While SoSuave has helped me much...

[ezily]

^^^ you make it sound like women are evil :crackup:. I wouldn't be that harsh. It is nice to know that someone else cares about (if she's being genuine). So they can add something to your life. But yeah it's all about the mindset and I agree with you. You need to make yourself happy and not depend on others. Always thinking that things would be better if you had a gf is not healthy. Good post.

 

[Maxtro]

LostAndConfused,

I know exactly how you feel. In fact just picture yourself in ten years without having made any progress and with zero friends and thats me.

Anti-Dumps Machine is really only about deciding what girls you want to make into LTR's or marry. Pook mentioned that several times. If you just want a short fling Anti-Dump is useless.

Attracting girls is very difficult if you have no experience and don't know what you are doing. It's like how getting your first million dollars is very hard but getting anything after that is easy.

To the people who say it gets much easier when you go to college,

It really depends on what type of school you go to. I've went to two Jr. College's in the past 8 years (did poorly) and I hooked up with zero girls. Heck the reason I did so poorly was because I was unhappy. Why was I unhappy? Because I couldn't get a girlfriend.

I hope it's different in a 4-year university because I'm going to one in August. In a Jr. College it seems even harder to meet people then in High School. So now I have 5 months to kill and I know that they are going to suck.

Technical1,

You don't have a clue. When somebody has wanted nothing more than getting a girl for many years basically nothing else even matters. I have been desperate to get a girlfriend ever since I was 13. Now 13 years later I still haven't gotten one and it's killing me. And your right I haven't been enjoying life. I can't accept what you say about how little a woman contributes to a mans life. I know that if I manage to get a steady girl my life will completely change. My thought process, confidence and self-image will be 100% different. I feel that my true self is being concealed by a dark cloud of sadness and loneliness. Right now I can only think of my self as single Maxtro and how much that I want what everybody else has. Once I get a girl in my life I don't think I'll even be the same person.

How do you possibly become happy without having somebody in your life? Don't forget that the only reason that I am not happy is because I don't have anybody. If I didn't have any sex drive or want to be with a girl I would be completely content.

 

[Technical1]

Technical1,

You don't have a clue. When somebody has wanted nothing more than getting a girl for many years basically nothing else even matters. I have been desperate to get a girlfriend ever since I was 13. Now 13 years later I still haven't gotten one and it's killing me. And your right I haven't been enjoying life. I can't accept what you say about how little a woman contributes to a mans life. I know that if I manage to get a steady girl my life will completely change. My thought process, confidence and self-image will be 100% different. I feel that my true self is being concealed by a dark cloud of sadness and loneliness. Right now I can only think of my self as single Maxtro and how much that I want what everybody else has. Once I get a girl in my life I don't think I'll even be the same person.

How do you possibly become happy without having somebody in your life? Don't forget that the only reason that I am not happy is because I don't have anybody. If I didn't have any sex drive or want to be with a girl I would be completely content.

Getting a girl isnt hard, yet you managed to go 13 years without doing it. Some guys here get 2 girls into them on a slow week. Don't you think that this observation, and your description of yourself as fulfilling my description, is really the ultimate confirmation of the truth of what I've said?

 

[ezily]

Maxtro,

dude you've just become upset to the point where you can't function. It's got to be more than just a girl. You sound depressed and I suggest going to get some therapy or something. There's more to happiness that just getting a gf. You just think having one will make you happy. You forget about the hardships of breakup, her cheating, you being anxious about everything she could be doing, etc. You've made yourself believe that a gf will make you happy when that happiness will only be very short lived. So you really need to change your mindset. Start doing other things and stop focusing on girls so much. You are responsible for your own happiness and need to start having more of a life if you expect to meet people. Join some clubs, go to the gym, go out with friends, etc. Once you start to expand your social circle you'll be happier I think. And go to a psychologist or something and get treated. I sounds like depression (btw I'm not making this up. I know some psychologists). A good one can be a huge help.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

With the exception of Anti-Dump, you're not following a DJ path. The guys you mentioned are PUAs, and while the tools they teach are useful, they're not the complete package.

Next, you're 17. I envy you. God, how I wish I'd had a SoSuave when I was 17. There wasn't even an internet then! But what I lacked was guidance and understanding about my situation. The next 2 years for you are going to be critical for you. You will meet with a LOT of success with women. The challenge wont be meeting or hooking up, it will be resisting your conditioning to want to be locked down with the first women you get involved with. The challenge will be for you to keep yourself first and to make decisions based on what's best for you rather than what better facilitates your "gotta geta girlfriend" mentality.

 

[LostAndConfused]

Thanks for the replies again everyone!

Also, I would try and change your look (if you think that's hurting you). Get some nicer clothes, grow some facial hair if you can (I think most girls find it attractive), and try to get a sort of scruffy look going (you know, wear the rock band t-shirts, jeans, longer shaggy hair, maybe a sports jacket with a nice shirt). Sure there are other looks but I think this one works. But just pick a look you're comfortable with. You could go the prep/ frat guy route (short shorts, brightly colored shirts, trimmed hair cut, etc). Girls like that as well. Once you start to believe you are no AFC and show them you aren't one then they'll believe the same as you. Self-fulfilling prophecy...

Unfortunately I'm black so none of this really works for me. I can't wear baggy clothing either because that look just doesn't work on me because my skin tone is fairly light. I know of tons of brands but not many that would work for me. This had led me to expect that my race has been one of the sources to my problems.

As I said before, I'm not that socially awkward, I make acquaintances easily, but never take it to the next level and become friends. I say "hi" to just about every hot girl passing my way but when they say something like "whats up" they are on their way somewhere so I'm caught in an awkward situation because of that.

Also, there were some replies in this thread saying that we can't get far in high school at the point we are in now.....

I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT **** AND SO SHOULD YOU

I mean come on, why wouldn't we be here unless we wanted to change somethings about our life now?

Yeah, thats why I made this thread. Seeking change. But I feel I won't be going anywhere in high school.

You're 17 - get your diploma and a job!

Oh boy, honestly, I wish I could throw away all my other concerns and emotions and just pursue a career. Wait, it doesn't work that way....

Let me give you some advice here that I hope wont be pure theory but also can be practical.

Moping about not having a girlfriend is totally the wrong perspective, ironically its the opposite of the perspective that will get you a girlfriend.

You've predicated your happiness (made your happiness depend on) getting a girlfriend. You dont believe you could be happy alone. Dont tell me this isnt true, because I know what its like, I used to be this way. This is a source of weakness for you in more far-reaching ways than you probably now realize.

For one, you will not be enjoying your life, you will always think..."this is good, but if only...", or "this is OK." You're a young guy with his life in front of him and still you describe yourself as being "on a desert island". Thats a bit pathetic, that you cant appreciate your life more.

Legit advice, but WAY off the mark there. Nowhere have I mentioned requiring a girl to have happiness. This thread has more to do with just getting a girlfriend. That was an example. It's about social interaction in general. It's easy for me to talk to people, making my name known, BUT there's something missing. A major way of getting girls in HS works this way:

1. Get cool, social friends with similar interests >>>> 2. Create a "core" group with those friends >>>> 3. Talk to girls >>>> 4. Hook up.

I can't get to step 1 here. Don't get me wrong, as I've said too many times I can become good acquaintances with people, but we never go that one extra step. I do have friends, most of them are not very social or, as usually the case, they don't seem to be interested in girls at all...... That is no help to me.

Yes, I am pathetic. But I'm on a completely different desert island than the one you are thinking of.

With the exception of Anti-Dump, you're not following a DJ path. The guys you mentioned are PUAs, and while the tools they teach are useful, they're not the complete package.

Next, you're 17. I envy you. God, how I wish I'd had a SoSuave when I was 17. There wasn't even an internet then! But what I lacked was guidance and understanding about my situation. The next 2 years for you are going to be critical for you. You will meet with a LOT of success with women. The challenge wont be meeting or hooking up, it will be resisting your conditioning to want to be locked down with the first women you get involved with. The challenge will be for you to keep yourself first and to make decisions based on what's best for you rather than what better facilitates your "gotta geta girlfriend" mentality.

I wish. The anti-dump article was just an example of some of the resources I've tapped in to here. You've seen it before, those responses that just say, "Read the DJ bible" don't really help.

Yeah, it would be a challenge to not get locked down, but in my current (apparent) state there is no way I could get a girlfriend.



Even though I'm going through therapy, I still came here because a therapist would never be able to help me with DJ issues. I came here to seek something that works for me but I guess it was just a pipedream. I'm stuck as an WB-AFC.

 

[Maxtro]

Getting a girl isnt hard, yet you managed to go 13 years without doing it. Some guys here get 2 girls into them on a slow week.

Gee thanks, thats so helpful.

Don't you think that this observation, and your description of yourself as fulfilling my description, is really the ultimate confirmation of the truth of what I've said?

WTF are you trying to say?

Maxtro,

dude you've just become upset to the point where you can't function. It's got to be more than just a girl. You sound depressed and I suggest going to get some therapy or something.

I belive the reason for my depression is thee fold. 25% is because I don't have my own place and I'm stuck living with my grandmother. 5% is because I haven't accomplished anything in my life. The other 70% is that I don't have a girl.

The 30% will be taken care of once I start college. I'd get my own place and I know that I'll be on the right track.

I have been diagnosed with depression a while back and I took some meds a a few years ago. I've been through counseling and it was a very minor success. There's only so much meds and therapy can give you when you know the reason for you "illness." The cure is obvious.

There's more to happiness that just getting a gf. You just think having one will make you happy. You forget about the hardships of breakup, her cheating, you being anxious about everything she could be doing, etc. You've made yourself believe that a gf will make you happy when that happiness will only be very short lived.

How can I forget about the pains of breakup, her cheated and worrying about what she is doing if I've never experienced them? Those things are a part of life, and I'm missing out.

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

When you break up with a girl is it so bad that wish you never met her and want to wipe her from your memory?

So you really need to change your mindset. Start doing other things and stop focusing on girls so much. You are responsible for your own happiness and need to start having more of a life if you expect to meet people. Join some clubs, go to the gym, go out with friends, etc. Once you start to expand your social circle you'll be happier I think. And go to a psychologist or something and get treated. I sounds like depression (btw I'm not making this up. I know some psychologists). A good one can be a huge help.

I don't think that friends are the answer. I've had friends up until I was about 20. The depression really kicked in when I was in Jr. High, that was about 14 or 15. Even when I was out hanging with my friends I was still mopping about not having a girlfriend. Every once in a while I get calls from my High School buddies. I think two of them are married one has a kid and here I am, still looking for a girlfriend.

 

[nightcrawler]

I've given up on women. I live in a place where the women are so hot it's insane. The ones I like are simply wayyy out of my league.

However, this site has thought me not to whine. SO I'm not great looking and short..big deal there's more to life than getting girls.

It would be nice to get girls though

 

[LostAndConfused]

I've given up on women. I live in a place where the women are so hot it's insane. The ones I like are simply wayyy out of my league.

However, this site has thought me not to whine. SO I'm not great looking and short..big deal there's more to life than getting girls.

It would be nice to get girls though

I know what you mean man. I either have to lower my stantards drastically or quit women too.

I don't know how to lower my standards so I gotta just give up.

 

[nightcrawler]

Maxtro I find your situation interesting.

Having no friends or a social circle is the source of my depression. I can't tell you how much better my life would be if I had a few guys and girls whom I'd hang out with everyday and talk instead of surfing forums all day.

With that said, was your social circle composed of nerds and dorks? or was it composed of popular kids/cool people?

 

[DonJuan11]

...it has also hurt me



Even though I've learned alot of beneficial info from learning seduction, reading Gunwitch, Neil Strauss, and DeAngelo, etc, in a way, I've become paranoid.

Yes, I've unofficially quit trying to get a girlfriend, as I said in my last thread but I want to at least get rid of this problem.

This is a problem in itself. When you are trying to get a gf to "get rid a problem" it won't work because you are focused too much on making her your gf. It's not like working out to trying to get rid of the problem of being fat.

Example....In one of my favorite articles, Anti-Dump machine tells us to only surround ourselves with interested girls, which essentially should WORK! But the thing is....no girls are interested.

Why aren't they interested? Are you ripped? Are you exciting? Do you speak 5 languages? Have you been around the world? Do you have a Lexus? Do you know half the night club owners in your city? Do you know the high rollers at the Casino? Can you cook? Are you a good storyteller? I'm sure if you were a few of those things, they would be interested.

I'm not stupid, you start out with attraction and build interest, but nothing is ever reciprocated. Like I have a sign on my head that says "Don't talk to this fvcker."

You are doing something fundamentally wrong is nothing is ever recipocated and you have to find out what it is. Maybe you talk too fast, maybe they don't like hair style, maybe you are nervous, maybe you are boring, maybe you ask them to X-box on Sat nights, maybe you are too tall, maybe you are too short. Find out what it is, and fix it before approaching the next girl.

But whenever I don't see interest reciprocated, I automatically get angry and NEXT her. Thing is, I had "NEXTed" every chick in the past because of this. So here I sit, without a girlfriend, without a girl friend.

Girls are not going to pity you because you don't have a gf. You have to give them a reason to like you. If you can make love like Brad Pitt, maybe they will. What is your reason ?

Anyone got any advice, or anyone relate, I feel a bit stranded on this desert island.

Re-read the advice on this site.

 

[LostAndConfused]

it's cuz im black.

 

[Maxtro]

Maxtro I find your situation interesting.

Having no friends or a social circle is the source of my depression. I can't tell you how much better my life would be if I had a few guys and girls whom I'd hang out with everyday and talk instead of surfing forums all day.

With that said, was your social circle composed of nerds and dorks? or was it composed of popular kids/cool people?

It was nerds and dorks. We spent most of our time watching anime and playing video games. There were no women around. So while I had a social circle it pretty much sucked.

I briefly had a guy friend that was a "player" and he invited me into his social circle for a while and I got to go to some of his parties. I broke contact with him after he started telling his girlfriend he was hanging with me when he was cheating on her.

LostAndConfused,

Race is irrelevant. Well it may to be a point depending on what kind of girls you are after. I was watching the Tyra Banks show for a few mintues and one sound bite said that in all interracial marriages, 70% of the men were black.

 

[nightcrawler]

It was nerds and dorks. We spent most of our time watching anime and playing video games. There were no women around. So while I had a social circle it pretty much sucked.

I briefly had a guy friend that was a "player" and he invited me into his social circle for a while and I got to go to some of his parties. I broke contact with him after he started telling his girlfriend he was hanging with me when he was cheating on her.

LostAndConfused,

Race is irrelevant. Well it may to be a point depending on what kind of girls you are after. I was watching the Tyra Banks show for a few mintues and one sound bite said that in all interracial marriages, 70% of the men were black.

My ideal cituation would be to have many circles of friends that would be composed of alternative/raver/cool/preppy/playas etc.

But I can't seem to be able to become friends with people that look interesting to me

 

[someone800]

I gotta say something about this "depression" thing:

Shortly before I found this forum, I was (kinda still am) a major AFC. I then self-diagnosed myself with social anxiety disorder. I was so over the edge that I even told my parents and asked them to help me find a talk-therapist for my "problem." We found one, but haven't called him yet.

I found this forum and am using this place as my talk-therapist. Yeah, it's the internet and all, but really, would a Ph.D therapist really know the answers for our "problems"? No. He'd probably just say something that we need to stop going for this stuff. And then...he'd probably toss us on some worthless medication.

Now, why have I been saying "problem" in quotation marks all this time? Because I realized that this whole idea of this "problem" is in our heads. We just gotta break through it.

 

[j-flex]

You're 17 - get your diploma and a job!

you are 45 get a wife and a life!

 

[ezily]

it's cuz im black.

Come on that is a really lame excuse. Almost every black guy I know has success with girls. I'm not the best person to give advice on black girls (if that's whom you want) but I'm pretty sure that there are plenty of black guys on this forum who use the same kinds of techniques that people discuss here. From the black girls I know, I've found that using this C&F stuff works really well. I don't want to date them or anything (and the same goes for them with respect to me most likely) but I would bet money that a black guy could use this stuff with them.

If you're black and going for white girls, that's cool but you have to expect trouble and rejection more often then you will want I think. It's not really a social norm for a white girl to go out with a black guy but I do see it from time to time where I'm at and it happens enough in the real world. So it's possible but you just have to find the right girl. You'll have more luck with other races before white girls I think. But if the rumors are true about white girls then you should have no trouble ****ing them at least.

But yeah dude, it's not because you're black. Don't worry about something you can't change. If you live in the deep south or something then maybe you should move to a bigger city up north. Everyone's situation is different. Just look at your own and see what you can do.

Also, there are styles for black men. I mean you can still go to the gym and work out. That'll never hurt you. Also, I've seen several regular styles among black guys. Some wear their hair long and in braids (that's looks pretty cool I think) while others just keep it shaved. Some guys wear large clothes while others tend to dress up nice (sports jackets, nice pants, etc). You just have to find something that works with you, something you can pull off, and something that you are comfortable with.

 

[SinJester]

Usally sosuave is inspirational and uplifting. Sometimes it is hard to keep it from bringing you down. I have my own problems, but compared to some guys here it is nothing. But then I look back, and I was like you once, but now I've changed for the better.

Maxtro you are the very definition of AFC. Technical 1 was spot on. If you expect that happiness can only come when you get a girl then it is your own fault that you are unhappy. I once thought like you, now I don't have girl and I don't care because I'm happy. I see guys in relationships that aren't happy. I see guys that aren't in relationships that aren't happy. I see get guys that give me crap for not having a girlfriend, only to see them become a complete emotional wreck when theirs dump him. Yet I don't care, because I'm happy.

Everyone here is responsible for their lives right now. If you have no friends, its your fault. If you have never had a girl, its your fault. Only once you accept this can you grow and move on. It is hard sometimes, it is so much easier to curse a god or blame it on luck. It is human nature to put the blame on someone else, only this time there is no one else to blame.

You complain about not having friends then sit on your computer all day. You complain about not knowing anyone deeply but then don't make an effort to do something with them. You have to take the initiative if you want something. It doesn't work by just waiting for the world to award you for doing nothing.

LosAndConfused, if you want people to be interested in you, then you have to first be interested in them. I am not talking about attracting girls, just with people in general. I think I've told you this before. Don't next anyone. Keep them as friends. If you cannot do that, acquaintances. And whatever you do don't blame it on being black, that’s a cop out, I know lots of black guys who are successful with women. Yes, even white ones.

I can't get to step 1 here. Don't get me wrong, as I've said too many times I can become good acquaintances with people, but we never go that one extra step. I do have friends, most of them are not very social or, as usually the case, they don't seem to be interested in girls at all...... That is no help to me.

You contradict yourself. What you say always leads back to girls. Can't you just enjoy people?

To everyone in high school: Stop saying you are depressed and have a medical disorder. I do not mean this if you have seen a qualified professional and actually do have a serious condition. However when are you going to realize that basically everyone in high school is depressed as some stage. It comes with puberty, hormones, growing up, a changing brain and people who are insensitive. It's scientifically proven. You know what helps depression? Doing something. Anything that takes your mind of being depressed. You are all thinking too much.

Don't worry about playing video games with mates. If its fun why not do it once in awhile? It's still social, a lot better than doing nothing. My story is interesting, because my good friends are actually a really cool group. I have a few more close friendship circles now, and these peoples aren't as cool. But I still hang out with them. Why? Its fun! I'm living life and having a good time. Before when I worried about being 'cool' and wouldn't go out because I would be scared about being seen with unpopular people I wasn't as happy, and I just stayed home doing nothing instead. Now I just go out and have a great time, I don't give a fck what people think. I talk to everyone, the really cool people who I'm on good terms with, my close friends who are popular, and a huge amount of other people who aren't as popular. Has it affected my image? Probably. Do I care? Hell no! I'm actually having fun in high school now.

I used to play video games with mates as basically the only social thing I did. I enjoyed it but I always wished I went out to parties and stuff. Now I do. I just went out one day and never looked back. Now my whole group goes out partying. There's nothing wrong with getting together to play video games occasionally and I still do that, but rarely.

Basically I think the main problem with most of you guys is that you are too negative. Think positively and your world will turn around. The other thing is that it always leads back to girls. As long as your lives revolve around this you will still be AFCs. The final thing is that you are too content to wallow in self pity or just talk, rather than taken action.

Ok maybe I might have seemed a little harsh in point, but everything I've said I believe is true and comes from the experience of me going through the same things.

Just smile.

 

[TheRealSupreme]

Lost I don't mean to rain on your pity parade dog but have you ever thought about changing your screen name?

Look at how your announcing yourself to the world and what it says about what is going on inside of you.

Have you ever heard of the law of attraction and all that stuff?

How about renaming yourself to help signal to your subconscious mind that your changing who you are, then see what happens good in your life.

 

[LostAndConfused]

To everyone in high school: Stop saying you are depressed and have a medical disorder. I do not mean this if you have seen a qualified professional and actually do have a serious condition. However when are you going to realize that basically everyone in high school is depressed as some stage. It comes with puberty, hormones, growing up, a changing brain and people who are insensitive. It's scientifically proven. You know what helps depression? Doing something. Anything that takes your mind of being depressed. You are all thinking too much.

Don't worry about playing video games with mates. If its fun why not do it once in awhile? It's still social, a lot better than doing nothing. My story is interesting, because my good friends are actually a really cool group. I have a few more close friendship circles now, and these peoples aren't as cool. But I still hang out with them. Why? Its fun! I'm living life and having a good time. Before when I worried about being 'cool' and wouldn't go out because I would be scared about being seen with unpopular people I wasn't as happy, and I just stayed home doing nothing instead. Now I just go out and have a great time, I don't give a fck what people think. I talk to everyone, the really cool people who I'm on good terms with, my close friends who are popular, and a huge amount of other people who aren't as popular. Has it affected my image? Probably. Do I care? Hell no! I'm actually having fun in high school now.

I used to play video games with mates as basically the only social thing I did. I enjoyed it but I always wished I went out to parties and stuff. Now I do. I just went out one day and never looked back. Now my whole group goes out partying. There's nothing wrong with getting together to play video games occasionally and I still do that, but rarely.

Basically I think the main problem with most of you guys is that you are too negative. Think positively and your world will turn around. The other thing is that it always leads back to girls. As long as your lives revolve around this you will still be AFCs. The final thing is that you are too content to wallow in self pity or just talk, rather than taken action.

Ok maybe I might have seemed a little harsh in point, but everything I've said I believe is true and comes from the experience of me going through the same things.

Just smile.

Yeah, I definitely approve of the harshness though , thanks for the post.

I have seen / am seeing a qualified professional, and I DO have disorder. This is not self-diagnosis, like someone800 was talking about. I've actually recently taken the measures to talk to a professional.

It is in my nature to think negatively. If I could change that, I would. If ANYONE could change that, they would. Why the hell would anyone WANT to be a person with that mindset? *I* am not content in my mindset, rather, my *sub-conscious* is.

You contradict yourself. What you say always leads back to girls. Can't you just enjoy people?

How am I contradicting myself? I'm not awkward so I get along with people, but I'm always considering the negatives. My mind always tells me that the person who I was talking to doesn't like me and wants to see me fail (even though they probably couldn't even give a $hit about me.)

I don't know how to change that, I've tried, and I don't think its possible.

have you ever thought about changing your screen name?

Look at how your announcing yourself to the world and what it says about what is going on inside of you.

How about renaming yourself to help signal to your subconscious mind that your changing who you are, then see what happens good in your life.

Well I've been told that before, but first, I don't know what to change it to, and second, whatever I change it to, it would just be a fake, and I would notice that every time I saw my screen name.

It would be a facade at best.