Where DJing fails - insightful

[Jariel]

Well, yes this ex- is lazy and is letting her life slide in favour of "having fun" and seems to think I should do the same. She's not poor nor has any reason to feel insecure, she's just one of these people who blames the world for her faults and problems. I see now that she was way too immature for me.

However, I do have to admit that I'm too uptight and too responsible, but at my age I just don't feel comfortable acting immature or doing wreckless or pointless things.

 

[Royal Elite]

Originally posted by Jariel
Well, yes this ex- is lazy and is letting her life slide in favour of "having fun" and seems to think I should do the same. She's not poor nor has any reason to feel insecure, she's just one of these people who blames the world for her faults and problems. I see now that she was way too immature for me.

However, I do have to admit that I'm too uptight and too responsible, but at my age I just don't feel comfortable acting immature or doing wreckless or pointless things.

There is no such thing as "too responsible" that is like being "too good", or "too virtureous". If you don't feel comfortable doing things if they are your friends they won't make you feel that way. People evolve in life, and at different paces. As you grow you will find you must weed your garden to trim all the negative weeds out.

That is a put of life. Most people at 50 dont have the same friends they had at 12. When you are young you can hang because everyone is immature, but as you get older you become more picky of your friends, and often the new mold you have, your old friends no longer fit into that mold.

 

[Jariel]

Thanks. These posts have all been enlightening for me to read and I've come to the conclusion that I'm simply trying too hard to adapt and be the person people want me to be. I like flattery, I like being popular, but it's gone to my head, I've placed too much importance on these things, have been trying too hard to keep up some kind of DJ performance and lost my identity.

I have forgotten a very important ideal, that I should be true to myself and stop caring how others judge me. And as Royal Elite pointed out, this is a good way to weed out the negative people and those who only like me on a superficial level.

 

[jago25_98]

Law 46

Never appear too Perfect

Appearing better than others is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses. Envy creates silent enemies. It is smart to occasionally display defects, and admit to harmless vices, in order to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable. Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity.

I hate the physical process of reading but it's all there, been said and done before.

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by jago25_98
I hate the physical process of reading but it's all there, been said and done before.

dude, where the **** did you get that law?

but indeed it seems awfully true.

 

[Kerensky]

Originally posted by ScrewIt
dude, where the **** did you get that law?

but indeed it seems awfully true.

Not sure . . . but it coulda been from the 48 laws of power that I recently finished reading the second time.

Jariel . . . I remember you as Dirtheart and I gotta say you've come a very long way.

Now, just remember this because you're bright enough to figure it out:

When you are on top, there will always be someone trying to bring you down.

 

[becker]

This post hits home for me primarily because I had always prided myself on not drinking and smoking for most of my life. I'm not a total perfectionist or anything, but the problem is that having this sort of attitude towards these activities is difficult when most of the world around you does not view it that way. I had to sort of face this, unfortunately.

Sure, there will always be people who aren't into drinking or smoking as well, and if you find those, then great, you've lucked out, but believe me, it's not easy to find, and you do need a bit of luck. I know a lot of friends that drink almost excessively, and as understanding as they are (they don't push me too hard), you'll still get those who just have a hard time understanding why you don't. Smoking is much easier to not get as much slack about though, but drinking is just something that everyone seems to do to some extent. I will normally drink, but I don't do it excessively because it makes me sleepy.

Anyways, not to go too far on a tangent, but the last girl I dated sort of saw me in the same light as you. She was not into drinking for a long time, but she eventually accepted it and now she will drink, but won't go totally overboard with it. Regardless, I think that for women, drinking is almost universal, because they're all insecure, and inhibited, and alcohol loosens that more so than men. If you don't drink, I feel there is some disadvantage only because there's the danger of being the guy that stands for the woman's conscience, and that can be something that she doesn't like to feel. Just food for thought, and I learned this the hard way, so believe me, this isn't keyboard jockeying.

 

[diplomatic_lie]

You carry a bottle of cologne around.

Think about it...

 

[skeeloo]

someone already said its lonley at the top and in this case as in most things its true, i can say i have the same situation.especially at college peoplethink i am this untouchable and self centered guy, people even try to knock my confidence when i pass by by making sly remarks and laugh when its obvious i am ten times better looking than them(not to sound arrogant ). they dont know you but from your looks and confidence you protray they assume you are stuck-up and try to bring you down. dont pay attenshion to girls and they hate your guts. i know im open and friendly and many guys who dont give a **** are open and friendly to me, but the rest just hate my guts-lol-. they want you to go down to thier level.
they were at a level i was 5 years ago and im not changing that for nobody(i have had my own share of knocks in the past and i have worked on my looks and personality and game through out the years to allow some low insecure scums to take that away). the moment you start to lower your self to thier level they would rip you apart. i have experinced all this b4. im always open to people at first so im not the one who starts the ****. the funny thing is once there's a hot chick in a place that afc guys flock to once im in thier presence the chick knows im not like other dudes and doesnt look me in the eye, she knows are charms wont work on me.
my confidence is all natural and i cant change it, iv tried to be kind to as many people as i can but they just cant get it through thier head that im just a normal dude. once the see you high there's nothing you can do to change thier minds.

 

[OrlandoDaHash]

There's a whole chapter on this topic in Robert Greene's excellent book The Art of Seduction. In a sentence, elimination of all our vulnerabilities makes us less seductive and therefore less successful in the art of seduction.

Here's the main thing from the book:

We all have weaknesses, vulnerabilities, frailness in our mental makeup. Perhaps we are shy or oversensitive, or need attention- whatever the weakness is, it is something we cannot control. We may try to compensate for it, or to hide it, but this is often a mistake: people sense something inauthentic or unnatural. Remember: what is natural to your character is inherently seductive. A person's vulnerability, what they seem to e unable to control, is often what is most seductive about them. People who display no weaknesses, on the other hand, often elicit envy, fear and anger- we want to sabotage them just to ring them down.

Do not struggle against your vulnerabilities, or try to repress them, but put them into play. Learn to transform them into power. The game is subtle: if you wallow in your weakness, overplay your hand, you will e seen as angling for sympathy, or, worse, as pathetic. No, what works best is to allow people an occasional glimpse into the soft, frail side of your character, and usually only after they have known you for a while. That glimpse will humanize you, lowering their suspicions, and preparing the ground for a deeper attachment.

 

[Jariel]

This chick was and still is trying to damage my ego. Even now she keeps sending me text messages talking about some guy she's spending time with and how good looking he is. I just encouraged her to get it on with him.

I'm focusing on myself and socialising with other people, but I'm a modest guy so I don't understand why she's trying to get at me with these comments, flirting with my friend etc. She has invited me (as part of a group) out a number of times now, but I assume it's just a chance for her to try and damage my ego even more.

You guys are right about people wanting to drag me down and I'm not going to cave in. I've been having great fun with other people lately and I haven't had to lower myself to their level.

 

[BLUEox117]

Originally posted by Jariel
Good looks, intelligence, charisma, social proof, style, humour, confidence are among the most important traits of a DJ and I have them all.

However, after a call from an ex-girlfriend (yes, the one who has been fvcking with my head) I learned that many of these things are actually going against me. According to her, I make people feel insecure. Apparently, I don't have/show enough flaws, I try too hard to be perfect, I'm "too immaculate" and "untouchable", people feel like they can't meet my standards and can't relax around me. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, I don't even eat "normally" (i.e. junk food) and don't let myself go enough. She even criticised the fact that I rarely swear or burp, that I carry a vial of cologne around with me and chew gum. She also said she feels like sh1t when women talk to me and flirt with me and when her own friends put me on a pedestal. In general, I'm too high-maintenance. Despite the fact that I'm a very modest person, I make her feel uncomfortable about being herself, and other people have said the same thing apparently.

This follows what my friend was advising me recently, that I should stop dressing so stylish, swear more, act the fool more and stop trying to be perfect (I assume the two of them have been discussing me).

So be aware that all this self-improvement and striving to be "the prize" can actually work against you.

you my good man are an idiot, you will **** yourself up because of some dumb ***** in your past, reminds me of fat people saying gym goers are obsessed..... obsession is a word made by the lazy and undetermined, same with your "perfection" you are not perfect but u sure as hell wont get any better at anything by being making urself worse, if u see logic in your own post, then see a doctor.