Where do i stand?

[Griever114]

Alright, first time poster and just recently found these forums. Just an FYI, I am an 26yo AFC that is just coming out his shell. I.e. I lost 50+ lbs over a few years, got a great job, and should have a lot going for me. I had a friend give me tips and help talk me through some things but i figure an extra pool of help would assist.


So, i will recount as much as possible.

Met her online and had A L O T in common. Exchanged a few messages and then decided to go to a wine bar. From what I gathered we really hit it off. Conversation lasted 3 hours, lots of eye contact, etc. I paid for the dinner things were going well (sorry, this is a staple for me). I offered to take her to the train. As we were departing i noticed that she was putting on lip balm/stick w/e. I figure... im gold :woo:. We get to the train station, and kiss a bunch. I take her to her platform and wait with her for the train. As we are talking i schedule the next date. We set it up, good. I kiss her again. Smiles all around. (first visable mistake i realize, looking over-eager)

She points out that her job is being hit by the economy and she works long hours. Now this would have raised my brow a bit but we work in a similar industry so i will give her the benefit of the doubt. Something that I am REALLY trying hard to work on is to not respond immediately to texts. I am very logical and generally always respond to work, friend, etc voicemails, emails, texts promptly. In the case of women i have learned that is NOT the case. (2nd mistake, a big one) Moving on....

So, friday comes we are set to meet...30 minutes before she tells me that she has an impromptu doctors appointment. I said ok and im still at work but ask if she wants to hang out later that night. She says she has plans saying "she is really sorry and doesnt cancel on people." (another mistake :cuss: )

I was rather pissed off since this came out of the blue. I dont return a text (minor win?). 6 hours later she responds saying there was a cancellation and she was waiting for this particular appointment since they could fit her in... fine. she apologizes again (mistake: however, i tell her "how are YOU going to make this up to me, she replies flirtatiously). We chat over christmas weekend and (massive AFC alert) i tell her that i want to see her to give her a gag gift. a cheap 99 cent joke gift (shoot me now). We agree to coffee that monday and meetup. (she was 15 min late) we met, kissed upon meeting and had a 3 hours talk. She was touching her neck, hair, smiling, playing with her earlobe, leaning in, and making a lot of eye contact. almost no kino on my part but she fronted the bill for the coffee and punched me in the arm for trying to pay her back (im hopeless). while there i ask what she is looking for in a guy, she replies she got out of a long relationship lasted years and is looking to "meet people" (red flag). also that she cut ties to her brother since he beat her a lot and she couldnt take it anymore (possible flag?). I gave her the gift and it appears all is well as it reminded her of an old toy. i tell her i want to see her again and she said she would like to as well. she does say during the date that she will be busy till the new year and that she has a friend visiting for NYE so she will be busy that weekend. fine. we go to train and kiss. as the train rolls in, (another AFC alert, im hopeless) i pulled out a small mistletoe, i got the cheek for the kiss... wtf? (im learning... never pull that crap again)

anywho, no contact for 4 days and send her a text asking her out for drinks NYE eve. she said she has plans to meet an old coworker. f@#$ :cuss: no replies after that.

in a moment of weakness, i send a text on NY's wishing her a happy one and look forward to seeing her in 2012 hoping she drank and maybe i get a better response. she replies the next afternoon with a "".

alright, here is where i am at. i want to see her still but my friend is trying to convince me that is not REALLY interested. after reading up on DJB, i realize she probably thinks jack @#$% about me as a man.

honestly, i have been on other dates in the meantime and have 3 more this weekend. so no contact?

thoughts? is this salvageable?

(EDIT: i just want to thank you guys for this site. i realize i am a newb but after reading DJB i literally felt like my "boys" dropped and was immediately walking around with more confidence!. im slowly getting there!!!!)

 

[AW1983]

I'm not an authority man but from an objective perspective I would DEFINITELY nc her until she hits you up. I don't think all is lost but she'll prove whether that's true, one way or another.

 

[sodbuster]

This is one you leave alone...unless she contacts you. She shouldn't have to crawl over broken glass to meet you or vice versa,but she needs to be willing to put in SOME effort to meet you. Seems YOU almost have to BEG to be granted any of her time....not a good way to start or have a relationship[or sex]

 

[Zunder]

The big thing about online sites is that you can create a dud profile and "check-up" to make sure she has cancelled her account.

 

[st_99]

she can still smell the AFC.

Yep, and you know this, so just try to kill your inner AFC going forward.

BTW, is Dr appointment the #1 blow off excuse with women? It has to
be!

 

[Griever114]

In agreement with the others.

Back off and go No-Contact. Honestly she is not interested as she can still smell the AFC.

But do not take it hard, you are obviously way ahead of a majority of guys, you just need to work on yourself and your inner game. Do a search on every thread started by Pook and do some reading. That should get you down the right path.

Thank you all for the support. I will admit i am annoyed that i screwed this one up since we had so much in common but that is more of the perfectionist in me. I hate making mistakes!

In any case, im looking at new prospects. However, would you mind explaining what you meant by me being ahead of a majority of guys?

Thanks!

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, the good thing here is that you are recognizing your mistakes. You're on the right track.

Just learn to accept the screw-ups as a part of the process. They are inevitable, but each one becomes a rung on your ladder to success. You can't learn anything worthwhile in life without making mistakes and then correcting your course.

Keep up the good work, and remember with things like the missletoe, that stuff only works in the movies. In real life it backfires, as you now know.

Remember to keep a dominant frame. She is a guest in YOUR world, not vice-versa.

 

[Griever114]

Thanks again guys for the tips/support.

Its going to take a while but Im keeping the plates spinning!

 

[Colossus]

OP, im in agreement with all the others. You really are on the right track in the sense that you can recognize all of your AFC mistakes, at least retrospectively. Buying her dinner, the gag gift, the repeated kisses, and especially the mistletoe were all total AFC moves...but now you know!

If she contacts you, fine, but otherwise id let it go.

Think of it this way: you should never have to BUY your way into a womans heart or panties. Thats silly! You spend some time with her, and let her EARN your time and attention on a regular basis, if shes what you want. Once shes demonstrated high interest by treating you respectfully at all times and giving you her pvssy, THEN you can reward her with nice gestures like dinner and an occaisional gift. Its such a simple formula youd be amazed....you just need practice.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Think of it this way: you should never have to BUY your way into a womans heart or panties. Thats silly! You spend some time with her, and let her EARN your time and attention on a regular basis, if shes what you want. Once shes demonstrated high interest by treating you respectfully at all times and giving you her pvssy, THEN you can reward her with nice gestures like dinner and an occasional gift. Its such a simple formula youd be amazed....you just need practice.

Attention -- one of the greatest relationship currencies, eh?

To the OP -- I would say don't take the full blunt force of this upon yourself either, this chick just got out of an LTR, is looking to date around, she may not exactly be what you are looking for if you are looking for a girlfriend, which as you describe seems like you are.

Live and learn man -- just back off this one -- if she comes back to you try and approach it a different way and establish a new frame.

 

[Griever114]

Thanks. Yeah, that whole white knight thing is done for me now. Screw that. The ROI has been nill at best. They are going to have to earn it from now on.

In the meantime, I have a coffee plate tonight and something next week. I deleted all the messages from this one as well as some others that have not replied. No dust off my coat.

Just annoyed that the dry spell continues but what can you do eh?

 

[Griever114]

Hello all.

Just an update. Its been over a week with NC. As i figured and confirmed on this thread no reply. Her loss.

In the meantime, i have about 6-8 plates spinning! Wahoo! The only problem is i think im stretching myself to thin lol.

Over the week i have lost w/e 'feelings' i had so that is going well. However, i wanted to know from the expert gamers, is there anyway to close her? I sure i will catch flak for it but rest assured, this is strictly brain #2 talking. The heart is dead .

Long live the little Captain >.

 

[topcat2001]

Dont stretch yourself too thin. But sometimes you have to through it to settle on the level that is comfortable for you.