Where does it come from

[kk2004]

Where does that feeling of unworthiness or not being good enough come from?

When you want to appraoch a girl you prob say no, or back off saying "No I cant do it"

You dig a little deeper and the reason why you dont want to do it is bcuz "No, she'll say no, and make me look and feel stupid and bad about myself"

Why do we say, that she will say no?, In most peoples head the feeling comes from not feeling good enough or not being proud enouh or confident in who you are. So you expect a no. Go ask the footbal player T.O. he never shuts up about how good he is, thats football confidence, why dont we have like personal confidence that "yes I am good enough to talk to you"

I dont know why? Plz enlighten me.

Like why are we like this why?

 

[( . )( . )]

*No real male role models anymore.
*Being born into a feminised society.
*Taking advice from others in the matrix.
*Constant bombardment from the media that has men questioning their self worth and at the same time telling us all how valuable and "powerful" women are.

I'd say those are the main influences that see alot of men having the courage to take a bullet for what he believes in with the blink of an eye but sh!tting himself at the thought of being in a 10 metre radius of a vagina.

 

[Visceral]

Self-Hatred
You don't like yourself, and as a result all the behaviors that you mention and more come about as either neglect of or hostility towards yourself.

"Pegged"
You've come to see yourself a certain way and can't imagine being anything else, and to try has you feeling like a traitor to yourself.

External Forces
The world is at best indifferent and at worst openly hostile to you - man's cynicism, conservatism, detachment, and desire for comfort and safety have all been taught to him by that same world that invariably disappoints.

 

[frivolousz21]

*No real male role models anymore.
*Being born into a feminised society.
*Taking advice from others in the matrix.
*Constant bombardment from the media that has men questioning their self worth and at the same time telling us all how valuable and "powerful" women are.

I'd say those are the main influences that see alot of men having the courage to take a bullet for what he believes in with the blink of an eye but sh!tting himself at the thought of being in a 10 metre radius of a vagina.




HAHA you believe that.

no actually your right....I can see why you think the way you do now...but you are right....
and I am sick of the media protraying men as weak..and women in charge..which is a load of shyt!

YES tit man......I am not pro feminist

 

[Visceral]

It's easy to blame society and even easier when there's something wrong with society ... but it won't do you any good; it's too big. Many people have tried to change society but only a handful have succeeded in any meaningful way. And trying to change society so that it can change you is just inefficient.

Regardless of where it came from, there is something wrong with YOU. How you think is wrong and what you value is wrong, and until you fix them, absolutely nothing in your life will change.

 

[frivolousz21]

Why do we say, that she will say no?, In most peoples head the feeling comes from not feeling good enough or not being proud enouh or confident in who you are. So you expect a no. Go ask the footbal player T.O. he never shuts up about how good he is, thats football confidence, why dont we have like personal confidence that "yes I am good enough to talk to you"

maybe you need to start pumping your chest to yourself more often

 

[kk2004]

ic

I noticed days that Im fine with myself and I tell myself that "Im okay" and that there is nothing wrong with me, I tend to feel more comfortable around people bcuz Im usually feeling better about myself. When I feel like I dont have to put on an act to be cool or behave a certain way that I tend to feel confident.

Everytime a self consicous thought comes into my head I slap it down by saying "Im fine, im okay" or "Dont worry no one cares" "or your okay as your are chill, theres nothing to worry about"

But its hard bcuz I start to feel uncomftable with myself very easily again.

Its very hard to change a bad habit of constantly putting yourself down and comparing yourself and telling yourself that you suck, bcuz you dont have that many friends or girls around you, valueing the wrong things.

But say I see a hot girl and I tell myself "hey your okay look at her and see what she does" - it feels good, I tell myself that Im okay that I give myself a stamp of approval.

But most of the time, its hard to break free of that cycle of self consciousness.

I think the key to getting rid of self consciousness is to first stop being negative about yourself and tell yourself postive things about you, then also realizing that your okay and that you dont need to put on an act or judge people, bcuz they arent judging you either and to then keep your mind busy and your focus off you. Whenever you move a muscle tell yourself "Im okay Im fine"

The hard part is getting yourself to believe that "your okay and fine"

any thoughts

 

[TxCowboy]

seek help from Dr. Phil please ... this is a site to help DJ's improve their game ...

 

[ketostix]

Originally posted by TxCowboy
seek help from Dr. Phil please ... this is a site to help DJ's improve their game ...

While KK2004 does post a lot about his self-confidence issues, it is in regard to ability to PU women. Self-esteem and self confidence is all part of inner-game that affects one's outer game.

Beyond what others mentioned, probably where your self-esteem and confidence issues originated was from being beta-ized by your peers in school while growing up. I'm no psychologist but I think these negative thoughts and issues get buried in your subconscious, becoming part of your personality and are hard to fix. And you see that you're not getting any girls or friends and this just reinforces it. Where you need to see success to wipe out this bad programming.

I can't really relate to not feeling good enough for any girl. I always felt good enough, but I know how it feels to think that the girls don't think you're good enough.

 

[kk2004]

ic

Well..honestly I think how you feel about yourself is the most important thing in regardes to women, becasue it makes everything easier. When you feel good and happy, then approaching women and having natural flowing conversations isnt hard at all, I hate the way everything is structured here, so many damn rules and regulations and terms, its like a science. Its so simple all you have to do is love yourself.

But its simple to say but its hard to accomplish, Im just trying to figure out ways so that I can feel better about who I am. Its not as easy as changing your name or your address, its changing your perceptions about yourself from a negative to a positive, which is very hard to do.

You also need to work on yourself before you can attain a certain level with women and people in general and talk to women and get so far to fu*ck them. That level is the point where your confident enough in yourself where you go and make apporaches and one of them turns out to bear fruit.

That skill level that everyone keeps talking about and keeps complaining about is really just how much you love yourself and are comfortable and happy with who you are. Thats a huge piece to the puzzle, it makes apporaching easier, makes getting one-tis harder and builds self repect with oneself.

Now thats my thinking, that if I can feel good about myself, the whole "I AM THE PRIZE" theory from Pook, that If i can truely feel good about myself then everything will become better and have more fun. But I have to truely and genuinly feel that way about myself and for a long time too, not one hour or a day or a week.

With regardes to me....What ketostix said is very true in some respects, Thsoe negative thoughts have been burried in my head and they lie and fester there, I didnt have a good childhood at all. To wipe them out like he said I need to see or feel some success and because Im not getting the amount or type of success I want, it continues to feed the negative self image that I have. To be good with women the essential tool you need is to feel good about yourself, I dont have that yet.

Right now I dont feel that good about myself.

 

[Tazman]

To be good with women the essential tool you need is to feel good about yourself, I dont have that yet.

It's funny because that's the reason I don't feel good about myself, no woman. Haven't had a gf since highschool.

I even tried to talk to this girl that works at a gym I frequent. I found it hard to get EC from her (even though I'd see her make EC with other people) so one day I said "screw it", whether or not I get EC I'll just say "hows it going" when I come in. I did it, and guess what her reply was....."thank you"(it's what she says when you swipe your membership card as you enter).

I was like WTF!!! I can't even get a simple hello back, so I quit even looking in her direction. Then one day I come in the gym and I see her smiling at me, she was even making EC so I got excited thinking I could get a good response, but as I got closer I noticed she had a phone to her ear (so I didn't say anything). When I left she said "have a great day" and I mumbled something like "take care". Now it seems she avoids me (never at the front desk when I come in and leave) like I did something wrong.

I just don't get it. How am I supposed to feel good when I can't even get a girl to say hi?

 

[frivolousz21]

do something about it...make change..

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by kk2004


Go ask the footbal player T.O. he never shuts up about how good he is, thats football confidence, why dont we have like personal confidence that "yes I am good enough to talk to you"

It always seems to me the ones with the biggest egos have the most inner turmoil.

So really they don't have big egos.. they're just latching onto one thing they're good at and thrusting it out there hoping no one notices that the rest of them is a joke.

either way he should stfu. i despise the mockeries sports players make on the field. i hate the huge celebrations in the end zone.. i hate the goofy dances they start doing on the 10 yard line before they even scored to show up the other team and show off. I hate when guys watch their homeruns before running around the bases (and find it funny when it doesn't quite clear the fence and they get like a single out of it because they were too cool to run - i play softball and see this a lot )

 

[kk2004]

lol yeah

lol..yeah i know what ur talking about. Esp the whole sports deal, when guy get really loud and stupid when they dont even have a chance in hell to score or win the game. I guess its necessary to pysche oneself up.

But still how is one not suposed to feel like a loser sitting home all alone in this chair. But again you could choose to forget that fact and decide to be happy in that moment rather than feeling miserable. I dont know.

 

[Anomalous]

Damn there's some good advice here.

 

[Freeman]

Originally posted by kk2004
Where does that feeling of unworthiness or not being good enough come from?

When you want to appraoch a girl you prob say no, or back off saying "No I cant do it"

You dig a little deeper and the reason why you dont want to do it is bcuz "No, she'll say no, and make me look and feel stupid and bad about myself"

Why do we say, that she will say no?, In most peoples head the feeling comes from not feeling good enough or not being proud enouh or confident in who you are. So you expect a no. Go ask the footbal player T.O. he never shuts up about how good he is, thats football confidence, why dont we have like personal confidence that "yes I am good enough to talk to you"

I dont know why? Plz enlighten me.



Like why are we like this why?

Good question--My honest opinion where this lack of esteem comes from is from one's childhood-Where most guys develop their fear with women-A traumatic childhood experience dealing with a girl can create a "complex" with females in general---for ex.: When I was about 9 or 10 I remember one day school we was drawing pictures...I made a comment about my picture-I said,"this picture is ugly!" then this girl said, you're ugly! That sticks with me till this day--I will never forget that.and thats how it usually is with these sort things-its the things that people think hold no significance is what hurts people-Now that girl could of very well been playing and she has no idea what that did to me...Now chicks always tell me "oh ur so cute"-and,"I dont understand why you think you aren't handsome"..I mean no matter how many times I hear that I "look good" I just cant shake that out of my mind.. So yeah-thats my 2cents...

 

[steroidsrule]

*No real male role models anymore.


i disagree bro...watch ultimate fighting... fedor emelianko is the best male role model around

 

[Freeman]

Originally posted by steroidsrule
*No real male role models anymore.


i disagree bro...watch ultimate fighting... fedor emelianko is the best male role model around

What? Role MOdel? A father figure has nothing to do with what I was talking about...besides having your father around doesnt neccesarily mean that you will grow to be big macho guy-sh*t I know a guy whose father was always around-played varsity football and all that sh*t-then after high school came out to be gay-some role model huh?

 

[Danny001]

Fear!