Where to go from here...

[Desdinova]

So I'm waiting for what seems to be my fifth flake in the last month to confirm that we're not meeting up, either by the clock running out or a text making up some bull5hit excuse.

I'm getting tired of the flaking and the lousy dating drought I've been in since my last gf broke up with me. So I need to make a decision... Should I just indulge myself in hobbies and masturbation, or should I do the bootcamp again?

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Desdinova,

Recently, I've been getting A LOT of emails about flaky women. There's probably no shortage of info about flaky women on this site and many others. But folks were telling me that there's very little info about the specifics of how to "flush out a potential Flaky Chick BEFORE she flakes out on you. So I just did a show about it HERE.

You're a veteran around here, but it's possible that there may be something said on that show that you may find useful.

To speak directly on the subject of women flaking:

Knowing what I know now: I personally would NEVER put myself in a position to be waiting on a woman to confirm a date-----OR, to put myself in a position to be calling HER to confirm, either. It's just not a good look. I've found that this usually never ends well.

Be definite in your date plans and MAKE these women be definite about their commitment to "accept or not accept" the plan to get together. As a vet, YOU know that the reason why a lot of women love wiggle room is because they just LOVE to wiggle out of commitments they make with guys for a variety of reasons.

In the future, if I were in your position (and I have been-----and I believe we ALL have been), I'd preemptively cancel any date that the woman wouldn't solidly commit to. Better to be out solo or with friends than waiting around for a flaky chick.

As far as the Bootcamp goes:

Do you think you REALLY need to do the whole Bootcamp again, or do you just need for the folks around here to just remind yourself of all these things that you probably ALREADY know?

What do you think would be the best use of your time?

 

[backbreaker]

As a businessman you learn quite quickly that there is a reason for everything. there is a reason why the broads are flaking on you. I don't mean that in a negative way whatsoever just saying in a matter of fact manner that it's not fate.

My guess is you aren't setting the hook deep enough. I've used this analogy before there are 2 ways I get projects, one way involves me basically auto blasting clients and i get more responses, a lot more responses, but things tend to fall apart way more and **** happens and they always have valid excuses but nevertheless the end game is the same.. no money for backbreaker. But the other method involves me going basically overboard is over selling our clients and that's only after I have

 

[backbreaker]

As a businessman you learn quite quickly that there is a reason for everything. there is a reason why the broads are flaking on you. I don't mean that in a negative way whatsoever just saying in a matter of fact manner that it's not fate.

My guess is you aren't setting the hook deep enough.

At this point, your attitude si going to cause more harm than good you aren't in the mindset to actually enjoy a woman's company. you are better off taking a mini break. maybe this is god's way of telling you to take a break.
\

Recently, I've been getting A LOT of emails about flaky women. There's probably no shortage of info about flaky women on this site and many others. But folks were telling me that there's very little info about the specifics of how to "flush out a potential Flaky Chick BEFORE she flakes out on you. So I just did a show about it HERE.

i can't agree with this. In sales one of the worse things you can do is to start to pre qualify clients without talking to them. Onc eyou decide who is going to do what Before the tape has played out you are doomed.

i don't think the answer is to start micro qualifying broads in order to not hear no more.

i'm not of the PUA belief that every girl can (or should) be gamed however i am of the belief that there are a lot of salvageable situations out there that don't get salvaged becuase of eagerness and not wanting to play the game.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

i can't agree with this. In sales one of the worse things you can do is to start to pre qualify clients without talking to them.

Yo BB,


FYI -

That's not my method of operation. The strategies I've devised ALL involve direct communication.


V.U.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Des,
Why not take up Dance Lessons?

 

[sharkbeat]

Women flakes all the time, even to each other. Something wired in their brain that they feel they can ditch anyone without feeling remorse or guilty or socially responsible.

Screw them. Carry on with life. I don't think there's anything you did wrong.

 

[Colossus]

VU had great advice.

We all get flaked on, and sometimes even get a string of flakes. Definitely not good for morale.

But----I dont see the point in a bootcamp for you. You have the basic skills and even advanced skills. You are just in a valley right now. Honestly I'd try to indulge yourself in a hobby. Sometimes if my social/dating life blows I just immerse myself in a really deep book or video game. It's an escape, to be sure, but far better than booze or weed or drugs.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Women flakes all the time, even to each other. Something wired in their brain that they feel they can ditch anyone without feeling remorse or guilty or socially responsible.

Sharkbeat,


I kid you not, There are SOME guys that flake too. I have an old high school "friend" of mine who is in town this week. He actually just flaked on a bunch of us hometown boys already once this week. He blew us off for a more exciting offer that he had NO intentions of telling the rest of us about.

Of course, when I called him on it the next day----he hemmed, hawed, and stuttered worse than ANY chick that has ever flaked on me. Rest assured that we roasted his @ss thoroughly for it too----until he finally admitted that he went out on us like a bad knee.

Sometimes, the good part about calling guys on whack-@ssed behavior is that SOME of them actually are self-aware enough to admit it.

Let the record show that I have personally NEVER had a woman say any variation of the following to me:

"Yeah, I admit that I flaked on you. And that was a really WEAK move on my part. I'm sorry."

Never.


Anyway, carry on.


V.U.

 

[Desdinova]

Do you think you REALLY need to do the whole Bootcamp again, or do you just need for the folks around here to just remind yourself of all these things that you probably ALREADY know?

The bootcamp isn't going to be about learning new skills. I know I have those skills. It's more about the motivation to go out and USE those skills.

In the future, if I were in your position (and I have been-----and I believe we ALL have been), I'd preemptively cancel any date that the woman wouldn't solidly commit to. Better to be out solo or with friends than waiting around for a flaky chick.

It's been a tug of war for me because I like to strike while the iron is hot (and it has always given me better results) and I try not to put too much thought into something that should generally be no-brainer stuff. You plan a date, a time, then date. If 5hit pops up, just figure out a different time and/or date. This stuff shouldn't be rocket science, but women make it the most difficult and complicated thing in the world.

I'll tell you what I am right now: frustrated. The general consensus when you get turfed from a LTR is to go out and fvck 10 other women. Easier said than done. The targets haven't been plentiful due to the holidays and the weather here has been stupid as well (the streets have been icy and slippery, causing people to stay home.)

The typical pattern that happens for me is once I have the ball rolling with one chick, others simply fall into my lap. All my effort has been going into getting that first date. After that, the women are completely hooked and everything is smooth sailing.

Dear Des,
Why not take up Dance Lessons?

I've looked into the dance lessons here. Most of them require you to bring a partner.

I'm working on avoiding blasting the chicks who flake. It's pointless. The chick from yesterday tried to re-schedule for later that night. I told her I already had other plans. She seemed a bit regretful on flaking. I'm NEVER mean or rude when a woman flakes. Indirect punishment has always worked nicely for me. Tomorrow, I'll get back to being the funny, interesting person that I've been with her all week. It doesn't sound like she's ready to toss in the towel yet.

 

[window]

I think the biggest problem for guys is when they accept the "maybe, can you call me on Thursday to confirm"...

The guys position in this situation should be to just say "sure no problem" then hang up and never call the girl again. Why ? she has low interest in you. A girl who is interested would never lower the probability of the pair of you going out together by giving you a maybe. To accept it just shows you are a guy without options.

 

[zekko]

The general consensus when you get turfed from a LTR is to go out and fvck 10 other women. Easier said than done.

Yeah, I've always thought that was ridiculous advice, especially when aimed toward the beginner. Telling a guy who struggles with women to go fvck 10 of them is like telling him he should go build a rocket to Saturn.

Anyway, I still don't think you need advice, because I'm sure you will work through your current slump. But I will throw out an impression I had from reading about your karaoke exploits, you can consider for yourself whether or not it has any merit.

I was thinking maybe you could spend less time building your image and social proof by befriending everyone in the bar, and maybe spend a little more time actually building a connection with a girl. I guess that's similar to what Backbreaker said about setting a deeper hook.

 

[Desdinova]

I was thinking maybe you could spend less time building your image and social proof by befriending everyone in the bar, and maybe spend a little more time actually building a connection with a girl. I guess that's similar to what Backbreaker said about setting a deeper hook.

That's most likely where I'm lacking. Not only that, I'm sorta lacking any options that really intrigue me. Maybe I'm just high maintenance

I do have a bit of an update though. The chick who flaked out on me last night counter-offered for tomorrow morning. A lot of the guys here would get mad at the chick for flaking, but I just played it off as no big deal, raised her IL a bit more, and hopefully she doesn't dump out of this one.

 

[backbreaker]

one thing you have to guard against with women is that you can't become too desensitized to the game when we come here we are scared to talk to women but you can't get so unfazed about talking to women, or at least show that you are so unfazed that she can see on your face you do this every day/week lol.

from my experience most women won't even bother asking if you are a player that's what teenage girls do. most women will just silently retreat..

so i used to have to try to work on personalizing each date/experience which for me isn't the hardest thing on earth because i'm a natural introvert.

even how you handle flakes can be a sign of "damn this dude has been around the block".

this is why i am a fan of saying as little as possible beucase the less you say the less likely she is to figure out you date a lot.

i really can't explain in words what i am trying to say yet i know exactly what i am trying to say if that makes sense. you want women to get the sense that you have options but not that you spend all your time cultivating those options if that makes sense. You can't be TOO smooth or TOO perfect. You can't have the exact perfect response to every answer . you don't want to be a c hump but you don't want to be the guy who knows the exact amount of drinks it takes before he is to go in for the kill on the first date or the exact right time to put your hand on her thigh either lol

 

[Reyaj]

Dez even though you called me a pvssy last time (you are prob right) you are one of my the members I respect the most here. I know how frustrating flaking can be... but the fact that everyone admits to it just shows its more of an indicment on the faulty design of females than it is yourself.

Women are selfish creatures, plain and simple. Try to put a positive spin on flaking... it helps you weed out the garbage and get closer to finding a quality one