Where's my energy? (Not a health question)

[Millard Fillmore]

So this is not for Health/Fitness because physically I feel great and I exercise, eat right, and am in shape,.

It's more of a question of demeanor. People tell me I am charismatic and charming but sometimes I feel like I am not bringing the "big d!ck energy" to the table.

I'm mid 40s (age is wrong on profile) and generally act cool and confident, obviously not a wild and crazy 20 something. Think one of those Clooney characters where he's calm but confident.

However sometimes I find myself clamming up or content not to talk so much in groups. Other times I'm more outgoing. I often feel energized meeting new people vs. when I'm with the same old friends (but not always).

Other issue is I want to be speaking clearly always. Not in half sentences or trailing thoughts. I feel like this requires more emotional commitment to whatever I'm saying in the moment and often times I couldn't care less and my speech gets sloppy.

Maybe this is being hard on myself and we all go through this or I'm holding myself up to an ideal that's unrealistic. I feel like there are guys who are always holding court and gabbing away. But sometimes those guys are annoying AF too. I just wonder where the energy comes from.

Anyone here who is always "on" when around people? What's better - constant big schlong energy or quiet repose from time to time?

 

[Barrister]

I can relate to how you feel at times. Growing up, I was naturally an introvert and preferred to be by myself doing my own thing. As an adult in my early 20s, I at first had to consciously force myself into a mindset where I was going to enjoy meeting new people and being in huge groups of people. Over time, I have actually become an extrovert and thrive in group settings now. However, sometimes the introvert will surface and I won't want to do anything other than go home and sit on my porch by myself and smoke a cigar.

One thing I will say is I think "big d1ck energy" (a modern phrase which annoys the hell out of me) is overrated. Men who think they have it generally come off insecure and highly passive aggressive towards other men - which is the complete opposite of how they think they are perceived. Men who have true high SMV don't need to display some faux "energy." You act with confidence whether you are speaking a lot of sitting in a corner with a small smirk on your face with your and your c0cktail in hand.

Bottom line, I wouldn't worry about how much you are interracting in a group settings. Act with confidence and charisma and you will find sometimes less is more - especially with women.

 

[Learning Curve]

So this is not for Health/Fitness because physically I feel great and I exercise, eat right, and am in shape,.

It's more of a question of demeanor. People tell me I am charismatic and charming but sometimes I feel like I am not bringing the "big d!ck energy" to the table.

I'm mid 40s (age is wrong on profile) and generally act cool and confident, obviously not a wild and crazy 20 something. Think one of those Clooney characters where he's calm but confident.

However sometimes I find myself clamming up or content not to talk so much in groups. Other times I'm more outgoing. I often feel energized meeting new people vs. when I'm with the same old friends (but not always).

Other issue is I want to be speaking clearly always. Not in half sentences or trailing thoughts. I feel like this requires more emotional commitment to whatever I'm saying in the moment and often times I couldn't care less and my speech gets sloppy.

Maybe this is being hard on myself and we all go through this or I'm holding myself up to an ideal that's unrealistic. I feel like there are guys who are always holding court and gabbing away. But sometimes those guys are annoying AF too. I just wonder where the energy comes from.

Anyone here who is always "on" when around people? What's better - constant big schlong energy or quiet repose from time to time?

I fully understand what you mean.

Don't change for anyone. Try to be as real as possible every time you are out with your friends or chicks.

You don't have to be a clown or an energy distributor to anyone. You have to be ur self.

Personally, i believe i have humor as a personality, i like to crack jokes and generally to have quite a-lot of fun when I'm out. But that requires a-lot of energy form myself and investment and if some people i hang out are boring as f1uck i don't try to over-invest into making my self look like a clown.

Develop your own personality, if you want to share energy do it. Spread it. Nothing wrong with that. Build your inner-self to the highest level of individual you want to be. For ur self not for others.

 

[The Duke]

@Millard Fillmore I can relate to what you shared.

Being charismatic and charming will carry you a long way. Don't change who you are. Don't try and be everything to everybody, its pointless. There are people who admire what you do offer.

Those guys that hold court and get annoying tend to lack self awareness, can't connect with people, have nervous energy. They are too worried about themselves and how they look. The holding court thing is usually one big show to impress. Most see right past it.

I have a buddy that acts this way. He is all over the place. The other night he is trying to impress this girl and everyone else. He tells me that he is going to be fuhking this chic. I pick up on the energy and already know she can't stand him. A few minutes later he walks off and the girl tells me my friend drives her nuts and asks if he is always like that. She kept talking to me for the next 30minutes.

Point being....the loud high energy guy lost to the cool, collected more personal guy. Happens often.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Thanks guys. Some great points here. I think it's just a matter of accepting the mood of the moment and going with it. However I also want to mix in some motivation or behavioral adjustments, not to be a douche but to make sure I'm projecting the right energy outward if that makes sense.

 

[MatureDJ]

I think it's your subconscious telling you you're wasting your time, so why bother.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP have you tried speech exercises? The quicker and easier you can physically talk, the more 2nd nature it becomes. Not saying you have to talk fast, but the stronger and more flexible the various vocal muscles are, whatever you say will have more impact just by being clearer, quicker and louder as well without any extra energy expended.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

I think it's your subconscious telling you you're wasting your time, so why bother.

Because the subconscious can be trained to an extent. If a person starts behaving differently on purpose the mind will begin to recognize it as normal and the self will adapt. Basically how fake it til you make it works. But it takes effort.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

OP have you tried speech exercises? The quicker and easier you can physically talk, the more 2nd nature it becomes. Not saying you have to talk fast, but the stronger and more flexible the various vocal muscles are, whatever you say will have more impact just by being clearer, quicker and louder as well without any extra energy expended.

Great idea. I have in the past when I did more public speaking. Should probably do those some more. Sometimes my brain gets ahead of my mouth and the words don't come out right.

 

[Luni]

have a drink

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I don't see the issue. Nobody is going to be in the mood to act like the life of the party all the time and if they are they are likely fake as fvck and you should avoid them like the plague.