Where to go with this girl?

[Da Joa]

Hey everyone,

I have a girl in one of my classes, who I've known for a while but never really started talking to her until recently. After reading a bunch of articles on this site and gaining confidence I decided that I wanted to hook up with her, and that it was realistic. I started talking to her, throwing in C&F, and doing kino. Now, she will start the conversations and initiate kino with ME. So far, so good.

A few weekends ago, I ask her if she's going to this dance club. She says she wanted to but none of her friends were going. I told her that a couple of my friends were going and she should come with us. She said okay, call me, and I got her number. That night, I called her before we left, and she said she was babysitting but that she'll get off before it gets too late. I told her that I would call her after we got back and maybe we could still hang out. She said ok. I called her after we left the club, and she didn't answer her phone. I didn't leave a voice mail, never brought it up with her. Didn't really think much of it.

We've spoken in class and stuff since then, I've told her to come hang out with me at a party but she didn't come over because she was with her friends who didn't know who I was and weren't comfortable with it.

So on Friday, I'm thinking that I need to set something up with this girl finally. I call her and say "Hey, we should get together tonight, I wanna see you." She says, "Yeah! We should" enthusiastically. I tell her that I"ll call her after this dance at our school and she can come over to my friend's house that night, a couple of us were going there to hang out. She said okay, call me. The dance gets out, I call her, and she doesn't answer her phone AGAIN. I don't leave a voice mail, don't call her back later or anything. She gets on MSN the next day and says "omg, i fell asleep last night, i'm sorry haha" She's saying she fell asleep at 11:00 on a Friday night. I called her a dork and told her I had to leave at the moment. She said okay, bye.

It doesn't really matter if she is telling the truth or not, because I need to come up with a way to handle this either way. Forget about her? Move on? Tell her she has to make it up to me? Don't make it a big deal? Make another date and cancel it?

What do you guys think?

 

[Vincent]

Well maybe she's telling the truth. I'm sure you've gone to bed before 11 on a friday. You can't assume she's lying immediately.

Don't give up on her just yet. I usually give a chick 2 strikes, then they're out. I mean you did go to the club with her.

 

[Da Joa]

Hey Vincent, maybe I made it unclear, but she didn't go to the club with me. We've had 3 shots to hang out, and none of them have happened.

 

[triple_ultima]

I think you should next her...since you HAVE had 3 opportunities and she has had an excuse for all 3, she seems a bit irresponsible and probably can't manage her time very well. I highly doubt she was lying about going to sleep, but who cares? I doubt she's worth the effort it would take to actually hang out with her somewhere.

 

[Jerky Boi]

You made the mistake after trying to setup more dates. She missed the date, so it's her responsibility to make it up! You played it pretty kool though. I wouldn't give up on here completely though. I've heard some pretty lame excuses before; She might be telling the truth.

 

[Da Joa]

triple_ultima, you're last sentence really struck a cord in me. Here's the email im going to send her, tell me what you guys think:

I had to cut the convo short when you msg'ed me the other night, so I thought i'd email you.

It's probably better you didn't come over.. one thing might have led to another, and it would never work between us.. falling asleep at 11 on a friday night? you're waaay too much of a party animal for me..

Besides, everytime we plan to get together, something doesnt work out. I'm beginning to doubt you're worth the effort it would take to actually hang out with you..

John

 

[oakraiderz2]

If you wanna find out if she actually wants to hang out just tell her to call you if she does. In the meantime sit tight and keep your options open. If she calls you should be in there like swimwear.

 

[chan_ho_nam]

How old is she?

Age is a huge factor in a teenage girls personality. You take it seriously because you like this girl, but maybe she see's it less seriously. Girls like to be sought after, she could just like the attention you're giving her.

 

[LikRetsam]

The advice being given here is lamentable.

It's up to you... I'm torn between giving her one last shot if you really like her and just giving up because you've tried so hard. If you think it's worth it, give it a last shot. The email was not a good idea bro.

 

[Da Game]

I agree that the e-mail was a bad idea. It's not a good idea to show that she's getting to you that easily.

I think this is a situation nearly every guy has had at some point. The girl sounds interested, but can never seem to get together. This is tough, because it's hard to tell the difference between her being busy and her putting you off.

The only real solution here is to be persistent. It won't kill you to ask her out again occasionally if things don't work out... Just don't let it eat away at your mental state. Beyond that, a few factors make me think you should keep trying though. She's accepted all the dates, and all of her excuses are believable. It's simply true that sometimes people are just busy.

I think you need to start making date plans earlier in the day, however. Who wants to go out at 11 at night? Especially because she doesn't know you THAT well, this probably isn't the best choice. I suggest a more low-commitment and easier to schedule date, like coffee. If she can't make time for that, it's a good bet she doesn't want to do anything with you.

The e-mail may have ruined your chances in any case, however. You come off as kinda bitter and more involved in it than she is; the only way I could see this working out is if she's way more interested in you than it seems. You can't assume that people will ALWAYS have time for you... It's easy to take it personally, but resist the impulse.

Going forward: ask her out on a short date, life coffee. I suggest waiting awhile first, to avoid being desperate. After that, I'd give up.

 

[rjherche]

What does Doc Love always say? Girls with high interest don't break dates, as it's the cardinal sin of dating. She broke a date with you twice. It's over. Think about it: if the roles were reversed, and you were definately interested, wouldn't you at least call back? How many dates have you broken in your life with a girl you actually liked?

Now here's a question: why are you calling girls at the last minute? How about a day or two beforehand? That way, she can't as easily bull**** you. The whole "I'm busy" excuse doesn't work so well if you plan something a little bit in advance. Why are you taking her out with your buddies? Divide and conquer, man. A first date is just that: aone date. If she's so wishy washy that she won't even give you one date then alot of times it's not worth the trouble.

 

[UltimateScoundrel]

If she's really blowing you off, what do you have to lose by asking her on another date?

Give it another shot, could be she is telling the truth. If not, you lose nothing.

 

[R3N3G4D3]

I think you should move on. Judging from your first post it seems like she has fun being around you, but she thinks of you only as a friend and nothing more, besides she gives her other friends higher priority.

 

[triple_ultima]

Originally posted by Da Joa
triple_ultima, you're last sentence really struck a cord in me. Here's the email im going to send her, tell me what you guys think:

I think you should move on and leave this chick behind...but I don't think it's necessary to insult her directly. That seems a bit too harsh man. So she's wishy-washy...big deal, you don't have to hate her for it. Just move on, no insults are necessary.

 

[Da Joa]

Well guys, I sent her the email that I pasted earlier cuz I just wanted to elicit some type of response from her..

She replied with this: "john, i am not going to lie, that is probably the most random email i have ever recieved in my entire life... "

Haha, not exactly what I was looking for. I kinda turned it around on her though, and replied "you should probably get used to it, cuz i like to be spontaneous."

I figured if she replies this time, then she is interested at some level. Other wise she would just drop it.

She did reply back, saying "haha alright.... i suppose it is an admirable quality... where were you today in first period?" ..referring to me not being in our first period class. So, I mean she obviously wants to continue talking to me , even after I told her that I doubt its worth the effort to hang out with her.

Still not sure how to handle this. I was contemplating sending her another email like this: "sadie, look.. you're cool as a friend, but i have enough friends right now. you've bailed on me the last couple weekends.. so unless you wanna prove to me that you're worth pursuing, we don't have anything else to talk about.."

Might make things kind of awkward in class if she decides to take it the wrong way, but hey. Worth a shot? Anyone have a better idea?

 

[chan_ho_nam]

"so unless you wanna prove to me that you're worth pursuing, we don't have anything else to talk about."


NEVER EVER GIVE THEM AND ULTIMATUM.

Sometimes that pushes people away, even if they DO like you. Everyones insecure, and throwing down a line and telling them its now or never, usually doesn't lead to a happy ending.

I can understand why you feel the need to say this though, it's because you honestly can't take the uncertainty anymore...right?


Try not to email her anymore, and try talking to her on the phone. It's easier to read a person if you can hear their voice and tone.


Ask her why she bailed on you again, and half jokingly ask something like "Would you bail on me again the next time i call you out?"

Its a test to see if A) shes interested B) she keeps her word C)just full of sh!t.


That puts the responsibility on her shoulders, and if she DID bail on you, at least she'll feel quilty about it, and you'd know for sure that she's not interested.

 

[LikRetsam]

Enough ENOUGH.

Forget what she did, forget what she said. Forget everything for ****s sake and answer this ****ing question:

What do you want to do?