Where you draw the line - Man vs AFC

[Oscar Wilde]

Hi all,

This has been discussed before on many threads and I now have a situation where I'm unsure which way to go. My instinct is to take what I previously would have called the AFC route, but I think it's more the Gentlemanly thing to do.

Here's the situation.

Chick is semi-GF, been seeing a lot of each other lately (she's the REM girl for those reading other posts).

---

I told her a few days ago that there's a members party on in the bar attached to my gym (big gym, huge bar/club attached). I got free tix as a frequent attendee to this party. There's free wine/snacks, fire-eaters & other pretty cool entertainment.

The girl agrees a day or 2 ago that she'd go to this with me.

All week long she's had a slightly sore ankle, and last night she told me (via SMS) that it was very sore after the concert.

So today she emails and says that she doesn't want to go tonight cos her ankles still sore, will I come over to her place instead?

I'm not sure about tonight as the ankle is still uncomfortable. I'd rather have
a quiet one, you are very welcome to join me
I'm not avoiding d northside thing - honest. We can do <my local pub> tomorrow if ya
like...

what reckon ya?

--

Now I was looking forward to heading to this, but I'm not going alone. I do believe her that she has this injury. I can't get another date this late (not that I want to, cos we're unofficially exclusive).

So is it too Nice Guy to agree and head over to her place? Or is it simply the gentlemanly thing to do. I'm not sure where this line is.

And 'cos I'm sure someones gonna say "do whatever you wanna do", well I'd like to take her to this place tonight, and I don't think that's gonna happen.

Osc.

 

[Paul Owen]

Personally I would go to the party, even if it is with one of your buddies.

You will show her that you are a guy who does his own thing (even that you are just a little bit selfish- but hey that's attractive right?). And you get to stay in control rather than letting her dictate things.

 

[Eyecandie4ya]

Originally posted by Oscar Wilde
Hi all,

This has been discussed before on many threads and I now have a situation where I'm unsure which way to go. My instinct is to take what I previously would have called the AFC route, but I think it's more the Gentlemanly thing to do.

Here's the situation.

Chick is semi-GF, been seeing a lot of each other lately (she's the REM girl for those reading other posts).

---

I told her a few days ago that there's a members party on in the bar attached to my gym (big gym, huge bar/club attached). I got free tix as a frequent attendee to this party. There's free wine/snacks, fire-eaters & other pretty cool entertainment.

The girl agrees a day or 2 ago that she'd go to this with me.

All week long she's had a slightly sore ankle, and last night she told me (via SMS) that it was very sore after the concert.

So today she emails and says that she doesn't want to go tonight cos her ankles still sore, will I come over to her place instead?


--

Now I was looking forward to heading to this, but I'm not going alone. I do believe her that she has this injury. I can't get another date this late (not that I want to, cos we're unofficially exclusive).

So is it too Nice Guy to agree and head over to her place? Or is it simply the gentlemanly thing to do. I'm not sure where this line is.

And 'cos I'm sure someones gonna say "do whatever you wanna do", well I'd like to take her to this place tonight, and I don't think that's gonna happen.

Osc.

This depends on if this event is important to ya. But if all else fails, then follow your gut. At the same time though, I wouldn't go to her thing either because mysteriously her ankle will be in top notch shape. I will make up something telling her that something came up and that I won't be able to attend her engagement.

If she gets mad then you know that you have a very inflexible/selfish woman on your hands. U feel me.

 

[georgie24]

whats up oscar

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Ok, I obviously need to clarify a couple of things...

- she has no "thing" or engagement on tonight: she's inviting me over to her place for some quality time instead of the members party

- I believe that her ankle is not going to mysteriously get better, cos she is genuine about it being sore (I saw her limp slightly on Sun. morning)

- I was looking forward to going to the party with her, not going to the party. Not going to take a mate, that sucks.


----

ok, I got pressed for time, it was email so I had to respond eventually. I said this as a response to her mail above:

Ok, that's a pity. I'll think about it and see what I'm gonna do.

That's the entire message I sent. Cheers for input so far.

Osc.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Originally posted by georgie24
whats up oscar

Hey georgie, how you doing mate? Been hitting the gym & working a lot recently? Over the chick now?

I've just been reviewing my own progress since I split w/ ex 4 months ago:

I went from LTR to drifting AFC for a month, then to stud-DJ-player for 3 months, now it looks like I could be back in M/LTR territory with this girl. She's quite cool. I'm being a lot more wary this time (as you can see)!

Oscar.

 

[assasin]

Oscar,

I'm sure she is being genuine, and at least she made a counter offer, but she's flaked on you twice now. If you want anything more than semi GF from her you need to give her some space to see what she's missing.

You need to make her see that spending time with you is a privilege not to passed over. Not something to be taken for granted.

She had a sore ankle before she went to the concert but did she pass up on the concert? No because she might never have got the opportunity again.

You need to make sure she thinks that way about you. Then you won't get hurt and confused when she screws up your plans.

 

[Bungo Pony]

My thought is, why let those tickets go to waste? If you want to go, wasting one of them is better than wasting both of them. If I were you, I'd head down there solo, and work on my DJ skills.

Here's a little experience. A couple of nights ago, I went to a Queen City Kids concert with my fiance. She didn't have to come, but she wanted to, and I really wanted to see this band. The place was packed, and I was having a great time! My fiance started getting claustrophobic(sp?). I could have done the nice thing and taken her home in the middle of the concert. However, it was her choice to come, and it could have been her choice to leave as well. I didn't let her problem become mine.

I'm now thinking of going to the Kim Mitchell concert all by myself.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

More ...

Well, this is becoming a play-by-play commentary - hopefully usefull to some others out there too.

Right, so 1st of all, Assassin, I think you're right on the cards. I'm not sure where we're going with it anyway, although I think she certainly wants to try an LTR (her IL is 85+, mine is about 70-75).

She replies to me:

Alrighty, I hope I didn't offend you? I can go home, get a hot bath and hopefully feel better later and come up.....

I actually replied:

No, you certainly didn't offend me. It's a pity that your ankle is sore and you can't make it as I was looking forward to heading to that with you."

I really don't want you to come and feel uncomfortable, that would suck and you wouldn't enjoy yourself!

Email and text comms suck. I'm on a call right now but will call you in a while if that's alright. I don't want you to read the wrong thing from text and think I'm annoyed.

Awright?

I'm not trying to play games with the girl here, but I don't want to be walked on either.

Bungo: sounds good, see where you're coming from.

btw if you go and setup a paypal a/c then I can help you out, but to be honest, I don't think I can be bothered trying to figure out how to do it by snail mail. Make it easy for people to help you

Osc.

 

[Bungo Pony]

btw if you go and setup a paypal a/c then I can help you out, but to be honest, I don't think I can be bothered trying to figure out how to do it by snail mail. Make it easy for people to help you

????

I didn't set up the "Save Bungo Pony" thing, Slickster did. I have absolutely no clue what's going on behind the scenes of the whole thing. I won't hold it against you if you don't "help me"

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Originally posted by Bungo Pony


????

I didn't set up the "Save Bungo Pony" thing, Slickster did. I have absolutely no clue what's going on behind the scenes of the whole thing. I won't hold it against you if you don't "help me"

Hey, I know all this.

I also know your story, and am willing to help - if you guys make it easier. I find it hard to send a damn postcard home from holidays so if you go & setup a paypal, give Slickster the details, then I will help out (cos strangely enough, I will help random strangers on the net).

If you don't wanna do that, then I can't help you cos it's too much work for me to do the whole snail mail thing, get it?

Either way, best of luck with the wedding!
Osc.

 

[drZaius09]

It's not as important what you do, as what she thinks you do. Relenting and going to her house would be a mistake this early in the game. You need to project an image of control and independence. If you don't want to hit the party alone, don't, but tell her you are going anyway.

 

[drZaius09]

---

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Originally posted by drZaius09
It's not as important what you do, as what she thinks you do. Relenting and going to her house would be a mistake this early in the game. You need to project an image of control and independence. If you don't want to hit the party alone, don't, but tell her you are going anyway.

lol

5 minutes before I read this she called me. We chatted, I asked her how she was feeling and then I said that I was gonna head to the party anyway, cos some friends of mine might be going. Said I'd call her later and might call over to her (don't think I will, but we'll see).

If I do go to the party I am gonna be sarging, no question (cos assassin has a point above).

Any thoughts on whether I should call over? Is assassin right that I should let her have a few days w/o seeing me? We have plans for Saturday night (friends party), and none tomorrow yet.

Trying not to look like a pushover...
Oscar.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

OMG! You're giving up free food and beer for a chick!!!!!!!!!!!! You are crazy!!!!!!!!!!

I would sell my mother for free food! And my dad for beer! And maybe my girlfriend for $1 if its a good coin.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Definitely go to the party and sarge away. If it's a good night, you wouldn't have much of a chance to call her. Oh well, she'll survive.

If for some reason you have a chance to call, just ring her to tell her that you had a good time and hope that she's feeling better or doing well. Cut it short, don't set any plans unless SHE puts together something major for you. Something where she puts a lot of preparation into it, then do her the favor of accepting

If nothing come of the conversation, just let her know that you'll see her whenever your next date is scheduled and cut the conversation short (something just came up that you have to take tend to ).

 

[Oxide]

oscar. im dead serious here bud : you cant give up opportunites to enjoy life because of other people.

she has a sore ankle? well thats too bad, for HER! go out, have fun, make her miss you, come back and have great sex!

peace out bro

 

[Drow]

Oscar Wilde,

What do YOU want to do? Would you rather spend time with her, or go to the concert? Its what you want.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Damnit Drow, I knew someone would say that!

Diplo & Oxide, yeah, you guys are right, I know.

I was a bit AFC when I was talkin to her (I try not to be but she's a Nice Girl and I'm a Nice Guy) - I said that I might call over to her around 11pm if she was on for it. She said she might still be up.

Fran - I'll text her something like that.

Fsck it, I'm gonna go and see what happens.

Osc.

 

[silverwex]

OSCAR,

How bout you say to her "Im gonna go to the party!" and go to it, but half way through ring her and say "Hi, this is boring, i think ill call over to you for a while!"

This way you're 1) Going to the party 2) Seeing her and 3) Putting her down your priority list!

Think bout it...