunnel. Every now and then some random thing gives me a bit of hope and my smile comes back, and I feel like trying something new.

If you feel bad, I'd advise you to go out and walk alone at night, it will calm your body and make you think clearly. It's the only thing that makes me feel like a human being anymore.

 

[EricInTheHouse]

Hi Eric,

Oh yes, hell yes I relate to every single world that you said. I don't even think of myself as ugly or worthless, I have relatively good confidence, and yet I'm now close to 30 and still haven't ever gotten ANYTHING. No girl ever

If you feel bad, I'd advise you to go out and walk alone at night, it will calm your body and make you think clearly. It's the only thing that makes me feel like a human being anymore.

This is how I feel... I'm thankful that you wrote this.. I really am.. because a lot of people assumed I was always after attention or whatever when I would go on with my feelings ..

Most of you're post was difficult to read... I know how you feel... I really do and I share your pain... it sucks and a lot of people just don't get it...

I take walks at night too.. just last night I did, becaus eit was warm, and I just needed to get out of this place for a while.
Sometimes I think about moving to a place like Florida.. lots of people, and action, less depression and cold weather.

Another thing about the violent thoughts... I know what you mean... god damn it I do.... I think very violently at times.. The toughest thing for me is that I am capable of thinking stuff towards people I love.. I recently thought of what it would be like to just hit my dad... at the time I felt so aggrivated, because he just doesn't get why I have such a hard time in life.. I swear at him sometimes and it hurts my mom... In return I feel like even more **** because I don't really mean what I say, yet they truly believe I hate them sometimes.

They just don't get how unbelievably hard it is to put on a smile face at the same time I want to wreck my car with me in it... I lash out because of it, and I know she worries about me all the time.

I sit at home and tell myself that my life should never of been like this.. I should of been this man that is caring and helps his family, has a GF, and loves her.. That man is in me, and I should be more than I am now..

In my family's eyes, I am a alone, short tempered , and disrespectful..
It sucks to be that guy they see... I want it to end...

I knoiw how this feels man...thanks for sharing.

 

[Technical1]

If you think violent thoughts about your dad its probably normal, if you live at home. I think there is some "separation instinct" that demands a man move away from home when he grows older. For guys who cant do this, things become strained.

I used to also have alot of built up rage against my parents when I was younger, then I moved overseas to attend college and now I love them and cherish every minute I can be together with them. It will be much better for yourself and your relationship with your parents if you leave.

BTW its good that you "air out" these things on here, talk about what hurts you and whats holding you back, get some input, and eventually, when the time is right for you, go do something about it and take your life back.

 

[EricInTheHouse]

If you think violent thoughts about your dad its probably normal, if you live at home. I think there is some "separation instinct" that demands a man move away from home when he grows older. For guys who cant do this, things become strained.

I used to also have alot of built up rage against my parents when I was younger, then I moved overseas to attend college and now I love them and cherish every minute I can be together with them. It will be much better for yourself and your relationship with your parents if you leave.

BTW its good that you "air out" these things on here, talk about what hurts you and whats holding you back, get some input, and eventually, when the time is right for you, go do something about it and take your life back.

Oh no... I live totally alone in my own place..I've been out of the house for a long time. I don't hate my parents, but when I get annoyed or strained from my crap, I get very snappy and irritated at them... My dad is one of the most awesome people alive.... and I have thoughts so outrages towards him for only the slightest irritations..

It's not because I hate him..it's because I don't feel comfortable in life and it is stressful..at points I can't handle it, and everyone and everything becomes **** to me..

I usually take it out on myself or something close... So far I have destroyed a computer, caved in the door on my truck, and engage in road rage a lot.
Just seeinf people talking on cell phones in their cars really pisses me off... I'm extremely irritable.. easily annoyed... way more than normal.

 

[EricInTheHouse]

I also am known for snapping on the internet... I have calmed myself down in that respect though, but I have hurt a lot of people on the internet..

 

[Technical1]

Oh no... I live totally alone in my own place..I've been out of the house for a long time. .

Oh, gotcha.

I hear you on the aggression thing, I used to destroy sh1t too.
You'll get more mellow as you start to address these problems.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Hey EricintheHouse, I feel you brother, I really do.

Now I am 41, live alone in a country where hardly anyone speaks english. BUT, I'm totally cool and happy with myself, self esteem is good, life is good, the world is a fukking great place to be.

BUT BUT BUT BUT

from about 25yo to about 35, I hated myself, hated my life, hated everything (I got scars on my wrist to prove it) I'd drive around and see people together, couples etc, just like you described, and i felt like i was a fukking secret agent from planet loser come to infiltrate earth for some reason.

You specifically didn't ask for any advice, so I won't give any. Just know that simply becasue you want to and are looking to, things will get better.

Know this: The world is a fukking spectacularly wonderful orgasm inducing place filled with supercool people that wanna help spin your propeller, if you only find a way show them how.

You'll find your way.

Peace brother.