While SoSuave has helped me much...

[LostAndConfused]

...it has also hurt me

I'll explain, but I'll keep it short to keep it simple.

Even though I've learned alot of beneficial info from learning seduction, reading Gunwitch, Neil Strauss, and DeAngelo, etc, in a way, I've become paranoid.

Yes, I've unofficially quit trying to get a girlfriend, as I said in my last thread but I want to at least get rid of this problem.

Example....In one of my favorite articles, Anti-Dump machine tells us to only surround ourselves with interested girls, which essentially should WORK! But the thing is....no girls are interested. I'm not stupid, you start out with attraction and build interest, but nothing is ever reciprocated. Like I have a sign on my head that says "Don't talk to this fvcker." But whenever I don't see interest reciprocated, I automatically get angry and NEXT her. Thing is, I had "NEXTed" every chick in the past because of this.

So here I sit, without a girlfriend, without a girl friend.

Anyone got any advice, or anyone relate, I feel a bit stranded on this desert island.

 

[Jitterbug]

To get girls interested in you, you'll need to have some good things about you that attract them. What qualities (not just within yourself, but also external resources you may have control over) do you think you have that are attractive? Write them down and have a good think about them.

 

[MacAvoy]

You have to remember that High School is a totally different environment that the rest of us live in, your social circle is largely limited by your school mates. Its hard to change your image with the same crowd, especially teenagers who are so judgemental.

However don't let that totally discourage you. Your way ahead of the game, you know 100 times as much as I did when I was your age. Just use this time to practice and master your skills.

When you get to college / out of high school, the floodgates will open and you'll be ahead of so many other people.

I normally don't offer advice to guys under 20 cuz I can't relate to their situations but I can see where your coming from. Its hard at your age, you just have to be patient.

 

[LostAndConfused]

uhhh im really easy to talk to?

But I've got alot of male friends...besides the guys that automatically judge me as a loser/AFC/anything, I can make male friends really easy. There are just guys who hate me no matter what, mainly because I would get into fights in the past. If you would ask them what they thought of me, they would probably call me a "little b1tch."

I'm not gay btw.

Being patient is hard because I'm missing out on crucial experience. When everyone's game has stepped up in college and people are more socially mature, I'd be even more of an outcast.

 

[LostAndConfused]

Yeah...I understand. My best two qualities are that I'm really easy to talk to, and I'm really funny, though only when I'm in a good mood. Unfortunately, I'm rarely in a good mood because of most of the issues I stated previously. lol.

I mean some times I do approach a girl whos in my next class, even if shes popular, and I can start a good conversation with her...thats just as far as it goes though. And then again, most of them talk to alot of guys anyways. During class itself we never talk, after class we go our own ways.

It works the same way with guys, I can get in a conversation with just about any guy, except for those few who hate me, but in the end of the day I always see myself as just an acquaintance.

I feel I can talk to just about anyone but they only stay friendly acquaintances, like they aren't interested in going any further.

 

[Jitterbug]

My best two qualities are that I'm really easy to talk to, and I'm really funny, though only when I'm in a good mood.

I think you have more than those two (they are good to have, but to be frank, aren't much if you want to attract girls esp around your age). Most of your best qualities will likely be those that you don't think much of, but others find amazing about you. Ask your family, ask your close friends.

You need to add more to that list too. Things like being fit & in good shape, being good at some sports or creative things (like playing a musical instrument, dancing, etc.), owning a car (it'd be an important thing at your age - at least where I live anyway), etc.

Don't worry you'll get a fresh start in college. You're way ahead of most people with all the knowledge you currently have from SoSuave. I wish I knew about all this when I was your age.

 

[ItsOnNow]

I of course have similar problems,and feel like I have only just figured them out and haven't even begun to try and change them. I have some similar problems as you said. I don't really know how to build attraction,how it really works,and this really frightens me for many reasons. I still just can't talk to chicks. Why? I don't know. It's funny you mention high school,cause I still feel like I am,mentally and socially at least. It may be perhaps cause I didn't go to college right after high school,spent alot of time at home doing nothing,then I got a job,and that has been a main focus. Other things like motivation,being more sociable,girls/sex/dating/"sarging" haven't been,and its been driving me nuts. I know I am easy to talk to,Im funny,I know,I can make people laugh,but yet it still feels like there is something missing. I know that feeling of being behind as well. Like in alot of ways. It also may be maturity issues as well. It's funny,earlier at work,I was talking about stuff like this with my freind/co-worker,about girls,etc. About you have to be natural,can't fake it,confidence,bad boyness,smoothness,etc. And he was right.

 

[LostAndConfused]

Thanks for the replies guys. I guess in a couple of ways I'm similar, but I find it pretty easy to talk to chicks....I will just never be able to build interest unfortunately. but I too feel theres something ""missing.""

that's the thing about high school. it's very hard to break into social groups after they've been established for 4+ years. in my senior year i started making friends with more popular kids and caling them to hang out, but it would be weird when we did hang out because they would bring their friends and they'd all know each other and i'd kind of be the guy who only knows one of them. anyways my advice to you would be to improve your image and try to hang out with some of these acquaintances of yours, if for nothing other than to develop your social skills for the future. just spend this last year on improvement, rather than trying to get laid, otherwise you will likely end up frustrated.

Yeah. I figured as much . Honestly, I wish I could just throw chicks out of my life completely, like I said earlier how I "unofficially quit the game." Get rid of all interest and the need to date, make out, get laid, etc. It's hard, but I'm trying. Perhaps I'll be able to do this in the future, though probably not and I'd stay a lonely wreck.

I think you have more than those two (they are good to have, but to be frank, aren't much if you want to attract girls esp around your age). Most of your best qualities will likely be those that you don't think much of, but others find amazing about you. Ask your family, ask your close friends.

You need to add more to that list too. Things like being fit & in good shape, being good at some sports or creative things (like playing a musical instrument, dancing, etc.), owning a car (it'd be an important thing at your age - at least where I live anyway), etc.

Don't worry you'll get a fresh start in college. You're way ahead of most people with all the knowledge you currently have from SoSuave. I wish I knew about all this when I was your age.

Yeah, I mean I AM really fit and strong, but I'm still skinny, because of genetics. Of course when I get the time I'll start lifting, but I'd still generally have a thin, fit physique unfortunately. I'm good at non-school sports (just my luck), sports that no one cares about where I'm from (Mixed Martial Arts)

Yeah, and its a huge problem that I don't own a car. Everyone else does but I guess I have to live with that. It's not like I need a car anyways, I'm not dating. I have no clue what others find amazing about me, perhaps its nothing (maybe thats why I'm in this situation in the first place.)

Unfortunately, although I have a ton of friends, none of them are close enough for me to find out that stuff from.

So I guess I'm WBAFC 4ever guys,
~LostAC

 

[ezily]

Well for one thing you need to change your attitude about yourself. Since you think you are a social outcast you will be one. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Think you are a prize catch and act that way. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to help you. I know high school can be tough. Once you're in a certain social circle everyone will see you that way. If it's easy for you to make guy friends, make friends with guys who get a lot of girls. You'll naturally pick up on techniques and become more confident around them because they can help you out. Also, girls tend to gravitate towards guys who get girls. So if you're friends with guys like that then you should get girls talking to you more often. They'll probably find you more interesting since all the 'cool' guys like you. They'll want to know more.

 

[ezily]

But whenever I don't see interest reciprocated, I automatically get angry and NEXT her. Thing is, I had "NEXTed" every chick in the past because of this.

also, why would you next a girl who had interest in you? Did you not like her or something? I mean, I've nexted girls who've had an interest in me because only I didn't find them attractive and so their interest in me was a huge turn off. So if that's the case with you then I understand.

 

[LostAndConfused]

also, why would you next a girl who had interest in you? Did you not like her or something? I mean, I've nexted girls who've had an interest in me because only I didn't find them attractive and so their interest in me was a huge turn off. So if that's the case with you then I understand.

I think you misread my post, I never said the girls had interest in me. In fact its the opposite.

I do have some friends who score alot of women. When I hang out with them though, at school, girls never approach. Like they were trying to AVOID me or something. Probably the guys who hate me have said bad things to them to make me a turn-off. There's nothing I can do about that sh1t, even though I'm showing them that they were wrong every day, they are still judgemental pricks.

I'm actually focused on not feeling sorry for myself. Yeah, I know everyone here assumes this is a pity-thread because this thread isn't the typical "help me get this girl / fix my mindset" thread, but I only come here seeking HELP, not to wallow in my own self-pity. That sh1t is unhealthy and I'm trying to stay away from that now.

 

[ItsOnNow]

How do you know when/tell when someone is interested in you/attracted to you? How do you do it? Value? Confidence? Attittude? Natural? What?

 

[LostAndConfused]

Pretty much the stuff said in the dj bible man

there are a ton of ways.

 

[ezily]

I think you misread my post, I never said the girls had interest in me. In fact its the opposite.

I do have some friends who score alot of women. When I hang out with them though, at school, girls never approach. Like they were trying to AVOID me or something. Probably the guys who hate me have said bad things to them to make me a turn-off. There's nothing I can do about that sh1t, even though I'm showing them that they were wrong every day, they are still judgemental pricks.

I'm actually focused on not feeling sorry for myself. Yeah, I know everyone here assumes this is a pity-thread because this thread isn't the typical "help me get this girl / fix my mindset" thread, but I only come here seeking HELP, not to wallow in my own self-pity. That sh1t is unhealthy and I'm trying to stay away from that now.

Oh OK I get what you were saying now. But I really think you're just reading into what the girls are doing (or not doing) way too much and over-analyzing. Just relax some. Who gives a sh*t what they think? But I really do understand your problem. I"m guessing you feel that you're more attractive then the girls and other people at your school give you credit for. I was in a similar situation in high school. Things will get better in college once people grow out of that crap. But having thought about the situation, the only way to prove to them that you are not some geeky AFC is to show them. Start going to to the gym (man, I wish I did that in high school), get a hobby with some of your friends, go to parties, attend the school football games, etc. Just do things where girls will see you and they'll think you're fun to be around. Also, I would try and change your look (if you think that's hurting you). Get some nicer clothes, grow some facial hair if you can (I think most girls find it attractive), and try to get a sort of scruffy look going (you know, wear the rock band t-shirts, jeans, longer shaggy hair, maybe a sports jacket with a nice shirt). Sure there are other looks but I think this one works. But just pick a look you're comfortable with. You could go the prep/ frat guy route (short shorts, brightly colored shirts, trimmed hair cut, etc). Girls like that as well. Once you start to believe you are no AFC and show them you aren't one then they'll believe the same as you. Self-fulfilling prophecy...

 

[someone800]

Hey LostAndConfused,

I just came across this thread and got interested in it after I found out that your situation seems a lot like mine (although mine is probably a bit worse).

One thing you mentioned was at the end of the day with all the people you meet, you seem like you are just acquaintances. I find that very interesting because today after school, I really wanted to hang out with someone and I was laying on a couch going through my cell phone contacts trying to find someone to hang out somewhere with. But you know what? It just so happens since I am so different now from some of my old friends that I have very few friends who are into the same socializing thing as fun rather than the old geeky stuff we used to do like video games and stuff. Those few friends include one good friend (who is having massive success apparently-he's niceguy91 I believe on this forum). However, we haven't hung out lately in a long time as he has been hanging out with someone who has been dragging me down. Another friend who is into the same stuff like me I haven't really hung out with much. Lastly, there are a few others but, I just don't have as tight of a bond with them. Sometimes I wonder if some of my friends (I am really going to get chewed out if niceguy91 reads this) don't see me as the good enough guy to hang with all the time even though I am changing. It's understandable since we've known each other for a long-ass time, but people aren't rocks throughout life.

In the end, I didn't end up hanging out with anyone because I only contacted niceguy91 (who was sick) and someone else I know who didn't want to hang out or was busy. This second guy is partly against my change but also for it though. The lesson I think I learned today though that can probably be applied to both of us though is that we might have self-esteem problems that we aren't good enough to hang out with the acquaintances/not-close, but still friends we make. To solve this, just like almost everything else with being a DJ, we gotta take "risks" (I put that in quotation marks because the idea of it being a "risk" is just our minds telling us that) and call up that person just like they were a close friend. If they bother you about it, just tell them something like, "I didn't know you were such a stuck-up."

Also, there were some replies in this thread saying that we can't get far in high school at the point we are in now.....

I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT **** AND SO SHOULD YOU

I mean come on, why wouldn't we be here unless we wanted to change somethings about our life now?

 

[ezily]

It just so happens since I am so different now from some of my old friends that I have very few friends who are into the same socializing thing as fun rather than the old geeky stuff we used to do like video games and stuff.

wait, so you still like video games and they don't? I'm just not understanding what you're trying to say here. What makes you different?

Anyway you are on the right track with your thinking I believe. If you're calling up a guy to hang out why are you getting so anxious? You're not gay or anything. Just call and find out what's he's up to. I doubt he'll think anything of it. It'll make you seem normal.

 

[someone800]

wait, so you still like video games and they don't? I'm just not understanding what you're trying to say here. What makes you different?

Anyway you are on the right track with your thinking I believe. If you're calling up a guy to hang out why are you getting so anxious? You're not gay or anything. Just call and find out what's he's up to. I doubt he'll think anything of it. It'll make you seem normal.

Well, I like video games and my old friends do. I guess I didn't word that correctly. What I meant was that I am (obviously) into bettering my social life and stuff which means I like to go out places and chill and stuff. The activities of my really old friends (back when I was a pretty big nerd/geek-still have "geek" smarts though) consists mostly of going to each other's house and mostly just playing video games and talking about them...Which is great and all, but my heart just isn't into as much and I usually spend my time wanting to do social activities.

Also, I get anxious, because as I said I have a low "self-esteem" thing that I am working against. For a long time for some reason, I use to always think of myself as "lower" than others-even my friends/acquaintances. You ever have that experience where you are hanging with a friend, walking through the halls at school talking with them and then they come across some guy or girl (maybe even a hot girl) that you don't really know and they just start talking to them without introducing you? 'Nuff said...

 

[Last Man Standing]

You're 17 - get your diploma and a job!

 

[ezily]

Well, I like video games and my old friends do. I guess I didn't word that correctly. What I meant was that I am (obviously) into bettering my social life and stuff which means I like to go out places and chill and stuff. The activities of my really old friends (back when I was a pretty big nerd/geek-still have "geek" smarts though) consists mostly of going to each other's house and mostly just playing video games and talking about them...Which is great and all, but my heart just isn't into as much and I usually spend my time wanting to do social activities.

Also, I get anxious, because as I said I have a low "self-esteem" thing that I am working against. For a long time for some reason, I use to always think of myself as "lower" than others-even my friends/acquaintances. You ever have that experience where you are hanging with a friend, walking through the halls at school talking with them and then they come across some guy or girl (maybe even a hot girl) that you don't really know and they just start talking to them without introducing you? 'Nuff said...

Yeah yeah I was kinda like you in high school. I'm still really smart and everything. It's not bad to be smart. You can use in in C&F stuff but just don't be arrogant to the point where it turns girls off. Also, being smart allows you to learn fast so you won't make the same mistake more than once. You should be happy. Just don't go around bragging to people about grades and stuff. That just makes others in HS see you as some arrogant, geeky prick. Also, I don't see any problem in playing video games. But having a life outside of that is more important. The occasional Halo game won't kill you. Just don't bring it up.

I would say to get some new friends who share similar interests in going out and having fun with girls. See if you can get to be friends with the 'cool' guys that'll help a lot. If you hang out with the academic team losers that's how girls will see you (this doesn't change btw when you get older). SO surround yourself with people who girls will find attractive and fun. DON'T hang out with losers. I wouldn't abandon your old friends completely. I mean be nice to them and stuff but you need new friends for sure. Do what I suggested in my posts above. It will really help you a lot. The 'self-esteem' issue you have is all in your head. You just need to get over it. It'll take time but it's worth it. I would suggest getting a job where you have responsibility and get to socialize with other people more. It'll expand your social circle and give you practice on how to be confident. You really just need to change your attitude. If you read what I said above about the self-fulfilling prophecy it'll help you. You just need to show others that you aren't that nerd they think you are. It's hard to change people's mind when your this far in HS but it can be done.

 

[Technical1]

...So here I sit, without a girlfriend, without a girl friend.

Anyone got any advice, or anyone relate, I feel a bit stranded on this desert island...

Let me give you some advice here that I hope wont be pure theory but also can be practical.

Moping about not having a girlfriend is totally the wrong perspective, ironically its the opposite of the perspective that will get you a girlfriend.

You've predicated your happiness (made your happiness depend on) getting a girlfriend. You dont believe you could be happy alone. Dont tell me this isnt true, because I know what its like, I used to be this way. This is a source of weakness for you in more far-reaching ways than you probably now realize.

For one, you will not be enjoying your life, you will always think..."this is good, but if only...", or "this is OK." You're a young guy with his life in front of him and still you describe yourself as being "on a desert island". Thats a bit pathetic, that you cant appreciate your life more.

Happiness really is a choice, and when people think they cant be happy until they have X, they have chosen to postpone happiness. However, you cant get THIS particular X UNLESS you are a happy person, so ... you're doomed!!

...Unless and until you gain the insight to realize that a woman contributes very little to a man's actual life. Sex is actually the most solid, reliably pleasant thing she can contribute to a man's life, and get this: its just sex!!
The companionship she offers is somewhat dubious, because if you identify too much with her and become too close and comfortable, you destroy the tension/attraction, and the relationship will deteriorate for *surprising unknown reasons* (i.e. she will slowly mutate into a bytch). Even the fun you have together, which is the other vital point besides sex, well, cant you have fun with friends... better yet...with yourself?

When you realize that a woman can bring you nothing you dont already have, (except sex), then you will finally take responsibility for your own happiness and stop asking other people to do it for you (you are doing this now without knowing it). Then you will begin to self-generate happiness, which is known as Creating Value.

See, if you can put yourself in a top A-1 mood, then move amongst people and spread this mood without asking anything from them, you are creating huge value. Women want to take that value from you. Right now, you view yourself as lacking something, and want to take value from them (want a girlfriend). It doesnt work that way, you have to GIVE happiness. Then the woman comes to steal it, which is her job. Women are happiness thieves, not happiness bringers!

So get happy, and women will come to steal your happiness from you in exchange for sex. Then you will feel great for a while, stupidly thinking that you now have what you want. Once she has you hooked on the sex kick, she will then grind you down with endless sh1t tests, manipulate you, and do everything to test out how DURABLE your happiness is. (hint: its not very durable when you first start out). When she withholds herself, are you still happy? If not, she has power. Having power over you is a momentary thrill for her but ultimately a turn-off, inasfar as it lowers your value to her. She will start thinking of the next conquest (i.e. guy she isnt sure she can control with sex), and will suddenly turn into a frigid b1tch and deliberately sabotage the relationship dynamic. If you have made the mistake of making your happiness dependent on her, you will now become a sad flake who she one day informs is no longer her boyfriend.

But if you generate happiness from within, you can laugh it all up, and you will always have women lined up to be with you. Stop waiting for other people to make you happy.
Women will contribute absolutely nothing to your life except sex. And the price they exact is most often not worth it, so you had better figure out that that desert island you're stranded on is in reality Paradise, the only paradise that you'll be allowed to experience in this life.