Where the fvck is the value of friendship these days?

[Konada]

First of all I would like to start to say I'm fvcking pissed that my so called 'close' friends keep flaking on our plans with the usual 'oh i'm busy i'll come later' and when I call em they say they aren't coming. WTF WERE YOU GONNA MAKE ME WAIT UNTIL I DECIDED TO CALL YOU SON OF A *****?! This happened today again, and only 1 turned up. Seriously I'm beginning to doubt people these days have the value of friendship. I grew up with thse guys since young and I have had pretty fun times with em but I'm sick of being stood up time and time again. I will not stand for this anymore, I am nobody's doormat and I refuse to include such d1cks in my life. Idk why I keep attracting such people and I'm so sick of it. People nowadays are worthless garbage, finding a close friend is like finding gold. I need help to find better friends, feel free to share your opinions ans experiences on this matter.

 

[Warrior74]

First of all I would like to start to say I'm fvcking pissed that my so called 'close' friends keep flaking on our plans with the usual 'oh i'm busy i'll come later' and when I call em they say they aren't coming. WTF WERE YOU GONNA MAKE ME WAIT UNTIL I DECIDED TO CALL YOU SON OF A *****?! This happened today again, and only 1 turned up. Seriously I'm beginning to doubt people these days have the value of friendship. I grew up with thse guys since young and I have had pretty fun times with em but I'm sick of being stood up time and time again. I will not stand for this anymore, I am nobody's doormat and I refuse to include such d1cks in my life. Idk why I keep attracting such people and I'm so sick of it. People nowadays are worthless garbage, finding a close friend is like finding gold. I need help to find better friends, feel free to share your opinions ans experiences on this matter.

It happens. You have friends for while and then things change. I still stay in touch with some of my old friends I grew up with, but some I haven't. Its just the nature of the game. And as you get older, kids, jobs, moving away...it all changes over time. If your friends are being jerks, next em. They'll probably come back around later.

 

[Konada]

I get what you said there but what bothers me most is how close we have become over the years, 12 to be exact, yet I still have to put up with such nonsense from them. Honestly I wouldn't care less if they were just a bunch of friends and probably next them already but in this case these are friends who share our problems and talk about life all the time. I guess it's because they are close to me, that's why I'm feeling so particulary pissed.

 

[Warrior74]

I remember hearing once, that a pimp is the loneliest man on earth. Later I realized we all are the loneliest man on earth. Born alone, die alone. I look at my parents for example, when they were my age they used to have lots of company, lots of friends and parties. As they got older, they only have a few close friends, and even those aren't the same friends they had 10 years ago. Life is change.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Why do you need them?

Become the kind of man who doesn't need others. Become the kind of man who doesn't need others to think he is cool, who doesn't need their approval, who doesn't require their company.

I laugh when people say "I don't care what others think" as they are exploding in anger over something someone else said. Be a Man; be a rock, discover the value of your own independent spirit, live for no one but yourself. That is what independence is.

As a man who doesn't need others, I can tell you that the responses you generate in others will amaze you. By merely not needing them, which is nothing to me but something strange, amazing, or even threatening to them, it makes them love me or hate me.

And either way is just fine.

 

[f283000]

What nonsense are you talking about?

I think he's partly right.

Look at it this way. You want to be the guy that can walk to a club alone and have a great time. You want to be the guy that can go out on a saturday night alone and have a blast.

BUT you also want to be the guy that has lots of friends and makes lots of friends anywhere he goes.

So it goes like this. We should all strive to be men that depend on nobody but also have people available to depend on if needed. We should all strive to be men that can go out by ourselves and have a great time but could also do it with friends if we want to.

It's about finding the middleground. OP is wrong though he needs to be able to be his own man like Julius said but also be like you say which is have lots of friends. There is nothing wrong with either option but right now he can only do 1 which is he is dependent on friends to do anything.

 

[Alle_Gory]

^ that guy has no best friends.

That guy's very cynical and he's spot one especially when it comes to human behaviour. Pay attention.

I'm lucky to have 11 best friends, including my brother. We've been together for a long ass time, and almost half of us since elementary school.

11 best friends? Bullsh*t. It's hard to find one person to get along with and give a damn (and for you to do the same) but to find 11 people? Impossible.

You really need to think about what a friend is compared to some people you know and hang out with when it's convenient. Acquaintances are NOT friends.

The weird thing is that he doesn't go to school and only works 16-20 hours a week at a Nike outlet store making minimum wage. Too broke to go do activities, too broke to go eat out, too broke to go on vacations. I've just stopped calling him and its whatever since then.

I was surprised at how easy it was to cut contact with a guy I held dear.

That's because you didn't give a damn in the first place. I lost track of an old friend for over a year. Did it bother me? No. Did I have to cut him out of my life? No. Because that's what friends are for. You give each other the benefit of the doubt and you don't take things personally.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Friendship is a give and take thing. You shouldn't be always hitting them up if their not, or longing for their company.

Youngblood Cr1mson is right.

It's unrealistic, and unrealistically impossible, to live a satisfying solitary life. Unless you fvck camels and hide out in a cave, you're natural instinct is to crave human affection and attention. There's also a strong natural urge to share your experiences and life with others too.

If not, what the fvck are you doing here.

Even Caine in Kung Fu wandered around nomadically but always found other people to learn from, and to share his knowledge.

I'm lucky to have 11 best friends, including my brother. We've been together for a long ass time, and almost half of us since elementary school.

I have an inner circle of friends who I hold closest. There are 6 of them. Friends in my outer circle are too many to count. Why? Because you will always know where you are with me. I don't waste time bullsh!tting people. You can't bullsh!t a bullsh!tter.

Respect is earned, not bought or demanded.

 

[Konada]

^ that guy has no best friends.


Friendship is a give and take thing. You shouldn't be always hitting them up if their not, or longing for their company. What he said is mostly right, but there seems to be a underlying bitterness or something.


I'm lucky to have 11 best friends, including my brother. We've been together for a long ass time, and almost half of us since elementary school.

I've lost a best friend when he joined the Air Force and moved to Arizona with his family, we just stopped contacting each other, and the last time we met he was drunk at our best friends wedding party(his cousin, but still best friends) and we got into a argument that was at a threshold for a physical fight.

I'm losing another one, this was a friend I considered a brother to me. Our family members use to gang bang in the same gang, so we got real close since elementary school. He just stopped hitting the group up or was busy whenever we hit him up. The only time he would come was if we were going to a club/bar on a weekend. The weird thing is that he doesn't go to school and only works 16-20 hours a week at a Nike outlet store making minimum wage. Too broke to go do activities, too broke to go eat out, too broke to go on vacations. I've just stopped calling him and its whatever since then.

I was surprised at how easy it was to cut contact with a guy I held dear.





What nonsense are you talking about?

The nonsense I am talking about is confirming that they're game for a get together with my group of friends. Then when the actual day comes most of them flake with the same bullcrap girls give. It's gets worse, they say they will be late so I give them the BOD, after waiting for an hour or so like an idiot with the guy who actually turns up (note that this guy who turned up is always exceptionally late but never flakes), I call these 'missing people' and I get a 'oh I'm not coming sorry'. Seriously? I am partly pissed because they never took the responsibility to inform me instead they made me look like a fool. Also partly because I treated these guys like family and the feeling was mutual up till a couple of weeks ago. It looks like I have misplaced my trust in them. Honestly if they were just a bunch of aquaintances I wouldn't even hit them up. Its things like this that make me question how much peolple value friendship/broship nowadays.

 

[Konada]

Also to add on, I am fairly independent on my own. I still have my fair share of fun alone in school and also during the weekends. I have never been a bandwagoner but rather I do what I set out to do, even if it means I have to be away from my clique in school for awhile. Hitting these close friends up are just what I deem as a supplement to my life. I admit that in my previous posts I may have come off as needy in a AFCish kind of way but hat was just me venting my frustration on the events taken place.

Now, I'm planning to take a step back and go distant from them awhile. If they're really my second family as I call it then great, but if they never make an effort to keep this friendship going then I'm sorry to say I'll cut these sh!tty people out of my life. It just means that they have done me a great favour. It just means I get what I deserve (no crappy guys) and move on to find friends who really have a heart for you.

 

[TheHumanist]

I want to state first that length of friendship doesn't really matter that much. It is just a bad assumption of 12 years of friendship = stronger, closer bond.

Time does factor on a significant level, such as you can't have that strong or close from a guy you only know for a month. But a 12 year friendship doesn't mean that much past the intellectual sense of he's been my friend for 12 years.

Once you hit "close friend," the person is a close friend. What? You expect to start feeling like soulmates or something now? There isn't much more in getting closer, after that point, it's who the person is start to matter more.

A stand up guy that you are only been friend for a "mere" 2 years could mean more than a guy you knew since childhood.



I'm a big fan of Aristotle's theory of friendship. There are 3 types of friends in the world: Utility, Pleasure, and Virtue. Utility is self-explanatory. The other two is divided by what is said of the above (and Virtue is the type of friendship that you can not see for years and still be picked up where left off without a sense of awkwardness).


That said, there's also a point in what was said by others too. You don't have to blow up if they don't show up. I need to work on that too now that I just wrote that. Roll with the punches.

 

[speed dawg]

As a man who doesn't need others, I can tell you that the responses you generate in others will amaze you. By merely not needing them, which is nothing to me but something strange, amazing, or even threatening to them, it makes them love me or hate me.

Good post, and the part I quoted above is one of the most true statements I've ever seen posted on here.

 

[speed dawg]

I have an inner circle of friends who I hold closest. There are 6 of them. Friends in my outer circle are too many to count. Why? Because you will always know where you are with me. I don't waste time bullsh!tting people.

I do this myself. I have alot of friendly acquaintances, who I'll hang out with, play golf with, sometimes even have inside my house. But I only have a VERY select few good, true friends. And none of them live in the town I live in right now.

Takes alot to earn my friendship. Not conceited, just the way I am.

 

[squirrels]

You need better friends.

I've gone through the same kind of thing...I just acknowledge that some people are f*ck-ups. In fact, probably 95-99% of people in this world are f*ck-ups.

The only time it really gets to me is when I've allocated my time, possibly turning down opportunities to doing something else. Girl flaked on me this past Monday...I had been asked by a buddy and his wife to go to a ball game. I declined because I had already committed to the date, and I missed the game because this girl flaked out on me. Beyond that, my friends, after not finding anyone else to use the other tickets, decided to NOT go after all. So by flaking, she f*cked me AND my friends.

I don't stay mad long, but that kind of stuff is not something I forget easily.

 

[st_99]

You at some point have to accept how people are. You've known them long enough to know which ones are big time flakes, part time flakes, and the ones that hang out a lot. Adjust your expectations accordingly. Not sure what else you can do.