Where does neediness come from? And what is the cure?

[Señor Fingers]

NOT REALLY CAUSE IN 2008 WOMEN LIVE LIKE GIRL EVERY CHANCE THEY GET... hence the 85% divorce rate....LOL

The passage of time does not a woman make. Little girls come in all ages many of them live their whole lives without ever reaching womanhood.

As for the divorce rate, while statistics show that more women file for it, the genders are about dead even in the adultery department. Look around you - guys can be just as unscrupulous and immature as girls. Neither are saints.

The truth is that most marriages fail because both sexes don't really understand the responsibility that comes with commitment. They confuse love with co-dependence, or try to find meaning in each other and this is the basis for toxic relationships that are either doomed to failure or will drive them both to a life of mutual misery and desperation.

 

[Kaim Argonar]

What a load of BS. Your body makes you feel like crap if you don't mate, period. That's the whole point to life. Whether you will deeply suffer from abstinence or not depends on your psychological upbringing, and how well your body can handle the hormonal torment. Yes you enter a vicious cycle and come off as needy if you let it take control over your life and social interactions, but we're ultimately humans.

All the rest is senseless rationalizing. In most cases, sorry, but you ultimately you DO need a mate to feel happy, else as your body pressurizes yourself to make things change it tears down on you and you'll most probably live a painful existence if it lingers for too long.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...In most cases, sorry, but you ultimately you DO need a mate to feel happy, else as your body pressurizes yourself to make things change it tears down on you and you'll most probably live a painful existence if it lingers for too long.

That's a sad meaningless existence, even more so than that of a dung beetle.

 

[izza]

Senor fingers really broke it down, as usual.

 

[whyme2008]

Yeah I know what you mean. I've been trying to self improve for the last few months now. Its going slow but I'm getting there and to be honest I am bit needy still.

My ultimate goal is to keep self improving, be happy with myself and attract woman rather then chase after them.

good point.it has suddenly hit me.how you said "attract women and not chase them",yes yes i get it now.i just had a flash of intuition.

that is the idea,you wnt to attract them not run after them.i get it now.

 

[whyme2008]

huge oxymoron

you (woman or man) as an individual are already complete. you don't need anything or anyone to "complete" you.

whyme, you are displaying the exact mentality that the OP is talking about, the "neediness" mentality that makes you think you need a woman to validate yourself

no no what i meant was that man feels incomplete without a woman,and this has a psychological aspect too.
on a physical level ,neither sex is complete alone.

only on a more spiritual level do you find the completeness you are searching for,but that is a different matter.

males need females to complete their existence and vice versa.

that is why men feel needy on the whole,because the human condition is ,on its surface,incomplete.

we feel fear,insecure,lonely etc,cuz that is our condition as apparently isolated egos.

dont dwell too much on this,but try to understand where i am coming from.

 

[whyme2008]

it is also true that you do not need a woman to validate your self-worth.you can find your value for yourself.

 

[whyme2008]

Yes insecurity.

When somebody don't feel good about themselves they need other people and things to make them feel good. In other words they look to the outer rather than the inner.

forget relationships for a sec.the nature of the condition of life on earth for humans on the whole is generally incomplete.we feel incomplete as individuals,and as i said before,this has a psychological and physical dimension.
if a man was complete in himself,why does he feel for sex?the feeling for sex is an expression of desire for physical completeness.
the "bliss" of sexual experience is just a taste of the real wholeness that we are seeking.

so thats why i said that human life is by nature incomplete.and life on the whole is an incessant struggle for wholeness.

we seek it thr sex,we seek it through relationships ,money,wine etc.

in other words,we are seeking to expand our sense of self.

 

[whyme2008]

Interesting, interesting. Do a lot of guys do this? And is it easier to hang out more often with a girl you're NOT that attracted to? As opposed to one you are and fearing attachment?

Also, after doing things like spooning watching a movie (or if you were having sex with her over a period of time)...do you eventually develop an attachment to her? Or can guys just do this that easily?

i am guessing you are a girl.correct me if i am wrong.but i do not think guys are trying to do anything.insecurity,fear,lack,loneliness is a part of the human condition on the whole,and life is a struggle to fill the lack,ease the loneliness and erase insecurity.
i would say that a typical "needy" guy is experiencing loneliness and insecurity.
the pursuit of relationships is one way man uses to ease his sense of lack.

this quality of neediness dont belong to just the men.both sexes experience it.

its the women who form the attachment first,with the first sexual experience.

i do not think men do.but needy men get dependent on the woman's affection.

listen,everyone in life is seeking the same things-but we are seeking it differently.

the man who is addicted to drink is seekin the same thing as the man who needs more and more women in his life.

what i am getting from this program is that you are teaching the man to feel better about himself first ,from within himself,instead of drooling over a woman to do it for him.

i agree with that.but some women are emotionally stronger than men.and the reverse is true at times.

every individual is seeking to feed his sense of existence,his sense of meaning to life,which a relationship temporarily fulfils.

"oh she is my world","he is my universe",is just for a time.in the long run it is not enough.
but it meets the needs up to a point.

its easier for the man to hang with a girl he is attracted to,IF she is ALSO attracted to him.

But he may not feel comfortable if she is not,cuz his "ego needs" are then not being satisfied.

and then when the man finally finds "the one",he now feels his life has purpose,that he has something to live for.

so this is not a game.it is just the way life is.relationships are not the most perfect way to fulfil the emptiness,but it works for some.

 

[whyme2008]

That's a sad meaningless existence, even more so than that of a dung beetle.

man who lives only in his ego,feels he need someone else to be happy.the "painfulness" you are referring to is the emptiness ,the loneliness,the disconnectedness that "hurts".

listen,this subject of happiness and relationships can reach levels you guys never heard of,so i dont want to get too detailed.

i myself,feel the same thing too,and i am currently exploring other means of satisfiying it-non sexual,non social means.

but yes its real painful.but that point where the person becomes "your world" is only for the time,it wont last forever.

anyone who says the feeling last forever is in delusion,even as the high that comes from drugs dont last forever.

 

[whyme2008]

What a load of BS. Your body makes you feel like crap if you don't mate, period. That's the whole point to life. Whether you will deeply suffer from abstinence or not depends on your psychological upbringing, and how well your body can handle the hormonal torment. Yes you enter a vicious cycle and come off as needy if you let it take control over your life and social interactions, but we're ultimately humans.

All the rest is senseless rationalizing. In most cases, sorry, but you ultimately you DO need a mate to feel happy, else as your body pressurizes yourself to make things change it tears down on you and you'll most probably live a painful existence if it lingers for too long.

that is true only for those who are a slave to sex.

its not true for me,and i aint kidding.

these issues must be handled mentally before the body can accept it.the body follows the mind.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

When I was dumped I begged and at the end I didn´t even know who I was!!

Now even after being dumped, I stand my ground and know who I am. I don´t feel that emptiness anymore. You need to like yourself first, no matter what, if not, you´ll suffer.

Senor Fingers! It´s nice to see you back man!

 

[AznPlaya]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16493
all i can say is read dis, do ur research myan

 

[DonGorgon]

All humans need other humans in some way... The trick is to never need the person you are dealing with more than they need you cause then they have power over you and women are not attracted to men they have power over....

 

[Beffing]

guys do and say these things simply because of insecurity about their own self worth and low self esteem, if you stop perceiving yourself by the reactions of others and work on self mastery, you will eventually come to find out that you dont need a woman's validation to feel good. Wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and see a worthwhile person who has the world by the balls.

 

[paraguayandj]

Comes from: not getting any
Cure: get some

 

[Mental]

You know, the thing that makes guys say things like "are you mad at me? do you love me? how do you feel about me?", and do things like: be crushed if she DOESN'T feel the same about you, just likes you "as a friend", always tell her how beautiful and wonderful she is, do things for her, because then (hopefully) she'll feel about me the way I do about her. Because yknow, I NEED her to feel the same about me. If she doesn't there must be something wrong with ME. Blah Blah Blah. And it's not even about getting sex. It's just about her getting the butterflies in her belly over you, having the warm and fuzzies for you. Sex is just a bonus for guys in this position I think.
You either know how that is or you've heard enough of it on here. Where do these "needs" arise. I don't even know whether to call them needs because that kind of makes them sound legit. Why do some men have these "needs" and some don't? I mean something deeper than "they don't think they're the prize". Why do these "needs" arise in some guys and not others?

Lack of options leads to frustration. Frustration can lead to bitterness, it can also lead to a bit of desperation, though not always.

It can sometimes become a vicious cycle to get rid of. Take a guy who is a raging alcoholic who can't afford much. If he's an angry alcoholic, he isn't going to find a high class woman that easily, cause they won't stick around very long for the abuse. He's poor, but he works hard, so he spends his money on beer. He's depressed already, maybe, because he's poor and can't get a good woman... So he drinks (which is a depressant, BTW), then he gets angry, and he's more depressed, so he, again, alienates a lot of women, which makes him more depressed, and he drinks more.

But it can be easy to get discouraged.

It's classic Hobson's choice, man. I'm personally trying to get out of a difficult situation (regarding career and women and independance), but it's very difficult right now.

I need something to get me out of it, but I'm not sure how to go about doing that, so I just keep trying to improve my situation, work with what little I have, but right now it's a rough patch, and I'm not sure I see a healthy way out of it, and I'm going to be stuck for some time. Lack of a lot of options makes me feel desperate, (Though I do what I can not to ACT that way) which probably does not bode well for business either.

So the cycle has to continue until I can figure a way to change things enough to get myself out of the current situation.

 

[whyme2008]

This girl i was talking to said she found me attractive but is not "interested",she wants to finish her schooling first.

how can a girl find someone attractive and not be "interested"?