White Knight Syndrome....

[Gro0ver]

So my ex of 2 months that I nexted 2 weeks ago is playing the damsel in distress.....she's throwing the rod out and i'm biting like a hungry fishy.

She does genuinely have issues....this is why i broke up with her, couldn't cope with it after just coming out of an LTR, I know it was bad for my self development (plus i felt disrespected at times) so I summoned a huge amount of willpower and just ended it, probably a tad prematurely but I guess it was a "pre-emptive strike" as I saw problems on the horizon and knew it was going south.

Trouble is I care about her and am getting the urge to "save" her even though I know it's a bad idea. It doesn't help that I see her in my dance class every week and walk her home as her neighbourhood is dodgy and I always used to do that - would feel bad to let her walk home alone

I know it's a bad idea but I'm getting the urge to help her and comfort her....but I've come so far in the last few weeks, I feel like i'm on the cusp of starting something great for myself and this would totally undo that hard work.

This is probably my only AFC trait left but it's real deep rooted...I look after my friends and loved ones but this s*** is detrimental.

Please someone kick me in the balls.

 

[Serg897]

What do you want GroOver? Do you care about this girl enough that you see yourself keeping her in your life? Does she truly care about you, or is this just more evidence of psychological damage and lack of self esteem that caused you to break up with her?

Only you can answer these questions. Her mental and emotional well being is not your responsibility, especially if you have already ended the relationship. Try to think about this as objectively as you can.

 

[blueeyedgent]

The one-itus is strong in this one. I've been there. One day it was coming to her house the morning after she was date raped.

Trust me, you don't want to go there. Walk away, no contact.

 

[Gro0ver]

Bud, the only way you can play "white knight" is if you are spinning other plates. Doing this while not having any other issues is a great was to be caught in the oneitis/friendzone/heart pull BS.

I recommend you completely cut her off including not walking her home. I know it seems cruel, but you're not doing anything good for yourself by helping her. You can vary it up a bit by walking her home and letting her walk herself on other days.
When you're more comfortable in your own shoes then you can do nice things. Like a good bud does favors for his other bud in the act of being nice to a friend.

You sound like you're falling into an AFC trap, but I don't know how you're handling yourself when you're with her. If you're able to maintain some frame of control and dominance then maybe be helpful ONLY if you are not going out of your way to help her.

I wouldn't do favors everyday and night for my buds, girls are in the same boat.

The trick is to reframe this as a friendship and for yourself to feel better know that this is a friendship and nothing more. When you control the details of the relationship, you control the outcome and your feelings.

Good luck bud, it happens to us all.

I only walk her home once a week.

I definitely maintain the frame when i'm with her....the other night I declined going into her house when she invited me in (I would have stayed over, maybe got sex but i have a feeling she would have withheld it for control/revenge). My initial thought was to friendzone her but this is difficult as she's hot and charming and i get the urge the bang her as well as all the white knight stuff.

Definitely seems like an AFC trap.

What do you want GroOver? Do you care about this girl enough that you see yourself keeping her in your life? Does she truly care about you, or is this just more evidence of psychological damage and lack of self esteem that caused you to break up with her?

Only you can answer these questions. Her mental and emotional well being is not your responsibility, especially if you have already ended the relationship. Try to think about this as objectively as you can.

I think she does care about me but part of it is her ego is hurt by my rejecting her. She sees me as someone who can fix that (she wants me to say i made a mistake breaking up with her, etc etc).

The relationship was brief but there were some great things. We had a lot of fun when we were out and she was very different to my LTR in some refreshing ways. Physical side was great. However due to her insecure nature I don't think I could be happy with her over the long run.

I don't feel ready to cut her off completely but looking at it objectively it seems like it would be the right thing. Guess the only thing to do is to break the glass and hit the manual override button.

 

[Gro0ver]

No contact has been initiated. Thanks for the help dudes, I know it was the right thing....I could have easily wasted another year or 2 on that chick. Time to spend that time & energy on improving me. Unplugging from the matrix hurts but it sure is satisfying to take control of your life and have self respect.

DJ forever! ROAR.

 

[Mistic]

A woman with genuine issues? Unbelievable

The fact is that she would drop you for the next best thing without a care in the world for your feelings or well being. Go volunteer at a homeless shelter or a youth facility if you need to be charitable. Dot waste your generosity on someone who doesn't deserve it

 

[nismo-4]

When you rescue said damsel, Here's what's gonna happen:

A man will be there. He'll say Thank you Gro0ver!

But your princess is in another castle!

Right before he blows his load on her!

Believe me, she is. Don't go rescue her. Instead spin more plates. Judge nismo's orders.

Case closed.

 

[Thundernuts]

Listen to Nismo, he knows what he's talking about.

Look man its good you did the no contact rule, that was seeming to be a waste of time and even if you ended up having sex with her, she would have felt like she got the upper hand since she got you back in the sack.

I like to believe sometimes kings need to be dethroned, you did her a favor by showing her she aint perfect, its weakness in men that allows women to act like they're gods and you stayed strong man good job

 

[Gro0ver]

Thanks Nismo & Thundernuts.

For the first time in awhile when I went out last night I really couldn't give a f*** about women at all, wasn't trying to impress anyone I was just on my own vibe and I got 2 numbers.....go figure

 

[Gro0ver]

So after some reflection about my time with her and some reading on personality disorders, I'm 99% certain this girl is HPD (she told me she had a mental illness once but wasn't specific other than depression). Thank GOD I got out of there when I did....

What's incredible is, after her attention-wh0ring pissed me off and I broke up with her (lost all respect once true extent of AWing was witnessed), I was almost willing to take her back in order to "save her" just 2 weeks later.

How damn seductive are these HPD females? I was so sure I did the right thing yet there I was getting sucked back in. We must seem like children to them sometimes.

Praise be to Sosuave.com and the male manual override switch. It seems emotions and caring for people, although totally natural, is something we need to be very careful with as reading other people's experiences suggests it can get us into a world of pain.